When you don't want to believe the writing on the wall.

[viewing ownly]

Summer of last year, an amazing session (to me, amazing) with someone I'd never hired before. He said he'd "definitely let me know" when he's in town again. I see many different guys, so I was a bit surprised that he was in my town this year several months back - he lives quite far away - and I didn't know that he was here.

I reach out to him recently when I see his listing to return many months from now, as I love to plan way ahead, and I get this : "We'll see, but I'm staying in a home of someone I don't know very well, so I'm not sure if it will work". Does this seem like a peculiar reply to a prospective repeat client, or does this read between the lines to you like it does to me, "Cherish the memory, dude 'cause it's a no". I can at least be grateful that I'm able to click with precious few that I see, but the rejections en masse for a repeat are a real bummer.

[jmichaeliii]

2 minutes ago, viewing ownly said:

Summer of last year, an amazing session (to me, amazing) with someone I'd never hired before. He said he'd "definitely let me know" when he's in town again. I see many different guys, so I was a bit surprised that he was in my town this year several months back - he lives quite far away - and I didn't know that he was here.

I reach out to him recently when I see his listing to return many months from now, as I love to plan way ahead, and I get this : "We'll see, but I'm staying in a home of someone I don't know very well, so I'm not sure if it will work". Does this seem like a peculiar reply to a prospective repeat client, or does this read between the lines to you like it does to me, "Cherish the memory, dude 'cause it's a no". I can at least be grateful that I'm able to click with precious few that I see, but the rejections en masse for a repeat are a real bummer.

Try offering to set up a hotel to meet and if it is no again, you likely have the answer.

[SecretProvider]

Or maybe he is staying in the home of someone and not able to see clients on this trip. Perhaps he doesn't want to plan many months ahead. I don't know of any providers who like to plan that far ahead. 

[MarlowewolraM]

21 hours ago, SecretProvider said:

maybe he is staying in the home of someone and not able to see clients on this trip.

Exactly. Why not take him at his word, and then carefully reach out again at a future date? He may very well be staying at the home of a client, and unable to get away to meet someone else, or unable to commit this early to meeting someone else.

Just be respectful in your messages and always make it clear that you read his previous messages and understood them. In other words, you can wait until closer to the day and say "Hi, just checking in about your travel plans. I understand that you'll be staying with someone and might not have the flexibility to meet me" etc.

Once in the past I overthought a provider's offhand comment, and decided he wasn't interested in meeting me again. After I re-read his messages sometime later, I realized I had read all of that into why he wrote. Happy I went through that because he turned out to be one of my favorite regulars, and it taught me to read carefully and not to assume intent, particularly in texting where there's so little nuance and context.

Good luck!

[GentJ]

On 11/1/2025 at 7:08 AM, MarlowewolraM said:

Exactly. Why not take him at his word, and then carefully reach out again at a future date? He may very well be staying at the home of a client, and unable to get away to meet someone else, or unable to commit this early to meeting someone else.

Why not take him at his word? Because it makes no sense. If he can't see clients, why update the ad with the location?

[SecretProvider]

38 minutes ago, GentJ said:

Why not take him at his word? Because it makes no sense. If he can't see clients, why update the ad with the location?

Some guys put their travel dates away from their regular location when they are traveling so people know they are NOT in town.

Some guys when they are traveling  are visiting family, can still see clients but only have limited availability. 

Some people just don't know what the scheduled is going to be like on a trip months in advance and don't want to commit until they are sure they can provide. 

It can be a whole host of reasons without jumping to 'he is lying and he never wants to see me again'. 

[MarlowewolraM]

20 hours ago, GentJ said:

If he can't see clients, why update the ad with the location?

As SecretProvider says, it's easy to think of reasons why this situation might arise. And maybe if this was Viewing's first attempt to book, it's a red flag and that's that. I know a provider who was recently in exactly this situation, having traveled to another country to meet a client. So he knew he would be in this other country but, under obligation to his host/primary client, not knowing how much flexibility he might have to provide services to others. It still makes sense to put that trip on his profile, otherwise he might miss out on new clients, and why not advertise in a new city to test local interest for future trips? Until he's there, he may not be able to gauge his host's comfort with the provider meeting other clients.

[DunwoodyGuy]

On 11/6/2025 at 9:44 PM, GentJ said:

If he can't see clients, why update the ad with the location?

I can think of at least a dozen reasons, can't you?