Is getting catfished by a provider ever ok??

[Methodic98]

So this question has been on my mind lately. Would love to get other thoughts / opinions.

 

You come across a profile that, best as you can tell, is a legitimate ad (it even has a couple of 5 star reviews from people who've had their own profiles for a couple of years). You negotiate what's taking place, price, yada yada yada. You arrive at the door and the person who opens it is NOT the person whose pictures are on the profile...Except:

Though it is not the person at all, the provider is still the same age / height / build (and just as friggin' attractive, if not more so) as the profile pictures.

 

He says, the reason he won't use his own pictures is for 'safety reasons'. As well as his other gigs are also public and unrelated (Bartender / Actor). He also doesn't identify as 'bi' publicly.

 

So outside of the fake pics....the hire itself was a 5-star hire. And now I'm being asked to leave a review (which means either saying the pictures aren't his and potentially slowing down his future hires, or saying everything is great great great)

 

I mentioned earlier this would not be the first review....meaning other people have already been down this road and left 5 stars.

 

So what say you?

[+ Pensant]

I’d submit a review of your “experience” with this stud, rather than critiquing his motivation.

[+ purplekow]

If I were to have had this experience, I would say exactly what you said here. Something like: I had a great time with him. He was easy to contact and making arrangements was quite easy. When I got to his place and he opened the door, I was surprised to see someone much more handsome than the pictures he had sent. In fact, the pictures were not his but as he explained they are representative of him without revealing his true identity. If this decpetion bothers you, you should probably skip him, but if you go in knowing this and giive him a chance, you will have a great experience and will easily overlook the photo switch, as I have.

Thereby giving a great review and a warning at the same time.

If I saw this review, I would still hire him if I was attracted to the photos even knowing that the person I am going to see is not that person.. Others might not but they may lose out on a great experience otherwise.

[+ EVdude]

@Methodic98, if you haven’t already seen it, the thread below is not exactly on topic (i.e how to review said catfish) but it is a discourse on reacting to the situation.

 

https://www.companyofmen.org/threads/i-guess-hell-has-frozen-over.149688/

[Methodic98]

@Pensant that certainly makes sense. Thanks.

 

@purplekow I appreciate your perspective. Definitely a better outlook ?

 

@EVdude I did not know about that thread but will check it out.

[+ WilliamM]

He may have additional reasons that were inappropriate to mention.

[hypothetically]

So this question has been on my mind lately. Would love to get other thoughts / opinions.

 

You come across a profile that, best as you can tell, is a legitimate ad (it even has a couple of 5 star reviews from people who've had their own profiles for a couple of years). You negotiate what's taking place, price, yada yada yada. You arrive at the door and the person who opens it is NOT the person whose pictures are on the profile...Except:

Though it is not the person at all, the provider is still the same age / height / build (and just as friggin' attractive, if not more so) as the profile pictures.

 

He says, the reason he won't use his own pictures is for 'safety reasons'. As well as his other gigs are also public and unrelated (Bartender / Actor). He also doesn't identify as 'bi' publicly.

 

So outside of the fake pics....the hire itself was a 5-star hire. And now I'm being asked to leave a review (which means either saying the pictures aren't his and potentially slowing down his future hires, or saying everything is great great great)

 

I mentioned earlier this would not be the first review....meaning other people have already been down this road and left 5 stars.

 

So what say you?

 

I do not think stealing the identity of another for personal gain is ok.

 

There are ways to navigate advertising if discretion and safety are your concern.

 

He could easily find stock photos of an aesthetic that were representative of his own before stealing the identity of someone else without permission.

 

And you would not be reviewing truthfully. If you’re using RM, most users cannot see the text feedback you’ve provided or know how. So unless you’re going to give him 5 stars and answer “No.” per the “Does he look like his photos?” question, your review is equally as fraudulent as his business practices .

[Guest]

https://www.companyofmen.org/threads/defeat-photo-fraud.72803/

[+ azdr0710]

and just as friggin' attractive, if not more so

 

ok, I'll ask what we're all really thinking......link?.....PM is fine!

 

while many here on the forum go utterly ballistic over the use of any kind of "fake" picture, some cooler heads defend the use if the provider is, in fact, trying to protect his identity for that "daytime" job or other real-life pursuit.......of course, it is hoped that the "fake" pictures are very representative of who is really advertising and that no other person is harmed by their use.......and it might be a polite thing for the provider to disclose the fact in the ad text (I may've only seen that happen once??!)......

Edited July 8, 2019 by azdr0710

[Dmitri]

So this question has been on my mind lately. Would love to get other thoughts / opinions.

 

You come across a profile that, best as you can tell, is a legitimate ad (it even has a couple of 5 star reviews from people who've had their own profiles for a couple of years). You negotiate what's taking place, price, yada yada yada. You arrive at the door and the person who opens it is NOT the person whose pictures are on the profile...Except:

Though it is not the person at all, the provider is still the same age / height / build (and just as friggin' attractive, if not more so) as the profile pictures.

 

He says, the reason he won't use his own pictures is for 'safety reasons'. As well as his other gigs are also public and unrelated (Bartender / Actor). He also doesn't identify as 'bi' publicly.

 

So outside of the fake pics....the hire itself was a 5-star hire. And now I'm being asked to leave a review (which means either saying the pictures aren't his and potentially slowing down his future hires, or saying everything is great great great)

 

I mentioned earlier this would not be the first review....meaning other people have already been down this road and left 5 stars.

 

So what say you?

 

Totally and completely not okay:

 

1) He is using someone else's photos. Whoever's photos they are is being ripped off and exposed as engaging in a business they are not involved in. This masseur you went to can be sued for doing this by the guy in the photos if he ever found out. The masseur you went to wants discretion? What about the poor guy's photos who are being used? No discretion for him, whoever and wherever he is.

 

2) Massage websites only allow masseurs to post their OWN photos. If they ever found out he would be kicked off the site. He cannot put in his ad copy that the photos are not him, but "resemble" him.

 

3) Who cares if other clients have left 5 star reviews? By leaving a review you are misleading future clients to believe that this is the masseur in the photo. This type of massage business is built on photos of the MASSEUR you are hiring, and even though he looks like that guy he is NOT that guy. Don't be complicit to his deceit and leave a review.

 

4) Solution: Contact the masseur and tell him to do a photo shoot where he does not show his face if discretion is important. There are many great ways to hide your face, such as different angles, posing with your head to the side, using lighting to shade your face, etc. I have seen many masseur ads that want discretion use these techniques to accomplish this. They show off their body and other assets, without showing their face. A photo shoot of this sort will keep him honest. At this point what he is doing is dishonest and deceptive. For whatever reasons he gives, it is still wrong. But he can make it right, and keep his job by doing a photo shoot as I described.

Edited July 8, 2019 by Dmitri

[+ beethoven]

One of the posts above directed us to "defeat photo fraud," an old post (2010, I think it was) by Glutes. I used to enjoy Glutes' comments on this message board, but he disappeared several years ago. Just seemed to vanish from the face of the earth.

Glutes was one of the most perceptive and funny posters I have ever been privileged to read here. Definitely a guy I admired and would have liked to get to know. I wonder what happened to him? His disappearance was a great loss to this site!!

[relax man]

4) Solution: Contact the masseur and tell him to do a photo shoot where he does not show his face if discretion is important. There are many great ways to hide your face, such as different angles, posing with your head to the side, using lighting to shade your face, etc. I have seen many masseur ads that want discretion use these techniques to accomplish this. They show off their body and other assets, without showing their face. A photo shoot of this sort will keep him honest. At this point what he is doing is dishonest and deceptive. For whatever reasons he gives, it is still wrong. But he can make it right, and keep his job by doing a photo shoot as I described.

 

Do sites like rentmasseur and masseurfinder allow a masseur to have an ad with no photo, or maybe just a workspace photo? If yes, then that's another option for a masseur who wishes to remain discreet. He's unlikely to get many contacts, but that's a him-problem, not a me-problem. Either way, there's no excuse whatsoever for using someone else's photos and not clearly disclosing that fact in the ad.

[MscleLovr]

I think that @Methodic98 had some good and helpful replies earlier.

 

I understand that profiles with pics always get more interest, but I feel using false pics is simple deception. I can accept that a person may want to protect his privacy, so the answer is not to show his face or any distinctive mark etc.

 

My only experience of this was several years ago when I made an online date with a 21year old. I suspected the pics were not of him as they showed a guy in superb physical condition. But I was interested so I asked if the pics were of him; he said No but that he closely resembled them. He was right...if he were to work out in a gym for a few years, convert some weight from fat to muscle and gain a couple of inches in height.

[Dmitri]

Do sites like rentmasseur and masseurfinder allow a masseur to have an ad with no photo, or maybe just a workspace photo? If yes, then that's another option for a masseur who wishes to remain discreet. He's unlikely to get many contacts, but that's a him-problem, not a me-problem. Either way, there's no excuse whatsoever for using someone else's photos and not clearly disclosing that fact in the ad.

 

I asked my massage guy and he told me the following: Masseurfinder: They do have an exception as you described. If discretion is an issue, you are allowed to post a photo of your studio. If you use this option, you are not allowed to post any photos of yourself. They also have a policy that if you post photos of yourself, you have to show your face, no cropping or shadows to blur your face. Rentmasseur: Requires photo of the masseur.....but very relaxed about not having to show your face. You can even crop your head off and just show your body. Rentmasseur (if he is not already on it with the other guy's photos) seems like the best option for the masseur in this thread. as he can just crop off his head for discretion....or get artsy and do different angles and shadows to hide his face, while still showing off his body.

[+ purplekow]

I asked my massage guy and he told me the following: Masseurfinder: They do have an exception as you described. If discretion is an issue, you are allowed to post a photo of your studio. If you use this option, you are not allowed to post any photos of yourself. They also have a policy that if you post photos of yourself, you have to show your face, no cropping or shadows to blur your face. Rentmasseur: Requires photo of the masseur.....but very relaxed about not having to show your face. You can even crop your head off and just show your body. Rentmasseur (if he is not already on it with the other guy's photos) seems like the best option for the masseur in this thread. as he can just crop off his head for discretion....or get artsy and do different angles and shadows to hide his face, while still showing off his body.

Let us not forget that bodies can be very easily identified in some cases. A tattoo, scar or some other marking may make identifying the person possible and that may be an issue for the poster. However, the OP asked what he should do not what the advertiser should do.

[Dmitri]

Hmm, this guy needs work in replying.

 

Me: will we both be nude

Him: have you used this website before

Me: yes many time

Him: then you should know the answer

 

I told him I saw his massage ad. I actually don't know the answer as each person is different. I'll pass

Let us not forget that bodies can be very easily identified in some cases. A tattoo, scar or some other marking may make identifying the person possible and that may be an issue for the poster. However, the OP asked what he should do not what the advertiser should do.

 

Good point re: tatoo, scar, etc. I would think someone wanting to be discreet would camouflage that. As far as what the OP should do I did address that in my response under #4) Solution. (re-read my post) I mentioned he should contact the masseur and give him advice on how to be honest and post his own photos while being discreet with the ideas I gave. ( this would let the masseur know the client is obviously not posting a review) Hopefully the OP will do that and contact the masseur with the suggestion I gave him.

Edited July 9, 2019 by Dmitri

[maninsoma]

Good point re: tatoo, scar, etc. I would think someone wanting to be discreet would camouflage that. As far as what the OP should do I did address that in my response under #4) Solution. (re-read my post) I mentioned he should contact the masseur and give him advice on how to be honest and post his own photos while being discreet with the ideas I gave. ( this would let the masseur know the client is obviously not posting a review) Hopefully the OP will do that and contact the masseur with the suggestion I gave him.

 

I've definitely seen ads where guys blur out what could be identifying markings, particularly tatoos.

 

Why any professional (escort or masseur) would think it's okay to use someone else's photos because they don't want to be identified is beyond comprehension. If one is worried about being identified based on a photo, what about the person whose photo was used without permission?

 

I call b.s. on the notion that anyone really does this for reasons of discretion. I think there is always some "grade inflation" at work -- in other words, they use photos that depict a slightly (or significantly) better version of themselves.

[MscleLovr]

I think there is always some "grade inflation"

 

That’s a very good observation @maninsoma. I’ve yet to hear of a guy advertising using ‘borrowed’ pics that show a chubby body or a homely face.

[+ nycman]

If the guys shows up and looks “close enough” I’ll most likely

go through with the appointment, but never hire him again.

 

I don’t like being deceived, but I also hate searching for a

replacement last minute.

 

If the pics are way off, I just politely say “I was expecting

someone else. You are clearly not him. Good night”.

Then I shut the door.

[woodworker]

I call b.s. on the notion that anyone really does this for reasons of discretion. I think there is always some "grade inflation" at work -- in other words, they use photos that depict a slightly (or significantly) better version of themselves.

I really want to agree with you. Most of the time I have found the reality less appealing than the marketing lie. But two of the most beautiful men I've hired used stolen pics and both moved on to success in other careers, with their reputations intact. They made the right decision.

[maninsoma]

I really want to agree with you. Most of the time I have found the reality less appealing than the marketing lie. But two of the most beautiful men I've hired used stolen pics and both moved on to success in other careers, with their reputations intact. They made the right decision.

 

Correction: They made the right decision to serve their own interests. We have no knowledge what the impact was on the men whose photos were used without their knowledge and consent. Maybe their reputations were negatively impacted which caused relationship, housing, or employment problems. I have a difficult time calling the decision "right" when the con men's only concern was themselves. Whatever potential problems they didn't want to have by using their own photos are the very same problems they could have caused other people to have. I find that reprehensible.

[woodworker]

Whatever potential problems they didn't want to have by using their own photos are the very same problems they could have caused other people to have. I find that reprehensible.

I see your point. I'd figured the real risk is when all the details line up: location, schedule, stats, phone, pics. Pics of Instagram models and porn actors are so widely reused that I assume there's no blowback for them. I may be wrong.

[JayCeeKy]

epikeia

1. (philosophy, theology) The principle in ethics that a law or rule can be broken to achieve a greater good.
   

[maninsoma]

I see your point. I'd figured the real risk is when all the details line up: location, schedule, stats, phone, pics. Pics of Instagram models and porn actors are so widely reused that I assume there's no blowback for them. I may be wrong.

 

I think that most people using fake photos aren't using porn models' photos since those photos would be so recognizable to the advertisers' target audience. Instead they grab photos of other types of models (and having an escort ad might, in fact, negatively impact a mainstream model's career) or just hot guys they've found online. But even if the photos stolen are of a porn model, it still doesn't excuse someone using that model's photos without his permission. There really isn't any justification for this behavior, though I understand why some guys might do it just like I understand why some people engage in other unethical behavior.