Masseur freakout

[Nightowl]

I tried to book an erotic massage with a guy who advertised that as one of his offerings and he freaked when I asked for it, afraid that I was undercover.  He canceled the appointment I had and blocked me on the site.  There was nothing in the way I asked to scare him and there was nothing I asked for that he did not advertise.  His private pictures clearly suggested he was up for that kind of service.  Is there a special way to ask for an erotic massage that I don’t understand?  Is it better to wait until the appointment to make the request?  Special codewords or handshakes, perhaps?  Anyone else have similar experiences?

[+ sniper]

Eh I think just letting them know what site you found them on is clue enough as to what you are looking for. If they list the rate you could, I suppose, confirm that. In general, the more explicit you are the more likely you are to spook them. 

[+ sniper]

As for making it clear when you get there, declining any draping is also a signal.

[+ azdr0710]

you claim you asked in a non-threatening way, but it'd be nice if we could hear from the provider, too, of course (I know we probably won't).......

there is an art to making inquiries, sometimes, but we all have our own levels of comfort in this touchy business (no pun intended).......

[Callas]

I would just make a first 1-hr appt and go from there. My details freaked one guy once and almost canceled the appt, but we eventually met and he delivered beyond my requests.

 

Since then, i never ask for much in details until we meet in person.

[Nightowl]

15 minutes ago, azdr0710 said:

you claim you asked in a non-threatening way, but it'd be nice if we could hear from the provider, too, of course (I know we probably won't).......

there is an art to making inquiries, sometimes, but we all have our own levels of comfort in this touchy business (no pun intended).......

I texted and made the appointment in generic terms, then followed up with an email in rentmasseur saying that I also wanted erotic.  No details or specifics.  He did say another client spooked him about a lot of undercover cops on the site.  I couldn’t convince him I wasn’t one.  Kinda bummed me out because I did want to see the guy.  

[TonyDown]

21 minutes ago, azdr0710 said:

 

 

Tis true, some of us are more savvy how to approach the provider.

 

That said, most guidance I've read on this Website is to ask for what you want.  

Lastly, It is difficult to help you unless you share the texts and email you sent. 

Give some thought how you might tailor your communication next time to not creep out the provider.

[+ nycman]

When it comes to massage, I’m never explicit before the first meeting. I admit I do love the tension of "will he, won’t he", but you have to be prepared for serious frustration if it turns out "he won’t". Needless to say the “won’t“ guys don’t get rehired. One benefit of this approach is it gets you around the potential."spooking" of the therapist before you even meet.

[d.anders]

There is no special language. Some HE guys live with risk, while others get spooked easily. It's a coin toss. The term "erotic massage" implies an illegal service. Just because sites like RM (not located in the U.S.) offer the word "erotic" does not mean every provider is going to be OK with you putting that in writing. IMO, hiring a HE guy is always a gamble, because so many of them are not professional. They are guys posing as masseurs. The absolute best way to get what you want is to show up for an appointment and see if you get lucky. There are no guarantees, no matter how you parse the words.

Edited December 29, 2024 by d.anders

[pubic_assistance]

6 hours ago, nycman said:

When it comes to massage, I’m never explicit before the first meeting. I admit I do love the tension of "will he, won’t he", but you have to be prepared for serious frustration if it turns out "he won’t". Needless to say the “won’t“ guys don’t get rehired. One benefit of this approach is it gets you around the potential."spooking" of the therapist before you even meet.

^^ THIS ^^

 

[soloyo215]

There are many right and wrong ways of asking. Though others have pointed at the way you asked, I also have to point at the way the masseur takes your communication. I have been rejected by masseurs when I have inquired, and I have done it in the exact same way some here suggest, and pasting the exact same words in the initial text.

Is this the first time you reach out to a masseur? If not, has this time been differently in the way you initiated the conversation?

There's never going to be a perfect way of communicating.

As others suggest, look into the way you inquire, but also be aware that the masseur himself might take it differently than its original intent. There's no guarantee either way. I'd just move on to the next. Just make sure that your 50% of the conversation is right and adequate.

[pubic_assistance]

If they list erotic massage on their profile it's:

"Hi, I would like to book an hour session of erotic massage. How much is your rate for that? Thanks ".

 

[DunwoodyGuy]

PM me the masseur's name and I will reach out to him and inquire about his erotic massage. 

[Occasional]

On 12/29/2024 at 3:58 AM, Nightowl said:

tried to book an erotic massage with a guy who advertised that as one of his offerings and he freaked when I asked for it,

This might be an example of cognitive dissonance in the provider.

I've met a few full-service providers over the years who like to feel that they are 'different' from the 'usual' 'hookers/ sluts/ [insert choice of contemptuous epithet]'.  Sometimes this is based on them supposedly having a  'different attitude', sometimes on them being 'selective' who they see, sometimes on premium pricing.  And sometimes for no reason at all that I could discern!

Presenting oneself as a masseur, rather than a full-service provider, bolsters the 'not a hooker' mindframe, even if the advert talks about erotic massage. After all, what does that mean, exactly? The provider can tell himself that he's different, selective, yadda yadda, and that the client is booking - massage!  If more happens, the provider tells himself that it was because he chose to allow it to happen (which may not be so far from the reality, actually).

An enquirer explicitly seeking 'more' - so that 'more' is baked in before the client and provider even meet - is then like lobbing a grenade into the carefully cultivated, carefully defended, "I'm different" mindset.

 

Edited December 30, 2024 by Occasional
Typos

[Nightowl]

15 minutes ago, Occasional said:

This might be an example of cognitive dissonance in the provider.

I've met a few full-service providers over the years who like to feel that they are 'different' from the 'usual' 'hookers/ sluts/ [insert choice of contemptuous epithet]'.  Sometimes this is based on them supposedly having a  'different attitude', sometimes on them being 'selective' who they see, sometimes on premium pricing.  And sometimes for no reason at all that I could discern!

Presenting oneself as a masseur, rather than a full-service provider, bolsters the 'not a hooker' mindframe, even if the advert talks about erotic massage. After all, what does that mean, exactly? The provider can tell himself that he's different, selective, yadda yadda, and that the client is booking - massage!  If more happens, the provider tells himself that it was because he chose to allow it to happen (which may not be so far from the reality, actually).

An enquirer explicitly seeking 'more' - so that 'more' is baked in before the client and provider even meet - is then like lobbing a grenade into the carefully cultivated, carefully defended, "I'm different" mindset.

 

Wow.   Brilliant theory  Your last paragraph says it all

[Whippoorwill]

In part it goes back to who/how you are selecting. Here's what works for me. 

Is his ad on RentMasseur?

How much double entendre (or more) is in his text?

Does he also have an ad on RentMen?

Is he dressed/posed provocatively in his photos?

Do all or most of his reviews state the massage was "erotic"? What do the reviews say/imply went on?

I have found the more of these I can check off, the less likely there would be any question. 

If ever I have a doubt when trying someone new and want to be clear, my message will be "I would like to book an excellent __ minute therapeutic massage that is also sensual and erotic." 

Works for me. 

[Oakman]

On 12/28/2024 at 10:47 PM, nycman said:

When it comes to massage, I’m never explicit before the first meeting. I admit I do love the tension of "will he, won’t he", but you have to be prepared for serious frustration if it turns out "he won’t". Needless to say the “won’t“ guys don’t get rehired. One benefit of this approach is it gets you around the potential."spooking" of the therapist before you even meet.

Gosh, I just cannot imagine spending money for a “maybe” scenario where there’s a solid chance I’d go home sexually frustrated. 

[Callas]

6 hours ago, Oakman said:

Gosh, I just cannot imagine spending money for a “maybe” scenario where there’s a solid chance I’d go home sexually frustrated. 

i just love the thrill of the unknown 🤣 ofc, the guy should be eye candy enough  

[DunwoodyGuy]

On 12/30/2024 at 5:56 PM, Whippoorwill said:

If ever I have a doubt when trying someone new and want to be clear, my message will be "I would like to book an excellent __ minute therapeutic massage that is also sensual and erotic." 

Exactly. I just told another poster in a private message that I look for a masseur who advertises "erotic massage" and I look through his description and the reviews to get a sense of the session. If I get a good feeling about it, I ask him about booking 90 minutes not 60, because (to me, at least) that implies more commitment on my part, a higher rate for him, and a massage with a slower pace and more potential connection. At that point I say something like "I'm looking for a massage that mixes therapeutic techniques with erotic touch throughout not just at the end." If the masseur is comfortable with my questions, he will set a rate. If the session goes well, I tip 10-20% over the agreed fee.

[SthJrsy]

I mean I don't know what was said, but as a provider I will never go into detail over text with a new client. Also when potential clients start asing questions not relevant to the massage like age, hobbies, weight, etc, its an immediate block for me. Too many people want to chat and never book. Also, I am not risking my livelyhood. My best clients book if i seem like something they want, and experience the massage. You're also going to see a difference between a massuer and a straight up rent boy. 

Edited January 2 by SJrsySlut