Providers, how do you get laid outside of client relationships?

[caramelsub]

How do providers find guys for hooking up, outside of clients paying you? Do you go on the hookup apps? I know most escorts don’t hire other escorts, so if they are getting laid for free, where do you go to meet other guys for NSA hookups? Or are most providers in long term open relationships? 

[marylander1940]

31 minutes ago, caramelsub said:

How do providers find guys for hooking up, outside of clients paying you? Do you go on the hookup apps? I know most escorts don’t hire other escorts, so if they are getting laid for free, where do you go to meet other guys for NSA hookups? Or are most providers in long term open relationships? 

Grindr just like most gay men. 

A few might hire.... never met anyone who does it because usually they get quality guys for free. They can always reach out to others get to know them and sparks might happen. 

Many of the questions you're asking depend on a case by case and also change as time goes by.

Edited November 29, 2023 by marylander1940

[caramelsub]

42 minutes ago, marylander1940 said:

Grindr just like most gay men. 

I figured that, but I always assumed that escorts don’t go on Grindr because people would think they are looking for generous clients. And I know hiring for escorts is specifically banned on Grindr and other hookup apps. So I wasn’t sure. That’s why I posed the question, if escorts aren’t on Grindr how do they find hookups for nsa fun or do they even do free hookups. 🤔 

[marylander1940]

24 minutes ago, caramelsub said:

I figured that, but I always assumed that escorts don’t go on Grindr because people would think they are looking for generous clients. And I know hiring for escorts is specifically banned on Grindr and other hookup apps. So I wasn’t sure. That’s why I posed the question, if escorts aren’t on Grindr how do they find hookups for nsa fun or do they even do free hookups. 🤔 

I know one who does but doesn't show his face and sends it only when he's interested, he also blocks clients if he hinds them online right away to avoid problems. 

Edited November 29, 2023 by marylander1940

[jeezifonly]

I bet there’s been plenty of meet-cute stories we don’t hear about. 

Hey, Hallmark! 
A new set of storylines to be explored…

 

 

[Simon Suraci]

My personal sex life is a casualty of being in this biz. It’s one of the tough costs of doing this work that clients fortunately don’t have to think about. The question for me is not how, but if I do it at all.

Oftentimes I lack desire for sexual intimacy outside work for a number of reasons:

1) At any given time, I’m emotionally and sexually spent, and can’t do any more if I wanted to. I would have to do double duty work of advocating for my own needs in addition to (yet again) focusing on others’ needs in order attract their interest and commitment to meet. I don’t hire, but I see the appeal. I’d rather have someone focus on my needs and not their own for a change.

2) Opportunity costs. I’m concerned that wasting my mojo on something unpaid may affect my ability to provide a stellar experience for the next client. That next client may only be willing to request a same day appointment. I have to be ready, or prepared to miss out on that income I need to make my life work.

3) there’s the psychological mind fuck dynamic of: “I could be getting paid $XXX for this right now and I’m giving it away for free.”  Almost like volunteering your professional skills and time for an uncharitable cause. My personal fulfillment in the experience has to exceed that psychological barrier by so much that I can let it go and actually enjoy myself. That’s a tall order, at least for me.

4) I have no time, patience, or energy for it. I could spend weeks on apps and never get anywhere. Lots of frogs out there. I know because I use apps for work and man, it’s pretty bleak. What little time left I have outside work is better spent on other things.

5) Clients are all over the apps. It would be a nightmare trying to manage who’s blocked, who’s a client, who’s a potential client that I just don’t know yet. People know what I do and want to hire me or talk about work on the app, or spend chat time comparing hiring with hookups as if they are exactly the same thing. Boring. Then there’s worrying about presenting yourself the wrong way and losing clients because of it…it’s all just too much to manage. 

6) STIs. The fewer encounters I have, the less likely I will be to contract or transmit an STI. I constantly consider my clients and want them to feel comfortable that I’m not being unnecessarily reckless. I have way less sex compared to many of my non-provider peers, even though this is my job. My clients, on average, aren’t having that much multiple partner sex either, but it varies. When I’m out of commission due to recovery time from clearing an STI, that’s lost income. So yeah, it’s a cost to consider, and one I want to minimize.

7) Few people are worth my time.

😎 I have a partner. His needs come first after work obligations. Recreational activity is necessarily limited to the periods we decide we’re open. So…the preceding points notwithstanding, it ain’t gonna happen when we’re not open anyway!

9) Considering all the above, the planets will sooner align before I get some off the clock.

So my answer is: I just don’t. The deck is stacked, at least for me. Then again I’m sure other providers don’t put as much thought into all this as I do, and they’re probably better for it. 

[EastbayMike]

I've run into escorts and masseurs at bath houses,  sex clubs, and naked house parties so I assume they hook up just like the rest of us. 

[caramelsub]

56 minutes ago, Simon Suraci said:

My personal sex life is a casualty of being in this biz. It’s one of the tough costs of doing this work that clients fortunately don’t have to think about. The question for me is not how, but if I do it at all.

Oftentimes I lack desire for sexual intimacy outside work for a number of reasons:

1) At any given time, I’m emotionally and sexually spent, and can’t do any more if I wanted to. I would have to do double duty work of advocating for my own needs in addition to (yet again) focusing on others’ needs in order attract their interest and commitment to meet. I don’t hire, but I see the appeal. I’d rather have someone focus on my needs and not their own for a change.

2) Opportunity costs. I’m concerned that wasting my mojo on something unpaid may affect my ability to provide a stellar experience for the next client. That next client may only be willing to request a same day appointment. I have to be ready, or prepared to miss out on that income I need to make my life work.

3) there’s the psychological mind fuck dynamic of: “I could be getting paid $XXX for this right now and I’m giving it away for free.”  Almost like volunteering your professional skills and time for an uncharitable cause. My personal fulfillment in the experience has to exceed that psychological barrier by so much that I can let it go and actually enjoy myself. That’s a tall order, at least for me.

4) I have no time, patience, or energy for it. I could spend weeks on apps and never get anywhere. Lots of frogs out there. I know because I use apps for work and man, it’s pretty bleak. What little time left I have outside work is better spent on other things.

5) Clients are all over the apps. It would be a nightmare trying to manage who’s blocked, who’s a client, who’s a potential client that I just don’t know yet. People know what I do and want to hire me or talk about work on the app, or spend chat time comparing hiring with hookups as if they are exactly the same thing. Boring. Then there’s worrying about presenting yourself the wrong way and losing clients because of it…it’s all just too much to manage. 

6) STIs. The fewer encounters I have, the less likely I will be to contract or transmit an STI. I constantly consider my clients and want them to feel comfortable that I’m not being unnecessarily reckless. I have way less sex compared to many of my non-provider peers, even though this is my job. My clients, on average, aren’t having that much multiple partner sex either, but it varies. When I’m out of commission due to recovery time from clearing an STI, that’s lost income. So yeah, it’s a cost to consider, and one I want to minimize.

7) Few people are worth my time.

😎 I have a partner. His needs come first after work obligations. Recreational activity is necessarily limited to the periods we decide we’re open. So…the preceding points notwithstanding, it ain’t gonna happen when we’re not open anyway!

9) Considering all the above, the planets will sooner align before I get some off the clock.

So my answer is: I just don’t. The deck is stacked, at least for me. Then again I’m sure other providers don’t put as much thought into all this as I do, and they’re probably better for it. 

True with number 3. That is what I was thinking. Why would an escort hookup with someone for free even if the other guy were hot and sexy, when they can get paid to hookup with someone.

Edited November 30, 2023 by caramelsub

[Simon Suraci]

18 minutes ago, caramelsub said:

True with number 3. That is what I was thinking. Why would an escort hookup with someone for free even if the other guy were hot and sexy, when they can get paid to hookup with someone.

Hiring and hookups are not the same thing at all. The dynamics and motivations are different. Who you choose (and the fact that the provider is choosing at all) and why you’re engaged is completely different.

The only thing that may be the same is the fact that you’re performing certain acts. It’s more difficult to square that when you know you could be investing the same energy but get paid for it

A provider’s enjoyment may be much greater with someone he mutually chooses, and for mutual satisfaction rather than only focusing on someone else’s needs. The needs focus is true no matter how attractive the client is to the provider. With hookups, meeting needs goes both ways.

[Guest]

2 hours ago, Simon Suraci said:

My personal sex life is a casualty of being in this biz. It’s one of the tough costs of doing this work that clients fortunately don’t have to think about. The question for me is not how, but if I do it at all.

Oftentimes I lack desire for sexual intimacy outside work for a number of reasons:

1) At any given time, I’m emotionally and sexually spent, and can’t do any more if I wanted to. I would have to do double duty work of advocating for my own needs in addition to (yet again) focusing on others’ needs in order attract their interest and commitment to meet. I don’t hire, but I see the appeal. I’d rather have someone focus on my needs and not their own for a change.

2) Opportunity costs. I’m concerned that wasting my mojo on something unpaid may affect my ability to provide a stellar experience for the next client. That next client may only be willing to request a same day appointment. I have to be ready, or prepared to miss out on that income I need to make my life work.

3) there’s the psychological mind fuck dynamic of: “I could be getting paid $XXX for this right now and I’m giving it away for free.”  Almost like volunteering your professional skills and time for an uncharitable cause. My personal fulfillment in the experience has to exceed that psychological barrier by so much that I can let it go and actually enjoy myself. That’s a tall order, at least for me.

4) I have no time, patience, or energy for it. I could spend weeks on apps and never get anywhere. Lots of frogs out there. I know because I use apps for work and man, it’s pretty bleak. What little time left I have outside work is better spent on other things.

5) Clients are all over the apps. It would be a nightmare trying to manage who’s blocked, who’s a client, who’s a potential client that I just don’t know yet. People know what I do and want to hire me or talk about work on the app, or spend chat time comparing hiring with hookups as if they are exactly the same thing. Boring. Then there’s worrying about presenting yourself the wrong way and losing clients because of it…it’s all just too much to manage. 

6) STIs. The fewer encounters I have, the less likely I will be to contract or transmit an STI. I constantly consider my clients and want them to feel comfortable that I’m not being unnecessarily reckless. I have way less sex compared to many of my non-provider peers, even though this is my job. My clients, on average, aren’t having that much multiple partner sex either, but it varies. When I’m out of commission due to recovery time from clearing an STI, that’s lost income. So yeah, it’s a cost to consider, and one I want to minimize.

7) Few people are worth my time.

😎 I have a partner. His needs come first after work obligations. Recreational activity is necessarily limited to the periods we decide we’re open. So…the preceding points notwithstanding, it ain’t gonna happen when we’re not open anyway!

9) Considering all the above, the planets will sooner align before I get some off the clock.

So my answer is: I just don’t. The deck is stacked, at least for me. Then again I’m sure other providers don’t put as much thought into all this as I do, and they’re probably better for it. 

I think you could use a hug; if I were anywhere nearby….

[blck37]

They have sex with other hot guys (who are unlikely hiring). 

[Jamie21]

I don’t have much of a sex life outside of work!  I agree with @Simon SuraciDoing sex work does indeed make your recreational sex life difficult. I recognise all those reasons he cites: The feeling of thinking “I could be being paid for this” is a strong one, as is trying to keep ‘fresh’ for client meetings. 

Sometimes I go to sex parties and that’s an opportunity for ‘off the clock’ sex which is nice but still there’s the feeling that it’s ‘work’. I almost said to one guy after a hookup at a party “how would you like to pay?” 😂.

One of the motivations for going to sex parties is because of the opportunity to meet guys who are keen to be in porn films I make, so even that is motivated by work. Doing sex work definitely changes your sex life. 

 

 

[+ BenjaminNicholas]

19 hours ago, caramelsub said:

How do providers find guys for hooking up, outside of clients paying you? Do you go on the hookup apps? 

Grindr, gym, airport lounges, social media followers, the paper towel aisle at Target.

We have a wide variety of opportunity.

Private sex is as important as paid sex.  You have to keep a balance so you don't bork a healthy mindset.

[caramelsub]

32 minutes ago, BenjaminNicholas said:

Grindr, gym, airport lounges, social media followers, the paper towel aisle at Target.

We have a wide variety of opportunity.

Private sex is as important as paid sex.  You have to keep a balance so you don't bork a healthy mindset.

I know that there is this stereotype that most clients are unattractive, old, out of shape, and can’t get laid unless they pay someone. But if you found a client hot enough would you ever hit them up for a non paid hookup? I’m not specifically talking to you, this question is for other providers as well. 🙂

[pubic_assistance]

20 minutes ago, caramelsub said:

If you found a client hot enough would you ever hit them up for a non paid hookup?

I used to see a cute young guy for Thai massage twice a month. In-between sessions we would meet up for (off-the-clock) sex. I was twice his age but he claimed he was only attracted to "daddy" type men. Otherwise he dated women his own age with the hope of marriage some day.

[MikeThomas]

2 hours ago, BenjaminNicholas said:

Grindr, gym, airport lounges, social media followers, the paper towel aisle at Target.

We have a wide variety of opportunity.

Private sex is as important as paid sex.  You have to keep a balance so you don't bork a healthy mindset.

It looks like you are planning a November blog update!

[Guest]

Damn, I want gym, airport lounge, social media follower, and paper towel aisle at Target sex, and am willing to pay for it. I guess I fall into the client stereotype because that’s never happened 😆 The best (or worst?) of this forum is realizing all the thrilling possibilities!

[Daniel84]

10 hours ago, Jamie21 said:

I don’t have much of a sex life outside of work!  I agree with @Simon SuraciDoing sex work does indeed make your recreational sex life difficult. I recognise all those reasons he cites: The feeling of thinking “I could be being paid for this” is a strong one, as is trying to keep ‘fresh’ for client meetings. 

Sometimes I go to sex parties and that’s an opportunity for ‘off the clock’ sex which is nice but still there’s the feeling that it’s ‘work’. I almost said to one guy after a hookup at a party “how would you like to pay?” 😂.

One of the motivations for going to sex parties is because of the opportunity to meet guys who are keen to be in porn films I make, so even that is motivated by work. Doing sex work definitely changes your sex life. 

 

 

I won't open a onlyfans, or do porn ect. It will close so many doors it will close. I did porn 10 years ago. Would like to get into politics that dream will never happen. 

I am married to a escort. I wish we had more sex  but at the end of the day we don't want to see a penis or a ass lol. We Jack off together and do other things but rarely anal. When we do have a day or 2 off we are busy with friends or traveling. 

Soon I will pull back ( no pun intended o

) on escorting. I don't do T and will never but 6 out of 10 clients want to do it. It's not my scene and having lost 3 friends to fentanyl laced T. I decided if I lose clients so be it I don't want to be around it. 

I also opened a store front photography studio and my main focus will be photography and massage with escorting on the side. 

I do love what I do and love having happy clients 

[Jamie21]

9 minutes ago, Daniel84 said:

I won't open a onlyfans, or do porn ect. It will close so many doors it will close. I did porn 10 years ago. Would like to get into politics that dream will never happen. 

I am married to a escort. I wish we had more sex  but at the end of the day we don't want to see a penis or a ass lol. We Jack off together and do other things but rarely anal. When we do have a day or 2 off we are busy with friends or traveling. 

Soon I will pull back ( no pun intended o

) on escorting. I don't do T and will never but 6 out of 10 clients want to do it. It's not my scene and having lost 3 friends to fentanyl laced T. I decided if I lose clients so be it I don't want to be around it. 

I also opened a store front photography studio and my main focus will be photography and massage with escorting on the side. 

I do love what I do and love having happy clients 

I don’t show my face on the Onlyfans, which does impact on the number of subscribers but that’s ok, I get plenty of subscribers and the revenue is welcome. I’ve got a back catalogue of over 100 films on there so it’s kind of a passive income to supplement my other work. 

I’ve never done any drugs, and I don’t see clients who are wanting to use drugs (they can use poppers). 
 

[Daniel84]

9 minutes ago, Jamie21 said:

I don’t show my face on the Onlyfans, which does impact on the number of subscribers but that’s ok, I get plenty of subscribers and the revenue is welcome. I’ve got a back catalogue of over 100 films on there so it’s kind of a passive income to supplement my other work. 

I’ve never done any drugs, and I don’t see clients who are wanting to use drugs (they can use poppers). 
 

I'm covered in tattoos so no hiding who I am lol

[DamizzonNYC]

18 hours ago, BenjaminNicholas said:

Grindr, gym, airport lounges, social media followers, the paper towel aisle at Target.

We have a wide variety of opportunity.

Private sex is as important as paid sex.  You have to keep a balance so you don't bork a healthy mindset.

I heartily agree with this.  I definitely get off on paid sex.  It's a very real part of my sexuality.  But there are other slices of the larger pie I can't live without.  I have a strong need to balance paid sex with other kinds as well.

I don't pay escorts, but I'm happy to walk in to a spa for a sensual massage.  No better way to just relax and let someone else take care of you.

[CuriousByNature]

16 hours ago, Daniel84 said:

I'm covered in tattoos so no hiding who I am lol

If you feel you have a calling for politics or public service, try not to let your past choices determine your future possibilities.  While I imagine the road could be very difficult, if you have the inner strength to navigate the public criticisms and judgements, then I would encourage you to follow your dreams.  And if holding public office does not become a reality, your lived experiences could probably help you become very successful in advocacy work.

[+ KensingtonHomo]

1 hour ago, CuriousByNature said:

If you feel you have a calling for politics or public service, try not to let your past choices determine your future possibilities.  While I imagine the road could be very difficult, if you have the inner strength to navigate the public criticisms and judgements, then I would encourage you to follow your dreams.  And if holding public office does not become a reality, your lived experiences could probably help you become very successful in advocacy work.

I agree. I think we need sex workers to run for office and win. There are a few who have run. So I wouldn't assume that will prohibit you. It may also depend on where you're planning to run. In NYC it probably won't stop you but in Texas, it would.