Appropriate to send video as part of request for massage

[TectonicThrust]

In another thread called Hottest Massage Video Ever, I saw a few examples of how I’d like some massages to play out. Would it be appropriate to send a link to a provider when booking an appointment? Would it take the session out of the massage category into escort services? For example, how would a provider respond to getting this link when a client inquired about services for a massage:

https://www.gaymenring.com/kyle-quinn-massaged-1794401.html

[TectonicThrust]

Of course, this would be for a request for erotic massage. I have had some erotic massages lead to sex, but that was never the arrangement ahead of time (at least not for the first encounter) — and the video sample I sent didn’t lead to sex or even removal of the masseur’s shorts.  I understand that not knowing what to expect is part of the fun in this activity, but I think this might help providers know what will make their client happy or know that they are the wrong masseur for a client. 

[Jamie21]

I’d have no problem with that. I like to know what clients would like to be included although I think it’s important to keep an element of the unknown; if the massage is too choreographed it’s less exciting.

Before the massage starts I always ask if there’s any part of my client I should avoid, some people say what they don’t want touched (if there is anywhere it’s usually either their head, feet or their bum hole). If they say nothing is off limits then I feel internal massage is ok. Usually if you just apply a bit of pressure with your finger there they’ll open up for you if they want it inside 🙂

If you specifically want to have your prostate massaged as in that example video it’s important to ask. Some clients are quite embarrassed or coy about describing what they want so I’d say it’s a good idea to send a video and say “something like that please”. Most masseurs who do sensual or erotic massage will welcome this. 
 

 

 

[+ poolboy48220]

I've considered that in the past, but I'd only bring it up after I'd been chatting with the provider and had some feel of how our session was going to go.  I'd never start out with that.  I have, occasionally, asked a provider if they've seen a particular video and would be interested to do a session along those lines; I don't remember actually sending the video. 

[MscleLovr]

5 hours ago, Jamie21 said:

Most masseurs who do sensual or erotic massage will welcome this. 

Wouldn’t that depend heavily on where the OP and the masseur are based?
It seems to me that such a video would be rather compelling evidence if law enforcement became involved…

[Jamie21]

37 minutes ago, MscleLovr said:

Wouldn’t that depend heavily on where the OP and the masseur are based?
It seems to me that such a video would be rather compelling evidence if law enforcement became involved…

Ah yes in my rather innocent way I’m assuming they’re both based in a country with an up to date attitude to sex work…. 😊, one in Europe. 

[TectonicThrust]

I guess I’m being innocent too.

15 minutes ago, Jamie21 said:

Ah yes in my rather innocent way I’m assuming they’re both based in a country with an up to date attitude to sex work…. 😊, one in Europe. 

This would be in LA. So if any masseurs in LA provide massages similar to that in the video above, you know you’ll have a satisfied client here. DM me 😉

(Too bad I’m not in London, @Jamie21)

[Thelatin]

When I’m getting a massage - I just mention that “I’m clean down there”.

[Simon Suraci]

So. Many. Opinions. 

Where do I even begin?

    1.    This is NOT a massage. It’s an escort session based around a massage “scene”. If your provider is charging regular massage rates for this, you’re getting discount sex work. Good for you. Bad for me because it places an expectation on the rest of us to provide discount sex work. Therefore, I do not recommend sending a video to your masseur, unless he is also an escort. If the video is what you want, that’s fine, just pay an escort an escort rate to do it. Inspector Clouseau is to a detective what a porn performer is to an actual skilled massage provider. 
    2.    You’re settling for less. By sticking to a porn script, you’re missing out on some really good legit massages that are worth the fee AND in many cases still provide some of the same erotic elements on top of that, depending on the provider. There’s no massage skill here; it’s literally running his hands across the client’s body with no pressure and 5 mins later playing with his hole, with more sexual play to follow until you’re done. There’s nothing therapeutic going on here.
    3.    Unrealistic scope. The whole massage is 30 mins including the porn interview intro. Most massages are an hour or more to cover each area of the body. Many masseurs do exactly this kind of 30 min rub and tug routine and charge you for an hour. There’s a market for it and it sounds like you definitely are that market. That’s why we have so many guys advertising with no skill and charging the same or sometimes more than guys with quite a lot of skill. Nothing wrong with that when you know exactly what you’re getting and paying sex work rates for it, but please do not expect every provider to follow a porn script. This stuff is made for cameras, depicting fantasy, and getting off. It’s one of a genre videos that portray with gross inaccuracy what happens during a good legit massage, even a good erotic oriented massage. You deserve so much better for your coin!
    4.    Routine has little structure. Masseurs have a routine they adjust sightly based on client needs. We carefully craft our routines to cover your whole body, fit within the timeframe, and give you maximum therapeutic benefits. It’s best to tell your massage therapist in person exactly what you want, both erotic preferences and regular therapeutic things like sciatic pain, sore hamstrings, etc., so we can adjust and pace accordingly before the massage begins. Saying so in person leaves no record should a legal issue arise. Clients are coy about asking directly for what they want, so I understand that is a big ask. Still best if you can manage it. I would be hard pressed to abandon my entire routine, watch a video and try to recreate it. It’s forcing life to imitate art, and the art is a fantasy version of real life. Why not enjoy the source inspiration material from real life? It’s so much better.
    5.    More exciting not knowing. Part of the fun is not always knowing exactly what will happen, when, how, and so on. To each their own on that point. If you know exactly what you’re getting, there’s merit to that approach too. I recommend telling your masseur what elements you want, and not making him scrap his whole base routine to copy someone else’s script.
    6.    The rest of these are just peeves I’m sure nobody here cares about, but I’ll mention them anyway:
    7.    Baby oil is an amateur, common porn trope. Slathering it on, pouring repeatedly from the bottle and so on. There is no need for so much oil. This is not how we work. A good therapist will use quality products, and in the appropriate amount.
    8.    That table is way too low. To give appropriate pressure, I would have to bend and hunch over for an hour or more at a stretch, multiple times a day. That would wreck my back and put me out of work. PSA to other masseurs out there: use the right height for your body and work style. Your back will thank you.
    9.    Massage therapists and masseurs are not “masseuses”. This is the feminine form. Opinions vary on what massage therapists want to be called. A lot of us in the gay massage industry call ourselves masseurs, which includes untrained folks. Others may prefer massage practitioner or certified massage therapist, depending on norms and laws in their local jurisdiction, and training status. In any case, please stop using the feminine form. I never correct clients, but take it from me, being called a ‘masseuse’ is annoying and off putting, maybe even offensive to some.
    10.    Very, very few people on our tables look like the guys in these massage porn videos. Remember that when you fantasize your masseur will react the exact same way to your body as the actors playing the masseur roles do in these videos. If he does, tip him well. That’s some damn good acting.

[TectonicThrust]

Thank you @Simon Suraci for your reply. Wow. I’m so appreciative of the time and thought that you and others take to answer our questions. I realize that I need to get beyond my comfort zone and better articulate in person what I like. I see now that sending a video could actually send the wrong messages as I didn’t even think that the masseur would conclude that this was all I wanted. I really meant that these are the erotic elements I would like incorporated in addition to the therapeutic massage. I also wouldn’t want the masseur to think I only wanted a 30 min when I booked 60 or 90. Communication is key as in any relationship. I also take to heart your other tips and opinions. 

[jeezifonly]

You’re seeking an escort service… with educated massage role play. This is easier than waiting until the will we/won’t we moment on the table. 

There are quite a few escorts in LA who also are really good masseurs. In the escort ad, see if they have sports massage or BODYWORK available. If they also have a masseur ad, look for some indication of training, and at least 5yr experience. They’re often open to a session that combines both bodywork and play, but you will pay the escort rate (based on what takes place in the video) Ask if they have a table if there isn’t one in photos. Good luck! 

[Simon Suraci]

@TectonicThrust you’re welcome! It sounds like you are simply trying to convey in images what might be difficult to put into words to request directly of your provider. It seems like you’re wanting to express the elements you want included rather than reenact the video frame by frame. 

We deal with this stuff every day. We know what men like and we read body language to figure out what particular buttons to push for each one, because everyone is a little bit different. We can’t read minds though.

Far and away, the best way to get those elements you want is to ask for them directly. Use words like rimming, fingering, prostate massage, jerk me off, stimulate my nipples, edge me, and so on and so forth. You can get more descriptive as needed, but really that’s all we need to know. It may be awkward or uncomfortable, but it’s not a big deal. We’re adults. We want you to be happy and therefore be more likely to return, tip, review, and refer. The best way to give you what you want is to know what you want, and for that you have to tell us.

The video is not necessarily a bad thing considering your intent. I would caveat by explaining I like “x” or can you include “y”? And then point out specific things. That way we’re not interpreting that you want a reenactment of the whole porn style massage. You could use the video to help you talk through the elements you want to incorporate. If that helps you find the words, go for it.

If your provider doesn’t offer a particular thing, better to know that upfront. Likewise if he does offer it, but possibly for an extra fee, or under his escort rate, best to work that out before you begin. It may be included, but now he knows just what to do to please you.

Ask for what you want. It’s not as scary or complicated as you might imagine. We’re professionals. We won’t clutch our pearls.

[Jamie21]

4 hours ago, Simon Suraci said:

 you’re welcome! It sounds like you are simply trying to convey in images what might be difficult to put into words to request directly of your provider. It seems like you’re wanting to express the elements you want included rather than reenact the video frame by frame. 

I agree with all the points you make @Simon Suraci, about that video, the use of baby oil (a total no no) the table wrong height etc. Although I don’t necessarily agree about the escort part. But I read @TectonicThrust post as being indicative of what he wanted rather than ‘recreate exactly this video’. For me a video showing something the client likes is useful and I can include it at an appropriate point in my routine. I can pace the session appropriately, read my client’s body and include the things he wants naturally in the massage. 

I don’t draw such a distinction between escort work and erotic massage work. You’ll obviously get a range of massage skills depending on the training the guy has had, and you’ll get a variety of sexual activity that he’s prepared and willing to include. He will be somewhere on the spectrum from purely therapeutic masseur to full service escort.

What rate he charges for that is up to him. The important thing is that the client’s requirements and expectations match with what the escort/masseur is prepared to and skilled to provide. If those match and the rate is right then the ingredients for a great session are in place. What facilities that? Good communication from both sides.