Too fat to hire

[Realalist]

Be gentle with me because I'm sharing something that I can't share anywhere else that's rather personal for me.

 

I'm a tall mid-30's overweight black man that probably spends more time on RM than any other site. I often fantasize about having an amazing experience with a hot guy to at least somewhat makeup for the disaster that is a my dating life. The problem is that I experience a great deal of anxiety trying to hire someone because of my weight. I've had a number of bad experiences in the free dating world because of my weight and I always feel like that experience will be similar with an escort. Mostly I tend to choose less attractive escorts to mitigate some damage but I feel so ridiculous passing up hot guys I can afford because of this fear. I just want to feel wanted and validated. Does anyone else share these feelings?

[marylander1940]

Be gentle with me because I'm sharing something that I can't share anywhere else that's rather personal for me.

 

I'm a tall mid-30's overweight black man that probably spends more time on RM than any other site. I often fantasize about having an amazing experience with a hot guy to at least somewhat makeup for the disaster that is a my dating life. The problem is that I experience a great deal of anxiety trying to hire someone because of my weight. I've had a number of bad experiences in the free dating world because of my weight and I always feel like that experience will be similar with an escort. Mostly I tend to choose less attractive escorts to mitigate some damage but I feel so ridiculous passing up hot guys I can afford because of this fear. I just want to feel wanted and validated. Does anyone else share these feelings?

 

Thank you for sharing! Just contact whoever you think is attractive to you and make sure he knows your real stats and expectations for your encounter.

 

It’s a buyers market I’m sure an escort will be glad to have you

[Guy Fawkes]

I know for a fact that there are several A-list escorts that will accept you with open arms. The key is to communicate, communicate, communicate. If they pass on you, simply move on without regret.

 

Regards,

Guy

 

Be gentle with me because I'm sharing something that I can't share anywhere else that's rather personal for me.

 

I'm a tall mid-30's overweight black man that probably spends more time on RM than any other site. I often fantasize about having an amazing experience with a hot guy to at least somewhat makeup for the disaster that is a my dating life. The problem is that I experience a great deal of anxiety trying to hire someone because of my weight. I've had a number of bad experiences in the free dating world because of my weight and I always feel like that experience will be similar with an escort. Mostly I tend to choose less attractive escorts to mitigate some damage but I feel so ridiculous passing up hot guys I can afford because of this fear. I just want to feel wanted and validated. Does anyone else share these feelings?

[+ augustus]

What @marylander1940 said. You've got the CASH baby, they provide the service. Just be honest upfront. If they pass, there are many others that will accept.

[Mo Mason]

I absolutely share those feelings. I'm so self-conscious about my appearance that I haven't bottomed in two years because of it. And I really, really want to bottom again. But I feel guilty asking a hot guy to top me because I think I'm grotesque. It's hard to get around that, mentally. I don't hire nearly as often as I'd like to because of this, and when I do it's awkward and almost always becomes a massage and bj session instead of what I really want.

[Guy Fawkes]

I have had one escort express his delight at the prospect of topping a full-figured-gentleman; They are out there. Remember Communicate, Communitate, Communicate.

 

I absolutely share those feelings. I'm so self-conscious about my appearance that I haven't bottomed in two years because of it. And I really, really want to bottom again. But I feel guilty asking a hot guy to top me because I think I'm grotesque. It's hard to get around that, mentally. I don't hire nearly as often as I'd like to because of this, and when I do it's awkward and almost always becomes a massage and bj session instead of what I really want.

[Gymowner]

Hmmmmm. Band aides on the wound. You feel bad about yourself. The most liberating feeling on earth is the feeling of being in control of yourself... hence self esteem and confidence.

 

For your own health and well being, join a gym, eat for your health, join support groups with people sharing the same feelings and most importantly... have fun! Everyone loves an underdog that is making something positive about themselves.

 

Take pictures...now. set up small goals that you can accomplish and again have fun! When you achieve these goals take more pictures. Set up more goals. There is synergy within positive momentum.

 

Then when you hire one of these hot muscle phenoms, share your pictures, goals and future desires. I can almost guarantee the good ones will feel the positive energy and that in itself (especially with the straight ones) will excite them into a great session. Many will offer advice and I bet many will follow up with you and WANT to have a session just to see your progress.

 

Nothing in life is more energetic than energy!

 

Take control of yourself, love yourself and you will have no problem with a hire given he is a decent human being that also has goals, insecurities etc.

 

Take the first step. We all want you to succeed and again....make this fun!!

 

God bless!!

Edited October 19, 2019 by Gymowner

[Guy Fawkes]

And how much time do you expect as in my case, a mature, diabetic, arthritic Gentleman to make this magical transition?

 

Not faulting you for saying it, however you didn't address the OP's question but instead gave him a sugar-coated placebo.

 

Or will your gym support completely the old fart the rolls in on his cane and/or stroller? My free-weights are currently the 1.5lb wrist weights so that I don't drop them. I'm good for about 3 reps of 10. Have the 1lb-5lb on order, but it'll be a while before I can max them out.

 

Hmmmmm. Band aides on the wound. You feel bad about yourself. The most liberating feeling on earth is the feeling of being in control of yourself... hence self esteem and confidence.

 

For your own health and well being, join a gym, eat for your health, join support groups with people sharing the same feelings and most importantly... have fun! Everyone loves an underdog that is making something positive about themselves.

 

Take pictures...now. set up small goals that you can accomplish and again have fun! When you achieve these goals take more pictures. Set up more goals. There is synergy within positive momentum.

 

Then when you hire one of these hot muscle phenoms, share your pictures, goals and future desires. I can almost guarantee the good ones will feel the positive energy and that in itself (especially with the straight ones) will excite them into a great session. Many will offer advice and I bet many will follow up with you and WANT to have a session just to see your progress.

 

Nothing in life is more energetic than energy!

 

Take control of yourself, love yourself and you will have no problem with a hire given he is a decent human being that also has goals, insecurities etc.

 

Take the first step. We all want you to succeed and again....make this fun!!

 

Gid bless!!

[Realalist]

Thank you for sharing! Just contact whoever you think is attractive to you and make sure he knows your real stats and expectations for your encounter.

 

It’s a buyers market I’m sure an escort will be glad to have you

Thank you. Thing is, I don't want to have to tell them I'm overweight beforehand. Nobody else has to inform escorts of their physical attributes beforehand, so why should I? I know, it makes sense because if they can't perform with a overweight guy then it would mutually beneficial to let them know upfront but that experience would only add to my anxiety.

[rvwnsd]

@Realalist, I don't share your feelings but can empathize with you. My advice is similar to @Guy Fawkes - communicate what you are looking for and, because you find it to be an issue, share your anxiety about your appearance.

 

There are several escorts whose ads state all shapes and sizes are welcome. Start with one of them. If they don't strike your fancy then send a note to someone you are attracted to and see what happens.

[Realalist]

I absolutely share those feelings. I'm so self-conscious about my appearance that I haven't bottomed in two years because of it. And I really, really want to bottom again. But I feel guilty asking a hot guy to top me because I think I'm grotesque. It's hard to get around that, mentally. I don't hire nearly as often as I'd like to because of this, and when I do it's awkward and almost always becomes a massage and bj session instead of what I really want.

I share those same feelings. I would've hired twice this week alone if it wasn't for my fear.

[Realalist]

@Realalist, I don't share your feelings but can empathize with you. My advice is similar to @Guy Fawkes - communicate what you are looking for and, because you find it to be an issue, share your anxiety about your appearance.

 

There are several escorts whose ads state all shapes and sizes are welcome. Start with one of them. If they don't strike your fancy then send a note to someone you are attracted to and see what happens.

I think I really like this idea. Thank you.

[rvwnsd]

ALL DONE EDITING

I think I really like this idea. Thank you.

 

You are welcome. Read on for my take on the conundrum of shouldn't have to tell an escort what you look like vs fear that the escort will run when he sees you.

 

 

Thank you. Thing is, I don't want to have to tell them I'm overweight beforehand. Nobody else has to inform escorts of their physical attributes beforehand, so why should I? I know, it makes sense because if they can't perform with a overweight guy then it would mutually beneficial to let them know upfront but that experience would only add to my anxiety.

So, here's the thing: this is about you, not the escort.

 

You don't want to contact escorts you find attractive out of fear that they will not be able to perform because of your self-perceived unattractiveness, but you don't want to weed out escorts who might find you unattractive due to your size by telling them you are overweight.

 

What to do?

 

Contact one of the escorts you would have hired this week and hire him. See what happens. If you have a great time, then you are happy and might have found someone to hire on a regular basis. If you don't have a great time, then you are exactly where you are right now.

[Realalist]

ALL DONE EDITING

 

 

You are welcome. Read on for my take on the conundrum of shouldn't have to tell an escort what you look like vs fear that the escort will run when he sees you.

 

 

 

So, here's the thing: this is about you, not the escort.

 

You don't want to contact escorts you find attractive out of fear that they will not be able to perform because of your self-perceived unattractiveness, but you don't want to weed out escorts who might find you unattractive due to your size by telling them you are overweight.

 

What to do?

 

Contact one of the escorts you would have hired this week and hire him. See what happens. If you have a great time, then you are happy and might have found someone to hire on a regular basis. If you don't have a great time, then you are exactly where you are right now.

You really nailed it. This problem is definitely more me than the escorts themselves. I think I'll take the easy way out and just tell them upfront to spare myself the perceived embarrassment. I'm truly a mess but damn if I didn't appreciate being able to talk about this.

[+ BenjaminNicholas]

Just be upfront and honest, about yourself and your expectations.

 

Many fellow escorts I've talked with about having larger clients don't have problems with the weight, but how that size can prevent a guy from properly preparing for play. There comes a point in which it's simply impossible for a big guy to get himself squeaky clean.

 

My advice is akin to what other guys have already suggested: Just start a dialogue with someone you find interesting. See where it goes.

 

As I've said before around here, no guts-no glory

[+ bigjoey]

Just be upfront and honest, about yourself and your expectations.

 

Many fellow escorts I've talked with about having larger clients don't have problems with the weight, but how that size can prevent a guy from properly preparing for play. There comes a point in which it's simply impossible for a big guy to get himself squeaky clean.

 

My advice is akin to what other guys have already suggested: Just start a dialogue with someone you find interesting. See where it goes.

 

As I've said before around here, no guts-no glory

 

One of the great escorts told me his trick with “full size clients” who just could not get themselves clean as you state was to suggest they start the session with a hot, playful, sexy time in the shower. Without telling them why he wanted to start with shower play, the client would have a fun time and he would have a clean client.

[+ BenjaminNicholas]

One of the great escorts told me his trick with “full size clients” who just could not get themselves clean as you state was to suggest they start the session with a hot, playful, sexy time in the shower. Without telling them why he wanted to start with shower play, the client would have a fun time and he would have a clean client.

 

Yes, that's a classic move and one that's been useful in certain situations.

 

However... A simple shower cannot properly douche someone out.

[Walker1]

I had lots of free sex when I was a fat fem bordering on drag queen behavior. Now I did get rejected a lot and laughed at -but just developed thick skin as part of my persona. Some of them were hot too.

 

I think accept yourself and be honest and be open to rejection-just don't take it personally if you get rejected.

[Ghadd]

I'm in a similar situation, and I remember reading a thread a while back about that issue. Even with the drama, I found it very informative.

 

Would you rather overweight clients inform you about their expectations before meeting?

 

There are many escorts who are fine with larger men, and who will take you as a client just the same. Some state that in their ad. As suggested, I'd start there.

[NYCethan]

I’ve had a few overweight clients and knew immediately from their RentMen bios. I don’t think you should feel discourage or anxious to reach out and get the experience you want. If a guy isn’t comfortable meeting then that just isn’t the guy for you! I’m sure you can find someone lovely if you just initiate contact

[Epigonos]

Realist you need to understand that you don’t have to do anything. When you state that, “Nobody else has to inform escorts of their physical attributes beforehand, so why should I?” you are correct. Nobody has to, HOWEVER, many of us DO simply to avoid embarrassing situations later. I have been hiring escorts, on a regular basis, for over fifteen years and I ALWAYS describe myself in our early communication. I am especially careful to include my age, soon to be 79, so if the escort happens to be an ageist he can opt out of meeting me early. In all of my years hiring only one escort ceased communicating with me upon knowing my age. Your refusal to mention your weight to a potential hire is a serious, silly mistake. By not doing so you create a situation where you are terribly nervous and up tight about how the escort will react when you meet. Additionally you set yourself up for disappointment if the escorts happens to be weight conscience. COMMUNICATE and stop feeling that by doing so you are being forced to do something the rest of us aren’t.

Edited October 19, 2019 by Epigonos

[+ pitman]

Thank you. Thing is, I don't want to have to tell them I'm overweight beforehand. Nobody else has to inform escorts of their physical attributes beforehand, so why should I? I know, it makes sense because if they can't perform with a overweight guy then it would mutually beneficial to let them know upfront but that experience would only add to my anxiety.

Tell them about your weight, and if they indicate they have no problem with it, meet with them for coffee. A good escort in that situation will work to alleviate your anxiety and establish trust before proceeding any further.

[+ OliverSaks]

Bring on the lbs!

[mike carey]

@Realalist I wasn't going to comment, but I can only echo what @Epigonos said. You are entitled not to tell a potential hire anything about yourself, but if you don't you'll be on tenterhooks wondering if they'll turn you away. Many will say any age, race or body shape, but unless you've told them about yourself, you'll still harbour thoughts that it might have just been their advertising pitch. I now make a point of telling guys I want to hire how old I am, and also that I live in a small town so if I'm going to meet it won't be 'now' but when I'm in their city. Most responses are positive on both counts. I realise it's easy for me to say this and harder for you to accept it, and I had similar reservations. But in my trips to the US I have hired some incredible men whom I would have thought would turn their noses up at me. They didn't.

[Monarchy79]

Be gentle with me because I'm sharing something that I can't share anywhere else that's rather personal for me.

 

I'm a tall mid-30's overweight black man that probably spends more time on RM than any other site. I often fantasize about having an amazing experience with a hot guy to at least somewhat makeup for the disaster that is a my dating life. The problem is that I experience a great deal of anxiety trying to hire someone because of my weight. I've had a number of bad experiences in the free dating world because of my weight and I always feel like that experience will be similar with an escort. Mostly I tend to choose less attractive escorts to mitigate some damage but I feel so ridiculous passing up hot guys I can afford because of this fear. I just want to feel wanted and validated. Does anyone else share these feelings?

 

1. Get out of your head... you are creating your own dismal reality.... the dating world is definitely cruel, and tough, but paying for a service may be a bit different.

 

2. Appreciate your life and take control of it (work on it). Please seek some therapy to help you on the inside, and also work on yourself on the outside too. You’re still young. You can lose the weight, gain confidence and live your best life.

 

to be quite honest, being overweight, black, and gay, is a lot to handle.... at the least, you can change one of them. Focus on yourself, only place yourself in situations that make you feel good about yourself, and take the time to affirm to yourself daily that you deserve the best for yourself while putting in the work.

 

3. If you’re seeking a service provider, just be clear of your weight and race (yes I said it.. because people do have biases ... (oops I meant “preferences”....)... anywho, if a provider turns away your hard -earned money, then find one who won’t and will give you the service you deserve.

 

4. And finally.... convince yourself that you do not give a fuck about what anyone else thinks about you... even if you have to record yourself saying that and play it on some headphones.... Not giving a fuck about others opinions, views or judgments is the most liberating thing you can do in life... and it will make you happy as can be!!!

Edited October 20, 2019 by Monarchy79