Protocol/thoughts on gay wedding cash gift in nyc

[cany10011]

Guys, i have a friends wedding to go to and they have everything already. Own a townhouse in the west village and a rental condo on the upper west side. They are considered good friends of mine. I’ve been invited to the wedding reception at a nice restaurant. How much should I give as a cash gift? I usually give 200 to generic co-workers/ casual friends. Should I give 300 or 500? They are Asian so i will avoid the number 4(00).

 

I hope the amount i give will cover the price per head (is that what people look at these days?). Should 300 be enough? Has anyone had a wedding recently in manhattan that give advice?

 

I haven’t been to a wedding in ages and have no idea how much to give. No, they are not registered anywhere. And, i presume they prefer cash.

 

Any thoughts?

[KeepItReal]

Guys, i have a friends wedding to go to and they have everything already. Own a townhouse in the west village and a rental condo on the upper west side. They are considered good friends of mine. I’ve been invited to the wedding reception at a nice restaurant. How much should I give as a cash gift? I usually give 200 to generic co-workers/ casual friends. Should I give 300 or 500? They are Asian so i will avoid the number 4(00).

 

I hope the amount i give will cover the price per head (is that what people look at these days?). Should 300 be enough? Has anyone had a wedding recently in manhattan that give advice?

 

I haven’t been to a wedding in ages and have no idea how much to give. No, they are not registered anywhere. And, i presume they prefer cash.

 

Any thoughts?

You are pretty generous, even by NYC standards. Outside of NYC I usually give $100 for co-workers/casual and $200 for close family/friends max. In NYC I give $150 for co-workers/casual and $250 for close family/friends. There has been a very few cases where I have gone up to $350, but that is really pushing the limits for me - seriously, you can buy a decent washer or dryer for that price!

 

I think $300 is generous, at least in my circle of friends. It most certainly should cover the price per head for a meal at a nice restaurant, unless they are related to Rockefeller and breaking out the fine china!

[EastbayMike]

"I hope the amount i give will cover the price per head"

 

I think you're missing the purpose of your invitation to their wedding.

[YoungAD]

"I hope the amount i give will cover the price per head"

 

I think you're missing the purpose of your invitation to their wedding.

 

You quoted the exact thing I was going to quote.

[+ purplekow]

I got married at the St Regis Hotel in 1999. Because we took a date of a cancellation on short notice the entire wedding was half price. Nonetheless, at that time, the half price cost was $275 per person. As many of you know, my wife was ill at the time of our wedding and years before, when we were deciding on a wedding, she wanted a big wedding in the future rather than a small immediate wedding.

In the end, though it was melancholy due to her illness and despite the fact that I wanted a small intimate wedding, the wedding and the gathering of friends and relations is one of my best memories. As the cost for the food alone was $550 per couple, only a few people's gift exceeded the wedding cost. If you then put in the 7 piece band, the huge floral arrangements and the photographer, no one really came close to gifting enough to match costs. That was not the point of the wedding.

As some of you know, after more than a decade together, the wedding was a celebration of our life together. When my wife died nine months later, I still had the memories of that day to get me through and to this day, writing this, the memory of that day fills my heart and stirs my emotions as no other thought does.

Gift what you can. If they truly possess it all, then your good wishes and presence are what they want.

This is a wedding, not an Olympic competition, no gold medals for biggest gift. And if there are gold medals, then more is the pity.

Edited October 6, 2018 by purplekow

[Gvtire]

Since they don’t need anything, I’m suprised they did not say in the invitation to make contributions to a charity of their choice

[+ Avalon]

Isn't it the custom to put the money in red envelopes?

 

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Color_in_Chinese_culture#Red

Edited October 6, 2018 by Avalon

[+ Charlie]

If they are "good friends" of yours and don't need anything, presumably including money, I would give them a small art or craft piece that suits their taste. They will always say, "Oh, cany10011 gave us that as a wedding gift;" they won't remember your gift whenever they look at some $100 bills.

Edited October 6, 2018 by Charlie

[spider]

Since they don’t need anything, I’m suprised they did not say in the invitation to make contributions to a charity of their choice

 

I was invited to a wedding where the couple asked for donations to Habitat for Humanity. I gave a Llama. I could also have afforded half a camel, but thought that would send the wrong message.

[+ Avalon]

Maybe something to do with peaches

 

Peach blossom - luck

peach fruit - long life, association of immortality, divine fruit of gods

The peach of immortality in Chinese mythology (蟠桃; pántáo) can make people perpetually young.

peach petals - state of intense trance of love

peach tree - longevity

peach wood - ward off evil

The sacred tree of immortality is a peach tree. In Chinese Taoist mythology, the peach of immortality grew in the garden of Hsi wang mu (Chinese: 西王母; pinyin: Xīwángmǔ; “Queen Mother of the West”). When the fruit ripened every 3,000 years, the event was celebrated by a sumptuous banquet attended by the “Eight Immortals”.

 

http://www.nationsonline.org/oneworld/Chinese_Customs/flowers_symbolism.htm

[+ WilliamM]

My God daughter was married recently at a luxury hotel at Hilton Head, which surprised me because her family lives near New York City.

 

As with @purplekow's mention of the St. Regis Hotel, I took the location into consideration while choosing a wedding gift. I sent a small gift. But I was far more generous when her mom died shortly after the wedding

[spider]

My God daughter was married recently at a luxury hotel at Hilton Head, which surprised me because her family lives near New York City.

 

As with @purplekow's mention of the St. Regis Hotel, I took the location into consideration while choosing a wedding gift. I sent a small gift. But I was far more generous when her mom died shortly after the wedding

 

I’m confused. Are funeral gifts now a thing?

[+ WilliamM]

I’m confused. Are funeral gifts now a thing?

 

No. I was aware that her mother was terminally ill before the wedding.

[+ purplekow]

I’m confused. Are funeral gifts now a thing?

A monetary gift at the time of the funeral was always a thing in blue collar Italian American households. I cannot speak for others. It was to insure that the family had the funds needed to get the funeral expenses paid.

[spider]

No. I was aware that her mother was terminally ill before the wedding.

 

Sorry. I guess it was the wording about being more general when she died after the wedding.

[+ WilliamM]

A monetary gift at the time of the funeral was always a thing in blue collar Italian American households. I cannot speak for others. It was to insure that the family had the funds needed to get the funeral expenses paid.

 

Exactly, and the bride's mom was part of blue-collar Italian family, although her two daughters have high-paying jobs.

[+ bashful]

A monetary gift at the time of the funeral was always a thing in blue collar Italian American households. I cannot speak for others. It was to insure that the family had the funds needed to get the funeral expenses paid.

 

Not so much a blue collar Italian American thing in Chicago. Not originally from Chicago, I was a bit overwhelmed at the generosity received after a loss. Since then, I always reciprocate with a monetary gift when attending a wake or service.

[Bearofdistinction]

Since they don’t need anything, I’m suprised they did not say in the invitation to make contributions to a charity of their choice

 

Good Answer!!!! And even if the happy couple did not have the sense to do so --- It does not stop the invitee from making that choice for them --- by honoring their union with a donation

to ______________

 

I have long told friends/family no Gifts Please --- Donations to Charity much appreciated

Edited October 8, 2018 by Bearofdistinction

[+ Avalon]

It makes things easier when the couple has a wish list at some store.

 

Back when there were brick & mortar bookstores I liked to give gift certificates for all occasions. One Christmas I gave my father one. After several months I gave him the cash for it and took it back.

[+ E.T.Bass]

I attended an Asian wedding reception (Chinese man married Chinese Vietnamese woman). Was a lot of fun. They even did karaoke. The food was fantastic. An authentic Cantonese style restaurant. Fair to say they spent big on the food and my understanding is this is common in certain Chinese culture to spend really big on dinner. I met a lot of nice family and friends from both sides.

 

Go, give your blessings and enjoy. I suppose the appropriate gift might depend on how traditional they are. Perhaps the restaurant they've chosen will provide a clue.

[rvwnsd]

If they own a townhouse and a rental condo in Manhattan, have everything, and are hosting a big wedding then they don’t need money. The cost of the gift is entirely up to you. My advice is the same as this:

 

If they are "good friends" of yours and don't need anything, presumably including money, I would give them a small art or craft piece that suits their taste. They will always say, "Oh, cany10011 gave us that as a wedding gift;" they won't remember your gift whenever they look at some $100 bills.

 

My gifting strategy is the cost of the gift is inversely proportional to the couple’s economic standing. Young couple just starting out: one of the larger pieces from the registry or a gift card to where they are registered. Established couple: a signature piece from the registry. Case in point: two friends in Manhattan were getting married. She is an architect and he is an engineer. Both were pushing 50 at the time. They registered at Crate and Barrel for the same dishes I have. He remembered how perfect the bowls were for everything and she loved the simplicity and the fact that C&B wasn’t planning to discontinue them. (She drops things) I bought them the serving set, four extra bowls, and two extra dinner and salad plates (someone already bought”the set”) They still tell me they think of me whenever they use the serving pieces. Oh, she hasn’t dropped these dishes

[cany10011]

Thanks for the input guys! After reflecting the question a bit more, I decided to go with 500 as it was at a 3 star restaurant. The tasting menu alone was close to that and the liquor probably pushed things even higher. Anyway, it was what i was comfortable with. I talked to my dinner guest and he said he went to Target and just picked up something he thought the couple would enjoy. So, it didn‘t really matter how much one gave. Regardless, it was a fun evening seeing my friends so much in love.

Edited October 7, 2018 by cany10011

[cany10011]

I attended an Asian wedding reception (Chinese man married Chinese Vietnamese woman). Was a lot of fun. They even did karaoke. The food was fantastic. An authentic Cantonese style restaurant. Fair to say they spent big on the food and my understanding is this is common in certain Chinese culture to spend really big on dinner. I met a lot of nice family and friends from both sides.

 

Go, give your blessings and enjoy. I suppose the appropriate gift might depend on how traditional they are. Perhaps the restaurant they've chosen will provide a clue.

 

 

i wanted to make sure i gave an apporpriate amount as both their families flew in to the small intimate wedding. I didn‘t want to give the impression that they had uncouth friends who did not know proper culture and protocol. I even picked up a special red wedding envelope for the occasion.

[MscleLovr]

I find this thread fascinating. As a European, I had no idea that people gave cash as wedding gifts. I did know that traditionally Asians were reputed to accept cash gifts at a wedding but I didn't know that this tradition had endured in America.

[+ SundayZip]

<...>

I didn‘t want to give the impression that they had uncouth friends who did not know proper culture and protocol. I even picked up a special red wedding envelope for the occasion.

 

Thank god for my uncouth friends and family who do not know proper culture and protocol!