Strange incident

[JayCeeKy]

In a day where a number of odd, out of the usual, things happened to me, this one takes the cake, lol, and I just had to share.

Question: Do you have a PLAN for what you might say/do if you encounter this mysterious person again? Flee? Engage? Question? Ignore?

[bostonman]

Question: Do you have a PLAN for what you might say/do if you encounter this mysterious person again? Flee? Engage? Question? Ignore?

 

That's a good question, and I'd have to give it some thought. But I tend to doubt I'd want to deal with him.

 

Travis69 may have a point in that it could have been someone who had noticed me before, and was nervous - but I also don't necessarily think that's true. Yes, the encounter was awkward, but he wasn't like some blushing schoolboy trying to talk to a crush. Something in the way he behaved seemed just a bit too calculated and slick.

 

I'm also not sure I would recognize him again out of that context. Which means he'd have to initiate the whole thing all over again, and I would tend to think that he already got the signal that I wasn't interested.

 

I'd prefer that I don't run into him.

[Guest]

If you don't feel any chemistry with him, by all means give him the brush-off. If you find him attractive, however, unless there's something really creepy about him, I don't see the danger in grabbing a cup of coffee or a drink.

[LookingAround]

I'm perplexed by this. He says you're handsome and you go into Rain Man mode. It's good to be cautious but your behavior was pretty damn weird too. At least you have something in common. Lol

This. A guy gives you a compliment saying “you’re handsome” and somehow he’s turned into Anthony Perkins from Psycho in this thread. Ridiculous. Just accept the compliment and move on.

[+ WilliamM]

If you don't feel any chemistry with him, by all means give him the brush-off. If you find him attractive, however, unless there's something really creepy about him, I don't see the danger in grabbing a cup of coffee or a drink.

 

Clearly @bostonman did believe there was something really creepy about him.

[Monarchy79]

Jeez,

 

I now have confirmed that human interaction and normal flirtation is officially out of the window.

 

The man simply thought you were attractive and simply broke the ice. There was nothing to read into it or do. Before hook up sites and apps destroyed these types of social interactions, these type of things happened all the time. That’s how people actually engaged.

 

What’s ironic, is that a serial killer from Grindr can easily lure victims to his home through a typed conversation, and some pictures through a phone, but a dude in person, says “hi, I think you’re handsome”, is considered “creepy”......

 

Not judging you... but unfortunately, this is a sign of our times....

 

It amazes me that people are fearful of human interaction... but through a phone app, they will tell me their life story, and show me INVASIVE pictures of every nook and cranny of their bodies....

 

But if I say “hello”, while walking down the street, careful consideration is made towards my “intent”. ???

[bostonman]

Jeez,

 

I now have confirmed that human interaction and normal flirtation is officially out of the window.

 

The man simply thought you were attractive and simply broke the ice.

 

Context is everything. I can't say more than "you had to be there." But what I experienced didn't feel like a simple hello nor breaking the ice. I've experienced simple hellos and simply breaking ice. This wasn't that. Nor was this some "meet cute" moment out of Hollywood or a "some enchanted evening" thing. You weren't there, I was. I'm sorry.

[+ Just Sayin]

@bostonman, I just recalled a book I read 20 years ago by Gavin de Becker entitled "The Gift of Fear;" obviously, it's been awhile, but I remember him writing about trusting our gut feelings and that often those feelings are based upon past experiences we've had, it's just that at that moment in time we cannot bring them to mind; you made the right decision.

[+ robear]

This post reminded me of my distant youth in the 70s. At that (very different) time "street cruising" was common, especially for horny 20-somethings. If the attraction was mutual we negotiated a quick tryst at an agreed upon location. I agree though that in the age of Grindr I would find it ... odd ... also. Although I do still occasionally enjoy a sly smile, wink or other sort of "I see you" from another gay/bi man.

[RunnerGuy]

I have a lot of different responses to this post.

 

@bostonman you mentioned meeting the Uber in a "safe spot" and it was cold and dark. Perhaps you were subconsciously a bit more on edge.

 

You did the right thing for you, and maintained your safety while not being rude.

 

He's probably a colleague or someone in your department. Does your school have an online directory? Back in college (which is many years ago for me), I'd look up my crushes in the directory or MySpace (I know, totally dating myself). I didn't think it creepy, I wanted to know more about them and their interests. And also, to suss out if they were gay or not.

 

Living in LA, there are tons of hot guys around. It's not uncommon to hear guys complimenting each other. "Are you an actor? Are you a model?" It would actually be weirder if someone prefaced it with, "I'm straight but..."

 

I have some co-workers that are the straightest straight guys. We once had a very handsome client come in and even afterwards they joked "that's the most handsome man ever to walk in here."

 

At the spa there may be some flirtation going on or again, just a compliment. There's a guide who I told, "You look like Chris Hemsworth" (he actually does). He said thanks and have several conversations since. No awkwardness even though we're shirtless.

 

At same said spa, one time a guy came and sat perpendicular to me in the sauna. Removed his towel. Ended up making small talk -- and I notice he has a sizeable semi literally pointing straight at me.

 

We head over to the steam. Sit pretty far apart but he's still "pointing" at me. Gives off total straight vibes. A few minutes in I muster up the courage to say, "you're a great looking guy." To which he said thanks and we chatted for perhaps 20 minutes more. Nothing came of it.

 

To go up to someone and admit you find them attractive is probably more nerve-wracking than receiving the compliment. But again, if you felt unsafe, then you did the right thing for you.

 

Final story, my handsome friend has been dating his average looking boyfriend for almost a decade. My friend was waiting on his table and was complimented and asked out. So you ever know.

[Guest]

Clearly @bostonman did believe there was something really creepy about him.

Well, if there was something creepy about him, the OP hasn't elaborated as to what it was about him that was creepy, other than that he thought it was odd to be approached out of the blue. My point is that merely being approached out of the blue doesn't mean the guy's creepy. If there was something else, that may be another matter.

[Monarchy79]

Context is everything. I can't say more than "you had to be there." But what I experienced didn't feel like a simple hello nor breaking the ice. I've experienced simple hellos and simply breaking ice. This wasn't that. Nor was this some "meet cute" moment out of Hollywood or a "some enchanted evening" thing. You weren't there, I was. I'm sorry.

 

I completely understand and respect your intuition and experience. ☺️

 

Thanks for sharing as well.

[bostonman]

I completely understand and respect your intuition and experience. ☺️

 

Thanks for sharing as well.

 

Thank you.

 

I realize that this is a truly impossible thing to describe as I felt it - and believe me, if I had felt more comfortable with the guy as I perceived him, I might have tried to keep the conversation going, etc. But in the moment, it felt so bizarre (and truly not safe) that I did the only thing that made sense - to get out of there as gracefully as I could. Who knows what he wanted? Who knows what he thought? I'd love to think this was all some sort of innocent misunderstanding, but all I could think about at the time was "this isn't right."

 

In the meantime, thank you all for your thoughts, pro and con.

 

And the next time I take an uber from that area, I'll find a better spot to wait for it.

[+ WilliamM]

Well, if there was something creepy about him, the OP hasn't elaborated as to what it was about him that was creepy, other than that he thought it was odd to be approached out of the blue. My point is that merely being approached out of the blue doesn't mean the guy's creepy. If there was something else, that may be another matter.

 

I have read many of @bostonman's posts here. If he felt uncomfortable from the very beginning, including the "you are very handsome" remark, there was a very, very good reason.

Edited March 2, 2019 by WilliamM

[Deadlift1]

Fin

[Zapped]

This post reminded me of my distant youth in the 70s. At that (very different) time "street cruising" was common, especially for horny 20-somethings. If the attraction was mutual we negotiated a quick tryst at an agreed upon location. I agree though that in the age of Grindr I would find it ... odd ... also. Although I do still occasionally enjoy a sly smile, wink or other sort of "I see you" from another gay/bi man.

 

I picked up or got picked up by guys on the street when I was in my late teens and early 20s in the late 70s. Once I walked by a guy sitting on the steps in front of his apartment building. We made eye contact, smiled, he asked if I wanted to come in, and in a couple of minutes we were in his bed. Those were the days!

 

Harmless flirtation or a creepy vibe? Only the OP knows how he experienced it. How’d he know the OP was gay? Gaydar—or not caring.

 

If you’re uncomfortable in a situation, get out of it! Doesn’t matter how it would have been experienced by someone else, or how someone else thinks he would have experienced based on a description.

 

I’m extremely comfortable in a bath house. My husband (who has a lot of anxiety issues) is scared to death to go into one. To each his own.