Broaching The Subject of Preferred Activities With Provider

[Archangel]

3 hours ago, NYXboy said:

you definitely read it all. 

I did not in fact. I read til I realized it was condescending, skipped to the end, saw it was still condescending, and said not investing mental energy in parsing the middle. I read some; not all.

[Archangel]

@Simon Suraci, I did read that 😂 I will reply more at length at a keyboard. I think in short it’s about a vibe. I can take screenshots and show what I mean by good and bad customer service.

But to put to rest one thing: I don’t expect to receive uncompensated service. That said, a provider, in my opinion, shouldn’t expect compensated administration. Booking is admin work. Compensation is for time spent together. 

Edited May 2, 2025 by Archangel
Added final sentence

[Archangel]

So…in order to reply to this, I had to go back to the post I didn’t read in its entirety and read it in its entirety 🤣 

✅ Task 1

Now…Task 2…

See below screenshots for context. This is an example of the type of poor interaction I’m referring to. This is not an uncommon kind of interaction. Feel free to point out what I’m doing wrong, if anything…

I think one of the core issues for many clients, myself included, is that while the experience is inherently transactional, it shouldn’t feel transactional. Of course, we all understand that there’s an exchange happening here, but it’s important that the interaction feels more than just business as usual. When a provider’s response is too flat, generic, or rushed, it can leave me feeling like I’m just a human ATM—or worse, not even seen as human at all.

What I’m really looking for, because this is an extended BFE, is a connection that goes beyond just the physical aspect—or at least feels like that. It’s about chemistry, ease, and shared presence. I want to feel that my provider is genuinely engaged, emotionally intelligent, and responsive to what I’m asking for—not just ticking off a checklist of purported services. When a provider shows enthusiasm and clarity, it makes me feel like I’m more than just a transaction to them. For example, when he acknowledges the emotional or relational tone of what I’m saying, it reassures me that he’s on the same page. Something like, “I hear what you’re looking for—and I love creating that kind of experience too” makes all the difference. It shows he understands that this isn’t just about meeting a physical need, but about creating a meaningful interaction.

Also, I want to know that he’s considering compatibility beyond the logistics of timing or rates. When he responds with something like, “I prefer to connect with people I feel a real vibe with, and from what you’ve shared, I think we could really click,” it lets me know he’s thinking about more than just the basics—it’s about the vibe, the connection, the chemistry. That’s what makes the experience more satisfying, and it lets me know he’s invested in the interaction, not just the transaction.

When it comes to pricing, I understand there are clear expectations, but I also appreciate when a provider takes the time to communicate that thoughtfully. A response like, “For longer engagements, I typically charge X, but I’d love to chat more about what you’re hoping for and see how we can make it work,” feels far better than a flat “4k.” It shows that they’re open to discussion and care about the experience rather than just locking things in without any engagement. It also opens the door for me to say, politely, I prefer not to haggle, which I do say if a provider has said he would negotiate  

Lastly, when a provider engages with my language and tone rather than shutting it down, it helps me feel seen and heard. “I really like how you’ve described what you’re looking for—it’s the kind of connection I try to create, too” goes a long way in showing they’re not just looking to complete a task but are interested in creating something meaningful.

I guess at the end of the day, it comes down to this: I know these interactions are transactional, but I want to walk away feeling like I was treated as a person, not a payment method—or simply an anal orifice for him to get his dick wet while getting paid. Thoughtful communication, emotional engagement, and a genuine desire to connect make all the difference in turning what could be a simple transaction into something truly satisfying.

Moderator Note: Screenshots removed as they violate community guidelines around sharing of personal information. 
 

OP Note: Screenshots readded with personal information redacted. 

Edited May 3, 2025 by Archangel
Readded screenshots

[Archangel]

55 minutes ago, GTMike said:

perhaps try and book them initially for an hour or two first and then once you know you have at least some sort of mutual connection discuss more of an extended period and then ease into the essence of the vibe you find most appealing?  Just a thought

I’m not flying someone in for an hour or two. As you said, a phone call is a good way of clearing up uncertainty if there is any before meeting up. But it was clear, to me, from the exchange that I posted, that it was never getting to that—let alone the weekend.

I’ve had great success. I don’t need to change my approach. I’m saying that some providers in fact suck at providing a holistic experience. And to the point of the OP, it’s perfectly legitimate to broach the topic of preferred activities when booking. Why in the hell wouldn’t it be?! 

[Danny-Darko]

On 4/29/2025 at 6:05 PM, BuffaloKyle said:

One thing I look out for on RM ads is to avoid providers that have nothing or conversely everything marked on the "intos" section.

Yes I agree, but many many will fill the whole thing with every possible "into" and really not be into some if any of the things I've found.

Edited May 2, 2025 by Danny-Darko

[Walt]

On 5/1/2025 at 8:53 AM, Archangel said:

I do. That’s what I said I do. But you have to engage a guy before you figure out he’s a flake.

Just like with physicians, dentists, attorneys, physical therapists, book store owners, bakeries....

[Walt]

2 hours ago, Archangel said:

I guess at the end of the day, it comes down to this: I know these interactions are transactional, but I want to walk away feeling like I was treated as a person, not a payment method

Of course! I again have to say: Just like with physicians, dentists, attorneys, physical therapists, book store owners, bakeries.... After an initial paid meeting, I do not re-engage or pay any professional who does not treat me respectfully and who does not treat me as a peer except for their specialized talents and skills.

[Danny-Darko]

On 4/29/2025 at 10:59 AM, Letmeworshipit said:

I notice that Kevin Slater is the moderator of this forum. I engaged Kevin several years ago for a session in NY I think (I was traveling a lot then, so may not be correct, but it was in a major city hotel I do recall). His ad description at the time made it clear that he would be a good match for my particular interests and that certainly proved to be the case. But now it seems things are more veiled and nuanced and it's really tough for guys like me, with a specific interest, to determine compatibility. And worse than that are providers who aren't always honest about their services and quickly say, "Oh, yea, I love that." Then in the session you find out that they they really aren't that into it and just didn't want to lose a paying gig. And the whole Top, Bottom, Versatile, et al, designations don't really identify their interest in non-penetrative activities, so it's a quandary.

True! MANY years ago while Kevin Slater was still in his prime, I hit him up once on RM and paid him a huge compliment for I was a huge fan of the very few porn videos he'd been in and was interested in hiring him. He saw the message and never answered, so I never hired him nor bothered again to follow his "career".  After living in the Castro in SF, where one sees "porn stars" every single day out and about, one realizes not all are approachable even for hire though they advertise for such. There are others and always new ones right behind those and always will be. Hiring is always a gamble. Don't let it eat you.  

Edited May 2, 2025 by Danny-Darko

[Archangel]

20 minutes ago, Walt said:

After an initial paid meeting

Are you saying you reserve judgement until after a monetary transaction? I feel like you can determine in many instances—as do providers vis-a-vis clients—if you’re likely to “click” with a guy. There are red flags—such as the loutish “U ready to book” within three texts…

[TyrEngineer]

8 minutes ago, Archangel said:

Are you saying you reserve judgement until after a monetary transaction? I feel like you can determine in many instances—as do providers vis-a-vis clients—if you’re likely to “click” with a guy. There are red flags—such as the loutish “U ready to book” within three texts…

Judging a book by its cover is one of those slippery slopes I keep hearing about. The purpose of the monetary transaction is to have all the necessary information to make a sound judgement. Red flags have their purpose because paying a bunch of people for poor performance isn't in anyone's best interest.

When it comes to dating apps I find it impossible to decide if we click without meeting people. The best indicator for personality I've found is getting a hold of their social media accounts, but this is not always possible.

I feel like this whole industry is a probability game, even if you find the perfect provider. Personally I think you shut down connections a little prematurely, but that's your perogative.

I don't have the funds to fly guys around so I don't actually understand where you are coming from. I could imagine it would open the door to finding the perfect provider, and maybe that golden spoon is what drives your actions.

[Walt]

18 minutes ago, Archangel said:

Are you saying you reserve judgement until after a monetary transaction? I feel like you can determine in many instances—as do providers vis-a-vis clients—if you’re likely to “click” with a guy. There are red flags—such as the loutish “U ready to book” within three texts…

No.

I -- like many commenting here -- feel that in the end the provider needs to be fun, respectful, and a potential peer. And like many here I try to make sure of that out before the first meeting, and I will not meet anyone without a brief phone call. If the provider won't talk on the phone, we will not meet. Sometimes even all of that doesn't effort work and does require meeting at least once (paid) before deciding to never meet again.

 

Edited May 2, 2025 by Walt
clarity

[Archangel]

Perhaps I’m misunderstanding you, @TyrEngineer, but if I’m not, then the client would be at a perpetual disadvantage economically because he’d be gambling by investing monetarily simply to determine if it’s a worthwhile investment—“pay to play.” Do I understand you correctly? I can see how that would be a crapshoot for a client, but how is it for a provider? A provider who is paid, irrespective of performance, wins, transactionally speaking. The point of vetting from a client’s perspective is precisely to avoid those providers who view the transaction solely, whether consciously or unconsciously, as a monetary endeavor with the potential to have a good time. Not all providers see it that way, and from my experience you can’t necessarily judge the book by its cover in those instances, but you definitely can make an informed guess if it’s good literature based off reading the prologue. 

[TyrEngineer]

5 minutes ago, Archangel said:

Perhaps I’m misunderstanding you, @TyrEngineer, but if I’m not, then the client would be at a perpetual disadvantage economically because he’d be gambling by investing monetarily simply to determine if it’s a worthwhile investment—“pay to play.” Do I understand you correctly? I can see how that would be a crapshoot for a client, but how is it for a provider? A provider who is paid, irrespective of performance, wins, transactionally speaking. The point of vetting from a client’s perspective is precisely to avoid those providers who view the transaction solely, whether consciously or unconsciously, as a monetary endeavor with the potential to have a good time. Not all providers see it that way, and from my experience you can’t necessarily judge the book by its cover in those instances, but you definitely can make an informed guess if it’s good literature based off reading the prologue. 

Yes the provider has a clear advantage when meeting new clients. It's much easier to hand someone cash then it is to make sure they leave happy, that's just a fact. I value effort, but I wouldn't expect them to put much effort into texting.

If I am unable to get reviews from members on this board then I expect a learning experience. Sadly you can't win them all, and I have passed on guys for ignoring my questions.

You are fishing for unicorns or something, and if that's the game you like to play then keep playing, but don't expect everyone to understand it.

[Archangel]

4 hours ago, TyrEngineer said:

You are fishing for unicorns or something, and if that's the game you like to play then keep playing, but don't expect everyone to understand it.

I found your post fine til this unnecessary dismissive zinger. For the record, it’s not at all impossible to find either; I’ve had good success with my approach finding and hiring guys that meet and exceed expectations through the whole experiencee. Maybe you haven’t had much luck because you think you fish for unicorns; unless you’re looking for a narwhal, unicorns are terrestrial fauna  🤓 

I believe if they are looking for “discerning” clients, providers should expect to put effort into all parts of the transaction. Of course if it’s a fuck and run situation, then expectations can be lower. But for extended BFEs, some level of expectation and compatibility is just perquisite. I don’t find that at all unreasonable; in fact, not having some level of expectation and compatibility for extended BFEs strikes me as foolhardy.

It’s not a unicorn, by the way. It’s a svelte rhino 😉 

Edited May 3, 2025 by Archangel

[Peter Eater]

Shouldn’t this whole conversation be in Questions About Hiring? 🙄

[MscleLovr]

Dear Lord, this thread deserves some sort of award. When did setting up a date become so complicated?

Some of the replies here have been worthy, some not so much.

And some responses are so lengthy - rather like lawyers’ letters - that their paragraphs deserve to be numbered 😎

[Archangel]

On 5/4/2025 at 3:04 AM, MscleLovr said:

Dear Lord, this thread deserves some sort of award. When did setting up a date become so complicated?

Some of the replies here have been worthy, some not so much.

And some responses are so lengthy - rather like lawyers’ letters - that their paragraphs deserve to be numbered 😎

Just providing lots of primary source material for that PhD who will do their dissertation on the escorting industry 🤣 

[Archangel]

8 minutes ago, Simon Suraci said:

I know you’re kidding, but this is a real thing. For the more bookish providers, and those who love them:

History and Economics of Male Sex Work

Look at that. Nothing new under the sun! 

[+ nycman]

Jesus men, I’ve read shorter PhD dissertations.

"I’m a top who likes to fuck".

The rest we can figure out when we meet. 

[Archangel]

1 hour ago, nycman said:

The rest we can figure out when we meet. 

If you had read 😉 you would understand it’s not for the fuck and run meetups. So a bit more concern about compatibility is appropriate.