*Deposit, nudes, and sexting

[Mark_fl]

I'm relatively new in terms of posting and reading (although I posted once over a year ago) and have been reading old posts.

There seems to be a lot of discussion about deposits, and clients trying to get something for nothing  via sexting and nudes.

I'm not interested in sexting, and I've never thought I needed more pictures than were provided in the ad, unless there was no face pic.

I would also never send a deposit. I'm cash only, period. But I can see why a provider would want one if they were providing sexting services.  But can't provider NOT sext before meeting, or ask for a deposit in just those cases? 

I'd think you can tell a polite client from one of these users? It seems like a blanket policy is throwing out the baby with the bathwater.

[+ PhileasFogg]

Other than sexting to arrange plans, I have no need unless the provider wants to communicate.

About a year ago, I had one guy who kept trying to engage me in texts with leading comments.  Then I’d respond and he’d say “hey, I’m gonna need $50 if we are engaging like this”

We had several appointments, I always wondered if he’d ever show - and I ultimately cut my losses (time and financial) and moved on.  I subsequently learned his reputation in the NOLA market isn’t good at all.   So I see sexting for $ in advance of a meeting as a huge red flag

In my view, good providers receiving a fair price should view reasonable amount of foreplay as part of the business model.   I always promise that I won’t bother them with endless texts or promises for freebies  but the good ones are willing to build anticipation 

 

 

 

Edited November 30 by PhileasFogg

[SecretProvider]

55 minutes ago, Mark_fl said:

It seems like a blanket policy is throwing out the baby with the bathwater.

The question you should be asking yourself extends from this - How many times have we been fucked over in order for us to have to install such a policy, knowing that we would be losing clients as well? 

The fact that we chose to have deposit in spite of this says a lot. 

[Mark_fl]

1 minute ago, SecretProvider said:

The question you should be asking yourself extends from this - How many times have we been fucked over in order for us to have to install such a policy, knowing that we would be losing clients as well? 

So you're saying that even polite clients who don't sext or ask for nudes are somehow wasting your time? How exactly? Not doubting you, but I'm surprised experienced providers can't smell this a mile away. 

Are these the guys booking appointments and not showing up/being there? What's in it for them? Just doesn't make sense to me.

[+ PhileasFogg]

18 minutes ago, SecretProvider said:

The question you should be asking yourself extends from this - How many times have we been fucked over in order for us to have to install such a policy, knowing that we would be losing clients as well? 

The fact that we chose to have deposit in spite of this says a lot. 

Well, that cuts both ways… it’s a risk of the business model.    Token deposit, sure.   But if someone wants a hundred or more up front is probably 50% chance of no show. 

[+ KensingtonHomo]

I don’t think the deposit is connected to the rest of it. Deposits are to show a client is serious; put some skin in the game. I will send $50 to secure an appointment but I won’t send half. 

Unfortunately, there are people who I doubt are genuine clients who waste providers’ time. In my experience, it’s only ever for the first meeting. 

The other requests or unwanted attention sucks too, but if it’s not serious a provider can block them. They can’t get back 2-3 hours they’ve put aside for a client that doesn’t show up. 

[SecretProvider]

5 hours ago, Mark_fl said:

So you're saying that even polite clients who don't sext or ask for nudes are somehow wasting your time? How exactly?

The correlation of people who are polite but refuse to send a minimal deposit, exactly matches the amount of people who cancel last minute or even just ghost at the time of the appointment.

How does that waste our time?  Well, it wastes our time not only with the administrative planning, but cleaning our apartments, putting on new bed sheets and towels, showering, douching, taking viagra, shaving, traveling to you hotel or building -  all of the general prep that we do before the actual meeting. 

That's not taking into account the amount of texting we have done with these polite people, and not taking into account any other appointments we may have turned down because we thought you would arrive because you are so polite, or personal plans that we have worked our day around in terms of our other jobs, school classes, etc.

I haven't seen a dramatic drop since I insisted on a nominal deposit for bookings from people I have not yet met - but I have seen a dramatic drop in cancelations. only three this year, it used to be nearly 3 a week. Being polite on its own has not proven to be evidence of genuineness. Only deposits can do that.  

You have mentioned that you are new to the hobby, welcome! I would encourage SMALL deposits if you can allow, and only to providers who are well reviewed on rentmen, as well as here. For a decent provider, it wont be about the amount, it is just a way for us to ascertain that you are as committed as we are.  Words are cheap.  Do whatever you are comfortable with. 

Edited December 1 by SecretProvider
added small part to the end

[Mark_fl]

Well, if the provider wants to meet up to take a deposit, that might work, but Im cash-only, and I don't see that changing.

[+ KensingtonHomo]

3 hours ago, Mark_fl said:

Well, if the provider wants to meet up to take a deposit, that might work, but Im cash-only, and I don't see that changing.

Some providers don't require a deposit. We met with two of them yesterday. It will just limit who you can hire. 

[JB_Studio38]

10 hours ago, SecretProvider said:

 

I haven't seen a dramatic drop since I insisted on a nominal deposit for bookings from people I have not yet met - but I have seen a dramatic drop in cancelations. only three this year, it used to be nearly 3 a week. Being polite on its own has not proven to be evidence of genuineness. Only deposits can do that.  

 

Well said..

Also, every so often I’ll try to book someone without a deposit if I’m just actively in a hotel and open to fit someone in before checkout. But just the other week I did that, the guy gets hotel address and even texted me. I didn’t mention deposit but said he can pay with cash or one of the phone apps. Then disappears, NCNS. Blocked me on the app also. I had til like 1 p.m. to host, but he didn’t even show up. Meanwhile, the 2 other clients who did come thru both paid deposits. 
 

4 hours ago, Mark_fl said:

Well, if the provider wants to meet up to take a deposit, that might work, but Im cash-only, and I don't see that changing.

I actually did this last week. Guy was very new to “computers” and similar pay apps. So I just met him outside and arranged deposit. However even with that, he gave me shit saying I could run off with it. But why run off with $100, knowing he’s giving me more? I told him, I’m not going to mess up my reputation over that.

So yeah, cash only can still arrange a deposit. If I have to book a hotel for a specific session, I’ve had guys do that. However, I often recommend the deposit ahead of time because: I often need those first 10-15 minutes to set the bed, tailor the ambience etc. If I’m getting the deposit in person, that means someone may end up waiting which I try to avoid doing.

 

 

Edited December 1 by JB_Studio38

[SidewaysDM]

I have heard numerous horror stories from providers who have been ghosted by their clients. The worst was a guy who booked an overnight in a small town, 4-5 hours from the providers home city. Provider rented an Airbnb and drove the long distance to be stranded in the middle of nowhere…..he was out his travel time, rental expenses and time missed with other potential clients. And didn’t have the money to get back home. He was struggling through a slow period, in his business. I actually sent him a gift to get himself home. He is one of the nicest, sweetest providers. Unfortunately, this was just one of many clients who did similar things to him in the past. I would absolutely require a deposit to all clients, if I was a provider. 

[Braziliancutee]

I dont like to ask before but sometimes it’s make make feel safe. One client had sex with me at my hotel. We agree to go out for dinner after and I normally just ask the money when I am leaving. When I left the shower he already left the room and blocked me on whattsap.  We stay talking for weeks before and I feel horrible after that.
I think this is the worst history I have.

[SidewaysDM]

I am sorry that happened to you! That guy was an asshole! That was just so disrespectful and mean! I hope most of your clients treat you with kindness and respect that you deserve! 

[JB_Studio38]

2 hours ago, SidewaysDM said:

I have heard numerous horror stories from providers who have been ghosted by their clients. The worst was a guy who booked an overnight in a small town, 4-5 hours from the providers home city. Provider rented an Airbnb and drove the long distance to be stranded in the middle of nowhere…..he was out his travel time, rental expenses and time missed with other potential clients. And didn’t have the money to get back home. He was struggling through a slow period, in his business. I actually sent him a gift to get himself home. He is one of the nicest, sweetest providers. Unfortunately, this was just one of many clients who did similar things to him in the past. I would absolutely require a deposit to all clients, if I was a provider. 

Yeah, someone would have died that day, and it wouldn’t have been me 😂 (j/k). I actually did something like that in Seattle few years ago, but it was a dual purpose sibling stay plus I invited someone from a dating app over and had fun. The other 2 clients who flaked, it was their loss. But that was also around the time where I was struggling with fully accepting deposits, and just accepting clients quickly without “complicating it” with deposits (as some people like to say it). After having multiple clients in Seattle flake during 1 trip: that sealed the deal to never go back to trusting people when travel and hotel expenses are involved. Only very exceptional circumstances will I do.

Unfortunately that’s just one of the hard experiences that can be learning lessons. This is not a biz where the person who is trying to make money, should shoulder the bigger risk. And that’s why I tell people, a deposit isn’t “free money” and no I can’t host/travel just because you promise me you’ll show up. If I’m spending money upfront, I need a better assurance of attendance. And money is the best way.

I even had a client last month call himself turning me down about a deposit after cancelling before he even sent a deposit. And then he asked if I could rebook him in December 😂 I’m like, you can’t be serious. Then I look at references the other day, he did it to someone else. 

 

1 hour ago, Braziliancutee said:

I dont like to ask before but sometimes it’s make make feel safe. One client had sex with me at my hotel. We agree to go out for dinner after and I normally just ask the money when I am leaving. When I left the shower he already left the room and blocked me on whattsap.  We stay talking for weeks before and I feel horrible after that.
I think this is the worst history I have.

Yeah I had that happen once, and only once some time ago. What was so bad, the particular client actually took the envelope back while I was in the shower. 

I now never go behind “closed doors” on a client or any guy, if he’s in my hotel room. I’d rather be like, leave the goods but please wait in the lobby while I get ready. 

Edited December 1 by JB_Studio38

[Mark_fl]

I think deposits for visits that require hotels and significant travel expense aren't unreasonable. But for an incall or local, it seems a bit much. Clients are supposed to trust providers not to flake after they get a deposit, but clients arent to be trusted to show up and pay. Itnjust seems like two sets of rules.  

Im trusting the provider to show discretion,  keep privacy, be like his photos, and deliver what was promised.  That feels like a lot more I'm being asked to beleive on faith than thr provider beliving I'll show up after I've reached out, not asked for sexting or photos and agreed to a zoom or phone call.

So while I understand the need for a deposit in certain circumstances,  in my case it's a big red flag. 

I've had a provider fly on his own dime for a couple of days, and didn't ask for a dime, even as he was leaving. When I handed him an envelope with his pay, he said "are you sure?" so I  think he was happy.

[SidewaysDM]

I think as a client, you should offer a deposit, without being asked by the provider. I just booked a highly rated and well known provider who will be traveling through my city, next week. After he gave me his rates and we set up a time and location (he is hosting at his hotel), I asked him for his Venmo info and sent him 50% of my total fee. I think that shows trust and respect to the provider. He will show the same to me during our session. That’s a WIN…..WIN for both of us! 

[NYXboy]

8 minutes ago, Mark_fl said:

Clients are supposed to trust providers not to flake after they get a deposit, but clients arent to be trusted to show up and pay. Itnjust seems like two sets of rules.  

I don't know a single provider who would rather steal $50 than show to the appointment and make another $300.  

[SidewaysDM]

I’ve only been working with 3 providers at this point. But, I know, without a doubt that what you just stated is true of 99% of legit providers out there. 

[Braziliancutee]

3 hours ago, SidewaysDM said:

I am sorry that happened to you! That guy was an asshole! That was just so disrespectful and mean! I hope most of your clients treat you with kindness and respect that you deserve! 

Thank u so much 

[Pd1_jap]

Just this morning I had a scammer reach out to me on sniffies. He was using the profile of a hot muscle guy from Peru.

I reversed image searched his photo and that led to an Instagram of a guy who was very clearly not in my city or country. 

So deposits have to be looked at with a high degree of scrutiny. 

[SecretProvider]

36 minutes ago, Pd1_jap said:

Just this morning I had a scammer reach out to me on sniffies. He was using the profile of a hot muscle guy from Peru.

So deposits have to be looked at with a high degree of scrutiny. 

*rolls eyes*

giving $50 to some random from sniffles is not comparable to laying down a $50 deposit to a confirmed provider who has reviews both here and on rentmen.  It's not rocket science 

[SecretProvider]

5 hours ago, Braziliancutee said:

I dont like to ask before but sometimes it’s make make feel safe. One client had sex with me at my hotel. We agree to go out for dinner after and I normally just ask the money when I am leaving. When I left the shower he already left the room and blocked me on whattsap.  We stay talking for weeks before and I feel horrible after that.
I think this is the worst history I have.

Your safety and time are worth more than the opinions of people here who won’t even send a small deposit.  

What you describe is basically a sexual assault and thief. You never would have consented to have sex with this person without payment.

People commenting on these forums (for the most part) might not act this way, and they have ZERO idea of the way we are treated by others who do. Don't let the people here tell you anything otherwise dude. Protect yourself first. You have put yourself out there - shown you are real, committed and prepared by giving your face, name, you have verified reviews they can contact and get even more confirmation. Until you met them - they are nothing but a phone number and a promise from a stranger. 

You are green and you have learned a very valuable lesson here- NEVER leave a client alone. Even if he has paid you. Ever. I have friends who the client went in his pocket and took the money back when he was in the shower. You shower together, or if the client wants to shower alone - you wait in the room and leave for dinner together. I went to the bathroom once and come out and the guy was looking through my drawers. 

Be friendly but not vulnerable. They all pretend to be kind at the start, it's how they trap you. 

[+ KensingtonHomo]

1 hour ago, SecretProvider said:

What you describe is basically a sexual assault and thief. You never would have consented to have sex with this person without payment.

You should hope you’re never revealed. While what happened to Brazilian is terrible, it’s not sexual assault. Conflating the two is incredibly dismissive of those of us who have been raped or sexually assaulted. 

[+ FrankR]

3 hours ago, SidewaysDM said:

I think as a client, you should offer a deposit, without being asked by the provider. I just booked a highly rated and well known provider who will be traveling through my city, next week. After he gave me his rates and we set up a time and location (he is hosting at his hotel), I asked him for his Venmo info and sent him 50% of my total fee. I think that shows trust and respect to the provider. He will show the same to me during our session. That’s a WIN…..WIN for both of us! 

Now that is some … sideways thinking!  You do you, i know better and have the scars to prove it.

[Whoisyourdaddy]

If I want to see a provider's nudes, I'll look to see if they have an OF. Most of the time, a provider's OF is only the cost of one meal. Ultimately, I don't mind paying that.

If they don't have one listed on RM, I'll ask if they have one. If they don't, I leave it alone. If they're reviewed and vetted, I'm down anyway.

Recently, I saw a provider saying he has nudes available by request. I asked if he had an OF, and he said he hadn't gotten around to creating one. Therefore, I asked if he would share his nudes with me for a small fee. He was cool with that. It was the cost of one meal, so no biggie.

(However, I'll never knock a client for not sending deposits. Ultimately, you have to do what makes you feel comfortable.)