JuniorNYC

LOL - thanks. I sent him a couple text messages, and it's been about 2 hours now with not response. You are right about it evening out - but I still feel shitty that someone would do that.
 

<3 That brought a big smile to my face. Meh - shit happens. Too many amazing encounters to be grateful for. I think I'm officially over it and officially going to sleep! Thanks!

LOL - thanks. I sent him a couple text messages, and it's been about 2 hours now with not response. You are right about it evening out - but I still feel shitty that someone would do that.
 

<3 That brought a big smile to my face. Meh - shit happens. Too many amazing encounters to be grateful for. I think I'm officially over it and officially going to sleep! Thanks!

Let me be clear, it sucks what happened to you. You obviously have to do whatever works best for you and protect yourself. However, I would caution that one bad experience does not necessarily dictate changing your business practices and that you should never make such important decisions when you are possibly still emotional from the effects of such a show of disrespect and theft. Consider also that you are likely to lose a lot more than $60 in business from clients who will not hire escorts who demand payment upfront (some from their own experiences of being ripped off) or from lost gratuities. Other methods, such as counting payments from first time clients with payments after service, might be a more workable option.. but again proceed on making changes to what has been working for you for so long based on one bad experience with caution.

Junior, what the client did was deeply unjust. If he has not texted you back, it seems likely he shorted you out of spite (he was unhappy with you or the session), but that is no excuse if you look like your pix and made a good effort. (We all have experiences where the chemistry does not work well, but the client should still make full payment, so long as the escort is not misrepresenting himself.)
 
You might be tempted to demand payment upfront, but please avoid that: Clients (like me) consider that a big red flag, and many legitimate clients will avoid you. It is also awkward to count the money in front of the client, but if you can do so discreetly (client is washing up) or right after he leaves that gives you some protection, yes?
 
Sympathetically, Andy2

Junior, it's sad and disappointing that this has happened to you. As this is the first time anything like it has happened in over a year of escorting, the incident is about this client, not about your business model. I won't say move on, because even one such incident can leave a bad taste in your mouth. As Smurof suggested, the client may not have realised that he shorted you, but that's likely giving him too much credit (and he did screw you around in the lead-up to the meeting). All that, and the fact that the meeting seemed like hard work, seems to be telling you he's not a client you would want to repeat. Accentuate the positive!

Like @mike carey said, this incident is about the client and not you. You don't have to take it personally. I have a friend who says that sometimes, you literally pay for your life lessons. Think of this as a $60 lesson that sometimes you'll get stiffed and that you don't need to see this client again. You don't need to do anything differently moving forward but now you know it could happen. Big hugs to you!

Focus on the positive.
 
~ Boomer ~

I like to see a face. I like to see a dick. I like to see correct spelling. I like to see a smile. I also like some personal detail about who the person is as a human as opposed to just bragging about how how he'll be the best fuck I've ever had.

The Best profiles give you some insight into the advertisers personality as opposed to his persona.
 
Good ads have enough pics that illustrate what is written - So if an advertiser says they are versatile the pics demonstrate that - these ads discuss rates directly and also tells you about availability and preferred ways to contact the advertiser.
 
The best ads discuss the advertisers preferences and limits -- especially around things
like I am straight/Bi -- But I kiss dry only or I love to deep kiss and cuddle and can take you from a massage to a dungeon session and most everything in between --- Etc

I enjoy the opera, but I enjoy the symphony a lot more - it's really transporting.

I'm not into Opera much. If it was the NY Philharmonic, though...

I'm one of those people who can't get into Game of Thrones. But I thought you all would appreciate a cute text exchange with a friend a while back when I wasn't familiar with the "GoT" acronym:
 
Me: Plans later?
 
Friend: GoT party with friends
 
Me: Was the capital T intentional?
 
Friend: Game of Thrones – capitalized for dorky reasons, not meth head ones.
 
Me: OMG! That’s adorable, and quite a relief!

I'm one of those people who can't get into Game of Thrones. But I thought you all would appreciate a cute text exchange with a friend a while back when I wasn't familiar with the "GoT" acronym:
 
Me: Plans later?
 
Friend: GoT party with friends
 
Me: Was the capital T intentional?
 
Friend: Game of Thrones – capitalized for dorky reasons, not meth head ones.
 
Me: OMG! That’s adorable, and quite a relief!

I'm one of those people who can't get into Game of Thrones. But I thought you all would appreciate a cute text exchange with a friend a while back when I wasn't familiar with the "GoT" acronym:
 
Me: Plans later?
 
Friend: GoT party with friends
 
Me: Was the capital T intentional?
 
Friend: Game of Thrones – capitalized for dorky reasons, not meth head ones.
 
Me: OMG! That’s adorable, and quite a relief!

Hmmm... I get what you're saying. A client has never said it to me, so it's hard to say what I would do. I think my key point is that before shutting it down and making a client feel shamed for using it, having an honest discussion about it would be a good approach. The discussion my lead to it being unacceptable, but at least have the discussion to explore why it was said and what it really means within the context of the service that is being provided, as well as emotional expectations and limitations. As long as, like you said, the client doesn't substitute real life with fantasy, I think it's an acceptable fantasy to allow a client to explore as long as there's clear understanding that it is in fact just that - a fantasy. I think the response should not be fear driven (e.g., "woah, you can't say that to me") and more honest and empathy driven (e.g., "what you said made me a little uncomfortable, but maybe we can talk about it...").

In my personal experience there are two ways in which this happens.
 
The first and most common way, is after a shared intimacy, after a passionate session or few years of getting to know one another, he looks at you with a glint in his eye, says "I fucking love you, man" slaps your ass, smiling and moves unto something else. In my experience, when a session goes the way I want it to go, I fall in love a little, I feel butterflies a little, I cherish that special moment looking into each other's eyes, which makes it very easy for me to imagine he will also feel that.
 
There is no promise, no contract, no attachment, no exchange of vows, and more importantly, no benefiting from the other's vulnerability. There is only love, encounter, tenderness, passion, all lived powerfully in a magic moment, then forgotten, till next time.
 
The other way is when after one or many sessions you notice the client suffering, tentative, demanding a lot of attention, constantly trying to break the pre agreed privacy boundaries, asking for reassurance, information, promises, or a lot of time outside of the time you spend together. Sooner or later when together, he will break down and in a very emotional way he will say something like: "I have not been doing well, I am suffering so much because of my feelings for you... I love you so much that I _______". You get my drift.
 
In this case, I listen attentively and compassionately and explain that under these circumstances I am unable to continue seeing him because that would only be damaging to him. I clarify that because of my professional ethical rules I will never -under any circumstance- start an emotional partnership with a client because I believe the power imbalances and mutual transferences and expectations will make the relationship unhealthy from the very beginning. I then strongly encourage him to look for professional help, someone with whom he can talk about this. Not another escort, who might potentially take advantage of his vulnerability, but a psychologist who might be better equipped to help him through that.
 
I tend to prefer not to wait till all this happens and look for the signs of emotional attachment before they further develop.
 
I have no problem with having a passionate, romantic boyfriend experience. Love traveling to romantic places with dear old clients of mine, with whom I can allow myself to be vulnerable and absolutely available because they understand, respect and celebrate the boundaries and nature of our relationship. What I won't do under any circumstance is keep seeing a client and charging him even if I know well that I will never be able to give him what he believes he wants. Making money out of heartbreak, to me, is just not an ethical thing.
 
To me love and vulnerability have never been a problem. They are the goal.
 
Attachement, expectations, blurred boundaries and emotional exploitation are an absolute no no. As soon as they show up, I will end the relationship.

I had a regular fuck buddy where the sex was really good. We were about to set up a time to meet up and he asked me, "are you into anything kinky? wanna try something new?"
 
I was pretty vanilla at the time, and I told him I'd get back to him. I thought about different fantasies, role playing, etc. that might turn me on. I ended up coming up with one thing that seemed incredibly forbidden, totally taboo... even frightening. I got back to him the next day and I said, "when I'm fucking you... and I'm getting close to cumming... I want to kiss you hard and say 'I love you' and when we're done know it was just a term used in the heat of the moment - and after don't freak out or be awkward about it - and know I'm definitely not looking for a relationship, but I kind of think it would be nice to say as I haven't said it in a long time." He was open to it. (He also told me a fantasy he had which we tried one time that I'll save for a different post .)
 
Well, we did it - I did it... and afterwards it was totally fine. It was nice to say, and it made me cum my brains out because it made the experience much more intense. We stayed fuck buddies for a while after, with the sex eventually fizzling out - never going back to using that word except for that one time, and I had no real desire to use it again on him after that.
 
If part of the fantasy is saying it - it should be made clear beforehand that using the word is just that - a fantasy. I have yet to have a discussion about this with a client saying this to me, but should it come up (before or after being used), my approach would be that of flattery and empathy. I might choose to play down any discomfort he may have after the fact and follow it with an honest discussion of whether that word is something that we both would feel comfortable being used, the extent of that comfort and drawing clear boundaries.
 
Sometimes we need to feel loved - other times we need to give love. Someone once told me, "sometimes the best gift you can give someone is to accept their gift." Roll with it, but like I said, have an honest discussion about it - try not to dismiss it or make it seem wrong or bad.

I didn't want to make any particular clients feel uncomfortable, so I asked the question generally and broadly, which I also hoped would give people the latitude to provide a catholic range of answers. I was trying to avoid the problem of a client coming to me and saying, "I see you posted X on the forum, and I can't believe you're asking other people for their opinions about X instead of coming directly to me about it. Don't use the forum as an appeal to author from others."
 
My other goal was to ask a question such that someone would post a picture of Woody Allen, and someone else would post a picture of some guy's hairy hiney.

I find this very very very hard to believe :3
U are so handsome )

I had a regular fuck buddy where the sex was really good. We were about to set up a time to meet up and he asked me, "are you into anything kinky? wanna try something new?"
 
I was pretty vanilla at the time, and I told him I'd get back to him. I thought about different fantasies, role playing, etc. that might turn me on. I ended up coming up with one thing that seemed incredibly forbidden, totally taboo... even frightening. I got back to him the next day and I said, "when I'm fucking you... and I'm getting close to cumming... I want to kiss you hard and say 'I love you' and when we're done know it was just a term used in the heat of the moment - and after don't freak out or be awkward about it - and know I'm definitely not looking for a relationship, but I kind of think it would be nice to say as I haven't said it in a long time." He was open to it. (He also told me a fantasy he had which we tried one time that I'll save for a different post .)
 
Well, we did it - I did it... and afterwards it was totally fine. It was nice to say, and it made me cum my brains out because it made the experience much more intense. We stayed fuck buddies for a while after, with the sex eventually fizzling out - never going back to using that word except for that one time, and I had no real desire to use it again on him after that.
 
If part of the fantasy is saying it - it should be made clear beforehand that using the word is just that - a fantasy. I have yet to have a discussion about this with a client saying this to me, but should it come up (before or after being used), my approach would be that of flattery and empathy. I might choose to play down any discomfort he may have after the fact and follow it with an honest discussion of whether that word is something that we both would feel comfortable being used, the extent of that comfort and drawing clear boundaries.
 
Sometimes we need to feel loved - other times we need to give love. Someone once told me, "sometimes the best gift you can give someone is to accept their gift." Roll with it, but like I said, have an honest discussion about it - try not to dismiss it or make it seem wrong or bad.

I had a regular fuck buddy where the sex was really good. We were about to set up a time to meet up and he asked me, "are you into anything kinky? wanna try something new?"
 
I was pretty vanilla at the time, and I told him I'd get back to him. I thought about different fantasies, role playing, etc. that might turn me on. I ended up coming up with one thing that seemed incredibly forbidden, totally taboo... even frightening. I got back to him the next day and I said, "when I'm fucking you... and I'm getting close to cumming... I want to kiss you hard and say 'I love you' and when we're done know it was just a term used in the heat of the moment - and after don't freak out or be awkward about it - and know I'm definitely not looking for a relationship, but I kind of think it would be nice to say as I haven't said it in a long time." He was open to it. (He also told me a fantasy he had which we tried one time that I'll save for a different post .)
 
Well, we did it - I did it... and afterwards it was totally fine. It was nice to say, and it made me cum my brains out because it made the experience much more intense. We stayed fuck buddies for a while after, with the sex eventually fizzling out - never going back to using that word except for that one time, and I had no real desire to use it again on him after that.
 
If part of the fantasy is saying it - it should be made clear beforehand that using the word is just that - a fantasy. I have yet to have a discussion about this with a client saying this to me, but should it come up (before or after being used), my approach would be that of flattery and empathy. I might choose to play down any discomfort he may have after the fact and follow it with an honest discussion of whether that word is something that we both would feel comfortable being used, the extent of that comfort and drawing clear boundaries.
 
Sometimes we need to feel loved - other times we need to give love. Someone once told me, "sometimes the best gift you can give someone is to accept their gift." Roll with it, but like I said, have an honest discussion about it - try not to dismiss it or make it seem wrong or bad.

I had a regular fuck buddy where the sex was really good. We were about to set up a time to meet up and he asked me, "are you into anything kinky? wanna try something new?"
 
I was pretty vanilla at the time, and I told him I'd get back to him. I thought about different fantasies, role playing, etc. that might turn me on. I ended up coming up with one thing that seemed incredibly forbidden, totally taboo... even frightening. I got back to him the next day and I said, "when I'm fucking you... and I'm getting close to cumming... I want to kiss you hard and say 'I love you' and when we're done know it was just a term used in the heat of the moment - and after don't freak out or be awkward about it - and know I'm definitely not looking for a relationship, but I kind of think it would be nice to say as I haven't said it in a long time." He was open to it. (He also told me a fantasy he had which we tried one time that I'll save for a different post .)
 
Well, we did it - I did it... and afterwards it was totally fine. It was nice to say, and it made me cum my brains out because it made the experience much more intense. We stayed fuck buddies for a while after, with the sex eventually fizzling out - never going back to using that word except for that one time, and I had no real desire to use it again on him after that.
 
If part of the fantasy is saying it - it should be made clear beforehand that using the word is just that - a fantasy. I have yet to have a discussion about this with a client saying this to me, but should it come up (before or after being used), my approach would be that of flattery and empathy. I might choose to play down any discomfort he may have after the fact and follow it with an honest discussion of whether that word is something that we both would feel comfortable being used, the extent of that comfort and drawing clear boundaries.
 
Sometimes we need to feel loved - other times we need to give love. Someone once told me, "sometimes the best gift you can give someone is to accept their gift." Roll with it, but like I said, have an honest discussion about it - try not to dismiss it or make it seem wrong or bad.

I had a regular fuck buddy where the sex was really good. We were about to set up a time to meet up and he asked me, "are you into anything kinky? wanna try something new?"
 
I was pretty vanilla at the time, and I told him I'd get back to him. I thought about different fantasies, role playing, etc. that might turn me on. I ended up coming up with one thing that seemed incredibly forbidden, totally taboo... even frightening. I got back to him the next day and I said, "when I'm fucking you... and I'm getting close to cumming... I want to kiss you hard and say 'I love you' and when we're done know it was just a term used in the heat of the moment - and after don't freak out or be awkward about it - and know I'm definitely not looking for a relationship, but I kind of think it would be nice to say as I haven't said it in a long time." He was open to it. (He also told me a fantasy he had which we tried one time that I'll save for a different post .)
 
Well, we did it - I did it... and afterwards it was totally fine. It was nice to say, and it made me cum my brains out because it made the experience much more intense. We stayed fuck buddies for a while after, with the sex eventually fizzling out - never going back to using that word except for that one time, and I had no real desire to use it again on him after that.
 
If part of the fantasy is saying it - it should be made clear beforehand that using the word is just that - a fantasy. I have yet to have a discussion about this with a client saying this to me, but should it come up (before or after being used), my approach would be that of flattery and empathy. I might choose to play down any discomfort he may have after the fact and follow it with an honest discussion of whether that word is something that we both would feel comfortable being used, the extent of that comfort and drawing clear boundaries.
 
Sometimes we need to feel loved - other times we need to give love. Someone once told me, "sometimes the best gift you can give someone is to accept their gift." Roll with it, but like I said, have an honest discussion about it - try not to dismiss it or make it seem wrong or bad.

I had a regular fuck buddy where the sex was really good. We were about to set up a time to meet up and he asked me, "are you into anything kinky? wanna try something new?"
 
I was pretty vanilla at the time, and I told him I'd get back to him. I thought about different fantasies, role playing, etc. that might turn me on. I ended up coming up with one thing that seemed incredibly forbidden, totally taboo... even frightening. I got back to him the next day and I said, "when I'm fucking you... and I'm getting close to cumming... I want to kiss you hard and say 'I love you' and when we're done know it was just a term used in the heat of the moment - and after don't freak out or be awkward about it - and know I'm definitely not looking for a relationship, but I kind of think it would be nice to say as I haven't said it in a long time." He was open to it. (He also told me a fantasy he had which we tried one time that I'll save for a different post .)
 
Well, we did it - I did it... and afterwards it was totally fine. It was nice to say, and it made me cum my brains out because it made the experience much more intense. We stayed fuck buddies for a while after, with the sex eventually fizzling out - never going back to using that word except for that one time, and I had no real desire to use it again on him after that.
 
If part of the fantasy is saying it - it should be made clear beforehand that using the word is just that - a fantasy. I have yet to have a discussion about this with a client saying this to me, but should it come up (before or after being used), my approach would be that of flattery and empathy. I might choose to play down any discomfort he may have after the fact and follow it with an honest discussion of whether that word is something that we both would feel comfortable being used, the extent of that comfort and drawing clear boundaries.
 
Sometimes we need to feel loved - other times we need to give love. Someone once told me, "sometimes the best gift you can give someone is to accept their gift." Roll with it, but like I said, have an honest discussion about it - try not to dismiss it or make it seem wrong or bad.

it's ok to love an escort. it's ok to love a client.
 
it's not ok for either to take advantage of that