FaustOust

I agree it’s not the provider’s responsibility to provide psychological services and that ultimately every reasonably sane person is responsible for his own actions. I just think that we all have to be honest and admit that providers often, and maybe even necessarily, rely upon their repeat clients developing some degree of emotional attachment to them, especially when the client is hiring for companionship and not just a blowjob.  The escort wants the client to come back. It’s when a client has responded in such a way that it has gone too far for the escort or the client responds negatively to being rejected that we say that this is only a financial transaction, and that the client went too far, and that he should have known better.  I just think we should call a spade a spade. It is to the provider’s benefit to manipulate within a certain range of emotional attachment and try to deftly stay within that framework.  I assume that is the tightrope that was described earlier.  I just think it is disingenuous when an escort takes umbrage at the suggestion that  there is any degree of manipulation whatsoever — that it is merely an arms-length financial transaction between two equal parties, no different than if one called his broker to ask to transfer stock. But we all know it’s not the same thing; hiring an escort does involve money, but it is qualitatively different.   What leads to people hiring can involve complex emotions, actually.  I imagine most clients can navigate this on their own, but others are more vulnerable.  But in either case, there often is manipulation, it is just a matter of degree and how the client responds to it. 
When a provider acknowledges that some clients have a degree of emotional attachment (a guarantee that they would like to continue seeing him) and he walks a “tightrope” to remind them of the transactional nature of the relationship, presumably so that they do not get too attached but remain attached enough that the provider can therefore continue seeing them in good conscience — that is the definition of manipulation. Simply to say, “I told them,” isn’t how human emotions work, particularly from the perspective of an emotionally attached client, although it may serve to absolve the provider from feeling he has done anything nefarious if the emotional connection ever got out of hand. The intellect and the heart are not always in sync and a good escort knows that. Perhaps the escort is even gauging the degree of the client’s emotional attachment so that he can measure his own response to elicit the desired behavior from the client and continue “transacting” without drama.
Whether the result of the manipulation is good or bad depends on the particular circumstance and whether someone is harmed by it; but it is manipulation, nonetheless, even though most providers would deny that that’s what they are doing. The best escorts are even practised at it. Get them close, but not too close —the client gets his services and the escort continues to be remunerated.  The incentive for the escort is usually to allow that attachment to grow to the limit at which it remains a functional provider/client relationship without crossing the line where it no longer is functional.  We never hear about manipulation in those circumstance because the manipulation was successful — until it isn’t.  I think we just need to call it what it is, and a lot of potential clients might be better off and better informed of their emotional risks before they start hiring.

Thank you all for your great suggestions. As expected, we were only able to cover a fraction of the topics I would have liked to during the limited time we had. While I sent a long list of questions and subtopics to inspire the hosts, it was ultimately up to them to select what they most wanted to ask. As always, you are all welcome to “ask me anything” any time.
I realized after listening that I mispoke when I plugged this site, saying THE company of men dot org (when it’s simply companyofmen.org). Sorry about that. I know that it’s the latter but goofed up in the moment. People will find us here, I’m sure. A quick google and it will pop up, with or without the “The”.
Here is the podcast for any who are interested in listening to the interview. The interview portion starts right at 16:00 minutes in, if you want to skip their intro stuff, news stuff, etc.
Gayish: 463 Sex Workers (w/ Simon Suraci)
PODCASTS.APPLE.COM Podcast Episode · Gayish Podcast · 11/06/2025 · 1h 17m  

If someone is not planning on crossing any borders then they don't have to worry about all that facial recognition stuff.
I'm ok with a guy having or not having face pics in their public gallery as long as they have them either in their private gallery or being willing to share one through messenger or text. A face pic is a must for me to meet at the end of the day.

I don't hire without seeing a face, and I have the money. Providers have the right to hide their face; I have the right to hide my money.
If a provider is clearly trustworthy I'd exchange photos. Otherwise, I treat them the same as the closet cases on Grindr.

I'm totally fine with a provider not posting his face pics. Some guys do this as a side hustle, some are in relationships, etc. 
But if I'm not attracted to someone's face, I'm not going to be interested. That said, I'm happy to do a video call if that's the provider's preference. As long as there's some way to see the provider before we set the appointment. 

Hypothetically speaking, how does one get introduced to this scene and can a provider be hired to organise and guide it?

sounds like a bad incident - but let me say this: sometimes when you are negative it become a self fulfilling prophecy. 
 
1. you went to a bathhouse despite not liking them feeling uncomfortable. How is this his fault?
2. you get there and are uncomfortable, complaining about the room. How is this his fault?
3. you talk about how you will only pay in a way that you can get your money back with the provider (im sure that is going to make him feel great)  How is this his fault?
4. you sit there visibly uncomfortable, he suggests maybe bringing in someone else to help. (you don't mention any ideas you have to make you feel more comfortable - you are also an active participant here. he is not a mind reader)  How is this his fault? 
5. you tell him you now want to leave after he has gone out his way to prepare to meet you, travel to the bathhouse. Of course he is going to be annoyed.  he thinks you are probably going to reverse the payment like you suggested at the start.  How is this his fault?
 
You willed this into situation into existence and you need to take some responsibly for it. I'm not saying what he did was right - but you literally threatened him that you would reverse payment if you were not happy. Not a great way to start a session. 
 
You may want to explore seeing a therapist or counselor and work on anxiety instead of hiring sex workers in bathhouses. 

In the few years that I have hired regularly, I have been asked for a picture on more than several occasions before a first meeting.  I provided a face pic reluctantly most of the times, especially if I was really interested in hiring the guy.  I guess I allowed myself to be manipulated by my desire to be with someone who would otherwise be out of my league.  I have even seen some in their RM ads say that they “ask for a pic like every other site.” So I never really have known what standard behavior was in this regard.  
Most have not asked for anything before meeting for the first time, but I do remember one that wanted a written description of myself (I assume to assess whether I was at least height and weight proportionate and of an acceptable race to him) and another who wanted to speak on the phone first, after we had texted. (I still don’t know what that accomplished because minutes before we met, he wanted me to send a selfie.  I guess to see if I looked like my voice?)
In each of those scenarios — sending a pic, writing a description, and scheduling a phone call — I felt like I was auditioning to be a client, which wasn’t a good feeling for me, especially because I probably would have felt that way in any case at our first meeting.  Sending a picture particularly compounded my insecurity. At some level, I had thought that paying would relieve me from having to go through that.  Fortunately for me, none of them declined to schedule the appointment after receiving my picture; although one later canceled at the last minute, after having scheduled days before.  I am not sure if my pic had anything to do with that cancellation, but having sent it, I guess I will never really know for sure, as I have not tried to schedule again with that provider, even though he was well-reviewed.
I also hired one guy who neither would send nor post a picture of his face out of privacy concerns. (Nor did he ask one of me.) I had promised myself never to hire someone whose face I could not see beforehand. He assured me that no one had ever rejected him. (I can’t imagine living in such a world!) Despite having sworn that I would expect a face picture either in an ad or have one sent to me after I had expressed serious interest in hiring, I relented and met him without having seen his face first, as he possessed other non-facial traits that I found to be quite desirous.  I took the risk, and I was very pleased with his overall appearance.
I know it’s not fair, but I don’t think that I should be judged by the same standard when I am the one paying. Otherwise, I should just try my luck for free. 

And I was just thinking that I should be less kind and less polite in order not to be mistaken for a push-over, manipulated, or taken advantage of because the escorts know they can get away with it with a “nice guy”.
I fear the world has become meaner and politeness and civility won’t protect us nice  guys.  
But maybe I am just embittered on my way to being jaded.  We‘ll see….

There are endless opportunities for conversation in my experience.  It is funny though.  Yesterday, my guest and I went snorkeling between the tectonic plates in 35° temps.  He indulged me in that side trip with apprehension.  He LOVED it!  As an accommodation to him embracing the plan, I made sure we were covering every thermal lagoon we could fit in.  We also did a 6 mile hike to get inside a volcano.  My 60+ yr old a$$ was the oldest in the group and nothing slowed us down.  We talked the whole time and enjoyed interacting with the other hikers.
If you view this arrangement as travel companionship with side benefits, it usually makes the side benefits more gratifying for each of you. 

And I was just thinking that I should be less kind and less polite in order not to be mistaken for a push-over, manipulated, or taken advantage of because the escorts know they can get away with it with a “nice guy”.
I fear the world has become meaner and politeness and civility won’t protect us nice  guys.  
But maybe I am just embittered on my way to being jaded.  We‘ll see….

As a client, I hope most providers don’t consider this to be a red flag. I always book several weeks in advance because I want to make sure to get the session at a time that is best for me.  Canceling at the last minute—for me anyway—would only happen if something urgent happened.  

^Well said!
Providers are not obligated to service everyone that requests to hire their time. Providers can choose to screen for whatever criteria they want, and they have a right to request photos. 
In my personal opinion, it is unprofessional to request photos of the client as a condition for seeing him, even for “security” reasons. I call bs. A professional, in my opinion, will see a wide variety of people, and be able to perform for them all, assuming the clients are respectful and take care of their personal hygiene.
Quick note on hygiene. We are not obligated to suck on fungus infested toes, foreskin that hasn’t been washed in weeks, tolerate exceedingly rank body odor, or touch rashes, open sores, or the like. These are all examples of good reasons to raise objections. Age, fitness, body type, race, and disability I believe are bad reasons to reject clients.
Providers who can only perform for a very narrow range of people, I believe, are in the wrong business. Our services are valuable no matter who we see, but also precisely because we are capable of providing a high level of service to a wide variety of people. You pay a pro to do a job that few others would be willing or able to fulfill. This quality in a provider has immense value.

Nobody said you have to service everyone. But the handbook also doesn’t say clients deserve to be mocked for how they look, either. Professionalism is knowing when to decline gracefully, not broadcasting contempt. One’s boundaries can exist without someone else’s dignity disappearing.

The business is not for everyone! 

The demise of kindness and respect?
What the fuck are you talking about?

Large chest tattoos. Often of birds of prey. I want to ask: What were you thinking?

PNP
 

I saw him once about a year ago.  He is physically awesome, but I did not find him to be that interactive.  No sex, just worship. —which is fine but not what I wanted in the end.  I would go back if I thought I could at least suck him off too.

Prepandemic I remember reading about people for hire to just cuddle and talk.
I'd suggest that if you want to hire someone just to talk with that it would make more sense to hire a trained counselor than a sex worker, unless you want to just engage in sex talk.

Probably much more common than you think. Still, make sure you meet with someone who knows that's going to happen and not with someone who isn't prepared to listen and interact with you in that way. 

I find its mixed depending on the provider.  When I travel for work I like to try and book several weeks before so I have something thats close to a sure thing.  
That also gives me a chance to see if I have a good vibe with the provider beforehand or should just move on.  I just booked something in CA for early November and it took several tries to find someone I believe was really interested in my business.

Yes, kissing without tongue is a total turn-off, a deal-breaker. To me, no tongue is no kissing, and no kissing is no sex. 

Kiss him. 

Over the years I’ve learned that being direct about your needs is never an insult IF it comes from a place of clarity and kindness. You’re not telling him he’s bad at his job; you’re showing him how to make you a satisfied repeat client, and that’s valuable information. One way to do it without it feeling awkward is to show as much as tell: get on top of him and ride him slow, let him see how that pace feels good and how much you enjoy it. Compliment him while you’re doing it, then suggest a change, something like “I’d love to be under you going at this pace” or “you feel incredible when you move like this.”  Positive reinforcement goes a long way.
Remember too, providers want repeat clients, so telling him what works for you isn’t just personal, it’s professional. You’re helping him give better service.
This is a provider you’ve hired regularly, and I’d be hard-pressed to think he wouldn’t be open to making your experiences exactly what you want them to be.
Best of luck to you.