RentMasseur Review Backlash

[TMB]

I'm curious whether anyone else has experienced this.

I just had a difficult text convo with one of my regulars who, after seeing a review I made about another provider in our area to whom I paid more than I've paid him, is upset with me.

I've offered to pay him more per session, want him to feel valued, appreciated and respected (which I totally feel about him) and just want him to tell me what he wants me to do.  He says he doesn't know, he just keeps saying he disappointed with me.

Has anyone dealt with this? If so, what did you do?  Any advice would be helpful.
 

[+ JamesB]

If you were paying him what he asked for, why would he be disappointed?

If you were to pay a lower fee to another provider, will he then lower his fee?

Tell him to grow up or find another client.

[TMB]

That's kind of where I'm at. I've never asked him what he charges other clients because it's none of my business. 

[Elite_XL]

Can you elaborate or give some more context on what he could be upset about? Whether its the review, donation or him just being jealous that you’ve seen someone else.

Either way, as a worker on this field. We are also humans, I personally ran into situations where I get bombed on how great it has been spending time with me to dead silence afterwards. It can be upsetting but id rather hear stuff upfront.

Its just an example of what I’ve experienced. Might give you another perspective to understand him better.

[TMB]

22 minutes ago, Elite_XL said:

Can you elaborate or give some more context on what he could be upset about?

I just really not sure. His feedback boils down to "Well, you're seeing quite a few masseurs [note - only two other reviews besides my 5 star review for him, one of whom I pay less than him]. My standard rate is X and you've been paying .8X because I gave you a discount and i've never brought it up but now I see you've paid someone 1.25X.  I was being nice because I considered you a good guy, a good client and a good friend. I am disappointed"

My response boils down to "I'm sorry. I didn't know. I value my time with you and appreciate and respect you. What would you like me to do? Happy to pay you more per session."  

He just kept saying he's disappointed and doesn't know what he wants me to do. I get the disappointment but it just seems odd.  I asked him to think about what he wants me to do and that we should work this out before we meet again. I would like to see him again but not if he's resentful.  

I definitely appreciate your perspective on this. 

[Elite_XL]

Seems like a job for couples therapy. Hah 

Jokes aside. I cant really speak for him but, It does seem like he is hurt by one of the two, the money or that you were seeing someone else.

 

[TMB]

Couples therapy 😂

I'm worried it could be because I was seeing another provider mostly because it doesn't seem like my indicating I'd be happy to pay more if that's what he wants (and I would, he's a great provider) is solving the issue for him. And if that's the problem then I'm afraid we're done. Which is really a bummer.

[+ Jamie21]

Seems like he has a fragile ego. You paid his rate, were a regular good client. What does he expect? You to be faithful? Be grateful? It seems strange behaviour if he’s an experienced provider.

We all know that clients shop around and see other guys. I talk with at least half a dozen other masseurs and I know that clients who come to me also go to them. I have a good idea what those guys charge too because I’m friends with them. None of us mind that clients shop around. It’s really not a competitive industry, it’s actually very cooperative. I’ll warn them about difficult clients and they do same for me. I’ll also refer clients if I’m busy, and they refer to me.

I think your guy may have got the wrong impression of your ‘relationship’. You might be best to gently remind him that you’re his customer and that he is free to decide what the rate is and you are free to decide whether to buy. If he doesn’t understand that it’s probably best to avoid him because he seems a bit high maintenance. 

[TMB]

Thanks very much, Jamie21. I appreciate the perspective. I really like the idea of the Brotherhood of Providers watching out for and helping one another. 

[Mark_fl]

30 minutes ago, TMB said:

Couples therapy 😂

I'm worried it could be because I was seeing another provider mostly because it doesn't seem like my indicating I'd be happy to pay more if that's what he wants (and I would, he's a great provider) is solving the issue for him. And if that's the problem then I'm afraid we're done. Which is really a bummer.

And check to make sure he isn't charging anyone less than you. Fair is fair. 

[CuriousByNature]

I think you should definitely get the engagement ring back from him. lol

But joking aside, it sounds like he needs space.  Could it be that his feelings for you went deeper than a provider-client relationship?  You've offered to increase his massage fee, and I don't think there's anything more that you can do.   It's good to let him know that you didn't realize you were getting a discount, and how much you appreciate that, but that you are also more than happy to be paying his regular fee because you appreciate him and his service so much.  I wouldn't ask what more you can do, but rather, let him know you are sorry for disappointing him, that you never realized he would be disappointed, and that you would like him to contact you when he knows he'd like to move forward with future visits.  Just a thought, for what it's worth.

[TMB]

I hadn't really thought about the emotional aspect of this but given your and others responses, maybe that's what's going on. As I said above, it would really be too bad if that's the case as I am not romantically available so if that's what he needs, I can't give it to him. 

[Nue2thegame]

15 hours ago, TMB said:

I just really not sure. His feedback boils down to "Well, you're seeing quite a few masseurs [note - only two other reviews besides my 5 star review for him, one of whom I pay less than him]. My standard rate is X and you've been paying .8X because I gave you a discount and i've never brought it up but now I see you've paid someone 1.25X.  I was being nice because I considered you a good guy, a good client and a good friend. I am disappointed"

My response boils down to "I'm sorry. I didn't know. I value my time with you and appreciate and respect you. What would you like me to do? Happy to pay you more per session."  

He just kept saying he's disappointed and doesn't know what he wants me to do. I get the disappointment but it just seems odd.  I asked him to think about what he wants me to do and that we should work this out before we meet again. I would like to see him again but not if he's resentful.  

I definitely appreciate your perspective on this. 

I’m thinking that he’s just venting or he’s ruining an otherwise good relationship. If it’s the former, he’s making his feelings unusually transparent. If he doesn’t offer a better explanation or some sort of apology, I would move on

[maninsoma]

I can sort of understand his perspective if at the outset you had a clear negotiation to see him on a discounted basis due to your economic situation at the time; he may feel like you continued to take advantage of a discount that you no longer needed, and at the same time paid another provider more.  That being said, as others have written it's this guy's responsibility to set his rate and if he wasn't satisfied to be paid the discounted rate by you on an ongoing basis he should have communicated to you that you'd have to start paying more.

As others have written, it does seem like this is about more than money, though.  It sounds like he has a fragile ego and your behavior (paying a discounted rate to him while paying more to someone else) has been interpreted by him as an indication that you think he's less worthy.  I stepped on a weird land mine once while trying to schedule a first time appointment with someone.  We were having what I considered to be a pleasant back-and-forth chat online in anticipation of meeting and I made some comment about how I liked one of his porn scenes a lot because his scene partner was so sexy.  I guess he took that as me saying he wasn't as sexy as the other guy and blasted me for insulting him.  He then blocked me.  I could sort of understand my faux pas after the fact, but I really wasn't trying to convey that he was less sexy than the other guy.  I wouldn't have been pursuing an appointment with him if I didn't find him sexy.

[TMB]

56 minutes ago, maninsoma said:

I can sort of understand his perspective if at the outset you had a clear negotiation to see him on a discounted basis due to your economic situation at the time; he may feel like you continued to take advantage of a discount that you no longer needed, and at the same time paid another provider more. 

This is a really good point. I did not negotiate the price and he offered the rate I paid without indicating it was a discount. If we had negotiated it then I would totally understand his disappointment.  Looking over our correspondence I see then when I re-engaged 4 months ago with him, after a couple of months had passed since seeing him, he sent a image of his rates but I didn't pay attention. It did indicate the higher rate so that's definitely on me.

It's still just weird that gladly offering to pay more didn't seem to resolve it. Anyway, we'll see what happens. Thanks for your feedback. 

[Occasional]

On 1/4/2026 at 9:37 PM, TMB said:

I just want him to tell me what he wants me to do.  He says he doesn't know, he just keeps saying he disappointed with me.

Were this a real-life personal relationship (as distinct from paid-for provider-client relationship) I would see this as you prematurely jumping to seek to solve the problem rather than initially 'holding space' for the upset party to feel their upset, and you acknowledging that you hear their pain.

The closer and more significant the personal relationship, the more time, effort and energy I would put into the 'holding phase', waiting for the other party to 'move' (e.g. they might 'move' to "I do actually feel that you .. [whatever]"). 

I'd have no problem expressing sorrow that an uncomfortable situation has arisen - sorrow is an emotion, it's not the same as guilt, not an admission of blame or culpability.  

Note that I wrote 'waiting for the other party to 'move'.  Not waiting indefinitely under the spell of round-and-round-in-circles attempted guilt-tripping, nor the other party's ramping-up ("the more I think about it, the worse I feel").  And certainly not submitting myself to the dynamic "I feel bad due to you, now it's your job to work out exactly why I feel bad and what you can do about it, then do it, and then I'll likely still feel bad and it'll be your job to .. etc etc".

With a provider, I would cut short the energy and effort that I put into the 'holding space'. Perhaps "I'm sorry you feel like that, perhaps best if I give you space to process it, and we can chat again in a few days". With a regular (only) provider with whom I'd had a good rapport (only), I'd take the initiative to get back in touch after a few days and re-open along the lines "I'm hoping we can get back on track .. what if anything can I do towards that?".

I'd be prepared for (likely) spin-it-out ploys : "I don't know" [response: "well, I'm afraid that I don't either, so it looks as if we [exit-wording]" - "apologise" ("I don't feel I've done anything wrong, so [exit-wording])", etc.  OTOH I might hear "really sorry about that, I got triggered due to childhood baggage/ problem with SO / etc, I feel embarrassed, can we put it behind us" or "actually, I came to see it's a donation thing - a discount shouldn't of course mean exclusivity but, even so, can we agree to resume on the basis of my standard fee".

While I enjoy it when there's rapport and good chemistry with providers, I don't 'do' drama and emotional embroilment with them. Which is one of the reasons that I hire. 

 

On 1/4/2026 at 9:37 PM, TMB said:

I .. want him to feel valued, appreciated and respected (which I totally feel about him) 

It's not within your power to make him pick up on, and feel, your positive vibes towards him rather than him choosing (albeit subliminally) to wallow in "I'm hurt, over to you to sort it".

Edited 9 hours ago by Occasional
typos

[TMB]

Thank you! This is a great take with a lot to think about. I, myself, want my frustration/disappointment, etc  to be acknowledged before I move into problem solving with the other party and that's something I didn't really think about in this case. Where I've left things is that we're going to meet up in a week and I've asked him to think about what it is he needs to tell me and what would make him feel better and to tell me that when we meet.  Totally agree that I'm not going to get wrapped up in emotional situation. That's not what I'm in this for. I am sorry he feels bad but I really don't feel guilty about it. I thinking this either comes down to an expectation mismatch (which can be fixable) or a "caught feelings" situation (which is not).

[Spikeguy]

He sounds high maintenance and I would move on before it gets worse.