DWnyc

I heard from more than one white friend (clients) who have said something on the lines of, given stereotypes of higher rates of crime (violence, drug use etc) among African Americans, they will avoid that demographic in providers since such meetings are already fraught with risks.

To be fair to us all in America, I can’t think of a single country I’m aware of that doesn’t have deep faultlines on all sorts of issues once you scratch the surface.
We also have very positive national traits of openness and allowing self criticism, so we talk about all this a lot more. Easy to fall into a trap of seeing ourselves as doomed or worse than elsewhere, but I don’t think that’s the case. 

We have huge differences in systemic approach in US vs some of these other countries.
We have self segregation through where we live and therefore who we mix with at school, sports clubs etc and by the time were old enough to go to college or work and make our own decisions some of this becomes deeply entrenched.
And to be clear it’s not just whites vs everyone else. If you’re Asian and have never known someone African American socially … or if you’re East Indian vs Latinos etc (having a maid or gardener doesn’t count) it’s not surprising that you have “personal preference” biased against the unfamiliar, whether it’s on music, food, or sexual attraction. 
The personal preference issue is very complicated and can’t be solved through legislation or overnight but there are clearly societal causes since there are such significant differences by geography / country in mixed race interaction. But I’d settle for people just being nicer to each other as they expressed that preference. 

Well you don’t know what I may or may not have said in the entire conversations.
And Im reminded every Thanksgiving and college reunion that if I broke off ties with everyone I disagreed with I wouldn’t have anyone in my life. 
Apart from all you close friends on this forum 😊

Clients are not obligated to make appointments and pay unilaterally determined rates just because a provider wants them to. It’s a mutually beneficial arrangement, mutually agreed.
Providers can have all the fun in the world making fun of prospective clients if they feel they have the means. But that time and energy might be better spent thinking up strategies to be more responsive to market forces. 

To be fair to us all in America, I can’t think of a single country I’m aware of that doesn’t have deep faultlines on all sorts of issues once you scratch the surface.
We also have very positive national traits of openness and allowing self criticism, so we talk about all this a lot more. Easy to fall into a trap of seeing ourselves as doomed or worse than elsewhere, but I don’t think that’s the case. 

I’m just remembering an anecdote from someone I met socially who was a provider, and Asian American.
He said his “provider profile” was that he was a visitor (note, not an immigrant) from Thailand, with an accent. That got him more clients, repeats, higher rates etc than being what he was Ie a kid from california who happened to be of Asian descent. 

To be fair to us all in America, I can’t think of a single country I’m aware of that doesn’t have deep faultlines on all sorts of issues once you scratch the surface.
We also have very positive national traits of openness and allowing self criticism, so we talk about all this a lot more. Easy to fall into a trap of seeing ourselves as doomed or worse than elsewhere, but I don’t think that’s the case. 

I heard from more than one white friend (clients) who have said something on the lines of, given stereotypes of higher rates of crime (violence, drug use etc) among African Americans, they will avoid that demographic in providers since such meetings are already fraught with risks.

Don’t you realize? A provider is entitled to that! We clients should understand our place. We should be giddy to pay them for as little possible done! Smallest bang for our buck!
(Meant with all musterable snark)

I’m amused over the degree of indignation that some escorts have over customers who ask for a discount. I wonder how many of these same guys are quick to leave early and cheat clients out of the last 20-30 minutes.
In general I would only ask for a discount if I’m bundling it with additional hours. Guys who leave    a few microseconds after I’ve come is a bit of a pet peeve. Extra brownie points for those who stay for a joint shower which should be a given

Agree very strongly. Talking about reality isn't condoning reality. But reality isn't nice, and it's wrong to just ignore reality when it makes us uncomfortable. 
Some memories came up while reading these posts. I grew up in a white, ethnic, working class Chicago neighborhood. By today's standards, you'd call the people I grew up with extremely racist.
I mentioned having black providers who wanted more after we agreed to a price. I remember the exact words of one: at the last minute he said, "hey, can you make it [agreed rate plus 50]?" I immediately canceled. 
Now, I remember being warned against those exact words when I was younger, and I've been hearing versions of it my whole life. In my neighborhood, we had a phrase for that line, and that phrase included the n-word.
Now, I've lived (and hired) long enough to know such behavior comes from people of all races. But if I hadn't escaped my neighborhood (and few did), I probably would believe those stereotypes. 

To be fair, they may genuinely feel this, and it doesn’t necessarily make them racist. At worst I’d say they could be naive or tone deaf in not reading the room or understanding how this may come across.  And perhaps forgetting the entitlement / privilege that allows them to express this.
My bigger issue is with those who deny the existence of problems they haven’t experienced, meaning they lack empathy or willingness to consider testimony on things that may be unfamiliar or uncomfortable. Like someone middle class wondering out loud why inflation is a problem for so many millions on products such as milk and eggs. Or any man opining on what it’s like to be a woman (in the workplace … walking alone at night … etc).

To be fair to us all in America, I can’t think of a single country I’m aware of that doesn’t have deep faultlines on all sorts of issues once you scratch the surface.
We also have very positive national traits of openness and allowing self criticism, so we talk about all this a lot more. Easy to fall into a trap of seeing ourselves as doomed or worse than elsewhere, but I don’t think that’s the case. 

I’m just remembering an anecdote from someone I met socially who was a provider, and Asian American.
He said his “provider profile” was that he was a visitor (note, not an immigrant) from Thailand, with an accent. That got him more clients, repeats, higher rates etc than being what he was Ie a kid from california who happened to be of Asian descent. 

Thanks for the public service! Not to mention a professionally run aesthetically pleasing site.

In a business that’s so unregulated and private it’s only natural that the worst of human behavior can come out. Who’s going to file a complaint? Or even gather data to address disbelief / denial of trends? 
Add to that the issue of what we call “personal preference” to allow validation as we discuss this all.  Then add further to that entitlement (eg through price differentials) and it’s inevitable these dynamics will exist.
@Jamie21 From what I know of the UK it doesn’t surprise me race is less of a factor (I think Toronto and Montreal are similar) and there’s a lot of history and baggage in the US on this issue. And within the US there’s probably difference in geography. One observation I’ve had when traveling is a lot more mixed race couples (especially black and white) of all orientations in Europe and Canada than in the US. Or look at the lines outside nightclubs (again, gay or straight) in eg London vs Chicago and you’ll see a lot more segregation (even if through personal choice).
 
 
 
 
 

To be fair to us all in America, I can’t think of a single country I’m aware of that doesn’t have deep faultlines on all sorts of issues once you scratch the surface.
We also have very positive national traits of openness and allowing self criticism, so we talk about all this a lot more. Easy to fall into a trap of seeing ourselves as doomed or worse than elsewhere, but I don’t think that’s the case. 

To be fair to us all in America, I can’t think of a single country I’m aware of that doesn’t have deep faultlines on all sorts of issues once you scratch the surface.
We also have very positive national traits of openness and allowing self criticism, so we talk about all this a lot more. Easy to fall into a trap of seeing ourselves as doomed or worse than elsewhere, but I don’t think that’s the case. 

These "higher rates of crime" are often mental/verbal cover for racist/prejudicial attitudes on the part of your friends/clients.  The stats that I have seen show that whites and blacks are head to head in relation to arrest rates, especially those related to violent crime and drugs.  I'm sure they're not citing stats that justify their racism/beliefs with you; and if they are, which are they citing?  
 

Somehow, I escaped it.  I'm a white boy who loves men of color.

In a business that’s so unregulated and private it’s only natural that the worst of human behavior can come out. Who’s going to file a complaint? Or even gather data to address disbelief / denial of trends? 
Add to that the issue of what we call “personal preference” to allow validation as we discuss this all.  Then add further to that entitlement (eg through price differentials) and it’s inevitable these dynamics will exist.
@Jamie21 From what I know of the UK it doesn’t surprise me race is less of a factor (I think Toronto and Montreal are similar) and there’s a lot of history and baggage in the US on this issue. And within the US there’s probably difference in geography. One observation I’ve had when traveling is a lot more mixed race couples (especially black and white) of all orientations in Europe and Canada than in the US. Or look at the lines outside nightclubs (again, gay or straight) in eg London vs Chicago and you’ll see a lot more segregation (even if through personal choice).
 
 
 
 
 

No, I don't claim to have solved the problem of race in the US.  I think, as long as we have the notion of "race," there will be a race problem. 

We have huge differences in systemic approach in US vs some of these other countries.
We have self segregation through where we live and therefore who we mix with at school, sports clubs etc and by the time were old enough to go to college or work and make our own decisions some of this becomes deeply entrenched.
And to be clear it’s not just whites vs everyone else. If you’re Asian and have never known someone African American socially … or if you’re East Indian vs Latinos etc (having a maid or gardener doesn’t count) it’s not surprising that you have “personal preference” biased against the unfamiliar, whether it’s on music, food, or sexual attraction. 
The personal preference issue is very complicated and can’t be solved through legislation or overnight but there are clearly societal causes since there are such significant differences by geography / country in mixed race interaction. But I’d settle for people just being nicer to each other as they expressed that preference. 

Every time I'm in Canada, I'm struck by the diversity. In the US, even in regions that are ethnically diverse, people tend to cluster into communities of people like themselves.   In Canada, it's much more of a mix.