Depression... Any suggestions?

[caramelsub]

Whoops, I guess I missed the part where you stated you were already in therapy. I apologize for the redundant advice.

[MidwestCoastal]

Whoops, I guess I missed the part where you stated you were already in therapy. I apologize for the redundant advice.

 

No need to apologize. I wasn't very clear about it. And as a long time user of therapy, I'm a huge believer and advocate.

[+ robear]

Have you expressed your dissatisfaction clearly and directly to your therapist? From my own experiences with therapy, I know that one gets into a routine over time, every session following the same contours. A refocusing of the work with your therapist may be in order: "I'm dissatisfied with my life right now. Please help me make changes to improve that."

[Bearman]

Just looking for different ideas...

 

I'm in therapy, taking anti-depressants... 46, never had a BF, lonely... losing interest in sex.

 

As a devout atheist who believes this is the only life we get and the member of an amazing family... no worries, I'm not suicidal, but gods I feel empty lately.

 

Therapy helps! Find yourself a good phycologist.

Take good care and best wishes to you!

[+ tassojunior]

avoid "falling in love"

 

[MidwestCoastal]

avoid "falling in love"

 

 

OK... I know I'm cynical, but what's wrong with wanting to be with someone whose companionship you enjoy and they also happen to love fucking your brains out? That's all I'm looking for!

[+ tassojunior]

OK... I know I'm cynical, but what's wrong with wanting to be with someone whose companionship you enjoy and they also happen to love fucking your brains out? That's all I'm looking for!

 

There are plenty of escorts who will make you feel that way. It's their job. But always remember, the most important person in your life is you. When you're strong and independent you will attract others.

 

I fall as much as anyone and I always warn people "lovers" can be much more expensive in money and emotions than "hires". They can be devastating and leave you 100% empty feeling and alone when it's over. At least for now it's probably better to think of sex as a sport or hobby and share emotions with others you won't get dependant on. Anyway, my 2 cents and everyone's different.

Edited May 12, 2019 by tassojunior

[+ g56whiz]

I'm really sorry you're going through this. I'm not a health professional and can't offer recommendations per se, but can relay my experience with mental health struggles in the hope that it may spark something for you.

 

I was in a similar situation a few years ago in my mid-20s, and did a few things to pull myself out of the hole. Some of this may sound cliched, and I apologize if that's the case.

 

- started therapy and anti-depressants (as you are doing); it took me a while to find the combination that worked for me and didn't give me bad side effects

- physical fitness: I was out of shape and slovenly. Started making a point of going on walks for 10 minutes a day, which morphed into runs, which morphed into joining a group fitness class, where I met people and got in shape and gave myself a pretty good self-esteem boost (this process took about 2 years)

- started volunteering. I found the act of helping people less fortunate than myself to be powerful; it also helped me meet people

- started doing that thing where you write down 5 things you're grateful for every night (corny, I know)

- started being open about my mental health struggles in my real life, and it was surprising how many people were in the same boat, which helped me feel less alone

 

I don't know much about ketamine, but hear that it works pretty well. There's also apparently this thing called transcranial magnetic stimulation (not sure what that does) that was recently approved for depression (one of my best friends is a psychiatrist).

 

Finally, I hope you derive some small measure of comfort and happiness and community in knowing that there's a stranger out on the internet who's genuinely rooting for you. Take care.

As the survivor of 40+ years as a chronic borderline depressive, commend your sage advice to the OP.

 

Please note that the immediate cause of depression is a hormonal imbalance in the brain. The imbalance occurs when there is a need to slow down bodily functions in order to protect organs from the destructiveness of stress. That occurs naturally in grief. But when we can’t identify the need for such slowing, the brain will try to make up issues. That’s when anger and paranoia can arise. The combination of counseling and medication is the best way to treat these issues.

 

Be a bit wary of over medicating. Psychotropic drugs take a long time to become effective. And what helps one individual with the same problem may be useless to you. The tendency of some therapists is to pile on the meds. That’s dangerous because they are all metabolized in the liver. At one point I got non viral hepatitis and had to stop all medications instantly. The withdrawal was hellish. Just be careful.

 

I recommend Andrew Solomon’s book Noonday Demonds. It’s an almanac of depression. It’s ironic but the more you know about your disease the less the chance the cause of your hormone imbalance will remain a mystery.

 

And remember as all these posts demonstrate, YOU ARE NOT ALONE!

For me it was more difficult to come out as someone with a mental illness than it was to come out as gay.

Edited May 12, 2019 by g56whiz

[+ OliverSaks]

Hormone imbalance? What!?

 

As the survivor of 40+ years as a chronic borderline depressive, commend your sage advice to the OP.

 

Please note that the immediate cause of depression is a hormonal imbalance in the brain. The imbalance occurs when there is a need to slow down bodily functions in order to protect organs from the destructiveness of stress. That occurs naturally in grief. But when we can’t identify the need for such slowing, the brain will try to make up issues. That’s when anger and paranoia can arise. The combination of counseling and medication is the best way to treat these issues.

 

Be a bit wary of over medicating. Psychotropic drugs take a long time to become effective. And what helps one individual with the same problem may be useless to you. The tendency of some therapists is to pile on the meds. That’s dangerous because they are all metabolized in the liver. At one point I got non viral hepatitis and had to stop all medications instantly. The withdrawal was hellish. Just be careful.

 

I recommend Andrew Solomon’s book Noonday Demonds. It’s an almanac of depression. It’s ironic but the more you know about your disease the less the chance the cause of your hormone imbalance will remain a mystery.

 

And remember as all these posts demonstrate, YOU ARE NOT ALONE!

For me it was more difficult to come out as someone with a mental illness than it was to come out as gay.

[+ E.T.Bass]

OK... I know I'm cynical, but what's wrong with wanting to be with someone whose companionship you enjoy and they also happen to love fucking your brains out? That's all I'm looking for!

 

Nothing is wrong with wanting that. Sounds like a great topic for a men's therapy group.

 

But when you are 86, you might look back and wish you hadn't put your life on hold over not having it, and wish you were 46 again, with a chance to tailor your approach to living. That's just a guess though right? How can we imagine taking care of our future 86 year old selves? On the other hand, our older selves deserve it. You deserve it.

 

Also, there are some very nice escorts that might be willing to explore your feelings. I'm not a medical professional. I'm just brainstorming here. Might not be your thing.

 

Lastly, give yourself permission to stop watching MSNBC, since you mentioned it. Washington Post will give you a sample of what's going on without the stressful hype of MSNBC. Seriously! I'd encourage subscribing to WAPO and turning off MSNBC.

Edited May 13, 2019 by E.T.Bass

[LookingAround]

Striking study reveals how dietary fats enter the brain and cause depression

 

http://flip.it/OFSAkp

And this is exactly why you shouldn’t get your medical information from posts on an internet board.

[+ E.T.Bass]

Thanks for nothing Oprah

[Monarchy79]

Thanks for nothing Oprah

Lmao!!!! ????

[thickornotatall]

I’d also recommend getting a dog.... the unconditional love you’ll get from a pooch will be truly therapeutic.

Having a dog gives you a sense of purpose to have a living breathing creature to depend on you...We have 2 dogs...doubles my pleasure..always being loved..all day...all night..all the time...

[JayCeeKy]

We have 2 dogs...doubles my pleasure..always being loved..all day...all night.

Get one more dog and you could have a Three Dog Night.

[+ Reg]

you're not alone. it just seems that way. you have plenty of people connections probably and to make new ones it just takes one word...."hello"

 

Worth repeating.

[Guest]

You never know what goes on behind the scenes in the perfectly-crafted “relationships.”

 

A former friend of mine just got engaged and everyone is gushing over it (the ring Is Fabulous) but what they don’t know is:

1.) They have a one-sided open relationship (he can sleep with whomever he wants, but his fiancée must get authorization from him to play around, otherwise , it’s considered cheating )

2.) He has ADHD , and an auto-immune disease that requires constant treatment and random times in the hospital. In addition to that, he takes numerous random medications for both. (He disclosed this long into the relationship, after he reeled him in)

3.) Although the fiancée is highly educated and had a good career, he’s close to $100k in student loan debt and has a 500 credit score

4.) my former friend is also an insomniac, but demands they share the bed nightly, so while the other one is trying to sleep, he’s up all night with the TV on. This will be a marriage of limited rest.

5.) Group sex with his friends is also a requirement. Oh, and he’s “allergic” to condoms and takes PrEP in “cycles” (which I question its efficacy), which puts him and the fiancée at risk of numerous health conditions.

 

But their wedding will be fabulous, and their social media profiles are awesome, and depict a picture perfect relationship.

 

Who would ever agree to this arrangement?! Your former friend sounds a little nutty! I wonder if that's why he's a former friend...

[Guest]

...no friends...

 

Moved around a lot for work...No BF... no dating for last ten years.... body issues... now feeling old, fat, and unwanted. I've somehow managed to keep together enough to have a relatively successful career, but that's all I have... I was born with amazing parents and sister... I am still close with them, but have always longed for gay friends.... just feel like I never fit it.

 

It sounds like the #1 thing you can do for yourself right now is to get on a (gradually increasing) exercise regimen and diet program. Exercise will immediately help your mood, and, over time, as your body improves, also help your romantic life. Do this as soon as possible. The longer your obesity persists, the greater the chance that this will cause knee and back problems which will make exercise more difficult. Trust me on this. While obesity will greatly hamper your romantic life, I don't see why this would hamper your social life. I have plenty of obese friends, some of whom are quite gregarious. Being generous and kind, interested in others, will make you more popular. Maybe there are social groups for people who want to go on walks, or other shared interests.

[+ WilliamM]

...no friends...

 

Moved around a lot for work...No BF... no dating for last ten years.... body issues... now feeling old, fat, and unwanted. I've somehow managed to keep together enough to have a relatively successful career, but that's all I have... I was born with amazing parents and sister... I am still close with them, but have always longed for gay friends.... just feel like I never fit it.

 

A successful career is s major accomplishment. Can you uses those skills for activities outside of work?

 

Even if it's just a course in literature, which could open a world of new people, and, more important, new confidence.

[rvwnsd]

Hormone imbalance? What!?

 

One of the doctors on the board will do a better job than I will, but in very lay layperson’s terms, depression can be caused by a shortage of serotonin. Hence, a selective serotonin reuptake inhibitor will be prescribed. Another term for reuptake is reabsorption. I don’t know whether serotonin is a hormone, per se. I do know it is a neurotransmitter.

[+ g56whiz]

It sounds like the #1 thing you can do for yourself right now is to get on a (gradually increasing) exercise regimen and diet program. Exercise will immediately help your mood, and, over time, as your body improves, also help your romantic life. Do this as soon as possible. The longer your obesity persists, the greater the chance that this will cause knee and back problems which will make exercise more difficult. Trust me on this. While obesity will greatly hamper your romantic life, I don't see why this would hamper your social life. I have plenty of obese friends, some of whom are quite gregarious. Being generous and kind, interested in others, will make you more popular. Maybe there are social groups for people who want to go on walks, or other shared interests.

My partner of several decades taught me that I had to love myself before I could really love him. It was and is true. That’s hard to do when you’re depressed. Diet and exercise is one good way to take charge of your problem. When you change the way you look you change your body image. It becomes a lot easier to accept and love your self. But be reasonable. Get a trainer to start. You can waste a lot of time and effort (and risk injury) if you don’t know what you’re doing. And be realistic: even with the best trainer and nutritionist you’re not going to be Mr. America in six to nine months. Good luck. You deserve it.

[Monarchy79]

 

Who would ever agree to this arrangement?! Your former friend sounds a little nutty! I wonder if that's why he's a former friend...

 

My former friend was absolutely crazy. But his insanity was masked with good looks, a charming, charismatic personality, and a form of sociopathic narcissism beyond belief.

 

He had an extreme talent of taping into people’s weaknesses and insecurities, making them feel safe and validated, and then manipulates them into being basically devoted followers (like a cult), his fiancée, and his friends all fall into his world where everything he does wrong rationalized, everything he says is gospel and everything he believes is agreed with. He controls everything. He’s also very generous, and people who are in need, also fall into his control as well.

 

When I was friends with him, I thought I was losIng my mind. And we kept clashing because I wouldn’t “conform”.

At first, I thought I missed his friendship, but what I missed was an idea of what I wanted our friendship to be.

 

Now, close to a year and a half of no contact, I’m relieved and I can tell the crazy stories of what I witnessed in this dude's crazy world and laugh at it.

[+ HarryReems4U]

What's your narcissistic friend's name? Does he escort?

 

(Just kidding!)

[Monarchy79]

What's your narcissistic friend's name? Does he escort?

 

(Just kidding!)

 

 

He’s highly sexual. He wouldn’t escort. He’d do it for free!

[LivingnLA]

@MidwestCoastal, THIS IS NOT PROFESSIONAL ADVICE. As one human to another, I hope you take many of these suggestions to heart. Depression, like many aspects of human experience seems to be self-reinforcing and habituating. It's important to change things up and disrupt the habits and patterns that form the structural support of the depression.

 

I won't process much of what you've shared publicly, all I will say, is that you are not alone. Nearly every human being on Earth experiences a time in life where we ask the questions you're asking.

 

1. We are social animals. You must have social interaction in your life to remain sane and healthy. If you don't like humans or don't like yourself around other humans, get a cat or dog and work with a therapist on socializing strategies with humans. This is critical to healthy life.

 

2. Spending money on short-term gratification is great in the moment, but it will promote depressive feelings and thoughts later and reinforce feelings of loneliness and more. I STRONGLY URGE you to invest that money in yourself. Many studies have found that physical activity has a profound impact on human brains, especially male humans. Stop spending as much time with escorts and put some of that money toward a personal trainer. Make it someone who's attractive to you and who's friendly/coachy/flirty. They are out there.

 

3. What are you passionate about? What fires you up? What are your hobbies or interests? I promise you that it's possible to find an online discussion forum for pretty much anything. Why not find one or two about topics you are interested in and join them? Think of it as the kiddy pool where you can socialize safely from behind your computer screen.

 

4. Please find a good therapist that you can build a therapeutic alliance with and who's able to work with you in ways that you value. Talk therapy can work, but for disrupting and changing mental habits, other more functional therapies tend to be more effective especially in the short-term.

 

5. Do not just take whatever the doctor gives you for anti-depressants. This area of pharmacology is complex and the range of reactions and side-effects can be substantial from one person to the next. Talk to your doctor about the side-effects and your quality of life. If that doctor blows you off, find a new one. It's usually possible to get an effective drug and dose that helps with manageable side-effects.

 

6. Some psychedelics have shown some very promising early results. If other things aren't working, consider a visit to a cutting edge doctor in Denver for legal care. Or if you decide to try something on your own, look for one of the research studies or at least talk it over with your doctor because while preliminary results are promising, the wrong dose or psychedelic can do real harm.

 

I hope my rambling has provided something. I've had depressive episodes in life. I even attempted suicide once long ago. These are very human experiences. But, research shows us that loneliness is a killer. Depression can be too. They require aggressive engagement and treatment. You are worth it. You deserve your love, compassion, and care. Once you can see your own awesomeness then others will be able to see it too.

Edited May 14, 2019 by LivingnLA