Jacob_b

Yaa. I like the feeling of them being my real boyfriend, chilling, chatting, cuddling, kissing, having sex...in a way that's emotional. When i said that, they reacted as if it were something very strange.

Similar story here.  I asked a provider I'd seen a couple of times before to dress like an applicant for a professional job for a roleplay with me being the hostile interviewer.  He came to my hotel room in a suit and tie and white shirt (I specified that detail).  We started the "interview" but within 60 seconds I was so revved up I said "forget the roleplay, let's just get to it."  It was a great session.  

Just seems like a simple request that I feel most escorts would be able to accommodate.  Luckily a number of guys I meet are world class cuddlers.

Apparently asking for real, good, full body cuddles has been overwhelmingly strange to most providers when I ask for them. Almost all were not very good nor comfortable at cuddling and could only do it for about 5 minutes before getting bored or uncomfortable. 
And yes, I do explicitly make it very clear that cuddling is really important to me when enquiring about a provider's services. 

Well, besides the eccentric guy that hired me to literally scratch my back for literally an hour and then ate the the skin rolls (love him btw, sorry, I’m a stripper with a heart) there was this one guy who legit left me speechless.
He wanted me to try some different speedos and was very particular about the texture of the fabric on them, until then, ok, just a slightly unconventional day at the office, but nothing to get any traction of me. We then go downstairs, and he has a box full of pictures of his dead relatives and a shredder, and he asks me to jerk off, roast them, and shred them. I have never seen such a raging boner without any touching or physical stimulation involved in my life, he said it was hot and he was glad they are dead because they were super racist to Hispanics and even more to gay Hispanics. Was a very fun session, I even said that was ok we were going overtime when he asked about the time. Lowkey looking forward for him to book me again, we actually got to vibe and got a nice chemistry together.
The best part of all of it is that I’m not even Hispanic 🥸

I see you’re very new here @Jacob_b so welcome!
I feel you’d get more responses from people if you provide some details & background.
I suggest you set out your experience of hiring, what sort of man you like to meet, what you enjoy doing/having done to you etc.
And people are more likely to be able to help you if you describe yourself. As a minimum, I suggest you say where you’re based in the US (or abroad) and where/when you’re aiming to have the BFE.
You might also consider starting a separate thread in this section - something like ‘Looking for BFE with a jock 24-33 in Austin’ as this will covey the basics.

I have been hiring for over 30 years. At times I felt a twinge of emotion for a  provider or two. It could have turned into love on my part but I kept my wits about me. Fast forward to a few years ago. I met the best provider I have ever had.  I like twinks and his body fit that mold perfectly, although he was out of the twink age range. He is passionate, great kisser, very emotional in and out of bed, sparkling green eyes, etc. At times he would disappear when having what he would tell me was bad depression. I suffer from it too so when we would see each other again and talk about it I knew exactly where he was coming from. I also had the very best sex of my life with him, and I've been at this since I was quite young.  He overstayed a visa several years ago and is in the country illegally. A couple of years ago I offered to go thru the motions of presenting ourselves as a couple for awhile then marrying him so he could stay here. I told him he could continue escorting. He declined and that was fine.
Fast forward to this past April. He had taken trips to HI in February and March to see a couple he had met through RM a few years ago. He would always let me know when he was back and we would see each other for dinner, sex, movies, etc. with the usual financial relationship. In April he said the couple who had been together 20 years, married for 10, want him to move to HI and be with them.  (The couple is only 3 years apart in age and one was an escort when they met, then they became a couple)  When he told me my heart absolutely shattered. The first thing I said was "Does this mean I won't see you anymore?" and a tear fell out of the corner of my eye. It was then that I realized I had fallen in love with him awhile back and now I was losing him. 
I has taken 2 months for me to finally start moving past this. However, he texts and sends pics every couple of days which honestly is fine with me.  I care for him and after some of the things he has gone through in life (he's 33 now) he deserves this fun time. He looks better than I think I have ever seen him. But my heart is still broken. I told him I was sorry I lost sight of the fact that what he and I had was a business relationship, that while I think he does care for me the money was at the core of everything.  Just like it is for him now. They are providing him with shelter, food, clothing, taking him island hopping, etc.  When he told me he was moving he said that one of the couple had offered to divorce his husband and marry him so he could stay in the country legally,  It's not that simple and who knows if that was true or if this provider is so good at what he does the offer was made in a time of weakness.
OMG I am a windbag. The point of all of this is that he knew how I felt about him for the past couple of years. I asked several times if this was first and foremost a business relationship for him and he would never really answer. Looking back him doing that meant yes, it was. He and I shared a lot over the years.  I only wish he had been more honest with me when he knew I was falling for him and when I asked about our relationship being business.  I think a lot of providers don't want to be honest when given the opportunity because they are caring men.  IF they weren't caring they would not be in the business.  But for me it would have been better for him to have been honest when I asked about the relationship being all financial for  him rather than promise several times to see me 3 days before he was to move only to stand me up and ghost me.  That hurt much worse than if he had said he couldn't see me because he was being faithful to them, (whatever that means in a relationship with 3 or 4 men together who continue to hire providers) or that he had already left, or something rather than simply stand me up and ghost me.

I've gotten the "I only feel safe with you" comment from two different long term providers.  It's my money, home, cars, food, gym etc. that make you feel safe.  If you had all of that and I was never around....you'd probably feel just as safe.  I'm not biter lol.

i never have. sure, a really good fuck would make one tingle a bit for a few days afterwards, but never love. escorts are in it for money, so they're not for dating. 

It isn't voodoo for god's sake - the provider is just giving the client what he wanted.  Certainly, an escort could fall for a client, but it's unlikely because the escort isn't looking for romance.   Falling for a provider just seems adolescent to me.
 
 

I used to see a masseur in Palm Springs, a really sweet guy, just my type.  Eventually my heart did go pitter-pat over him.  It's a nice feeling.  
I tipped him well to make sure he knew how much I appreciated him.   When we parted I would give him a loving hug and let my lips touch against his neck.  Lastly I thanked him for seeing me.
To me it was perfectly fine, being a little bit in love with a really nice guy that gave me special massages.
I agree with the previous post, if a client is bothered, for instance when realizing the provider is with other clients, one might need to look yourself in the mirror.
If the provider is spending time with you "off the clock" that's cool, as long as both understand what's going on.   To me it seems messy but I expect some guys can figure it out.
 

A good magician never tells his audience how the tricks are accomplished, no?

If someone expressed to me, “I don’t think of you as a client anymore,” I don't think I would have believed them if it wasn't followed by "so I can't take your money anymore."
I also try to remind myself that any relationship involves give and take. I shouldn't be the one always giving, or taking. If every activity we do socially is dependent on my means, it's not a good start for a relationship. It's not always easy to do when you are "established." However, for the value I place on a good relationship, eating baloney sandwiches from a paper bag after a walk through the park seems a small sacrifice if that's all the other one can afford on the dates they pay for.

I don't feel comfortable sharing specific details of this relationship, but I’ll give some examples to illustrate the situation. The manipulation started with comments like “I don’t think of you as a client anymore,” “I have very strong feelings for you,” “I only feel safe when I'm with you.”.... And so on.
Regarding the money, every time I hired him, which sometimes was multiple times a week, he was paid his standard rate plus a generous tip. He also spent time with me off the clock, during which we would go out to eat, prepare meals at home, enjoy drinks, and have long conversations. Then the “extra” money requests began. It started with statements like, “It’s been a really slow month, and I'm really worried about my rent.” After injuring his shoulder, he needed help with the deductible, and because it was difficult for him to work, he required assistance with his monthly expenses. Every month, there was a new reason for needing extra money and every time the amounts were higher. When I finally started cutting back on the money, he began mistreating me. The first time I refused a money request for a trip to see his mom, he went ballistic, stormed out of my house, and shouted all kinds of insults that I prefer not to remember. And that, folks, is all she wrote.
I remember my mother telling me that the problem with helping people is that the first time you do it, you generate gratitude. Then you create anticipation and expectation, which turns into entitlement and dependency. Finally, when you stop helping, you receive hatred and resentment. This situation perfectly illustrated her point.

What does it look like?….it’s simple really…

 

 

 
Ok, that was fun. In all seriousness, @Rod Hagen raises valid questions and points. Nonetheless, I think it’s incumbent on both parties to keep their feet on the ground and not let fantasies invade too far into reality. And yes, I’ve seen it go both ways. Hell hath no furry like whore who thought he was getting the house, only to be dumped on 10th Ave with a wad of $50’s. It’s a business relationship. And like all business relationships, it’s only really successful when both parties fully understand the terms and both parties are happy with said terms. 
Spoiler alert: the "terms" rarely involve the escort’s heart, and they almost never involve the John’s deed to the house. 

I can see how these things happen, but I'll also say that a wise escort will always read the signs and put up non-awkward relationship roadblocks.

I'va always been very protective of my emotions, especially when it comes to romance. I learned a lesson about that way back when I was a young man. Losing my self-esteem over pursuing a person who has o interest in me that way, but was capitalizing on my interest in him, that was not a great experience. However, it was a learning experience. Took me some time to understand that that's only certain type of men, and not all of us are opportunists. However, in my case it wasn't a for-pay situation. I volunteered helping him with way too many things without any thank you. It did not feel good at all, even if I was a good influence to him (that now he pretends never happened).
Hiring is something that, though I can trace to way back when (longer than what I thought), I never went with the mindset of connecting with the guy at an intimate level, at least not in the sense that will interest me in connecting with him outside of a client-provider relationship. I've been married for some time now, but even back when I wasn't I was always conscious that the possibility of developing a relationship with a person who I meet in this setting is remote.
My suggestion: Protect yourself. Protect your mental well-being, your self esteem and your wallet. High chances are that you might hurt yourself and qwound up broke, feeling like shit, and angry at both the provider and yourself. That can escalate into something darker. It has in come cases.

Like you said:
"could fall head over heels for him"
I've met providers that I wished I could date....if there were fewer years between us. But glancing at my bank account throws cold water on any ideas like that.
(although I'm hoping to get a houseboy when I retire)

Yes and sometimes that sucks. But after wasting most of my life on sex that I didn’t even realize was mediocre, now I’m literally having the best sex of my life and I will never give that up. I’m addicted to him and honestly I don’t care. The pleasure I experience HUGELY outweighs the reality that he’s only with me because I’m paying him.

I had an escort I hired fall for me. I'm typing this from our living room (actually, I moved into his place).  But that's a story I haven't told here, yet.  I will share, someday when the time is right. My hesitation to tell it is because it will give others false hope and my situation is really, really rare. I hired escorts so they would leave because I didn't want or have time for a relationship, but this one stuck around. lol. 

You are definitely not alone! I have questioned my sanity as well, especially when the provider has gone above and beyond what they are being paid for......
I'm curious what the providers perspective is, do you ever fall for clients?

I think most of us have fallen for a provider at some point or at least I like to think so to feel better about myself, LOL!.
In my case, it happened after a particularly hard breakup from an almost 10 year relationship. I was in a really bad place emotionally and returned to hiring as a coping mechanism to fill that void. Not the smartest decision I've ever made.
This particular provider pushed all the right buttons and really made me feel good. In my defense, he was excellent at manipulating me and played me like a master, but I don't place the blame on him since I should have known better. This went on for a little over a year. Deep down, I knew he was just playing me for money, but I chose to ignore the signs. As expected, I ended up paying for my mistake both financially and emotionally.
The financial loss was significant, but the emotional devastation was even harder to deal with. It took quite some time and professional help to recover but I learned my lesson.

I don't think you should feel bad about this @Rgsnva but some of the suggestions here may be worth exploring. 
Americans are experiencing an unprecedented epidemic of loneliness. I don't know your situation, but the cultural moment lends itself to people wanting to feel loved and connected. This could make you more likely to invest emotionally in your relationship with a provider. 
In addition to the suggestions above, perhaps you can invest more time in developing and deepening your relationships with friends so you're less susceptible to putting all your eggs in this provider's basket. 

You’re not the only one mate, I’ve been going to the same masseur for 4 years and even though I’m married and can never actually have anything with this guy, a part of me has this fantasy that I’m the kind of guy he would actually go for in real life even though I know I’m far from that. But for me our time even though it’s only a massage is something I look forward to every time I hire him, it’s a break from my real life I suppose. And even though In the moment with him it all feels so real I know that as soon as I leave his place it’s all over and he becomes just a figure in my mind.. I don’t think anything is wrong with having the fantasy but I often remind myself that it’s not real so I stay in reality and not get to attached. 

Heart ripped out, stomped on, spit on, rubbed into the dirt and pecked at by vultures.
But I’ll be fine lol.
It’s why I started seeing a larger variety, I can get overly possessive really quick.  Not one of my more attractive personality traits.