Racial sexual preference isn’t a crime

[+ Avalon]

My point again is that a person does not need to justify why they chose a particular sex partner over another.

[Rudynate]

My point again is that a person does not need to justify why they chose a particular sex partner over another.

 

Who said they did?

[Guy Fawkes]

I'll take his rejects...

 

So you discriminate against the unhung?

[+ Avalon]

Who said they did?

 

My apologies if you thought that.

[samhexum]

I find some ethnicities (and their stereotypical characteristics when present) more attractive than others as a generality, but there is no group of people I find entirely attractive or unattractive.*** There are always hotties and notties in every group.

 

 

*** Well, no Evangelicals set my loins aflutter... but they're a cult, not an ethnicity.

[Rudynate]

I just love men-any color, any ethnicity.

[big-n-tall]

Sexy is sexy no matter what the race/ethnicity.

 

People who say they don't find an entire race/ethnicity attractive, may not be out and out racist, but they definitely have "racial/ethnic" biases they may recognize or refuse to accept.

 

We all have biases. It's important to at least recognize that you do. It's up to the individual to try to overcome those biases or do nothing.

[alkan]

The point about racial prejudice is surely that my belief in the superior characteristics of one race over another is possibly mistaken, that is to say, the person I am judging may not have the particular characteristic that I believe is shared by all members of that race. This is not the same as disliking cabbage where all cabbages (for all practical purpose) have the same characteristic (taste or texture) and that feature is essential to their nature. And I may of course "shorthand" the bias that @big-n-tall refers to by racial stereotyping eg if I find a particular skin-tone attractive, I might put "Asians only" in a hook-up advert as the practical way of expressing my preference. I agree that it is important to recognise one's own prejudices and to examine them to find out what they are based on and determine whether one is using that same racial "shorthand" in one's own head to express a more natural preference.

[LoveNDino]

I go through life, singing that great Avenue Q song, "

." I believe that most of us try to rise above it.

[+ sniper]

I go through life, singing that great Avenue Q song, "

." I believe that most of us try to rise above it.

And stating racial preferences - i.e. implicitly disparaging others based on their race for your personal convenience - seems less like trying to rise above it than wearing it as a badge of honor.

I am in general attracted most to people of some races, and there are some ethnicities where it is far less likely that I will be sexually attracted to a member(though not impossible), but I wouldn't dream of putting "don't bother if you are X" or "ONLY Y!" in my profile like a lot of assholes feel free to do. It's just rude.

[+ E.T.Bass]

If they can make me purr like a tomcat, I'm in.

[+ José Soplanucas]

Isn't the key word "preference"? I prefer men, which does not mean now and then I do not find a woman attractive. I prefer short men, but I do find attractive many tall guys. I prefer Black men, but I do find attractive men of other ethnicity quite frequently. I prefer athletic, swimmer's built men; however I do find other body shapes attractive all the time, and the list can go on and on and on.

 

My attraction for someone is not based on one single variable, mine is rather a holistic approach (I am using the first person to stress that this is just my personal experience, but I do think that most people function in a similar way). My attraction depends on how a number of variables interact with each other. I may like an older guy (age is my strongest discriminatory variable) with certain face, body shape, skin contexture, manners, etc. When I say I prefer men, it does not mean I like all men. I do prefer Black and Latino men, but I do not find attractive most Black and Latino men. I can never point out to one single thing that makes the difference.

 

IMHO, the problem raises when you exclude a whole class of people for one single detail. If you exclude all Whites, or all Blacks, or any other ethnicity just because of it, I do think it is a racist attitude. I am not saying you are a racist, but your sexual fetish is.

Edited July 4, 2018 by latbear4blk

[tenderloin]

Yes, you do choose your attractions. You are a product of the environment in which you were raised. Does that make you racist because you categorically dismiss one ethnic group? Yes. Should you feel guilty about it? Up to you.

 

The idea that one chooses sexual attractions is the most stupid thing I have read on this board, and there have been quite a few rivals for that title. There are any number of human characteristics that turn some people on and others off. Some of them we lump into made-up categories like race. Just because you don't want to sleep with someone doesn't mean that we don't believe that person is entitled to all human and civil rights. I don't want to screw women, but I consider myself a feminist.

 

People have been studying and trying to understand attraction for centuries, and they still don't know what makes us tick. But gay men have enough crosses to bear - the last thing we need is the "righteous" telling us that, in addition to our other sins, we are now "racist" or some other "-ist" because we don't find this or that characteristic attractive enough to get us erect.

[+ sniper]

My issue isn't with having the preference - it's the rudeness with which it is expressed, which usually correlates with a certain degree of racism. If you are screaming out "NO ASIANS!" (e.g.) on your profile, you are going out of your way to be a dick and yes, you should feel bad about yourself.

[LoveNDino]

I just love men-any color, any ethnicity.

But then again, I am a slut...

[Rudynate]

The idea that one chooses sexual attractions is the most stupid thing I have read on this board, and there have been quite a few rivals for that title. There are any number of human characteristics that turn some people on and others off. Some of them we lump into made-up categories like race. Just because you don't want to sleep with someone doesn't mean that we don't believe that person is entitled to all human and civil rights. I don't want to screw women, but I consider myself a feminist.

 

People have been studying and trying to understand attraction for centuries, and they still don't know what makes us tick. But gay men have enough crosses to bear - the last thing we need is the "righteous" telling us that, in addition to our other sins, we are now "racist" or some other "-ist" because we don't find this or that characteristic attractive enough to get us erect.

 

I agree with you that you just don't pull an attraction out of thin air when no potential for attraction exists, but decisions and biases shape and limit the potential for attraction in non-obvious ways. For example, a guy who's "just not into blacks" may be looking at the man of his dreams, except for the fact that he's black, and not even recognize it. More personally, I've developed a fascination recently with 250-lb bears. I didn't suddenly make that up. But I recognized it when I opened my mind a little about guys whose height/weight proportions weren't what we consider ideal.

[nynakedtop]

i think we have had this discussion here before - probably more than just once, and i find it fascinating.

 

my only thought is perhaps that "one's choice" is not as immune from social forces as we might like to think it is!

[nynakedtop]

Not as "off topic" as it might initially appear....

 

 

[alkan]

I still think there is confusion in some of the earlier posts between racism and racial prejudice. Look at it this way. I may not like tattoos. I believe (wrongly) all skater boys have tattoos. I put "no skater boys" in my advert. I am entitled not to like tattoos, it is the prejudging and the expression of it that is wrong (and it may be to my detriment as much as to anyone else's).

Racism is the belief, rightly or wrongly, that one race is superior or inferior to others. Racial prejudice is where one assumes that all members of that race share the particular characteristic that makes that race better or worse in one's own opinion. So if one is recruiting for a basketball team and advertises for "African-Americans only". one is being racist and racially prejudiced but the two things are separate. One's belief that African-Americans generally are better basketball players may be to some extent justified but it is not the African-Americanness that one wants for the team, it is the height and the loose-limbed athletic ability.

If I put "no Asians" in my dating profile, what is it that I am here identifying as Asian-ness and could it be expressed in a different format? I suspect that if I examine that particular racism honestly, it will disappear under scrutiny.

[nynakedtop]

I still think there is confusion in some of the earlier posts between racism and racial prejudice. Look at it this way. I may not like tattoos. I believe (wrongly) all skater boys have tattoos. I put "no skater boys" in my advert. I am entitled not to like tattoos, it is the prejudging and the expression of it that is wrong (and it may be to my detriment as much as to anyone else's).

Racism is the belief, rightly or wrongly, that one race is superior or inferior to others. Racial prejudice is where one assumes that all members of that race share the particular characteristic that makes that race better or worse in one's own opinion. So if one is recruiting for a basketball team and advertises for "African-Americans only". one is being racist and racially prejudiced but the two things are separate. One's belief that African-Americans generally are better basketball players may be to some extent justified but it is not the African-Americanness that one wants for the team, it is the height and the loose-limbed athletic ability.

If I put "no Asians" in my dating profile, what is it that I am here identifying as Asian-ness and could it be expressed in a different format? I suspect that if I examine that particular racism honestly, it will disappear under scrutiny.

 

perhaps, to put it simply, we need to consider if there is a difference between "bigotry" and "racism".

[bostonman]

I had an odd exchange with someone on a hookup site the other day. The guy described himself as being half black, half white, which is fine. We had a short, typical conversation about getting together - he wanted a bj. No prob. Then, he asked me if I had ever sucked black cock before, and my lighthearted response (complete with smiley) was that I like all cock, I don't discriminate.

 

I never heard back after that.

 

What was strange was that he otherwise never made any issues about race - his or mine. But I guess that ultimately he wanted me to be all hopped up about "black cock" (and he had 7", so it's not like his size was anything unique) - and, well, that's just not me. I suppose I could have answered his question with "yes I have," but really, I'm not all that focused on race - for me it's the look and demeanor of the guy individually, not his ethnicity - and I wanted to make what seemed like a very innocent broader point. I didn't expect it to become an issue.

 

Ultimately, not the kind of guy I would have been happy meeting, I think. Just as well.

[+ Tarte Gogo]

You do have that right, yes. But if it’s based on race you have to own that.

What does this mean? "To own that"?

if I have a preference, I "own" one already.

I am not sure these words mean anything at all.

Practically what do I have to do? Do I need to shout my preference from the roof of my house?

I am not American, so maybe it's a phrase that means something to you native speakers, so I can't wait for your explanations on what is the practical difference between having a preference and owning a preference.

[+ Kman]

What does this mean? "To own that"?

if I have a preference, I "own" one already.

I am not sure these words mean anything at all.

Practically what do I have to do? Do I need to shout my preference from the roof of my house?

I am not American, so maybe it's a phrase that means something to you native speakers, so I can't wait for your explanations on what is the practical difference between having a preference and owning a preference.

 

owning it means you have to be honest with yourself that you have a bias...you can't date someone or hook up with someone based solely on their race I think that's a problem.

[+ sniper]

Look, nobody has so many people beating down their door on these apps that they have to go out of their way to make people feel shitty about themselves. And that's what "no ____" up front in the profile does. If they don't interest you say thanks not interested or just don't reply.

 

Be like Bill and Ted. Be excellent to each other.

[GBoi]

The idea that one chooses sexual attractions is the most stupid thing I have read on this board, and there have been quite a few rivals for that title. There are any number of human characteristics that turn some people on and others off. Some of them we lump into made-up categories like race. Just because you don't want to sleep with someone doesn't mean that we don't believe that person is entitled to all human and civil rights. I don't want to screw women, but I consider myself a feminist.

 

People have been studying and trying to understand attraction for centuries, and they still don't know what makes us tick. But gay men have enough crosses to bear - the last thing we need is the "righteous" telling us that, in addition to our other sins, we are now "racist" or some other "-ist" because we don't find this or that characteristic attractive enough to get us erect.

 

I can be as hyperbolic as you:

 

The fact you don’t see your inherent racism as a product of your environment is mind boggling to me. That gay men have had to deal with all these “crosses” astounds me that they don’t recognize similar patterns in themselves or have empathy for those that suffer similar discrimination. No one said you can’t have a preference but to categorically dismiss one whole group because of their race without looking at the merits of that person?

 

Anyways I’ve NEVER seen anyone change their mind because of this type of discussion on any online message board, least of all this one, so there’s no point discussing it IMO