Long term relationship between gay man and bi man

[+ ApexNomad]

3 minutes ago, moonlight said:

I asked this question because I have a good friend who I thought was straight but has been dropping hints with me that he might be bi, while also dropping hints that he might want to play. I value my friendship with him too much just to risk it with a fwb situation. But I would consider a LTR with him and he's one of only a few people I've ever met who I could say that about.

It's easier to compartmentalize those feelings with a straight guy but it opens a can of worms if he's bi. He's also hot af.

So I was just curious how common a successful gay/bi ltr might be in general since I've never actually seen it.

I think it really depends on the two people involved. Anything is possible if they approach the relationship with honesty, communication, and love. Success will be relative to what each person values, and I don’t think it can work if both aren’t on the same page. That’s true for any relationship, really.

[pubic_assistance]

8 hours ago, marylander1940 said:

Many in this forum would disagree about love not being possible between gay men.  

Well...I don't hold that opinion any longer. I did mention that's what I believed personally and at that time (which was nearly 20 years ago). It WAS however an opinion based on several attempts at dating men who couldn't seem to stop fucking strangers long enough to focus on a relationship. I'm not even a believer in sexual monogamy...but I do think you could spend at least one year focused on ONE person to at least demonstrate your commitment to them.

[marylander1940]

40 minutes ago, pubic_assistance said:

Well...I don't hold that opinion any longer. I did mention that's what I believed personally and at that time (which was nearly 20 years ago). It WAS however an opinion based on several attempts at dating men who couldn't seem to stop fucking strangers long enough to focus on a relationship. I'm not even a believer in sexual monogamy...but I do think you could spend at least one year focused on ONE person to at least demonstrate your commitment to them.

And we truly believe it's honest and based in your personal life but doesn't match my experience in a monogamous relationship for 20 years and I guess the experiences of others.

I could overreact and say you're saying mean things about gay people but I am not like that. I don't take things in a personal way. 

 

 

 

[mike carey]

Gentlemen, this is not complicated, the thread asked for opinions, and any debate about those opinions is fair game. It did not invite you to troll other members by saying that their opinions are wrong, or that their experiences, which may differ from yours, are invalid. Discuss the topic, not each other.

We have removed a small number of comments, but not all that went down the path I described, but that doesn't mean that those that remain need to be replied to.

Thanks, guys.

[+ DrownedBoy]

Believe me - at the age of 20, I also believed gay men weren't capable of true relationships. At that age, at that place, and I hope, at that time in history,

The vast majority of gay guys at college stayed closeted, often joining frats, then f*cked around like crazy, while looking down at the "out" gays. After all, those closeted gays had big plans in finance, law, or whatever their parents had planned for them, and gay men didn't rise to high positions back then.

The only advantage was that we knew, and when you have closeted gays on the student council, you also have a lot of leverage. It was rather amusing to watch an attempt to close down the gay club fall flat on its back with the guy who proposed it humiliated in front of the school.

I know we were all shaped by the times, but I do not excuse that type of behavior. Then or now.

I still think young gays aren't ready for relationships. I was in middle age before I started dating guys who were genuinely interested. That's one good advantage of aging while gay. EDIT In fact, I'd say this viewpoint applies to all people, gay or straight. It's just youth.

Edited March 30 by DrownedBoy

[pubic_assistance]

24 minutes ago, DrownedBoy said:

I still think young gays aren't ready for relationships

 

24 minutes ago, DrownedBoy said:

EDIT In fact, I'd say this viewpoint applies to all people, gay or straight. It's just youth.

I tend to agree. Most young people want to have as many opportunities and experiences as possible during their 20s. I tend to think that this is an important phase of your life to do exactly that.

By the time I married, at 35 I had a much better sense of what I wanted from a relationship than what i may have thought I wanted at 25.

[+ sniper]

21 hours ago, moonlight said:

I asked this question because I have a good friend who I thought was straight but has been dropping hints with me that he might be bi, while also dropping hints that he might want to play. I value my friendship with him too much just to risk it with a fwb situation. But I would consider a LTR with him and he's one of only a few people I've ever met who I could say that about.

It's easier to compartmentalize those feelings with a straight guy but it opens a can of worms if he's bi. He's also hot af.

So I was just curious how common a successful gay/bi ltr might be in general since I've never actually seen it.

I think in this particular case the likelihood is very high that he sees you as a potential safe regular outlet for his urges and is feeling you out on your willingness to be his side piece. In his mind sex is awesome for both of you so it's win-win. It sounds like you are not on the same page at all. If he's a good friend, you should be able to tell him directly that you're not looking for that kind of arrangement and move on.  If you're a great friend, find a gay slut buddy of yours to service him lol.

He sounds bisexual heteroromantic. And you sound like you're not going to be at all happy with only the one aspect of him.  It's not an issue of can a bi man have a relationship with a gay man. It's an issue of what is your friend ACTUALLY looking for and are you filling in blanks in what he says with your own hopes?

[Km411]

On 3/28/2025 at 9:39 PM, purplekow said:

Since my wife passed, I still find mmany women sexually desirable but I have found that dating them is too much work and too restrictive and as a result, though I have had sexual relations with women over the last 15 years, I would not pursue a long term relationship with one.  Nowadays, I clearly prefer sex with men, as it is generally easier emotionally.

Very much agree with this. But have no regrets about earlier life choices.