fat discrimination

[P Gren]

This has been pointed out in many threads. Self described 'fat guys' that say they are discriminated against. Which I expect is true. As a society we discriminate against fat women and therefore similarly against fat gay men. I know personally I have not ever been in a relationship with anyone that was overweight. For me I think it comes from having parents that were both overweight and being embarrassed about it. Imagine, social standards that made me, as a little kid, embarrassed by my own parents weight. Terrible.

 

My question, in the same way that gay men have to deal with internalized homophobia (discrimination against 'feminine' guys being an obvious example), how do fat guys on here deal with internalized fatphobia? What do you do to model behavior that promotes acceptance and sexual celebration of overweight guys in our community? I'm not in great shape myself.

Edited November 26, 2017 by P Gren

[+ Avalon]

I follow this gay couple in England. on YouTube. Ryan is on the heavy side and Aiden is thin.

 

[+ GregM]

I've always yo yoed on my weight. I've been any where between 125 to 195 Right now I'm about 170. I'm trying to lose weight and get down to at least 145 although 130 would be ideal. I like to wear a size small. But if I don't and I stay in the 170 range so be it. I'm not going to beat myself up to meet someone else's standard of beauty. We all have our standard or version of whats attractive. I nor can anyone else please everyone. It took me many years to realize that. Take me as I am, yo yo weight and all or dont take me at all.

 

Hugs,

Greg

[Walker1]

I think we must be very careful when we use the word discrimination. Unlike black people, fatties were never enslaved with their children bought and sold or after freedom told to go sit in the back of the bus or separate toilets etc.

Unlike women fatties were allowed the vote , owned property etc.

 

In some culture fatties were preferred as a sign of wealth.

 

However there is a prefernace. Am I going to pay someone who is 500 pounds to massage me or escort -no. However that goes for extremely homely people too-I ain't paying either.

 

Plus being extremely fat does have medical consequences. Now as a former fattie and as someone who is still considered fat by gay standards-normal by regular standards, I don't care. This whole fat shaming concept is deluded-I got plenty of action when I was fat. Admittedly not by many 10s, but hey when you look like a land whale, don't expect Chris Hemsworth to come sweep you off your feet-you might crush him!

 

I think today's concept of comparing micro aggressions, personal preferances etc to the struggle of civil war, ending slavery, womens right to vote etc is frankly insulting to the old heroes who faced terrible consequences for their actions. Someone say fighting for the women and gays in Saudi Arabia or Iran has tremendous courage.

 

I did face a lot of insults in the gay world-just let it roll off like water of a duck's back. Apart from that, never did face any "discrimination". Someone not wanting to sleep with me is not discrimination-that is just preference. For long time, I did not want to sleep with women-does that make me a misogynist?

Edited November 25, 2017 by Walker1

[P Gren]

I think we must be very careful when we use the word discrimination. Unlike black people, fatties were never enslaved witht heir children bought and sold or after freedom told to go sit in the back of the bus or separate toilets etc.

Unlike women fatties were allowed the vote , owned property etc.

 

In some culture fatties were preferred as a sign of wealth.

 

However there is a prefernace. Am I going to pay someone who is 500 pounds to massage me or escort -no. However that goes for extremely homely people too-I ain't paying either.

 

Plus being extremely fat does have medical consequences. Now as a former fattie and as someone who is still considered fat by gay standards-normal by regular standards, I don't care. This whole fat shaming concept is deluded-I got plenty of action when I was fat. Admittedly not by many 10s, but hey when you look like a land whale, don't expect Chris Hemsworth to come sweep you off your feet-you might crush him!

 

I think today's concept of comparing micro aggressions, personal preferances etc to the struggle of civil war, ending slavery, womens right to vote etc is frankly insulting to the old heroes who faced terrible consequences for their actions. Someone say fighting for the women and gays in Saudi Arabia or Iran has tremendous courage.

 

I did face a lot of insults in the gay world-just let it roll off like water of a duck's back. Apart from that, never did face any "discrimination". Someone not wanting to sleep with me is not discrimination-that is just preference. For long time, I did not want to sleep with women-does that make me a misogynist?

I used the word discrimination because that is the word that was being used by guys on here. I supposed I could have put it quotes to make that clearer. In any case my question is what do (self-described) fat guys on here do to model behavior that promotes acceptance and sexual celebration of overweight guys in our community?

[Walker1]

In any case my question is what do (self-described) fat guys on here do to model behavior that promotes acceptance and sexual celebration of overweight guys in our community?

Why should a fat person model behavior that promotes acceptance? That to me suggests something is wrong with a fat person? Chris Christie is a fattie, does he ever apologize for it? Now I don't like him for other reasons, but hey that is politics.

When I was a fattie, I accepted it and never felt the need to model my behavior to gain acceptance-that would mean being fake. I accepted myself and flaunted it and had no problem getting laid. Now my partners weren't going to be on GQ, but occasionally did snatch a 10-rare. You gotta be you-if you want to lose weight , great, but again do it for the right reasons-health, maybe wanting to look good etc.

[jjkrkwood]

This has been pointed out in many threads. Self described 'fat guys' that say they are discriminated against. Which I expect is true. As a society we discriminate against fat women and therefore similarly against fat gay men. I know personally I have not ever been in a relationship with anyone that was overweight. For me I think it comes from having parents that were both overweight and being embarrassed about it. Imagine, social standards that made me, as a little kid, embarrassed by my own parents weight. Terrible.

 

My question, in the same way that gay men have to deal with internalized homophobia (discrimination against 'feminine' guys being an obvious example), how do fat guys on here deal with internalized fatphobia? What do you do to model behavior that promotes acceptance and sexual celebration of overweight guys in our community? Full disclosure I'm 5'11" 164 (on the scale this morning) and it takes me 30mins to run 5km (3 miles) so I'm not in great shape myself.

 

 

You can not be responsible for what others think about you. All YOU can do is be confident in yourself and who you are. Rejections comes with lifes territory, whether you are overweight, old, bald, etc, etc... Really nothing you can do about what appeals to people. If you notice in my pic posts, they run the gamut, and I try not to exclude anyone, or types they might find attractive. everyone has a right to be acknowledged and respected.. If something is not your cup of "fruity Sangria", just move along. there is no reason to be rude, mean or outwardly judgemental (of course we all judge, but if its internalized, its more respectful and civil.)

[nynakedtop]

I used the word discrimination because that is the word that was being used by guys on here. I supposed I could have put it quotes to make that clearer. In any case my question is what do (self-described) fat guys on here do to model behavior that promotes acceptance and sexual celebration of overweight guys in our community?

 

we all know that fat people do face shaming within our community - even amongst those of us who consider ourselves "woke" -- and i honestly include myself as one of the guilty parties here. the question is why and how....

 

i recoil in horror when i encounter those "no fats no femmes" postings on hook-up sites and it bothers me as much when i get into a club with a "selective" door policy - because i can only begin to imagine how horrible it must feel for someone to have to worry about the abuse they will encounter.

 

but what is the source of this discrimination? is it simply a matter of "taste", "preference", and so on? i get all militant on people who use that excuse when they do their "no blacks no asians" stuff... but i can make excuses for people on the overweight issue.

 

dunno why.... or maybe i do and i refuse to face it.

[LaffingBear]

I used the word discrimination because that is the word that was being used by guys on here. I supposed I could have put it quotes to make that clearer.......

Discrimination was used correctly.

 

Definitions:

1. the unjust or prejudicial treatment of different categories of people or things
   
2. treatment or consideration of, or making a distinction in favor of or against, a person or thing based on the group, class, or category to which that person or thing belongs rather than on individual merit
   

Use of a word is not qualified based upon other factors, such as the effects of the word used.

 

Personally, I feel no outrage regarding the discrimination itself. Its not that fat-discrimination is worse than gender-, age-, ethnic-, or race- discrimination. That its effects are more or less severe... or prevalent. Its that its still socially acceptable to discriminate against fat people.

 

If I was hiring a salespereon... I'd be subject to disciplinary action if I didnt hire the Mexican guy, or the older woman, or the physically challenged person in a wheelchair. But there'd be no reaction whatsoever if I didnt hire the fat guy because he didnt convey the image I want representing our company.

 

Social Scientists point out that obesity discrimination is the last sanctioned bigotry in America.

[jjkrkwood]

EVERYONE has one time in their life seen an overweight girl in spandex leggings and tank top and thought "she really shouldnt be wearing that", or seen a BIG guy on the beach in a Thong and thought "oh NO he didnt"... That's normal and natural because we have been condition that only a certain aesthetic is attractive. It's OK, as long as you keep it to yourself and never make that person feel "less than".... I was the fem FAT kid all though public and junior high school. I was ostracized and an outcast. you have to walk in the shoes to understand the lifelong Trauma it leaves you with, but the blessing is that you KNOW never to make another person feel that way... It took alot of work to make myself feel "acceptable", but you NEVER forget what got you here.

[P Gren]

Why should a fat person model behavior that promotes acceptance? That to me suggests something is wrong with a fat person? Chris Christie is a fattie, does he ever apologize for it? Now I don't like him for other reasons, but hey that is politics.

When I was a fattie, I accepted it and never felt the need to model my behavior to gain acceptance-that would mean being fake. I accepted myself and flaunted it and had no problem getting laid. Now my partners weren't going to be on GQ, but occasionally did snatch a 10-rare. You gotta be you-if you want to lose weight , great, but again do it for the right reasons-health, maybe wanting to look good etc.

Hi. Not sure what road you went down there but you took a hard right from what I was talking about. lol

My question was, other than pointing out discrimination (which is a good first step), what do (self-described) fat guys personally do to celebrate other 'fat guys.' That's what I meant by modeling (not magazine modeling, not faking behavior and/or acting fake). I bet we can all learn about what you're doing to change our narrow body type obsession and be allies. You flaunt it - that's FANTASTIC

[+ sniper]

I wouldn't say I "celebrate" it. I just don't make an issue of it. I'm NOT happy about my weight and am working on it with mixed success due to mobility issues(the mobility issues actually are what led to the weight gain - used to work out hard 2-3 hours a day then couldn't do that any more).

But ultimately I'm at a level of weight that is definitely not healthy and I don't think it's right to pretend otherwise.

 

I have a couple of acquaintances in their 20s who decided to just go full-on bear and are now deliberately making themselves morbidly obese(like one of them you can barely see his eyes any more- I'm not exaggerating) and I want to pull them aside and lecture them but I keep my mouth shut. They're young enough that they don't understand what that weight is going to feel like in ten or twenty years when their joints are tired of carrying it. Maybe they'll be lucky and not have problems, but at the rate they are going I highly doubt it.

[+ purplekow]

I used the word discrimination because that is the word that was being used by guys on here. I supposed I could have put it quotes to make that clearer. In any case my question is what do (self-described) fat guys on here do to model behavior that promotes acceptance and sexual celebration of overweight guys in our community?

I fuck as many skinny guys as hard as I can and then talk about it over pizza with my obuds (obese buddies). We laugh about how we lie on top and make it almost impossible or those skinny bitches to breath. By that I mean, what the fuck are you talking about, modeling behavior to promote acceptance of overweight guys. Are you for real?

Right now, I am too busy promoting tolerance of people who ask self serving questions, Mr. 5 11 and 164.

Edited November 26, 2017 by purplekow

[+ Funguy]

I have ALWAYS found that if someone exudes confidence then what they look like is irrelevant. I had some of the best sex I have ever had with a "fatty" who just came up to me at a party and steered me into a bedroom. Never happened before nor since. But boy, he was dynamite. We talked after and he had no self-image issues - he knew he was obese, he was trying to drop some weight solely for health issues but otherwise. . . Let the good times roll!

[LaffingBear]

My question was, other than pointing out discrimination (which is a good first step), what do (self-described) fat guys personally do to celebrate other 'fat guys.' That's what I meant by modeling .....

I wouldn't say I "celebrate" it. I just don't make an issue of it....

 

What I do....

 

Behave as myself.

 

There should be no extra burden to celebrate it. Why place a duty on those who are discriminated against? Do African Americans need to somehow behave in a certain manner? Should Jews refuse discounts because of old stereotypes.

 

Actually, I guess I'm a hypocrite. I would usually not discriminate against a person of size. But I'd want nothing to do with a fat guy sporting a "Fat's Where It's At!" TShirt, or intentionally dressing so that his beer belly hangs over his belt, as if its a badge of honor.

[P Gren]

I fuck as many skinny guys as hard as I can and then talk about it over pizza with my obuds (obese buddies). We laugh about how we lie on top and make it almost impossible or those skinny bitches to breath. By that I mean, what the fuck are you talking about, modeling behavior to promote acceptance of overweight guys. Are you for real?

Yup

What I do....

 

Behave as myself.

 

There should be no extra burden to celebrate it. Why place a duty on those who are discriminated against? Do African Americans need to somehow behave in a certain manner? Should Jews refuse discounts because of old stereotypes.

 

Actually, I guess I'm a hypocrite. I would usually not discriminate against a person of size. But I'd want nothing to do with a fat guy sporting a "Fat's Where It's At!" TShirt, or intentionally dressing so that his beer belly hangs over his belt, as if its a badge of honor.

That T-shirt would make me laugh with him not at him. Owning it - FANTASTIC.

Gay Pride - does the gay community have a 'duty' to promote it's own self-worth? Not, to anyone other than ourselves. Individual communities are the first to promote themselves. And yes, there are some people that don't believe in Gay Pride either I suppose.

Edited November 26, 2017 by P Gren

[+ sniper]

The truth is I do take issue with some of the "fat acceptance" pushers. It's certainly true that there is some wiggle room in the weight guidelines in that you're better off being someone 30 lbs overweight who exercises every day than an "ideal" weight desk jockey with no muscle, but when you are 70+ lbs overweight...you might with great effort maintain aerobic fitness - I've done it for periods of time, but that excess weight is doing bad things to your organs and joints. You can't exercise your liver, kidneys, pancreas. They are designed to carry a lower throughput than you are giving them when you are overweight. Even the heart can fail - it happens a lot to bodybuilders.

[+ GregM]

EVERYONE has one time in their life seen an overweight girl in spandex leggings and tank top and thought "she really shouldnt be wearing that", or seen a BIG guy on the beach in a Thong and thought "oh NO he didnt"... That's normal and natural because we have been condition that only a certain aesthetic is attractive. It's OK, as long as you keep it to yourself and never make that person feel "less than".... I was the fem FAT kid all though public and junior high school. I was ostracized and an outcast. you have to walk in the shoes to understand the lifelong Trauma it leaves you with, but the blessing is that you KNOW never to make another person feel that way... It took alot of work to make myself feel "acceptable", but you NEVER forget what got you here.

 

But, if she's walking briskly, running, biking etc Imma give her a high five, two snaps up and a pushup for doing something healthy. Positive reinforcement works better than fat shaming.

 

Hugs,

Greg

[Deadlift1]

OP you are right! This topic has been discussed multiple times. Who the F cares when u last weighed yourself? Your entire post is fat shaming.

[P Gren]

OP you are right! This topic has been discussed multiple times. Who the F cares when u last weighed yourself? Your entire post is fat shaming.

I deleted my 'disclosure' about my struggle with weight, it seems to have trigger a reaction from you that is unnecessary to this discussion. Asking about what people do about discrimination is not 'fat shaming.' Fat shaming is persistent and pernicious in the gay community. This topic may have been discussed before, and the issue isn't going away and will continue to be discussed. Shutting down a discussion doesn't help anyone.

[Deadlift1]

why didn't you disclose it? we aren't mind readers.

[Aquarionsol]

To me there is no such thing as fat shaming or even skinny shaming it is called not lying and being bluntly truthful. There are people who are into fat/skinny people and people that find fat/skinny people grotesque. For my self I said I never wanted to be a certain weight and when I hit it that mark because of my thyroid condition I started going to the gym. It also does not help when you don't dress to your body type as well. Plus if you dont like the way you look you can fix that shot by either eating more, going to the gym, or save up some cash and get plastic surgery.

[+ Avalon]

Regardless of body, shape or size there is always someone out there who will like you for who you are.

[P Gren]

why didn't you disclose it? we aren't mind readers.

I had included it in my first post, and deleted it after a couple of comments reacted to it, in a way that had nothing to do with the subject of the thread.

[realeasymoney]

It's not discrimination - it's biology. Instinct tells us to mate with young, inshape people because that helps propagate the species. Doesn't mean you should refuse to socialize with people you don't want to have sex with.