Giving BJ

[aiseeya]

23 minutes ago, ApexNomad said:

A good provider knows how to create the ultimate fantasy, tapping into their client’s desires and emotions in a way that’s deeply fulfilling, personal and utterly unique. But above all, that time together should be a SAFE space. In large part, that’s what you’re paying for!

When a provider crosses into comments like the ones in Harlow’s post, it disrupts that safety—period!! They go beyond the fantasy and leave the client questioning the boundaries of their relationship. 

Compliments shrouded in hypotheticals AFTER an ESTABLISHED client-provider PAID experience do absolutely nothing for the client. They’re patronizing, at best. A professional understands the importance of boundaries—and crossing them is not just unprofessional, it’s damaging.

We simply have a very different views. To me, such comment is a mind game, but a pro move nonetheless. Professional to me simply means one is excellent at what they do - are they honest or ethical? Thts beside their competency.

I simply see that sort of comments as part of escorting business - so a provider excell at such game is a pro from my pov. Whether or not I be keen to participate in the game is another story.

[+ ApexNomad]

6 hours ago, blck37 said:

We simply have a very different views. To me, such comment is a mind game, but a pro move nonetheless. Professional to me simply means one is excellent at what they do - are they honest or ethical? Thts beside their competency.

I simply see that sort of comments as part of escorting business - so a provider excell at such game is a pro from my pov. Whether or not I be keen to participate in the game is another story.

It IS a mind game—and that’s precisely my issue. A truly skilled, respectful provider doesn’t need to imply personal interest or play games. They know how to create an unforgettable experience without crossing emotional boundaries or undermining the client’s trust. Those who do use these kinds of comments or exercise these tactics aren’t being professional—it just makes them douchebags.

[+ KensingtonHomo]

8 hours ago, blck37 said:

My regular would often reschedule his other clients to fit me in, but I wouldnt ever think he sees my anything more than a preferred client - akin of a priority customer at your bank. Doesnt mean your bank rep geniunely like you

Human beings are banks. Conflating businesses with individual services providers is really dehumanizing to the latter group. A provider can enjoy your company, even find you attractive, etc., and still provide a paid service. I've seen the same hairstylist for over 15 years. We've socialized. She compliments me. But I would never expect a free haircut. I've run into providers at clubs, concerts, restaurants, etc. We sometimes have a chat, sometimes not. 

A consistent theme on this forum is that sex work is held to a variety of different weird standards than other services. That's THE bad mindset. This creepy, puritanical society makes everyone have a warped view of sex. 

[+ ApexNomad]

2 hours ago, KensingtonHomo said:

Human beings are banks. Conflating businesses with individual services providers is really dehumanizing to the latter group. A provider can enjoy your company, even find you attractive, etc., and still provide a paid service. I've seen the same hairstylist for over 15 years. We've socialized. She compliments me. But I would never expect a free haircut. I've run into providers at clubs, concerts, restaurants, etc. We sometimes have a chat, sometimes not. 

A consistent theme on this forum is that sex work is held to a variety of different weird standards than other services. That's THE bad mindset. This creepy, puritanical society makes everyone have a warped view of sex. 

Human beings are human beings, and the context of our interactions matters significantly. In the realm of professional services, including those provided by escorts, the nature of the relationship is distinct and requires clear boundaries to ensure mutual respect and safety.

Just as I wouldn’t expect my doctor—who I am friendly and social with—to blur the lines of our professional relationship by implying, suggesting, or confusing personal interest, the same principle applies to providers.

When the provider sweet talks me WITHIN our time together, saying things like, “you’re so fucking hot! Just look at you! I want you. I want you. I wanna be inside you so bad. Show me them eyes when I go inside you. You’re mine and no one else’s!” or when it’s more tender and he places his hand on my face and enters me, “You’re so beautiful. I want you to know that. You feel that? This is what you do to me,” that’s awesome, my toes curl, and it’s great and understood WITHIN our shared moment. Never for a moment do I believe those feelings exist outside that time. It’s the talent of a very skilled provider that makes me enjoy the fantasy. Just like I enjoy the fantasy when my barber cuts my hair and makes me think I’m George Clooney.

However, if such comments were to be said OUTSIDE our shared moment (“you’re hot; I want you,” etc.), then we have a problem. Those kinds of remarks would confuse the dynamic and cross a line that I believe should remain clear.

[+ KensingtonHomo]

1 hour ago, ApexNomad said:

However, if such comments were to be said OUTSIDE our shared moment (“you’re hot; I want you,” etc.), then we have a problem. Those kinds of remarks would confuse the dynamic and cross a line that I believe should remain clear.

You're welcome to your preferred boundaries, as are we all. But not every provider is sweet. Talking to you out of the context of a session is not necessarily them craftiness or disingenuousness. I'm friendly with a couple of regulars on social land sometimes they make complimentary remarks or chat me up. I'm fairly cynical, so I can tell when I'm being gassed up versus when someone is genuine. 

[+ ApexNomad]

53 minutes ago, KensingtonHomo said:

You're welcome to your preferred boundaries, as are we all. But not every provider is sweet. Talking to you out of the context of a session is not necessarily them craftiness or disingenuousness. I'm friendly with a couple of regulars on social land sometimes they make complimentary remarks or chat me up. I'm fairly cynical, so I can tell when I'm being gassed up versus when someone is genuine. 

I’m friendly and social with a couple of regulars too, so I understand how much context matters. Based on previous threads, I believe you’re married? Comments like, “You’re really cute; I would definitely talk to you if you approached me” after a paid encounter can land very differently for a single gay man than they might for a married one. Context is everything.

Maintaining these boundaries is what keeps things enjoyable, professional, and uncomplicated.

[+ KensingtonHomo]

6 minutes ago, ApexNomad said:

Comments like, “You’re really cute; I would definitely talk to you if you approached me” after a paid encounter can land very differently for a single gay man than they might for a married one. Context is everything.

Yes, being married and mostly hiring together definitely changes the context. That's a good point. 

I do bristle at the "I would definitely talk to you if you approached me" type of comment. It suggests that the client doesn't think they can score sex with someone that attractive without paying. It's making a lot of assumptions. We primarily hire for convenience. Yes, we can get hookups on Grindr, but it's time consuming and they fall through. We also get a lot of attention online from much younger guys (like 20s) and that's really not our interest. So hiring keeps things clear and easy. Other guys hire because they're shy or socially awkward or they hate the apps. Or they don't want the complexities of seducing someone or they have a particular fantasy they want to try out. 

In short, I don't think it does providers any favors to assume people are hiring because of their looks. 

[FaustOust]

9 hours ago, ApexNomad said:

you’re so fucking hot! Just look at you! I want you. I want you. I wanna be inside you so bad. Show me them eyes when I go inside you. You’re mine and no one else’s!”

 

9 hours ago, ApexNomad said:

he places his hand on my face and enters me, “You’re so beautiful. I want you to know that. You feel that?

Ummm.  I’ll have what she’s having…

[SometimesBi]

On 11/2/2024 at 10:48 AM, harlow said:

or "You're really cute I would definitely talk to you if you approached me"

There's been a lot of discussion following this. May I suggest taking him up on the offer? Go back to the club where you first saw him (before you found he had a RM profile). Approach him and say "Hi!".

Does a conversation happen? If so, does he offer to go back with him? Push the limit ... say something like you weren't looking to hire tonight, but if he's still interested, take him up on the offer.

Better yet, pretend you never hired him. If enough time has passed since you hired him, he might not exactly remember you. This would really reveal if he was genuinely interested in you, or just looking for a new regular. 

[SometimesBi]

On 11/1/2024 at 1:21 PM, marylander1940 said:

If he can't cum you might leave 2 $20 bills less?

 

I feel like there's a reference/joke I'm missing here? 😥🤔 

[pubic_assistance]

On 11/2/2024 at 4:52 PM, ApexNomad said:

My advice is to try not to go into these situations thinking you’re out of someone’s league.

I can't imagine why I would WANT to hire someone who ISN'T "out of my league" ? 

I can get people IN my league for free ! 😆

[+ ApexNomad]

48 minutes ago, pubic_assistance said:

I can't imagine why I would WANT to hire someone who ISN'T "out of my league" ? 

I can get people IN my league for free ! 😆

I’m old enough to know that none of us really knows where we stand in someone else’s eyes. Thinking you’re “out of someone’s league” only sets you up to feel less than, even when the reality could be totally different. Going back to the original poster (and I’m paraphrasing here), the poster saw himself as an average, unassuming guy who hires providers he thinks are out of his league just for the experience.

But then he found out the provider genuinely enjoyed his company and thought he was a catch. So what good did that self-doubt do him? None. Confidence isn’t about settling—it’s about realizing your worth and lettinf that show. Not arrogance, but confidence. Going in with that mindset changes the entire experience—for you and the person you’re with.

And I’m also old enough to know that I’d never presume I could get anyone for free—more power to you!

[pubic_assistance]

11 minutes ago, ApexNomad said:

I’m old enough to know that none of us really knows where we stand in someone else’s eyes

I'm old enough to know the game by now.

I am well aware of what I can and can't get.

Anyone who's hitting on me, who's WAY out of my league, simply sees Sugar Daddy potential.

Which is well and good for single men to pursue...but I prefer to keep my relationships with my hires, friendly, professional and drama free.

Edited November 4, 2024 by pubic_assistance
spelling

[+ ApexNomad]

2 minutes ago, pubic_assistance said:

I'm old enough to know the game by now.

I am well aware of what I can and can't get.

Anyone who's hitting on how's WAY out of my league, sees Sugar Daddy potential. Which is well and good for single men to pursue...but I prefer to keep my relationships with my hires, friendly, professional and drama free.

Fair enough! Sounds like you know exactly what works for you and what doesn’t.

[pubic_assistance]

1 hour ago, ApexNomad said:

Sounds like you know exactly what works for you and what doesn’t.

I am possibly one of those people described above who doesn't necessarily NEED to pay. I also am not single...so really don't NEED to pay.

I hire because I am too old to have access to these incredibly beautiful young men who are out there today. If I need to PAY to get access to people who wouldn't otherwise hit me up, so be it !!

I don't mind a bit of flattery when it comes...but I don't buy into it and don't condemn a young man for trying to make me feel good. It's all part of the game. If I can make my paid-partner reach orgasm too...then all the better. I would never assume I am owed something for my part. It's not why I am there...but it IS why THEY are there ! 

[+ ApexNomad]

42 minutes ago, pubic_assistance said:

I am possibly one of those people described above who doesn't necessarily NEED to pay. I also am not single...so really don't NEED to pay.

I hire because I am too old to have access to these incredibly beautiful young men who are out there today. If I need to PAY to get access to people who wouldn't otherwise hit me up, so be it !!

I don't mind a bit of flattery when it comes...but I don't buy into it and don't condemn a young man for trying to make me feel good. It's all part of the game. If I can make my paid-partner reach orgasm too...then all the better. I would never assume I am owed something for my part. It's not why I am there...but it IS why THEY are there ! 

I completely agree with you about the importance of maintaining boundaries to keep the experience enjoyable, professional, and uncomplicated—I’ve emphasized this several times throughout the thread.

Where we might differ (which is fine of course) is on going into a paid encounter with the mindset that the provider is “out of your league.” I believe this mindset can impact your confidence in the time shared together, possibly making you feel inhibited or less desirable in the moment. I think that kills the mood. My advice is simply: don’t go there. Focus on enjoying the experience WITHIN that window and having fun. 

As I’ve previously mentioned, flattery outside that window can blur intentions and, depending on the context, feel ambiguous or even patronizing.

[+ ThroatCummer]

3 hours ago, ApexNomad said:

I’m old enough to know that none of us really knows where we stand in someone else’s eyes. Thinking you’re “out of someone’s league” only sets you up to feel less than, even when the reality could be totally different. Going back to the original poster (and I’m paraphrasing here), the poster saw himself as an average, unassuming guy who hires providers he thinks are out of his league just for the experience.

But then he found out the provider genuinely enjoyed his company and thought he was a catch. So what good did that self-doubt do him? None. Confidence isn’t about settling—it’s about realizing your worth and lettinf that show. Not arrogance, but confidence. Going in with that mindset changes the entire experience—for you and the person you’re with.

And I’m also old enough to know that I’d never presume I could get anyone for free—more power to you!

Very true. You should read my story in another thread. Nobody is out of anyone's league. Confidence is attractive as fuck. 

As far as reasons to hire, speaking to the rest of this thread, it's because my time is more valuable than money. I hired (and still do) because when I have an immediate need, wading through the apps is a shit show and it's just more efficient. 

 

 

 

[+ ApexNomad]

1 hour ago, ThroatCummer said:

Very true. You should read my story in another thread. Nobody is out of anyone's league. Confidence is attractive as fuck. 

As far as reasons to hire, speaking to the rest of this thread, it's because my time is more valuable than money. I hired (and still do) because when I have an immediate need, wading through the apps is a shit show and it's just more efficient. 

 

 

 

Much love and happiness to you both!

[jazeboy]

Thanks everyone for your responses

 

Maybe another way of asking my question is: would it be okay if I called him up and said "Hey, I'm in your neighborhood. Fancy a BJ?"

[pubic_assistance]

22 minutes ago, jazeboy said:

would it be okay if I called him up and said "Hey, I'm in your neighborhood. Fancy a BJ?"

Don't humiliate yourself.

[SirBillybob]

On 10/31/2024 at 5:42 PM, jazeboy said:

I am curious to know your thoughts on paying a provider when he also ends up having a good time. Especially if I want to arrange a second meeting. I rented a masseur and ended up blowing him ... which he seemed to really enjoy. (I did too, don't get me wrong!)

Ejaculating or not could cum down to the same thing in terms of the potential for sufficient arousal within the sexual response cycle. Unlike in unpaid hookups or personal relationships, he more likely stratifies the costs and benefits in such a way as to hold all the cards regarding progress to orgasm or inhibiting orgasm. Whether he actually blows ‘accidentally’ or with true subjective pleasure intention, a possible lapse in physical control finesse or in the contract, or a pre-existing or emergent urge, there is nothing but advantage for him to subtly or overtly impute to you that you were hot enough to govern it. 

In a transactional context orgasm may be monetized within the session or in terms of repeat booking advantages. In contrast, non-ejaculation may be monetized going forward to a subsequent booking in which situational orgasmic conservation will have had a role that day, or with a partner in which such occupational conservation may be subsequently relevant for intimacy.

The point is that absence of orgasm with you may represent no less inevitability for orgasm than if he hadn’t somehow truncated his arousal in order to regulate ejaculation, to the extent of his having mastered ejaculatory control. Labeling his ejaculation as a unique pleasurable outcome for him is overly simplistic because the transactional context uniquely dictates that outcum.

While in you he may have been no more no less into you according to whether his orgasm occurs. He holds the superpower majority, so let go of attempts at interpretation regarding your capability for being a turn-on and for considerations of its influence on exchange in kind. His ejaculation can only be an upsell because the broader client constituency both assumes it’s the penultimate aim of sexual satisfaction and is willing to pay for an illusory ego boost. 😏

Edited November 5, 2024 by SirBillybob

[MikeBiDude]

3 hours ago, jazeboy said:

Thanks everyone for your responses

 

Maybe another way of asking my question is: would it be okay if I called him up and said "Hey, I'm in your neighborhood. Fancy a BJ?"

Did you read all the replies to your original question?

[marylander1940]

4 hours ago, jazeboy said:

Thanks everyone for your responses

 

Maybe another way of asking my question is: would it be okay if I called him up and said "Hey, I'm in your neighborhood. Fancy a BJ?"

$

[SirBillybob]

4 hours ago, jazeboy said:

Maybe another way of asking my question is: would it be okay if I called him up and said "Hey, I'm in your neighborhood. Fancy a BJ?"

“Fancy a …”? Who are you?

[jazeboy]

On 11/5/2024 at 8:55 AM, pubic_assistance said:

Don't humiliate yourself.

I think that ship has sailed

I think I asked the wrong question / asked the question wrongly ... and have now made a fool of myself. I'll bow out of this conversation with the little grace I have left. I hope I can take part in future conversations on here without prejudice.

Thanks all for your responses.