nottheworst

Just some thoughts and observations from my own personal experience....
I've hired on and off for over a decade.  I have found that I personally need a little 'chemistry' with someone to really 'get off'.  As such, I'm enjoy engaging with someone, usually over text or chat on RM, to get to know one another a bit - and I'm willing to compensate for that time.  Yes, it includes what we're both 'into', and can include any questions about actually meeting and anything that entails, but I also like to find what else we could enjoy together - food, movies, video games, theater, sexual fantasies, how to please each other.
I think many guys are surprised I'm willing to pay for chat given the very understandable attitude about endless chatting that leads to nothing or a provider who feels like they are being used for just sex talk.  I respect my possible provider's time is valuable and therefore I should be willing to invest in a lengthier discussion for a 'vibe check'.  Its led to more repeat situations and some longer term regulars.  
Just wanted to give you what my expectations would be if I was the one approaching you....
Have a rate, just for chatting - I don't think the same rate as actually meeting should apply because we can both multi-task and you can continue to be available to 'meet' with another client.  But if you're just hanging, and don't mind texting or messaging, I guess - why not?
I'm respectful of your time, please be respectful of mine - The biggest turn off is agreeing to chat, but then having to wait several minutes or hours or DAYS for a response - not cool - especially if I establish an expectation to be responsive and you agreed.  I also appreciate you have a life and others maybe approaching, but I don't think its a bad expectation that we can at least chat 20-30 minutes uninterrupted.  I'm not expecting instantaneous responses, but more than like 5 minutes can kill the vibe.  That being said - life happens - if you need to leave or I need to pause the chat for any reason, its cool.   It also doesn't mean it has to be a hard 'time allotment' either - I have a few guys that I text with often, and just shoot them something for some 'digital companionship'.
Given the likelihood of electronic funds transfer for chat... - Although I'm not super paranoid about sending something on something like CashApp, the digital world we live in is changing.  Visa walking away from RM is a perfect example.  Do you really need a CashApp name like "PoundYou4$$$"?  I made that up to be funny, but have had a couple that are similar.  May be a personal thing, but lets not make it obvious!
Don't make me do all the talking - Hopefully you feel comfortable enough to ask me questions.  Be engaging.  Take an interest.  I'm willing to invest to get to know you, but hoping you will want to get to know me.   
Certainly open to advice or suggestions, but thought I would share my experience!
 
Also wouldn't mind paying a provider I might want to hang with IRL to play video games with online - if you are out there, hit me up!  Will compensate you for playing time!

For me, a provider is like having a GPS for dating—always reliable and almost never lost in the woods of awkwardness.
 
Going on a date without a provider is like trying to assemble IKEA furniture without instructions—fun and exciting at first, but soon you’re questioning your life choices and wondering if you’ll ever escape the maze of flatpack chaos. Many people have forgotten how to converse, turning a nice dinner into a therapy session where I’m the therapist, the waiter, and the bill payer. And let’s not forget the manners—or lack thereof—that can turn a rock-hard erection into a limp noodle faster than you can say “table manners.”
 
A provider, on the other hand, is that steady guide, keeping everyone entertained and comfortable. They know exactly what I expect, which is usually a good time and maybe a little dinner—though I often find myself making a meal out of the provider instead. 
That’s why. 

i feel like some providers are too bitchy. I see some RM postings saying "if we don't book by the xth message i'm blocking you" etc. They need to remember this activity is very nerve wracking for new folks we don't start off knowing everything. 

I don't feel comfortable sharing specific details of this relationship, but I’ll give some examples to illustrate the situation. The manipulation started with comments like “I don’t think of you as a client anymore,” “I have very strong feelings for you,” “I only feel safe when I'm with you.”.... And so on.
Regarding the money, every time I hired him, which sometimes was multiple times a week, he was paid his standard rate plus a generous tip. He also spent time with me off the clock, during which we would go out to eat, prepare meals at home, enjoy drinks, and have long conversations. Then the “extra” money requests began. It started with statements like, “It’s been a really slow month, and I'm really worried about my rent.” After injuring his shoulder, he needed help with the deductible, and because it was difficult for him to work, he required assistance with his monthly expenses. Every month, there was a new reason for needing extra money and every time the amounts were higher. When I finally started cutting back on the money, he began mistreating me. The first time I refused a money request for a trip to see his mom, he went ballistic, stormed out of my house, and shouted all kinds of insults that I prefer not to remember. And that, folks, is all she wrote.
I remember my mother telling me that the problem with helping people is that the first time you do it, you generate gratitude. Then you create anticipation and expectation, which turns into entitlement and dependency. Finally, when you stop helping, you receive hatred and resentment. This situation perfectly illustrated her point.

I'va always been very protective of my emotions, especially when it comes to romance. I learned a lesson about that way back when I was a young man. Losing my self-esteem over pursuing a person who has o interest in me that way, but was capitalizing on my interest in him, that was not a great experience. However, it was a learning experience. Took me some time to understand that that's only certain type of men, and not all of us are opportunists. However, in my case it wasn't a for-pay situation. I volunteered helping him with way too many things without any thank you. It did not feel good at all, even if I was a good influence to him (that now he pretends never happened).
Hiring is something that, though I can trace to way back when (longer than what I thought), I never went with the mindset of connecting with the guy at an intimate level, at least not in the sense that will interest me in connecting with him outside of a client-provider relationship. I've been married for some time now, but even back when I wasn't I was always conscious that the possibility of developing a relationship with a person who I meet in this setting is remote.
My suggestion: Protect yourself. Protect your mental well-being, your self esteem and your wallet. High chances are that you might hurt yourself and qwound up broke, feeling like shit, and angry at both the provider and yourself. That can escalate into something darker. It has in come cases.

I fell hard for one escort. He was the first guy I had sex with after coming out in 2024, so there was a lot of emotion attached to our "situation" for me. He is a genuinely lovely man. We were able to work through the awkwardness that I created by being too invested, and we still see each other, our encounters richer and more mature as a result. I've seen about a dozen escorts in the 18 months I've been out. Four of them I've seen more than once. He is the only one I've spent dozens of days with. While I generally agree with someone's earlier statement about escorts being good actors and it being all about money, I also know first hand that sometimes you develop a mutually rewarding connection beyond the dollars. I consider him a friend, and I know he views me as more than a client. If I stopped paying, we certainly wouldn't continue having sex. But I've been to dinner (no fees) with him and his boyfriend. He's included me in aspects of his life, and he's reached out to me for business and education advice unrelated to any appointments. He's asked for help that isn't financial. There's a mentoring element to our relationship. His family is aware of me, and my sons are aware of him. ... Currently, I'm dating a young man who I met on an escort date. I booked him for two hours while visiting the West Coast. He asked if he could stay the night. We connected on a lot of levels, and he asked if we could date. He's visited my house for five-day stays twice now. I pay for the airfare but he refuses other payment; says it's not about the money. He's coming again in a few weeks. He says he's always been attracted to older guys. I think he has fallen for me. I'm not sure I'm in love with him but I do enjoy being with him. Bottom line: It's not always so cut and dried. When sex and human emotions are involved, the result can be complex. There can be many shades of gray between a strictly sex-for-money transaction and falling in love. 

You’re not the only one mate, I’ve been going to the same masseur for 4 years and even though I’m married and can never actually have anything with this guy, a part of me has this fantasy that I’m the kind of guy he would actually go for in real life even though I know I’m far from that. But for me our time even though it’s only a massage is something I look forward to every time I hire him, it’s a break from my real life I suppose. And even though In the moment with him it all feels so real I know that as soon as I leave his place it’s all over and he becomes just a figure in my mind.. I don’t think anything is wrong with having the fantasy but I often remind myself that it’s not real so I stay in reality and not get to attached. 

I have never fallen for a provider. After reading stories here, I will be the first to say that I am lucky.
One thing that I wonder about your provider experiences is, how long are you engaging with them? Overnights, weekend, or vacations with a provider aren't MY thing for a number of reasons. I have to believe though, that longer hires create a greater risk of falling for a provider.
If you are hiring for longer periods, maybe hiring for shorter periods will allow you to still enjoy the hobby a bit, and not become quite so emotionally involved.

We’ve all done it to one degree or another. Don’t beat yourself up about it, but do learn from your mistakes.
Feelings are ok. Losing grip on reality is not. It’s a fantasy. Nothing more, nothing less.
You have always been and will always be wrong when you think "a mutual thing" is developing. 
This really shouldn’t be a newsflash for you. Still, don’t let it ruin your fun. Learn to enjoy the fantasy.
What rooms? Where? Are you stalking him?
I hope I’m misreading this statement because it sounds creepy and unhealthy as fuck. 

 
You need to remember that this is a "hobby". It’s not real life. Don’t let your heart get involved. If you start developing real feelings for a provider, I suggest you disclose that to them immediately. Then stop seeing them. He may be fond of you. He may even "like" you. But in the words of Avenue Q, he doesn’t "like you, like you, like you like him". I know it hurts, and yes most if not all of us have had to go through the difficult phase you’re going through right now. The good news is, if you can learn to navigate it and stay in control of your emotions, this hobby can be damn fun. Like REAL fun. But if you need or want love, look somewhere else. You’re fishing in the wrong pond. 

Just wondering if anybody else does this dumb thing or if it’s just me.  I only started hiring about 3 years ago, but I can see a pattern. (Okay, only twice, but still…). When I hire a man repeatedly because there’s great intimacy (at least from my perspective, I start to lose my grip on the reality and develop feelings.  I misread cues and think there’s a mutual thing developing.  Then the reality has to hit home that I’m not a romantic interest or even a hookup interest and I wouldn’t be there if I wasn’t paying. The man I currently see regularly - he pushes all my buttons physically and emotionally, and I could fall head over heels for him.  But I see him in rooms with guys who are hookups, not clients, and he talks about trips in which he meets someone in a room, they chat and are hot for each other, and travel to meet.  And it has to hit me then that I’m not one of those guys he met because he was attracted to them.  Big blow on both my ego and my heart.  Anybody else? Thoughts? Suggestions? And you don’t need to tell me it’s all my own fault - I already own that.  

I have never fallen in love with an escort. I do have a mild infatuation with one right now who is just a god and who is very nice to be around, but the last man I went crazy for is my husband and that was more than thirty years ago.

If by "falling in love" you mean can you develop feelings towards an escort in which neurotransmitters in the brain like dopamine, serotonin, & oxytocin are released that reinforce feelings of pleasure, reward, and bonding -  yes, you can fall in love with just about anything or anyone, including people, drugs, etc.  But obsessing over another human being who only sees you as a walking ATM is an exercise in frustration, as you've correctly observed. But, to answer your question: yes, I have fallen in love with an escort - and it was painful, frustrating, EXPENSIVE - AND enjoyable all at the same time. Enjoy your guy, but occasionally remind yourself that "infatuation is hopeless" and that some day this relationship will end, and not kindly. 

No, but once I had a guy blurt out “I Love You” in the middle of a session.  We did have a really good chemistry and he’d sent some signals that made me wonder before that.  Things became awkward after that.
But a little level set might be warranted to define “what is love?”  
According to Sternberg’s Triangular Theory of Love, there are three dimensions to Consummate Love: Passion, Commitment, and Intimacy.     I think humans often confuse hitting on one or two of those with love.   Personally, I’m not looking for anything with a Commitment, but I need to “like” someone I have a physical connection with (that’s Passion and Intimacy aka “Romantic Love” where I think someone might think they “love” an escort…when in fact you’re closer to friends w/benefits).  In the experience above, I had to turn down the “intimacy” a notch with the guy to be sure things didn’t heat up for him.
so, the answer to your question for me is “no”   But I seek a small number of guys that I can both like and be physically attracted to  
 

Falling in love with someone isn't an "accident". We don't schedule and plan love. It just finds its way into our consciousness. But falling "in love" with an escort is typically a false love produced by an infatuation. The physical attention you get, paired with a physical attraction are triggers for relationship material. Unfortunately when you are PAYING, its all performance, not passion. So your "love" is no more real than their acting. You feel it. Its there..but its not genuine, because true love requires a circle, not a wallet.