Orientation

[wooly]

Why do you think an escort requires that you ask him what his orientation is rather than just telling you upfront?

[myophile]

This gets discussed a lot on this forum, but frankly I think it’s an irrelevant question, and can only draw an irrelevant answer. Only the provider knows what he fantasizes about when he closes his eyes to whack off; it’s better for everybody concerned if you do not assume that YOU are his fantasy-come-true; but in any case he’s under no obligation to be upfront with you about that. What matters (or should matter) to you in this transaction is 1) his CAPACITY to engage sexually with people who may not turn him on, and 2) what he can make you BELIEVE. The difference between a good provider and a legendary one is the degree to which he can use that capacity to conjure that belief in you.

Edited July 6, 2019 by myophile

[+ harey]

Why do you think an escort requires that you ask him what his orientation is rather than just telling you upfront?

Although I notice Ask Me under orientation, I’ve never asked before a meeting. I may ask after meeting if I’m planning to see the escort again and want to get to know him better. The reasons for not disclosing online probably vary. He might be Bi-curious, straight but able to perform with men, or using a marketing strategy, etc.

 

Does orientation influence your decision to hire?

[hypothetically]

Why do you think an escort requires that you ask him what his orientation is rather than just telling you upfront?

 

Because an escort must assess how monetary the answer on an invidual-to-individual basis.

[caliguy]

What matters (or should matter) to you in this transaction is 1) his CAPACITY to engage sexually with people who may not turn him on, and 2) what he can make you BELIEVE. The difference between a good provider and a legendary one is the degree to which he can use that capacity to conjure that belief in you.

Having at least some chemistry will always define the experience. Without it all you get is a passionless robot. Of coarse that's probably enough for many here as long as the robot is hot.

[+ sync]

For me, the provider's orientation is need-to-know, up-front information. The standard definitions gay/bi/straight give providers ample space for truth in advertising.

[KeepItReal]

For me, the provider's orientation is need-to-know, up-front information. The standard definitions gay/bi/straight give providers ample space for truth in advertising.

High expectations!

[bendable2019]

It’s important to know as we expect complete satisfaction for the money we spend.

[Epigonos]

As a rule I NEVER hire and escort who answers Ask Me to the questions Orientation and Position. I expect to know and I have no intention of asking.

[+ José Soplanucas]

I could not care less about an escort sexual orientation, so I do not ask. My question is always: are you able to make me feel like you are into me? If he is a good actor, I am willing to believe, whatever his letter in the SLBGTTQ alphabet is.

 

Edited July 6, 2019 by latbear4blk

[hypothetically]

It’s important to know as we expect complete satisfaction for the money we spend.

 

“Know” what? That you’re paying for a fantasy? What’s advertised and what’s real life seldom correlate. You’re spending money on a meticulously crafted facade, fantasy, presentation tailored to you.

 

For me, the provider's orientation is need-to-know, up-front information. The standard definitions gay/bi/straight give providers ample space for truth in advertising.

 

There’s very little truth in most advertising. If escorts made “truth in advertising” a focus, no one would be hiring; no one would be making any money. Escorting is one big marketing strategy.

 

As a rule I NEVER hire and escort who answers Ask Me to the questions Orientation and Position. I expect to know and I have no intention of asking.

 

Bizarre. With all due respect, all of these replies read very naive and I find it fascinating that so many of you base your decision on orientation when a provider’s choice is not based on the truth but rather what he thinks will be most monetary and how well he can execute said role. All of you are paying for “lights, camera, action.” Nothing more, nothing less.

 

I also think it’s fascinating that one would make it a rule to “never” hire someone with Ask Me in their profile, not done by the escort because it’s a secret, by any means, but because putting “top” or “bottom” may limit someone’s visibility in search results and provider’s also like the option to be able to choose what role they’d like to fall into for whom, just like a client is able to make the same decision about a provider. If you are able to decide for whom you top and bottom, why can’t an escort?

 

I think a lot of you believe you put a quarter in the machine and the escort does the same jig for everyone; you are highly mistaken.

Edited July 6, 2019 by hypothetically

[bendable2019]

“Know” what? That you’re paying for a fantasy? What’s advertised and what’s real life seldom correlate. You’re spending money on a meticulously crafted facade, fantasy, presentation tailored to you.

 

If I am a bottom, I am not hiring another bottom... that’s what I mean! Imagine two flat pancakes rubbing each other - yikes in my worldview!

 

 

There’s very little truth in most advertising. If escorts made “truth in advertising” a focus, no one would be hiring; no one would be making any money. Escorting is one big marketing strategy.

 

 

 

Bizarre. With all due respect, all of these replies read very naive and I find it fascinating that so many of you base your decision on orientation when a provider’s choice is not based on the truth but rather what he thinks will be most monetary and how well he can execute said role. All of you are paying for “lights, camera, action.” Nothing more, nothing less.

 

I also think it’s fascinating that one would make it a rule to “never” hire someone with Ask Me in their profile, not done by the escort because it’s a secret, by any means, but because putting “top” or “bottom” may limit someone’s visibility in search results and provider’s also like the option to be able to choose what role they’d like to fall into for whom, just like a client is able to make the same decision about a provider. If you are able to decide for whom you top and bottom, why can’t an escort?

 

I think a lot of you believe you put a quarter in the machine and the escort does the same jig for everyone; you are highly mistaken.

[LivingnLA]

Why do you think an escort requires that you ask him what his orientation is rather than just telling you upfront?

 

If he's a savvy escort, it's part of his marketing because it encourages the client to reach out and communicate. In Sales, it's frequently a good thing when a prospect proactively communicates. It's all about learning more about a potential client to create the best approximation of their desired service to secure a booking and earn some money.

 

I have written about this many times on this forum. I really wish human beings would study the latest research instead of continuing to propagate misinformation. Though, the research is also clear about how we humans love our belief systems much more than we care about facts, reality, or the truth.

 

While psychology and Human Sexuality are very complex topics, there is far more information now than ever before. For example, we know Sexual Orientation (SO) and Sexual Activity or Sexual Behavior are independent and interrelated. In other words, it's entirely possible and even probable for a cisgendered straight identified human male to enjoy various sexual activities with another human male, depending on a variety of psychological and sociological factors.

 

We all have our fetishes, kinks, and limits. If you're interested in a hot time with another human being, it's far more important to check for compatibility of fantasies, fetishes, interests, kinks, and limits than inquiring about another human's Sexual Orientation.

 

As a cisgendered bisexual married father who enjoys spending time with certain stereotypes, I am less concerned with a particular person's SO than I am with their ability to embody a stereotypical Westernized cisgendered male fantasy. I ask questions about believability as a Hollywood leading man in a military movie or other stereotypical tropes. If the escort expresses skepticism, I politely move on. Yes, I have internalized homophobia, we all do, it's a big part of what feeds those of us into "straight guys," which is likely the anima and animus behind this entire thread and topic.

Edited July 7, 2019 by LivingnLA

[+ sync]

“Know” what? That you’re paying for a fantasy? What’s advertised and what’s real life seldom correlate. You’re spending money on a meticulously crafted facade, fantasy, presentation tailored to you.

 

 

 

There’s very little truth in most advertising. If escorts made “truth in advertising” a focus, no one would be hiring; no one would be making any money. Escorting is one big marketing strategy.

 

 

 

Bizarre. With all due respect, all of these replies read very naive and I find it fascinating that so many of you base your decision on orientation when a provider’s choice is not based on the truth but rather what he thinks will be most monetary and how well he can execute said role. All of you are paying for “lights, camera, action.” Nothing more, nothing less.

 

I also think it’s fascinating that one would make it a rule to “never” hire someone with Ask Me in their profile, not done by the escort because it’s a secret, by any means, but because putting “top” or “bottom” may limit someone’s visibility in search results and provider’s also like the option to be able to choose what role they’d like to fall into for whom, just like a client is able to make the same decision about a provider. If you are able to decide for whom you top and bottom, why can’t an escort?

 

I think a lot of you believe you put a quarter in the machine and the escort does the same jig for everyone; you are highly mistaken.

Your responses project a harbor for provider evasiveness, deception and shifting of blame. Perhaps you should consider politics.

[myophile]

It’s important to know as we expect complete satisfaction for the money we spend.

 

What makes you think he’s providing an honest answer—instead of just telling you what you want to hear, or what will make him more marketable?

[BaronArtz]

I have been hiring in NYC for 20+ years. This is a competitive market with no shortage of attractive service providers - both escorts and masseurs. There is ample capacity of gay providers, I decided a while ago that I would never, ever again hire providers who state they are straight/bi/ask me. I detest physical contact with women and the thought that the escort/masseur may have been in touch with pu^^y totally grosses me out. More importantly. I don't want a young man - or anybody for that matter - to get out of his comfort zone to put up an act with me.

 

So there it is - gay only for me.

Edited July 6, 2019 by BaronArtz

[hypothetically]

Your responses project a harbor for provider evasiveness, deception and shifting of blame. Perhaps you should consider politics.

 

I respect your opinion, but I don’t agree. Nor is your sentiment the majority of the response I get per my feedback. I think me speaking so transparently about the logistics of the business (which is foreign to a lot of members) only comes across as “evasive” or “deceptive” to those who choose to remain aloof or naive about the realities that steer the client/provider dynamic.

 

The escort narrative is lacking on the forum, so I feel someone may interpret my feedback as you have because you’re likely an advocate for “the client is always right” mentality. Which is untrue. I am not always right either, and I have no issue admitting that openly. But I think it’s important you’re at the very least exposed to a perspective other than the client’s. I don’t really give a shit if you agree or not, but at least you hear me. The mute feature is an excellent resource if you’re for whatever reason, idk, bothered.

[hypothetically]

@bendable2019 If I am a bottom, I am not hiring another bottom... that’s what I mean! Imagine two flat pancakes rubbing each other - yikes in my worldview!

 

@bendable2019 Most escorts that advertise “top” on Rentmen actually bottom in their personal lives. Only a bottom who has been on the receiving end knows specifically what works and what does not. A top who has never had a penis in his ass is likely not an exemplary one. Why? Because he has no idea what it feels like. Have you never heard the saying “the best bottoms make the best tops.” Additionally, advertising as a bottom is stigmatized within the community so many bottoms actually prefer to advertise as top for that reason. “Bottom-shaming” extends to the world of sex-work also.

Edited July 6, 2019 by hypothetically

[+ harey]

Only a bottom who has been on the receiving end knows specifically what works and what does not. A top who has never had a penis in his ass is likely not an exemplary one. Why? Because he has no idea what it feels like.

That made me chuckle. But the same logic, there are no exemplary lovers among straight men and women.

[hypothetically]

That made me chuckle. But the same logic, there are no exemplary lovers among straight men and women.

 

Yes but straight men don’t have the option to have a vagina from which to technique-pull.

 

Gay men are afforded the opportunity to switch roles. They just choose not to.

[+ sync]

I respect your opinion, but I don’t agree. Nor is your sentiment the majority of the response I get per my feedback. I think me speaking so transparently about the logistics of the business (which is foreign to a lot of members) only comes across as “evasive” or “deceptive” to those who choose to remain aloof or naive about the realities that steer the client/provider dynamic.

 

The escort narrative is lacking on the forum, so I feel someone may interpret my feedback as you have because you’re likely an advocate for “the client is always right” mentality. Which is untrue. I am not always right either, and I have no issue admitting that openly. But I think it’s important you’re at the very least exposed to a perspective other than the client’s. I don’t really give a shit if you agree or not, but at least you hear me. The mute feature is an excellent resource if you’re for whatever reason, idk, bothered.

Yes, I hear you and share your conclusion that we shall not agree. Despite that, I do not partake of the "mute feature" because I am interested in varying opinions. I reject your judgement that expecting providers to be truthful in their advertising is to be aloof or naive about the realities that steer the client/provider dynamic. If the product advertised is not the product delivered, client dissatisfaction is justified. I'm curious how you arrived at the judgement of me being "likely an advocate for 'the client is always right' mentality" from my expecting providers to be clear about their sexual orientations in their advertising.

[+ BlueSky]

This gets discussed a lot on this forum, but frankly I think it’s an irrelevant question, and can only draw an irrelevant answer. Only the provider knows what he fantasizes about when he closes his eyes to whack off; it’s better for everybody concerned if you do not assume that YOU are his fantasy-come-true; but in any case he’s under no obligation to be upfront with you about that. What matters (or should matter) to you in this transaction is 1) his CAPACITY to engage sexually with people who may not turn him on, and 2) what he can make you BELIEVE. The difference between a good provider and a legendary one is the degree to which he can use that capacity to conjure that belief in you.

 

I agree with Myophile here. I want a hot experience and feeling of physical connection with an escort. I want to fanatasize. I don't pretend he's really going to be into me. So I don't worry about it. It's about the fantasy. I've had great experiences with gay and straight. I usually like to kiss so that can be a deal breaker if the escort doesn't kiss. Some str8 escorts are great kissers and some gay escorts make kissing off limits. So, for me, I'm not real concerned what the escort does in his "real" life.

[instudiocity]

Your responses project a harbor for provider evasiveness, deception and shifting of blame. Perhaps you should consider politics.

Why politics? He's already playing a role he enjoys, pocketing $300/hour with no restrictions on how much one person can contribute. Plus he's only got one special interest group he has to satisfy, one client at a time.

[hypothetically]

I reject your judgement that expecting providers to be truthful in their advertising is to be aloof or naive about the realities that steer the client/provider dynamic. If the product advertised is not the product delivered, client dissatisfaction is justified.

 

A client expecting a provider’s advertising to be legitimate and truthful is naive. An escort may advertise as straight, and from what you gather upon his arrival, he fits the part, but for all you know that man may have never touched a woman in his life. You do not know if the product advertised is the product delivered if the escort is doing an exceptional job of what he has been hired to do: sell you a fantasy. Nor does it matter. You bought into a visual and some keywords. If you believe it is authentic. You are undoubtedly naive.

[Epigonos]

Those of us who are involved in hiring escorts, on a regular basis, invest quite a bit of money in this hobby. Two of the very nice things about this hobby is that we are completely free to believe whatever we want, and we are equally free to set any restrictions we want on the escorts we choose to hire. I usually try to limit my hiring to guys who state, up front publically in their rentmen ads, that they are gay and versatile. I like to think that I'm keeping my money in the gay family and by stating that he is versatile the escort is open to a variety of experiences. Do I care that other hobby participants or escorts think I'm being ridiculous and/or delusional, absolutely NOT. It's my money and I spend it in a way that makes ME happy.