DWnyc

Clearly you have capacity and perhaps need for something missing in your life - but this is not the place to seek it. Invest time in online dating (not hookups) and out yourself out there. At worst you’ll be exactly where you are now. The hobby can perhaps give you an aspirational scenario of how things might be - and hopefully you can extract what’s realistic vs unlikely. And remember the provider or anyone seeking others to hookup with regularly isn’t necessarily driven by the emotions you claim to feel.

Many in the online hookup world have a policy of no repeats precisely for this reason - they don’t want to form relationships with people they meet this way yet a degree of fantasy can lead one or both to assume something is there or could be eventually. So nip it in the bud.

You’re self aware - that blunts much of whatever downside there might be

I haven’t but I’ve had encounters cut short no doubt based on my reaction and lack of endurance - not paid encounters mind you

Not trying to be funny but why not ask for that when setting up the appointment - it will be roleplay for many but they may be good at it …

Ah how far we are from the days when a glance at church across the pews would mean just a few meetings away from being affianced …

Perhaps the profession just exposes the emptiness of what we consider real life Me, I’d judge providers’ ethics not in this kind of situation - but on things like: delivering what is agreed, not short changing on time or overcharging because one can, being discreet when coming across identifiable information, not underperforming if faced with a client they are not attracted to (while still taking all donations) etc. All else is noise unless the core is solid without question

Except that’s not how real life goes for many if not most clients when it comes to the hobby Not to mention the lack of reliability of many providers on this front as well

The generation after that doesn’t even offer an attempt at an excuse … move on to the next option that satisfies your needs - it may be this guy it may not be …

I can understand not wishing to be drawn into drama, complications in public if you run into people you know etc. But where does “deception” / fantasy etc that is part of the hobby end before it becomes problematic? Or said another way what is ethically permissible? If a client said (one on one in a paid session) they thought you were really hot, you were amazing etc etc - but you didn’t feel anything like that about him - would you keep totally quiet? That might end the session or hold back a future one … but wouldn’t saying something complimentary then clash with some ethics if untrue for you?

Not the only provider I’ve interacted with on these sites without knowing that at the time. Even when they’ve seemed in regular person mode it hasn’t always been pleasant.

He’s approached me several times on online hookup sites. The first couple of times we went through the motion of unlocking pics then he would go silent so I assumed it wasn’t a match (and didn’t realize he was a provider). When he approached me the last time - with my pics from the last exchange visible - I told him not to contact me again since he had a pattern of ghosting and as I found it especially rude that he did it upon seeing my pics. He got terse very quickly. And reached out a few weeks later as if we’d never spoken … I didn’t reply. I then put two and two together recognizing his pic on RM. Don’t know if the hookup site outreach from him was searching for clients and I missed the clues (hence the silence) but whether as a hookup or a paid experience the behavior was off-putting enough for me to keep away. Re the weight - that’s not hidden in his pics unless there’s more since then.

Have had the same experience several times. Esp for newer providers or those starting a new profile from scratch.

Overall I wonder if many of us relax whatever criteria we may have (often through having been burnt) - if the guy is (to us) … hot. Not trying to be funny ..,

If only real life could be as well choreographed as pornography

Each provider may have his own circumstances and preferences. I’ve typically found they welcome during the day bookings as it can be a quiet time for them otherwise, and they’re doing other things at night like filming for their OnlyFans or going on Grindr to find people they actually want to fool around with themselves 😉

Actually I’d disagree - not a two way street on the issue of requiring photos as not a regular hookup. In the same way that a client shouldn’t expect payment from a provider for any reason …

As others have said , even if there were such a thing as commonly accepted “hideous” (there isn’t) most providers (especially the good ones) wouldn’t care as they’re there to make money. Some would add they’re there to provide a service - take that as you will. If it’s for reasons specific to you upon seeing your photo - f*** him, he’s trying to monetize his hookup life and only idiots would pay if they could see through it. The provider experience is different and you should enjoy your ability to do so - don’t be disheartened and especially in New York you’ll find someone worthy of you choosing to exchange your valuable time and resources for the valuable experience they provide.

Except me 😉

And as we have often discussed on this forum - Grindr is converging with RM in many ways 😉

He may have had a bad experience with the substances that make up the “date r*pe” portfolio. Some have passed out for a few seconds or minutes, others for much longer. And if he had been drinking alcohol before coming to see you the bad effects could be amplified. Not a good idea to push hospitality however sincere.

What is this? Never been offered one …

The key part being reputable and established. Providers seem to be increasing in number by the day - many are just trying to monetize their regular hookup lives and are part of what you call the cesspool. The first time a provider proactively offered to show me their latest test paperwork I was a little startled (and concerned they’d want to see mine which I wouldn’t share for identifying info reasons) but I now realize they were offering a different league of service (not saying I’d expect that from a provider I’d want to see). Compare that to a growing number where I know for a fact the status they list on RM is incorrect.

And, with what we have at our disposal now, it doesn’t really matter - we can protect ourselves in most scenarios (eg with Prep) regardless of honest disclosure or lack of awareness from our partners. Has only been a thing recently, another burden the young generation might not appreciate that older folk still carry with them.

Agreed 100%. I know a few folks who feel they are taking an activist position by forcing a provider to confront prejudices face to face on first sight and they don’t think the door will be slammed in their face but it happens a lot, because it can. Fight your political and social battles in the appropriate place but why not just enjoy spending your hard earned money with someone who deserves it because they are invested in creating a great experience for you.