Ghosted By A Provider, Now What?

[excelntsvc]

oh dear god can we put this to bed now ... you got stood up ... he's a flake ... write the review so you feel you've done your part ... then again, if you've told your waiter and gosh knows who else about being ghosted, maybe that's part of the thrill for you

[+ keroscenefire]

Well, unfortunately it got worse. This is verbatim back and forth today. Please don’t be too harsh of my texts, I was trying to build a bridge instead of burn it.

 

11:35AM (17 hours after agreed upon meeting time)

“Matt, I completely mixed my days up, and am mortified I missed our appt yesterday. I was just checking messages and saw your texts. I can call you later tonight to talk, I am so sorry you got hotel and dinner without me!”

 

11:52AM

“It’s ok, I know things happen. I felt pretty sad, but I honestly was worried something happened to you.”

“I’m free till 12:30 if you want to call me now (if it works for you), otherwise I’m free after 4PM.”

 

12:04PM

“I wish I had a better reason for why I missed you, but I will own it. ?”

“I am with my dad now he’s down at Easton Lexus getting a new one.”

“I can call you after 4 when you’re free. ?”

 

12:08PM

“It happened, I was sad, but I am more so happy you are ok, and I’m not one to hold a grudge.”

 

12:26P

“You’re an Angel. Thank you for that, it’s been a bizarre few days.”

 

4PM

 

5PM

 

6PM

 

7PM

 

8PM

 

8:44PM

“Hey, I’m probably going to head off to bed around 10:00 or 10:30 as I have an early day at work tomorrow. Was looking forward to talking with you, perhaps we could try for tomorrow if you’re not able to talk in the next hour-ish?”

 

8:44PM

“I can call you sure.”

 

Phone call ensues, very awkward as he just says hi and that he just got home from having dinner with his Dad and Brother and then is silent. I’m like, can the director please give him his line of, I’m sorry again for ghosting you ...

 

No such luck, just awkward silence to which I just say, so you had a bizarre last few days? Conversation lasts a few more minutes, no meaningful apology AND no attempt to say, let me make it up to you. I mean I’m not expecting something for free but can you at least try to say something.

 

As Detox would say, “I’ve had it!”

 

I don’t really want to wallow in this anymore, I need to shake the dust off my boots and move on. The lesson I’ve learned is that when you’ve been ghosted, don’t try to reach back out, because if they are truly sorry, they’ll reach out to you. And if your lucky to have someone appear sincere, buyer beware.

 

Take care all, I’m probably gonna take a break from the forums for a week or more. Wishing you all health and safety.

 

I think you handled it really well. Sorry about your experience and know that you'll be able to have a more positive one in the future.

[Strafe13]

oh dear god can we put this to bed now ... you got stood up ... he's a flake ... write the review so you feel you've done your part ... then again, if you've told your waiter and gosh knows who else about being ghosted, maybe that's part of the thrill for you

 

The OP "put this to bed" nearly 2 hours before your post when he gave us his last update and said that he's over the incident and will be taking a break from the forum for a while (see post #72). So why take this parting shot at him?

 

For those of us who hire escorts to fulfill deeper needs for extended companionship and emotional intimacy, it can be really significant to have arranged an entire evening in hopes of finding a regular provider. Unfortunately, it didn't work out for this OP, so isn't this the right place to vent and/or commiserate? After all, one of this forum's main purposes is for clients to seek, and also provide, support and advice from/to one another regarding this hobby.

 

It's a new year, we're still struggling with a once in a century global pandemic that's so far infected over 20 million and claimed close to 400,000 lives in the U.S. alone, our democracy is hanging on by a thread, and things are only going to get worse in the short term, despite the promise of the 3 recently approved vaccines. The need for emotional support and companionship will likely only increase for most of us as we weather this brutal winter stretch of the pandemic. Could we please be a bit kinder to each other in 2021?

[Guest]

The OP "put this to bed" nearly 2 hours before your post when he gave us his last update and said that he's over the incident and will be taking a break from the forum for a while (see post #72). So why take this parting shot at him?

 

For those of us who hire escorts to fulfill deeper needs for extended companionship and emotional intimacy, it can be really significant to have arranged an entire evening in hopes of finding a regular provider. Unfortunately, it didn't work out for this OP, so isn't this the right place to vent and/or commiserate? After all, one of this forum's main purposes is for clients to seek, and also provide, support and advice from/to one another regarding this hobby.

 

It's a new year, we're still struggling with a once in a century global pandemic that's so far infected over 20 million and claimed close to 400,000 lives in the U.S. alone, our democracy is hanging on by a thread, and things are only going to get worse in the short term, despite the promise of the 3 recently approved vaccines. The need for emotional support and companionship will likely only increase for most of us as we weather this brutal winter stretch of the pandemic. Could we please be a bit kinder to each other in 2021?

 

I appreciate your post, I took a little offense to his comments but didn't want to add to the negativity. The OP and I've been chatting and he's a really sweet guy and very new to the scene. That's one of the points of this board, to support each other.

 

As my friend Nina West says...BE KIND

[jtwalker]

i dont believe this for a moment. if this were true, then he would have replied to your texts and said something like "oh my god... it is for tonight? i am so sorry. i planned this in my schedule for tomorrow night. i am busy tonight" not a ghosting until after the fact then try to come up with a feable excuse. just like my escort that blew off our restaurant meeting and then 2 days after the fact said "oh i forgot" while i text him the day before and the day of the dinner. yeah right.

 

i smell a pile of bullshit right around the corner.

 

Clearly lying (doesn't take Perry Mason to figure that out), and if he'll lie about this, then he'll lie about everything else. Move on!

[Strafe13]

OK, so you didn't have initial contact with any of the three alternates until Plan A wasn't happening. How long after checking into the hotel did you decide on Plan B?

 

I had a no-show occur with me last year while on a work trip in Boston. I contacted the guy I wanted to meet a week before traveling so I could arrange my schedule and book the two hours. Everything went smoothly and he even texted me the morning of the appointment to say he was looking forward to meeting me. That night, while at dinner with colleagues, he texted around 7PM that he couldn't make it. Our appointment was 9PM. By the time dinner was over and I returned to my hotel it was after 8PM. I then spent two hours scrolling through other profiles, initiating contact, most going unanswered and those who did basically laughed at my attempt to get an appointment within a couple hours even though their “available now” indicator was activated.

 

I’m glad you turned that lemon into lemonade, but I think you also had a huge amount of luck that your three alternates were available. You were also looking for a replacement for an overnight and had the flexibility to schedule multiple one hour sessions several hours before the desired meetings, especially your second and third. Mine was a one-shot, two hour session for that night.

 

I agree that @MscleLovr had some good fortune with his alternates, which isn't always common and will vary with the season and market. I usually hire in NYC, which has the largest selection of male escorts in the country. Yet, I've found it to be pretty difficult to book providers on short notice, even when they have the "available now" feature on their rentmen profile switched on. Being stood up often means that you'll be unable to book a replacement, even in the Big Apple. I imagine that it's also quite frustrating for escorts when clients pull a "no show" or cancel at the last minute. Those are the perils of this business, right?

[Lazarus]

Every single person I have ever hired in NYC has been on short notice. I have found that “Available Now” usually means just that. I guess I have been lucky. However, I haven’t hired anyone in NYC in almost a year for various reasons.

[Strafe13]

Every single person I have ever hired in NYC has been on short notice. I have found that “Available Now” usually means just that. I guess I have been lucky. However, I haven’t hired anyone in NYC in almost a year for various reasons.

 

My experience has been mixed. I've found quite often, and some guys have admitted, that a lot of escorts keep their profile's "available now" feature on all the time so that they'll stand out in general browsing. I've had guys simply not respond, and others say that it was too late or they were out with friends or having dinner. It obviously wasn't worth it to impress upon them the inherent contradiction in displaying themselves as "available now" in such situations.

 

It could be the specific type of guys I reach out to, or maybe I'm inquiring at times of peak interest when providers would be less likely to be available. I've never thought that deeply about a potential pattern. In most locales I wouldn't think much of it, but I've just found it surprising in NYC, which literally has over 500 active profiles at any given moment, how often I've encountered difficulty trying to hire on the spur of the moment. Having alternate options is always a sound strategy, but it can often be fruitless, even in the city that never sleeps.

[starman05]

it's tough; we have to 'okay' with no-shows and keeping in mind this is all business; at the same time, when it all comes together, we have to let go enough to really be in the moment so we can enjoy it -- all the while knowing it's not real.

 

But if you can just be in the moment and enjoy it? pretty great.

[justmikal]

I have rarely hired guys but it's always a hot fantasy. I had arranged to meet a traveling escort who was staying in my city for a few days. We agreed on a day and time, and I even arrived outside his hotel a bit early. I messaged to say I was there but could wait if he was busy/not ready. I waited..and waited....the appointment time came.. and went. After waiting 30 minutes I left. Eventually got a reply "Ugh, sorry, i went to take a nap and slept through my alarm".

 

Whatever the reason for being stood up, I was not impressed