A cautionary tale

[Rod Hagen]

6 hours ago, nycman said:

Chalk it up as a lesson.

"Neither a borrower nor a lender be;
For loan oft loses both itself and friend,
And borrowing dulls the edge of husbandry."

- Polonius, Hamlet Scene 1, Act 3

As I've tried to say every time someone pulls out that chestnut, that's just some shit a character said, poetically, to round out his character.  He's not real.  It's not like he's Suze Oreman (is she real? I know her teeth can't be, except maybe Real expensive).  It seems like a life lesson, and maybe it is to a degree, that doesn't mean it applies in all, many, most, situations.  

 

Edited May 2 by Rod Hagen

[+ nycman]

6 hours ago, Rod Hagen said:

As I've tried to say every time someone pulls out that chestnut, that's just some shit a character said, poetically, to round out his character.  He's not real.  It's not like he's Suze Oreman (is she real? I know her teeth can't be, except maybe Real expensive).  It seems like a life lesson, and maybe it is to a degree, that doesn't mean it applies in all, many, most, situations.  

 

How dare you question the wisdom of Shakespeare?!?!?

Troglodyte.

(and yes I had to look up the spelling of that word….what’s your point?)

grin

 

[+ purplekow]

You can heed good advice or not (in regard to the Shakespeare quote). In my case, I have never regretted refusing to lend someone money.  I have on occasion lent money that was more than I would want to lose but the situation was such that I was confident I would get it back.  In the three cases of which I am thinking I got the money back, only after having to ask for it several times.  That did leave me regretting ever having lent the money to start.  

[+ nycman]

As my father once said to me when I asked for a loan, "Son, if the bank doesn’t think you’re a good risk, why the fuck should I?"

He had a point and I learned a lesson.

Whenever someone asks me for a loan, I either say "no" or I give them the money and never expect it back. I will not ask nor hint to be repaid. I will however, never make another "loan" until the first one is repaid. 

So far that has worked for me. I’m not an ass about helping others. But I’m also not a sucker. And in general our friendships have remained intact. Whether or not they repaid me.

[marylander1940]

Good providers usually have money saved for a rainy day or CC they could use to pay rent, etc. 

[+ BenjaminNicholas]

17 hours ago, nycman said:

How dare you question the wisdom of Shakespeare?!?!?

Or, depending on your camp, the wisdom, wit and words of Marlowe.

[newdad]

16 hours ago, nycman said:

As my father once said to me when I asked for a loan, "Son, if the bank doesn’t think you’re a good risk, why the fuck should I?"

He had a point and I learned a lesson.

Whenever someone asks me for a loan, I either say "no" or I give them the money and never expect it back. I will not ask nor hint to be repaid. I will however, never make another "loan" until the first one is repaid. 

So far that has worked for me. I’m not an ass about helping others. But I’m also not a sucker. And in general our friendships have remained intact. Whether or not they repaid me.

[+ jessmapex]

While some providers are kind and good-hearted people, a majority are not. Many are "entrepreneurs" turned on only by the easy money. Others have figured a way to scam older, often mild-mannered, sensitive, and kind but vulnerable gay old men who are often lonely.

I have learned this lesson the hard way. 

Look out for yourselves out there, guys. Without money, nobody's gonna give a shit when you are old and frail.

Edited May 6 by jessmapex

[wsc]

On 5/2/2024 at 10:53 AM, Rod Hagen said:

As I've tried to say every time someone pulls out that chestnut, that's just some shit a character said, poetically, to round out his character.  He's not real.  It's not like he's Suze Oreman (is she real? I know her teeth can't be, except maybe Real expensive).  It seems like a life lesson, and maybe it is to a degree, that doesn't mean it applies in all, many, most, situations.  

 

But Aesop's Fables can still teach us valuable lessons, and even Bible stories make a valid point once in a while. But I do agree about Suze Orman's teeth; even the KKK isn't that white!

[SouthOfTheBorder]

2 hours ago, jessmapex said:

While some providers are kind and good-hearted people, a majority are not.

I disagree - I’ve found the opposite to be true in personal experience. 

It’s all about the selection process & treating people well, meaning providers are treated exactly like any other guest or person providing a personal service.  I also pay attention to what my instincts say - sometimes it’s just a look in the eyes that tells me no. 

there are some guys that go into this work thinking it’s easy money, with bad intentions or w overwhelming personal problems - they generally don’t last, are not well-reviewed and can be avoided.

I’ve never been asked for a loan by a provider.  If it happened, I wouldn’t hire that person again because it’s just unprofessional.  

get used to saying no to people for any unreasonable request or something that just makes you uncomfortable- makes life much easier. 

Edited May 6 by SouthOfTheBorder

[ICTJOCK]

Well you sound like a very kind and generous man.    It sounds like you went into with your eyes open.     I certainly am not going to be the least bit critical,  but to say I hope the provider  knows what a favor you had done him and  takes steps to  recognize it by showing his appreciation by repaying some of what you loaned him.    

 

You are a good man,  but please take care and don't put yourself at risk.

[+ Charlie]

I only loan money to old friends or to family members who I am sure need it. And I never loan more money than I can afford to lose. Years ago I "loaned" money to an aunt who needed it for legal help with a family problem, but I told her to pay me back only if she could; she never did. Last year I offered to loan a substantial sum to a longtime friend who I knew was in financial difficulty, so I told her to ask if she needed it, and she hesitated for a few days before finally asking. I suspected she would not be able to pay me back, and in fact it was several months before she repaid me. I then learned that she had sold a valuable artwork that she loved in order to repay me, so when she asked me for another loan recently, I gave it, because I knew that even though she would have difficulty repaying me, she will eventually if she can, and if not, I will just write it off as a gift.

[newdad]

22 hours ago, jessmapex said:

Look out for yourselves out there, guys. Without money, nobody's gonna give a shit when you are old and frail.

Hard pill to swallow. Aint' that the truth.

That other side of the coin is: Nobody's gonna give a shit to a provider if they're not young and hot.

[+ APPLE1]

On 5/1/2024 at 7:45 PM, Rick M said:

As counterpoint to my original story, I should add that I have given smaller, short-term loans to another provider, which he paid back faithfully. I have also paid off the automobile loans of two different boyfriends and allowed them to repay me in installments with lower interest rates. The success of these exercises may have influenced my attitude in the present case. 

I hope the counterpoint affects you more than the original post. And don't get me wrong, I am not saying that you should go forward giving away money willy nilly.

I can say though, that the money, influence, and time I've given/lent to those I cared about in my life has rewarded me. The times I have been burned on the deal aren't significant enough to overshadow the times it worked out well.

Edited May 10 by APPLE1

[dbar123]

You did a good deed. 
It will someday come back to you in delayed karma, but not from your provider.

Stop banging your head against a fake wall on this one. Give up trying to contact him and move on.  He defines “ingratitude “ and doesn’t deserve your further attention.

[Client1985]

In my early 20's I lent money to a close friend; approx $500. She stated she'd pay me on a specific date. That day came and went. Almost a year later I was repaid. It certainly fractured our friendship. Not b/c of the money, it was the... I promise I'll pay you on this date, then nothing.

This was the only time I lent someone money. Made it easier to say no.  Years later she asked to borrow money. I replied, I learned long ago not to lend money.... 

[newdad]

On 5/13/2024 at 10:09 PM, dbar123 said:

Stop banging your head against a fake wall on this one. Give up trying to contact him and move on.  He defines “ingratitude “ and doesn’t deserve your further attention.

The guy obviously has feelings for the other guy. This is not about money. If you hire escorts recreationally, suffice to say you can easily recoup lost money. This is about being ghosted by someone you devoted attention and energy on—and that shit stings.

[MikeBiDude]

Kind of ironic, I was just going to post in the Deli about a new provider I’d found on RM. Had a good visit with him, thought I’d promote him a bit.

Then, he’s peppering me with multiple requests for a next meet, and today he asks me for $1500 for 5 future visits. 🤣 So, yeah I won’t recommend him and he’s blocked from my phone.

[56harrisond]

3 minutes ago, MikeBiDude said:

Kind of ironic, I was just going to post in the Deli about a new provider I’d found on RM. Had a good visit with him, thought I’d promote him a bit.

Then, he’s peppering me with multiple requests for a next meet, and today he asks me for $1500 for 5 future visits. 🤣 So, yeah I won’t recommend him and he’s blocked from my phone.

You should still post about him, but the promotion will no longer be beneficial to him.

[Rod Hagen]

If you can give, give instead of lending. There.

But what I've found interesting about the original post is the escort's ghosting of his friend, presumably because he feels awkward.  It's become more and more common for people to allow awkward feelings to prevent them from doing what they should do.  Young adults don't write post-graduation gift thank you letters anymore because, what, they feel "funny" about it? Parents should insist.  How often do you hear people say that they "Just can't" visit this or that loved one in the hospital or assisted care facility because it's just "too difficult"?  What the fuck?  Difficult?  I can guarantee you that no matter how "difficult" a 20 minute visit to a medical facility may be, it's INFIINTELY harder for the patient, because they are stuck there.  Man up.  Too difficult.  Jesus Christ, watch South Park for an hour when you get back home, compartmentalize, you'll be fine.

Edited Saturday at 02:17 PM by Rod Hagen

[Rod Hagen]

On 5/2/2024 at 6:39 PM, nycman said:

As my father once said to me when I asked for a loan, "Son, if the bank doesn’t think you’re a good risk, why the fuck should I?"

What the fuck kinda response is that? Unless I were in a real shit mood, I wouldn't likely speak that coldly to a stranger, but to your own son?

That kind of arch bravado comes from not actually understanding that taunting a drowning man doesn't teach resilience. 

 

(took me five edits to come up with that last sentence, and I left in the split infinitive purposely.)

Edited Saturday at 03:35 PM by Rod Hagen

[socurious]

Damn.

[newdad]

3 hours ago, Rod Hagen said:

If you can give, give instead of lending. There.

You're missing the point. OP has no problem whether giving or lending. He's paying escorts for recreational fun, which means he can easily recoup lost money. OP has feelings for the other guy, and the guy has now ghosted him. The attention, devotion, and time that OP gave to the provider and was never returned is what hurts the most.

[+ nycman]

2 hours ago, Rod Hagen said:

That kind of arch bravado comes from not actually understanding that taunting a drowning man doesn't teach resilience. 

 But it does make excellent grist for hours of therapy…..

grin

[Rod Hagen]

On 5/18/2024 at 10:27 AM, newdad said:

You're missing the point. OP has no problem whether giving or lending. He's paying escorts for recreational fun, which means he can easily recoup lost money. OP has feelings for the other guy, and the guy has now ghosted him. The attention, devotion, and time that OP gave to the provider and was never returned is what hurts the most.

clearly, I was generalizing about instances people, not specifically the OP, were inclined to lend. 

And I addressed the OP's hurt feelings, and ghosting more broadly, in previous posts w/in this thread.