Need Grindr advice

[Gadfly22]

So I’m on Grindr and surprisingly I’m getting some taps and messages despite the fact that my profile contains next to no information. Just screen name, age, and location. Two of the messages I get are from totally cute young guys so I reply. We exchange pleasantries, I point out that I’m way older than they are. They say that’s fine. They ask for pics. I send a face pic, surprisingly both guys are ok with it. I ask if they want to meet. In both cases they ask for a dic pic (without sending one of theirs). I tell them I don’t want to do that but if they want to meet up I’ll show them whatever they want to see and if they’re not happy I’ll go - they both live less than 5 minutes away. In both cases they ghosted me after that and in one case the guy blocked me. I think so at least, the whole conversation seems to have been deleted. Anyway my question to the guys with experience on the app is - what’s going on here? Is this common behavior? Are these guys scammers, pic collectors? In neither case did they ask for money or even suggest that was what they were after. How do you suggest I proceed in the future? Is it possible to meet a guy on Grindr without sending them pics of a dick first?

[+ RJD]

Scammers and pic collectors make up too large a percentage of the users.  Go with your gut.  

A couple hints.  Since users are not required to use the distance indicator, if they tap you, mark their profile as a favorite.  Your favorites are sorted by distance, so you’ll get an idea whether they’re local.  You can always remove them from favorites.  If they send a message and your profile wasn’t in their “nearby” tab, the message will appear with “Sent from Explore” under it.  If they don’t have the distance indicator set, add it to favorites and see where it falls.  The guy may be outside of the “nearby” range but still local.  

I had a really cute, young guy message me last week.  I have my age in my profile, so he knew how old I was.  I engaged with him for a few texts just to test him and then commented that usually the young guys who message someone my age are scammers.  The chat and his profile suddenly disappeared.  

I’m not a no pic/no chat guy.  I understand some guys have legitimate reasons for not posting one, but I always get a kick out of the guys with no pic or profile information and their first message is “pic?” Or better yet, “need my dick sucked.”  I usually reply “yes, your completely blank profile has me so turned on.”

[Kippy]

Grindr advice: RUN!

[+ nycman]

2 hours ago, Gadfly22 said:

So I’m on Grindr….

Stop, I see the problem. 

[lonely_john]

On 8/29/2021 at 9:54 PM, Kippy said:

Grindr advice: RUN!

On 8/29/2021 at 10:12 PM, nycman said:

Stop, I see the problem. 

At this point I don't think even Millennials are on Grinder, just GenZ and younger. Just they understand each other. I have the app but never use it. If I log once every month, it's too much. Haven't had a hookup from there, free or paid, in ages. Just a complete waste of time.

 

Edited September 1, 2021 by lonely_john

[+ IronMaus]

The more you put yourself out there, the more likely you'll find someone who is actually interested. If that doesn't include a dick pic, you have to have other things going for you. But Grindr is for more NSA hookups and somewhat anonymous seekers of sex - most of which would find it odd that you won't send a dick pic. If you don't plan to send any nude photos, put that in the text of your profile. Or just get Scruff - people are generally friendlier and more personable there.

Try not to take blocking personally. Culturally, it is acceptable to block someone for any reason and without notice. I don't necessarily like this, but it has a lot to do with what they desire and how they can achieve that - especially if they aren't paying for the premium version of the app, limiting how many profiles they can see, how many photos they can send, and even how many messages they can send. When blocking, people are narrowing the field of possible encounters by deleting those they are not interested in.

[Gadfly22]

22 hours ago, IronMaus said:

Try not to take blocking personally. 

I didn’t. Just found it odd that’s all.

22 hours ago, IronMaus said:

The more you put yourself out there, the more likely you'll find someone who is actually interested. If that doesn't include a dick pic, you have to have other things going for you. But Grindr is for more NSA hookups and somewhat anonymous seekers of sex - most of which would find it odd that you won't send a dick pic.

I understand but in both cases they contacted me first and they didn’t send me dic pics (lots of other guys did BTW). I did send a real face pic and offered to meet in person to show them the goods - they each live less than 5 minutes away according to the locator. I still think it was some kind of scam. Just trying to figure out how it works.

[shadowcatzxxx]

23 hours ago, IronMaus said:

 But Grindr is for more NSA hookups and somewhat anonymous seekers of sex -  just get Scruff - people are generally friendlier and more personable there.

 

Interesting that you said that ... because it is what I've come to think. Not that there are necessarily fewer bots and scammers on Scruff, but even the profile format there encourages users to share more information about who they are, what they're into (not just sexually) and what they are looking for. Grindr has much more of the "wham bang, thank you " feel about it to me.

[thedanNYC]

9 hours ago, Gadfly22 said:

I didn’t. Just found it odd that’s all.

I understand but in both cases they contacted me first and they didn’t send me dic pics (lots of other guys did BTW). I did send a real face pic and offered to meet in person to show them the goods - they each live less than 5 minutes away according to the locator. I still think it was some kind of scam. Just trying to figure out how it works.

It's very simple. You don't owe anything to random strangers online. So don't do anything you're not comfortable with on Grindr, Scruff or whatever other app you try. If the guy on the other side is not happy with that, then move on (whether he blocks you or not).

 

I've never ever sent a dick pic on Grindr and never will, no matter who is asking for it. And I certainly wouldn't recommend you do it after sending a face pic. Do you want to risk your face/dick photo combo ending up online if you hook up with a psycho who was just trolling, or wants an encore but you don't, etc.? I sure don't.

[+ JEC]

Grinder is a numbers game.   95% of your interactions will lead nowhere, and might include getting blocked (as Mr Maus said for no reason).   Some ppl (including me) use block to simply remove people from the seemingly endless pool of potential connections.

What I have learned from Grindr:   there are a lot of legit hot young guys who are into older guys and #DaddyDick.   It's a thing.  Many are even into out of shape older guys.  So, if you get past being blocked, and feeling like "he would never be interested in me" and just work what you have you might be surprised what turns up.

Also, lots of young guys on Grindr looking for $Gen.  You have to be careful about this, but lots of hot young guys can be found for for 50-100 VS RentMen rates.

Happy hunting!

[MikeBiDude]

5 hours ago, JEC said:

Grinder is a numbers game. 

5 hours ago, JEC said:

there are a lot of legit hot young guys who are into older guys and #DaddyDick

Both comments ring so true with me, dovetail my experiences. I’ve found that taking things slow and showing patience (something not popular on Grindr) yield good results for me. Re:numbers game, it’s like a batting average…but if you don’t swing the bat you don’t get a chance at a home run.

Both for gen and just for fun I still have sporadic luck on Grindr.

[+ IronMaus]

16 hours ago, Gadfly22 said:

I didn’t. Just found it odd that’s all.

I understand but in both cases they contacted me first and they didn’t send me dic pics (lots of other guys did BTW). I did send a real face pic and offered to meet in person to show them the goods - they each live less than 5 minutes away according to the locator. I still think it was some kind of scam. Just trying to figure out how it works.

You don't have a face picture AND no text or information in your profile?
If anyone messages you and your profile is blank, just don't reply because they have no reason to be contacting you in the first place.

Honestly I ignore or don't interact much with profiles like yours. I'll assume you are just there to collect photos and look at other people anonymously - or have too many hang ups with what you are doing on the app. Even if you send a pace pic in the first message, "why is his face pic not on his profile?" is still my 1st thought.

If discretion and anonymity are important to you and that's why you don't put info or picture in your profile, then at least state that in your text. But even then, if that is all another user has to work with, it's not going to get you very far.

Edited September 3, 2021 by IronMaus

[+ IronMaus]

7 hours ago, thedanNYC said:

It's very simple. You don't owe anything to random strangers online. So don't do anything you're not comfortable with on Grindr, Scruff or whatever other app you try. If the guy on the other side is not happy with that, then move on (whether he blocks you or not).

 

I've never ever sent a dick pic on Grindr and never will, no matter who is asking for it. And I certainly wouldn't recommend you do it after sending a face pic. Do you want to risk your face/dick photo combo ending up online if you hook up with a psycho who was just trolling, or wants an encore but you don't, etc.? I sure don't.

Are you concerned that someone is going to try and show someone else your face picture and then a faceless dick picture and try to cause you trouble with it? Because I've never heard of this actually happening. Don't want your face/dick associated, keep them in separate photos.

[thedanNYC]

Just now, IronMaus said:

Are you concerned that someone is going to try and show someone else your face picture and then a faceless dick picture and try to cause you trouble with it? Because I've never heard of this actually happening. Don't want your face/dick associated, keep them in separate photos.

Not someone else, the world by posting them together online. There are plenty of posts like that out there. I simply have a zero risk tolerance policy when it comes to that.

You have a different risk tolerance or think sending separate photos addresses the risk I mentioned? Great, I'm happy that works for you. But that's just not the way I operate, and I'm just offering my perspective directly to the OP.

[MikeBiDude]

Re: pics…I have pics in my profile but no clear/unblurred face pic, my profile says I’ll send face on request. And I do, often in my first hello message. But, since I’m a paying user I can use the 10 second single view option for my photo, a’la Snapchat. Satisfies 99.99% of pic requests, if they - complain I’m usually suspicious and block ‘em.

[jtwalker]

1 hour ago, MikeBiDude said:

paying user I can use the 10 second single view option for my photo

I had no idea that option existed.  Does it also limit it to registered users?

[LookingAround]

1 hour ago, jtwalker said:

I had no idea that option existed.  Does it also limit it to registered users?

No

[jtwalker]

Grindr really seems sketchy to me.  I’d rather pay a few bucks and meet someone with a few reviews. 
 

if I wanted an older school hookup, I’d probably go to a bar.

Edited September 3, 2021 by jtwalker

[+ JEC]

4 hours ago, IronMaus said:

You don't have a face picture AND no text or information in your profile?
If anyone messages you and your profile is blank, just don't reply because they have no reason to be contacting you in the first place.

Honestly I ignore or don't interact much with profiles like yours. I'll assume you are just there to collect photos and look at other people anonymously - or have too many hang ups with what you are doing on the app. Even if you send a pace pic in the first message, "why is his face pic not on his profile?" is still my 1st thought.

If discretion and anonymity are important to you and that's why you don't put info or picture in your profile, then at least state that in your text. But even then, if that is all another user has to work with, it's not going to get you very far.

No pic No DIck 🤣

[Fcfs]

I like Grindr. It has the usual spam and scam, but also hot young guys who want to make some money without advertising as escorts.

Edited September 4, 2021 by Fcfs

[+ BenjaminNicholas]

Grindr works well if you are honest with yourself about the platform, what you're offering and what you want out of it.

It's incredibly petty, simple-minded and 95% looks based. 

That said, it can also be a lot of fun if you don't take it seriously.

[Gadfly22]

On 9/3/2021 at 1:08 PM, IronMaus said:

You don't have a face picture AND no text or information in your profile?
If anyone messages you and your profile is blank, just don't reply because they have no reason to be contacting you in the first place.

Yeah but they did. I thought having a faceless profile I would just occasionally message I guy I liked or someone who said in their profile they were into older and we would take it from there. Instead of that I have been inundated with taps and messages, some from very hot young guys and I'm just trying to find out why (and not getting much help BTW, except for @JEC - thanks).

 

On 9/3/2021 at 1:08 PM, IronMaus said:

Honestly I ignore or don't interact much with profiles like yours. I'll assume you are just there to collect photos and look at other people anonymously - or have too many hang ups with what you are doing on the app. Even if you send a pace pic in the first message, "why is his face pic not on his profile?" is still my 1st thought.

If discretion and anonymity are important to you and that's why you don't put info or picture in your profile, then at least state that in your text. But even then, if that is all another user has to work with, it's not going to get you very far.

I thought so too but see above. Any ideas still appreciated.

[Gadfly22]

Just curious but I’m wondering what you guys would do.
I was just messaged by a pretty cute guy, more than a decade younger than me. In the message he sent 2 more pics - one of his ass and the other of his hard dick - both nice (if real). My problem is in the dic pic he is wearing a shirt pulled all the way down to the base of the dick so only the shaft is visible. I’m a newbie to Grindr but I know from rentmen / backpage / A4A that whenever a guy does this it means either he’s hiding a belly or (gulp) man boobs! 😱 What would you do?

[+ azdr0710]

not a Grindr kinda guy here (and I have no idea about the shirt conundrum), but I admire you @Gadfly22 for your dogged perseverance  

[Gadfly22]

21 minutes ago, azdr0710 said:

not a Grindr kinda guy here (and I have no idea about the shirt conundrum), but I admire you @Gadfly22 for your dogged perseverance  

Thanks bud. I don’t know what the general consensus is but I haven’t been laid since before the pandemic and I’m getting desperate. Still too scared to take the train into Manhattan, even though vaccinated and Grindr is the most convenient way to find local guys. Hasn’t worked out yet though.