Ghosted By A Provider, Now What?

[CuriousByNature]

He was in a motorcycle accident with another provider (DavidSF?). Just some road rash from what I remember but it was scary at the time.

Wow... that's scary. Glad they were okay.

[+ MattOSUGRAD]

I think it's great that you're concerned about him, providers are people and we all know life can change quickly. I was planning on meeting up with this hot escort in Palm Springs one year and we texted back and forth quite a bit. When the time came to plan a time that evening to meet up he stopped responding. He messaged me later and apologized he cut his hand on broken glass and had to go to the ER!

 

And I'm sure many members on here remember what happened to poor Eric Hassan during Daddy's meet up in Palm Springs in 2018!

 

I saw a video of the two of them with a third ... Nate Stetson I believe. All I can say is it was an instaboner.

[BaronArtz]

Happens to the those of us that have a lot of experience with this hobby...that's why you gotta have a back up just in case the plan A flakes. I've even had to contact plan D for the 3 flakes before him. The 4th guy was a charm and we had a lot of fun.

 

 

How does that work really? You book an appointment with A and B at the same time? In case A flakes, go meet B. But in case A does not flake and I meet with him, I as a client am basically flaking on B. Ditto for C, D, etc.

 

I am just curious to hear how clients organize this,

 

Thank you.

Edited January 4, 2021 by BaronArtz

[+ RJD]

How does that work really? You book an appoint with A and B at the same time? In case A flakes, go meet B. But in case A does not flake and I meet with him, I as a client am basically flaking on B. Ditto for C, D, etc.

 

I am just curious to hear how clients organize this,

 

Thank you.

I was about to ask the same question. I don’t want to be a flake in order to avoid a flake. Even if you’re honest with B, C, and D, is a provider going to block that time knowing he’s a back-up?

[Luv2play]

I am glad your city still has indoor dining at restaurants ...

This is what struck me about the OP and his problem encountered in trying to set up a date including dining at a restaurant. Since many of us live in jurisdictions both in the US and Canada where indoor dining is prohibited, I am rather envious of those who are able to carry on in the midst of a raging pandemic as if nothing is amiss.

 

I wonder if this is the common experience for posters on this forum, that is, business as usual in the dating game. Or are they having to modify their behaviour.

[Guest]

This is what struck me about the OP and his problem encountered in trying to set up a date including dining at a restaurant. Since many of us live in jurisdictions both in the US and Canada where indoor dining is prohibited, I am rather envious of those who are able to carry on in the midst of a raging pandemic as if nothing is amiss.

 

I wonder if this is the common experience for posters on this forum, that is, business as usual in the dating game. Or are they having to modify their behaviour.

 

In Ohio there have been some good guidelines put in place and they are actively enforced by both the restaurant staff and the state inspectors. Limited capacity, social distancing, an abundance of plexiglass, staff temperature checks, air flow techniques, 10pm curfews, and mandatory mask wearing by both staff and patrons (except when seated). The one gay bar/restaurant I frequent takes things very seriously and it feels pretty safe. They are constantly wiping down seats and surfaces after a party leaves and moving plexiglass dividers at the bar to put barriers between groups. They even had a brunch drag show and all the performers were wearing face shields and they handed out flyers with QR codes and pictures for each entertainer so you could do contactless tipping.

[tenderloin]

As promised, here is an update:

 

Received a text from the provider, they said they completely mixed up their days and was mortified they missed our appointment yesterday. They are willing to call and talk with me tonight and apologized that I got the hotel and dinner without them.

 

I said that I understand things can happen but that I was genuinely concerned for their wellbeing since I hadn't heard anything. I then said I would be free to talk either for the next 30 minutes or in about 4 hours after I am done working.

 

I am going to ask him if he is ok and what happened. Will let you all know what he says, but I am trying to be gracious and give them a second chance.

 

 

If the provider really wants to build a business and repair his reputation, he should offer you a discount - perhaps a paid hour plus one or two off the clock. He wasted your time and money; I am in a different type of business, but if I did that to a client you can be sure I would be trying to make it up.

[sexymonk]

Curious on your thoughts on a recent situation.

 

A provider and I were exchanging texts over several days in the last week. Over those days, I had initiated some conversations with an update on a dinner reservation at the restaurant of their recommendation and once I had secured a room at a very nice hotel. He had initiated some conversations as well, so got good vibes leading up to the meetup. Several comments from him about liking that I got reservations and a hotel, shows I’m serious.

 

On the day of, I let him know 3 hours ahead that I’ve checked in to the hotel and that I’ll relax then start to get ready for the evening. No response.

 

I text him as I’m leaving for the restaurant, which is 15 minutes away from me. No response.

 

I wait to be seated and send a text 20 minutes after we were supposed to meet letting him know I got a table and where to find me in the restaurant. No response.

 

It has been a little over 2 hours later, and still no text. I sent him a text saying that I am sorry tonight did not work out and that I understand things happen and plans need to change. I say, sincerely, that the most important thing is that I hope you’re ok.

 

Have you had this happen to you? Would you see him again? Looking for input from clients as well as providers. What are red flags that may incline you to ghost someone? I didn’t think I did anything wrong or too much. It seemed like we were having a pleasant exchange, but now I’m left wondering what others have experienced.

I would say that if it was your first meeting with the provider then first have test drive in first gear. Once you know him then go to fourth gear!

[down_to_business]

I would say the provider missed out on a potentially awesome client.

 

It is ok to give someone a second chance (or not) but definitely if you do, do not outlay extra money for things like a hotel etc. until you can establish/repair trust.

[sexymonk]

It's happened to me several times as well even with well-reviewed escorts. It still sucks though and it hurts to feel like you're being rejected somehow. I've had the same thing happen to me even with having dinner reservations and everything.

 

So sorry but it's actually not uncommon...move on and hopefully find another guy who is better at respecting your time.

Reading this posting I would say that why @peterhung85 is darling for many. He commits whole heartedly to meetings that he has promised and it is indeed great pleasure to be with him in for outings. In one occasion when he was visiting NYC, he took me out to a restaurant for dinner.

[Maximiliam]

Idk why u guys take them to dinner or w.e . Incall or pitfall simple, in and out . You might do the dinner if its a regular provider and have a friendly connection. I would never take them out . Never forget its a service

[Gymowner]

Received a text from the provider, they said they completely mixed up their days and was mortified they missed our appointment yesterday.

i dont believe this for a moment. if this were true, then he would have replied to your texts and said something like "oh my god... it is for tonight? i am so sorry. i planned this in my schedule for tomorrow night. i am busy tonight" not a ghosting until after the fact then try to come up with a feable excuse. just like my escort that blew off our restaurant meeting and then 2 days after the fact said "oh i forgot" while i text him the day before and the day of the dinner. yeah right.

 

i smell a pile of bullshit right around the corner.

[MscleLovr]

How does that work really? You book an appoint with A and B at the same time? In case A flakes, go meet B. But in case A does not flake and I meet with him, I as a client am basically flaking on B. Ditto for C, D, etc.

 

I am just curious to hear how clients organize this,

 

Thank you.

I was about to ask the same question. I don’t want to be a flake in order to avoid a flake. Even if you’re honest with B, C, and D, is a provider going to block that time knowing he’s a back-up?

 

While I can’t answer for @rustyrex, I can speak to having very similar arrangements. Years ago I came to LA for a date with a handsome muscleboy who was very much my type. He was very highly regarded (and well-reviewed) by others. I’m a top only and he was sexually versatile. His overnight rate was $1500. He’d apologized to me a month earlier when he “completely forgot” our overnight date in Santa Monica. He promised to make it up to me, and I figured everyone deserves a 2nd chance, so…

 

The new date, as agreed with him, was to meet in an hotel in West Hollywood and play before dinner; then go out to eat locally; play again before sleeping and stay overnight. Despite my phoning him and confirming as soon as I’d checked into the hotel, it didn’t work out. He had memory problems again (to put it politely). But having been a Boy Scout I’d prepared: I’d made a back-up list of other guys to call. I made 3 phone calls and scheduled 3 good looking, muscleboys that night. One was an eager bottom before dinner, one was a very fun bodybuilder after dinner and the third was a skilled cocksucker who came over for a protein breakfast.

 

The end result of having alternative plans was I saved about $600 and met 3 nice young men. Yes, the original muscleboy-flake did call me later and ask for a “second chance” - he couldn’t count either - and No, I wasn’t a fool.

[EastbayMike]

i dont believe this for a moment. if this were true, then he would have replied to your texts and said something like "oh my god... it is for tonight? i am so sorry. i planned this in my schedule for tomorrow night. i am busy tonight" not a ghosting until after the fact then try to come up with a feable excuse. just like my escort that blew off our restaurant meeting and then 2 days after the fact said "oh i forgot" while i text him the day before and the day of the dinner. yeah right.

 

i smell a pile of bullshit right around the corner.

I agree completely! Move on!

[Maximiliam]

i dont believe this for a moment. if this were true, then he would have replied to your texts and said something like "oh my god... it is for tonight? i am so sorry. i planned this in my schedule for tomorrow night. i am busy tonight" not a ghosting until after the fact then try to come up with a feable excuse. just like my escort that blew off our restaurant meeting and then 2 days after the fact said "oh i forgot" while i text him the day before and the day of the dinner. yeah right.

 

i smell a pile of bullshit right around the corner.

Yeah total bullshij

[dbar123]

You only have one chance to make a first impression. If a provider screws up scheduling that badly, I would not be inclined to waste my time and money any further. The world is full of more responsible people

[Gymowner]

MsclLovr has it right on the money!! Performed flawlessly under adverse conditions!

 

Like I said there will always be a muscle monkey hotter, younger, hornier and more willing right around the corner. Problem is many times we dont turn the corner to find that out!

 

Bravo MsclLovr! And saved a ton of money to enjoy the city with!!

[Lazarus]

I’m surprised he didn’t tell you he was kidnapped & lost his phone & wasn’t able to read your messages until he bought a new phone after someone paid the ransom. That would be a more believable story than the one he told you.

[+ azdr0710]

the original muscleboy-flake did call me later and ask for a “second chance” - he couldn’t count either -

 

ha, I actually 'LOL'd at that......

 

[harlow]

i dont believe this for a moment. if this were true, then he would have replied to your texts and said something like "oh my god... it is for tonight? i am so sorry. i planned this in my schedule for tomorrow night. i am busy tonight" not a ghosting until after the fact then try to come up with a feable excuse. just like my escort that blew off our restaurant meeting and then 2 days after the fact said "oh i forgot" while i text him the day before and the day of the dinner. yeah right.

 

i smell a pile of bullshit right around the corner.

100% agree with this. And all of us have been ghosted at least once and if you haven't it will happen at some point. Just move on to the next!

[+ sam.fitzpatrick]

Early in my hiring days, I had scheduled for an escort to come to my place to meet up. We had been together a couple of times previously and all had been swell. About 30 minutes before our scheduled appointment, I was ready and sat down in front of the TV and dozed off. I awoke two hours later. I was embarrassed that I had slept through the appointment and didn't hear him at the front door. I did nothing about it.

 

The next day I get a message from the escort - he apologized profusely that he had not come to my place for our appointment. He hadn't looked at his calendar correctly and thought that I was coming to his place and he was upset that I had stood him up. Needless to say, we both laughed a little bit and then I went over to his place for some fun.

[+ MattOSUGRAD]

Well, unfortunately it got worse. This is verbatim back and forth today. Please don’t be too harsh of my texts, I was trying to build a bridge instead of burn it.

 

11:35AM (17 hours after agreed upon meeting time)

“Matt, I completely mixed my days up, and am mortified I missed our appt yesterday. I was just checking messages and saw your texts. I can call you later tonight to talk, I am so sorry you got hotel and dinner without me!”

 

11:52AM

“It’s ok, I know things happen. I felt pretty sad, but I honestly was worried something happened to you.”

“I’m free till 12:30 if you want to call me now (if it works for you), otherwise I’m free after 4PM.”

 

12:04PM

“I wish I had a better reason for why I missed you, but I will own it. ?”

“I am with my dad now he’s down at Easton Lexus getting a new one.”

“I can call you after 4 when you’re free. ?”

 

12:08PM

“It happened, I was sad, but I am more so happy you are ok, and I’m not one to hold a grudge.”

 

12:26P

“You’re an Angel. Thank you for that, it’s been a bizarre few days.”

 

4PM

 

5PM

 

6PM

 

7PM

 

8PM

 

8:44PM

“Hey, I’m probably going to head off to bed around 10:00 or 10:30 as I have an early day at work tomorrow. Was looking forward to talking with you, perhaps we could try for tomorrow if you’re not able to talk in the next hour-ish?”

 

8:44PM

“I can call you sure.”

 

Phone call ensues, very awkward as he just says hi and that he just got home from having dinner with his Dad and Brother and then is silent. I’m like, can the director please give him his line of, I’m sorry again for ghosting you ...

 

No such luck, just awkward silence to which I just say, so you had a bizarre last few days? Conversation lasts a few more minutes, no meaningful apology AND no attempt to say, let me make it up to you. I mean I’m not expecting something for free but can you at least try to say something.

 

As Detox would say, “I’ve had it!”

 

I don’t really want to wallow in this anymore, I need to shake the dust off my boots and move on. The lesson I’ve learned is that when you’ve been ghosted, don’t try to reach back out, because if they are truly sorry, they’ll reach out to you. And if your lucky to have someone appear sincere, buyer beware.

 

Take care all, I’m probably gonna take a break from the forums for a week or more. Wishing you all health and safety.

[+ MysticMenace]

As Detox would say, “I’ve had it!”

 

[rustyrex]

How does that work really? You book an appointment with A and B at the same time? In case A flakes, go meet B. But in case A does not flake and I meet with him, I as a client am basically flaking on B. Ditto for C, D, etc.

 

I am just curious to hear how clients organize this,

 

Thank you.

If

How does that work really? You book an appointment with A and B at the same time? In case A flakes, go meet B. But in case A does not flake and I meet with him, I as a client am basically flaking on B. Ditto for C, D, etc.

 

I am just curious to hear how clients organize this,

 

Thank you.

If I get flaked on, I move on to the next....like last minute. I don’t arrange them ahead of time by contacting them and telling them they are my back up plan. B,C,&D are just guys I’m interested in meeting...

[+ RJD]

While I can’t answer for @rustyrex, I can speak to having very similar arrangements. Years ago I came to LA for a date with a handsome muscleboy who was very much my type. He was very highly regarded (and well-reviewed) by others. I’m a top only and he was sexually versatile. His overnight rate was $1500. He’d apologized to me a month earlier when he “completely forgot” our overnight date in Santa Monica. He promised to make it up to me, and I figured everyone deserves a 2nd chance, so…

 

The new date, as agreed with him, was to meet in an hotel in West Hollywood and play before dinner; then go out to eat locally; play again before sleeping and stay overnight. Despite my phoning him and confirming as soon as I’d checked into the hotel, it didn’t work out. He had memory problems again (to put it politely). But having been a Boy Scout I’d prepared: I’d made a back-up list of other guys to call. I made 3 phone calls and scheduled 3 good looking, muscleboys that night. One was an eager bottom before dinner, one was a very fun bodybuilder after dinner and the third was a skilled cocksucker who came over for a protein breakfast.

 

The end result of having alternative plans was I saved about $600 and met 3 nice young men. Yes, the original muscleboy-flake did call me later and ask for a “second chance” - he couldn’t count either - and No, I wasn’t a fool.

 

OK, so you didn't have initial contact with any of the three alternates until Plan A wasn't happening. How long after checking into the hotel did you decide on Plan B?

 

I had a no-show occur with me last year while on a work trip in Boston. I contacted the guy I wanted to meet a week before traveling so I could arrange my schedule and book the two hours. Everything went smoothly and he even texted me the morning of the appointment to say he was looking forward to meeting me. That night, while at dinner with colleagues, he texted around 7PM that he couldn't make it. Our appointment was 9PM. By the time dinner was over and I returned to my hotel it was after 8PM. I then spent two hours scrolling through other profiles, initiating contact, most going unanswered and those who did basically laughed at my attempt to get an appointment within a couple hours even though their “available now” indicator was activated.

 

I’m glad you turned that lemon into lemonade, but I think you also had a huge amount of luck that your three alternates were available. You were also looking for a replacement for an overnight and had the flexibility to schedule multiple one hour sessions several hours before the desired meetings, especially your second and third. Mine was a one-shot, two hour session for that night.