Dating a closeted bi man…

[pubic_assistance]

12 minutes ago, Michael PhD said:

My experience would challenge your statement. Don’t have the data to make a conclusion but would just point out that our experiences do not align so your statement may be true for you and mine true for me. 

Yes.

I appreciate hearing other people's experiences as mine is, of course, anecdotal.

I would, however say I find the subject fascinating so I have had more than a few conversations on the topic..and I know a LOT of bisexual men with children. When I have the opportunity to chat with gay men I always try to wind the conversation in a direction to inquire about their relationship with their father.

So my opinion is not based on a gigantic research project but it is based on 30 years of observations within my own social circles. Which in NYC are somewhat multicultural and economically varied.

I suppose it is possible to be bisexual and make the same mistakes your own father made. I know my boys had all the love and affection a child could get because I suffered a distant father myself.

 

[pubic_assistance]

7 minutes ago, Km411 said:

I don’t doubt your observation, but, it leads to the conclusion that homosexuality is caused at least in part by emotional neglect. I don’t think that’s true.

OK.

But maybe a little research will change your mind, because it is an often referenced psychological analysis of homosexual behavior.

"Born-this-way" is political/ not scientific

[Michael PhD]

Just now, pubic_assistance said:

Yes.

I appreciate hearing other people's experiences as mine is, of course, anecdotal.

I would, however say I find the subject fascinating so I have had more than a few conversations on the topic..and I know a LOT of bisexual men with children. When I have the opportunity to chat with gay men I always try to wind the conversation in a direction to inquire about their relationship with their father.

So my opinion is not based on a gigantic research project but it is based on 30 years of observations within my own social circles. Which in NYC are somewhat multicultural and economically varied.

I suppose it is possible to be bisexual and make the same mistakes your own father made. I know my boys had all the love and affection a child could get because I suffered a distant father myself.

 

Appreciate hearing your perspective. I’ve gotten good recommendations on how to handle the situation. This current topic about relationships between a son and father albeit tangentially related to what I am dealing with does not apply specifically to me (maybe something the two of them need to explore) so not much I can add but thanks for chiming in @pubic_assistance! 

[Guest]

5 minutes ago, pubic_assistance said:

OK.

But maybe a little research will change your mind, because it is an often referenced psychological analysis of homosexual behavior.

"Born-this-way" is political/ not scientific

Thanks, I’ll look into it. Agree also that this probably better explored and discussed on a different thread.

[pubic_assistance]

2 minutes ago, Michael PhD said:

This current topic about relationships between a son and father albeit tangentially related to what I am dealing with does not apply specifically to me

Then maybe you didn't understand my point. Because it was very much, directed toward the narrative that you shared.

A bisexual man raising a homosexual son should know better than to direct his son's sexual partner to "dump him".

If my son took up with a buddy of mine, then I'd be comforted in knowing he was enjoying the company of a good person and happy knowing he was being offered mature mentorship in his sexual explorations. I would be the one to step away. Not deny my child access to a positive role model.

 

[Michael PhD]

Just now, pubic_assistance said:

Then maybe you didn't understand my point. Because it was very much, directed toward the narrative that you shared.

A bisexual man raising a homosexual son should know better than to direct his son's sexual partner to "dump him".

If my son took up with a buddy of mine, then I'd be comforted in knowing he was enjoying the company of a good person and happy knowing he was being offered mature mentorship in his sexual explorations. I would be the one to step away. Not deny my child access to a positive role model.

 

I understood your point. Again, it does not apply to me. I can’t make anyone do anything. My question was how I should handle this. And I’ve gotten sound advice. Thanks for your input and the time you spent reading this. 

[pubic_assistance]

27 minutes ago, Michael PhD said:

. I can’t make anyone do anything.

Forgive my misunderstanding.

I was under the impression you had more of an influential relationship with this person.

 

 

 

[Michael PhD]

19 hours ago, Michael PhD said:

My bi buddy isn’t out and I don’t plan on outing him by telling his son that I know his dad in that way. He’s upset and hasn’t talked to me after this all came out and I promised I wouldn’t see his son again. 

@pubic_assistance, I don’t have influence anymore…

[pubic_assistance]

1 minute ago, Michael PhD said:

19 hours ago, Michael PhD said:

He’s upset and hasn’t talked to me after this all came out and I promised I wouldn’t see his son again. 

@pubic_assistance, I don’t have influence anymore…

Strange behavior.

 

 

 

[+ sniper]

??. It's still only relatively recently that it's the norm for gay people to be out, and I think bi men are more likely overall to be in the closest because they have something to lose - namely, a wife. Plenty of gay boys these days have perfectly supportive dads.

[soloyo215]

On 11/17/2023 at 2:42 PM, Michael PhD said:

Is it wrong to continue seeing them both without letting the other know? My head says I should stop but I’m hoping some can convince me it’s not as bad as I’ve made it out to be…

Yes, it's wrong if you have a sense of caring or decency towards your relationship with the father. You might have to choose if he's not ok with you seeing his son. That is, if you are a person of integrity. If you're not and you are ok with lying to the father and continue seeing them both, then by all means. It all boils down to your personal morals and values.

Personally I don't play games with people, and I value the meaning of my words, especially when it comes to relationships (casual or otherwise), but that's what I'd do. Other people find it exciting to be involved with both and keeping it that way.

Best wishes.

[MscleLovr]

22 hours ago, Michael PhD said:

My buddy’s son and I have met for almost 3 years. We are more than fuck buddies. Friends at minimum.…Doesn’t feel right to ghost him. Doesn’t feel right to lie. Doesn’t feel right to not share something to help him understand. 

FWIW I’d simply say to the son that you’ve now met someone, a man older than him, who is rather jealous and doesn’t want you seeing anyone else.

Explain to the son that he’s done nothing wrong. You just have to sever contact while you’re exploring a relationship with this man. Express the hope that he’ll find another nice guy or a boyfriend.…and perhaps add that over time, things may change.

[Redwine56]

10 hours ago, Michael PhD said:

I understood your point. Again, it does not apply to me. I can’t make anyone do anything. My question was how I should handle this. And I’ve gotten sound advice. Thanks for your input and the time you spent reading this. 

It never came up in the course of this discussion as to whether the son is a minor.  Although it may not change the dynamics of the situation, I feel If the son is an adult, he may be better able to deal with the let down.  I would be concerned to back away slowly as this will be an enormous disappointment to the kid.  He will feel as if he did something wrong.  Not an easy solution.

[pubic_assistance]

42 minutes ago, Redwine56 said:

I feel If the son is an adult, he may be better able to deal with the let down. 

If the son is an adult he doesn't need to do what his father says nor does @Michael PhD since they are.no longer speaking. So I see no reason to dump the son if the father is already being an asshole.about the whole thing.

(This is all assuming any of this actually happened, because the whole story seems a bit off to me ).

 

[+ purplekow]

On 11/18/2023 at 2:27 PM, purplekow said:

Doing the "right" thing and doing what is right for oneself frequently are two different things.  

OP could always opt for the bold thing and tell his long time FB  that he enjoys the FB's son and OP wishes to continue to see him and his son and it is the FB's choice to continue their relationship or not.  He could also tell the son, I know your father and if that is a problem then the decision is yours to make.  IF the son asks how the OP knows his father, he should tell him he needs to speak to his father about that.  Everything is out in the open and everyone can make his own choice and not make choices for others.  Ah the drama of it all.  

But before any of this, the OP needs to contact Bravo with a treatment for this.   I would go with either

All in the Family or Not.  

 Family Matters or Does it.  

Family Ties and Unties  

Family Affair  ??? 

Family Feud   

Sanford and Son (Names have been changed to protect the Guilty)

Son of Anarchy

Friends  With Benefits

Yours Mine but Not Ours

 

 

[+ purplekow]

On 11/18/2023 at 4:10 PM, wsc said:

Stop saying cut it off before someone actually does; this whole thing could get ugly.

I'd love to know what Dear Abby thinks about this, but I assume that when she read the original post, she fainted. This is an unfortunate mess, with no one at fault, and a rare case of two rights making a wrong. I'll adopt a rule that if it smells icky, and looks icky, and sounds icky, it's probably icky. So, walk away before icky gets sticky. 

BTW, will father and son see each other at Thanksgiving? I'd like to buy a seat for that.

I am assuming that as the OP asked the question, the easy solution of dumping one or the other or both is kind of off the table.  Otherwise just pick the flavor you like the most and end the situation with the other.  The main reason for asking it would seem to me is that he wants to keep things going with both.  

[Michael PhD]

24 minutes ago, pubic_assistance said:

If the son is an adult he doesn't need to do what his father says nor does @Michael PhD since they are.no longer speaking. So I see no reason to dump the son if the father is already being an asshole.about the whole thing.

(This is all assuming any of this actually happened, because the whole story seems a bit off to me ).

 

Yes, you’ve made that suggestion a couple times… thanks for your continued interest none the less. 

[marylander1940]

23 hours ago, Km411 said:

I don’t doubt your observation, but, it leads to the conclusion that homosexuality is caused at least in part by emotional neglect. I don’t think that’s true.

and I'm afraid that's the whole point of pointing that observation and conclusion about "the gays"...

Next some will say we need help! 

Edited November 20, 2023 by marylander1940

[marylander1940]

On 11/17/2023 at 2:42 PM, Michael PhD said:

Hey guys. I’ve gotten into a predicament. 
 

Over the last year I’ve casually been seeing a divorced bi man. We have had a lot of great sexual adventures, one on one and with a third (male and female). 
 

Recently, I asked if he wanted to meet with a submissive bottom who likes “daddy” types. He jumped at the idea. 
 

I sent over pics and a video of the two of us. What I failed to consider is that the guy I was suggesting we tag team is someone he knows… his son. 
 

My long term buddy is pretty upset and wants me to promise to not see his son again. I like the young man and have a lot of fun. 
 

Is it wrong to continue seeing them both without letting the other know? My head says I should stop but I’m hoping some can convince me it’s not as bad as I’ve made it out to be…

Sounds like a soap opera where all the characters know each other or know someone in common... 

Who do you like the most? The dad or the son? 

 

[Michael PhD]

12 minutes ago, marylander1940 said:

Sounds like a soap opera where all the characters know each other or know someone in common... 

Who do you like the most? The dad or the son? 

 

I think that doesn’t necessarily matter - as pointed out I do agree that the right thing is to move on from a physical relationship with both of them…

[marylander1940]

2 hours ago, Michael PhD said:

I think that doesn’t necessarily matter - as pointed out I do agree that the right thing is to move on from a physical relationship with both of them…

without a doubt... too much drama, besides you can get someone else without the drama just by hiring, hooking up, etc. 

[pubic_assistance]

8 hours ago, marylander1940 said:

Sounds like a soap opera where all the characters know each other or know someone in common... 

I enjoy a bit of naughty drama sex.

I remember being on a job site years ago where a young hunky contractor hit on me and we started hooking up. After a few meets he confessed he was also hooking up with my client's wife. He later told her that I had  fucked him and she was so turned on by this confession, that  she suggested a three way. We all got together and had a good time. We continued our naughty adventures over multiple meets until the contractor confessed he was in love with the client's wife. It all fell apart because that confession made it so much less "dirty" and she completely lost interest in the whole thing.

So it seemed the whole naughtiness of the encounter was the focus of the fun.

I know it was for me.

Edited November 21, 2023 by pubic_assistance
grammar

[marylander1940]

32 minutes ago, pubic_assistance said:

I enjoy a bit of naughty drama sex.

I remember being on a job site years ago where a young hunky contractor hit on me and we started hooking up. After a few meets he confessed he was also hooking up with my client's wife. He later told her that I had  fucked him and she was so turned on by this confession, that  she suggested a three way. We all got together and had a good time. We continued our naughty adventures over multiple meets until the contractor confessed he was in love with the client's wife. It all fell apart because that confession made it so much less "dirty" and she completely lost interest in the whole thing.

So it seemed the whole naughtiness of the encounter was the focus of the fun.

I know it was for me.

 

It's official from now I'm copying all your remarks about your sex life and publishing them... the world needs to be inspired by your life! 

[pubic_assistance]

1 minute ago, marylander1940 said:

the world needs to be inspired by your life! 

I admit to being a huge slut. Happy my voracious sexual appetite "inspires" you.

[+ sniper]

On 11/19/2023 at 10:58 AM, pubic_assistance said:

OK.

But maybe a little research will change your mind, because it is an often referenced psychological analysis of homosexual behavior.

"Born-this-way" is political/ not scientific

You've really got to dig in on the background of the tesearchers on this, giventhe heavily motivated heavily motivated reasoning of religious right "therapists." There's a real chicken and egg question there on whether the strained relationship with pops was consequence or cause, and in a world where there are fathers who have beaten their toddlers to death for "acting gay," I'm not buying it.

(Similarly the two gay dads is better study currently making the rounds is skewed by selection bias. Firstly, a gay male couple can't  fall down drunk and wake up pregnant. Secondly, adoption and particularly surrogacy is super expensive, and wealth in this country very strongly correlates with child outcomes).