Out and About

[mike carey]

For those of us that aren’t up to date with the lingo of today’s kids.....

 

rom com

Umm, no, rom com is not a new young'uns term. It's been around at least since Bridget Jones's Diary or When Harry met Sally.

[gallahadesquire]

Umm, no, rom com is not a new young'uns term. It's been around at least since Bridget Jones's Diary or When Harry met Sally.

Are those new films? I haven't heard of them.

[+ friendofsheila]

Off to Black Panther, we both loved it, but no hanky-panky. Then to an Irish bar across the street for a drink, too loud to talk much, but a nice vibe. Leaving, he said, "Let's do this again soon, " and I said "I'd like that." I think kind of teenage date-y. Walking along, we came to his car first, and gave each other a manly hug that lasted a little long, looked at each other and laughed again.

 

 

The phrase "bro-ey" comes to mind, too.

[BasketBaller]

Since we're about to go on hiatus, and @stevenkesslar mentioned that people enjoy reading what I'm up to (not sure that's universal, but c'est la vie), I thought I'd post an update to the thread I've truly neglected-- the one about my adventuring into life on my own.

 

I left off above with a movie night with one of my basketball buddies from the gay sports group, an evening where we talked a lot about our situations-- he had just ended a long-term, serious relationship. Long story short, we did indeed begin hanging out occasionally apart from the weekend games, and by "hanging out" I mean that not only did we do other movies and restaurants, but we became friends with benefits. He was not interested in a romance so soon after breaking up, and I am still exploring so tried not to have any expectations. We kept it light and had fun with each other. And, for the first time since my wife died, I truly slept with someone, as in spending the night and waking up together. Usually at his place, but another first-- I had sex with a man in my own house, in my own bed. That was weird at first.

 

After my youthful promiscuity and my loving marriage, this was new-- a buddy I had sex with once in a while, when we both felt like it. And while I strongly prefer to bottom, he's 100% versatile so sometimes we flipped, and I enjoyed that more than I expected. He was good in bed and told me I was, too. After such a long stretch of near celibacy (well, not counting lots of jerking off), I began to remember what's like to indulge the sex drive, or maybe I began to truly have a sex drive again.

 

I first hired about 11 years ago, and in the intervening years had an intermittent sex life with men I rarely saw more than a time or two. Now I was able to get to know what he liked, and to let him know what I liked, so the sex was pretty awesome. The first time, when we discovered that his favorite position as a top was my favorite as a bottom(missionary), meant we spent a lot of time like that.

 

This went on for about 2 1/2 months, and it really wasn't that many times. I think I might have just been getting ready to see if it could lead somewhere, when he was offered a huge promotion that meant moving to Minneapolis. I was happy for him, but this had changed me somewhat. When he moved I knew I needed to take another step toward living my life as a socially and sexually active person again. The apps like Scruff don't seem to be much help, and I'm not much interested in a nearly anonymous hookup anyway. As I've also posted above, I'm not much of a bar guy, although I go once in a while and have met some guys there.

 

One thing to leave you with. Having become more active, even if I haven't made a true connection with anyone, means talking to the boys pretty much has to happen. I'm "out" enough now that they could find out accidentally or from someone else, and I don't want that to happen. So when the forums return in January, I think I'll have a big update for the other thread that focuses more on my relationship with them.

Edited November 30, 2018 by BasketBaller

[+ purplekow]

Since we're about to go on hiatus, and @stevenkesslar mentioned that people enjoy reading what I'm up to (not sure that's universal, but c'est la vie), I thought I'd post an update to the thread I've truly neglected-- the one about my adventuring into life on my own.

 

I left off above with a movie night with one of my basketball buddies from the gay sports group, an evening where we talked a lot about our situations-- he had just ended a long-term, serious relationship. Long story short, we did indeed begin hanging out occasionally apart from the weekend games, and by "hanging out" I mean that not only did we do other movies and restaurants, but we became friends with benefits. He was not interested in a romance so soon after breaking up, and I am still exploring so tried not to have any expectations. We kept it light and had fun with each other. And, for the first time since my wife died, I truly slept with someone, as in spending the night and waking up together. Usually at his place, but another first-- I had sex with a man in my own house, in my own bed. That was weird at first.

 

After my youthful promiscuity and my loving marriage, this was new-- a buddy I had sex with once in a while, when we both felt like it. And while I strongly prefer to bottom, he's 100% versatile so sometimes we flipped, and I enjoyed that more than I expected. He was good in bed and told me I was, too. After such a long stretch of near celibacy (well, not counting lots of jerking off), I began to remember what's like to indulge the sex drive, or maybe I began to truly have a sex drive again.

 

I first hired about 11 years ago, and in the intervening years had an intermittent sex life with men I rarely saw more than a time or two. Now I was able to get to know what he liked, and to let him know what I liked, so the sex was pretty awesome. The first time, when we discovered that his favorite position as a top was my favorite as a bottom(missionary), meant we spent a lot of time like that.

 

This went on for about 2 1/2 months, and it really wasn't that many times. I think I might have just been getting ready to see if it could lead somewhere, when he was offered a huge promotion that meant moving to Minneapolis. I was happy for him, but this had changed me somewhat. When he moved I knew I needed to take another step toward living my life as a socially and sexually active person again. The apps like Scruff don't seem to be much help, and I'm not much interested in a nearly anonymous hookup anyway. As I've also posted above, I'm not much of a bar guy, although I go once in a while and have met some guys there.

 

One thing to leave you with. Having become more active, even if I haven't made a true connection with anyone, means talking to the boys pretty much has to happen. I'm "out" enough now that they could find out accidentally or from someone else, and I don't want that to happen. So when the forums return in January, I think I'll have a big update for the other thread that focuses more on my relationship with them.

 

I think yours is a remarkable story not in its content but rather in its honesty and intelligence. It is kind of a Freaky Friday coming out story, It is as though we are seeing the new experiences of a young man within the mentality of a 40 something.

I am glad you have found a growing peace within your life. You seem to have been very lucky to have a solid loving life but now are moving onto a different phase of that life. I hope your sons are supportive and basically nonchalant about your revelation. Again, I hope you can fully express to them how much your love for their mother and for them has helped you get to the point ultimately of loving your true self. I know there will be tears and heartache and questions with difficult answers but I feel confident that after those difficult conversations, you will be standing tall with your loving family.

Again, I encourage you to come the the DC Luncheon and get togethers. Nellies was one of the places we gathered at last year. If you had been there, you would not have been the only one in khakis.

Peace and love in 2019.

[+ Just Sayin]

@BasketBaller, I have followed your threads but I don't believe I have ever posted on them; I would encourage you to continue to take steps to be out in your life; it's important for you as a human being, but also for all of us. I started the process almost 20 years ago--telling parents, children, high school friends, college friends, you name it! And now I quite enjoy it when a client asks about my wife, I gently correct them and say "no, my husband" and watch the reaction; it gives me an opportunity to let them know we are citizens in all walks of life.

[RM]

I said I'm not straight but it was my first time in a gay bar, and they said, "Congratulations!" I didn't go into details, maybe I should have explained more. The only other place I've tried is The Green Lantern, which maybe felt more like a fit. I don't know if I'll ever really be a bar guy, but it feels good to be in a crowd of gay men even if I just nurse a drink and watch the crowd.

I like the Green Lantern. I was visiting DC and went there 24 years ago. They gave me a coupon for a free drink, but I didn't have time to use it. When I got home, I showed the coupon to the bartender at the Red Lantern, and he honored it.

[mike carey]

@BasketBaller, I'm delighted for you, and look forward to the next instalments when the forum returns in the new year. And as PK suggested, at the lunch in January.

[+ sam.fitzpatrick]

@BasketBaller, it would be great to have you join us in DC!

[jawjateck]

Baller, you are awesome! Would love to break bread with you in DC.

[BasketBaller]

Well, a loo-oong hiatus in this thread, but in my saga of the boys' lives I mentioned I'd been seeing someone on and off. We met doing volunteer work at Walter Reed Military Hospital, bringing meals to those staying at the Fisher Houses, home-like places where families of people in the hospital for a long time can stay, and those doing rehab for a long time as well. So lots of wounded veterans with their spouses, and sometimes with their children, along with retirees being treated for cancer and such things. About 20 of us go once a month. There was a very friendly guy, great at talking with the vets and their families, and I liked him, but as I've said, I have zero gaydar, I had no idea he was gay. Mid-30s, I thought, although I later learned he was closer to my age, about my height, very much a "guy next door" type. nice-looking and fit but not model-handsome. We talked about work a couple of times, he heard a lot about the boys, and he said he'd never been married but came close once.

 

After a few months, we were the last ones to leave one time, and he suggested going for a beer. Sure. So we each drove down into Bethesda and went to a way-too-hip for us pub and shot the breeze. And eventually the light dawned even on me that he was flirting a bit, holding eye contact and smiling and sometimes just looking at me without saying anything. I, yes, blushed, I think, but I responded in kind. By now I thought of him as a friend and didn't want to make it awkward, but clearly we were both thinking the same thing-- this could work. Finally he said he had an early day the next day, but when can we do this again? I gulped and said, I'm flexible, and he said, "That's good to know." GULP! So we made a date-- a date!-- for the next weekend, went to a play downtown (George Bernard Shaw's Candida, a play about marriage and love...), held hands walking back to the car (I had picked him up) and when we got to his place, a condo in Columbia Heights, there was an open parking space in front. He invited me in. I said yes.

 

This was late September, and we've been seeing each other ever since, not every week, but now and then. It's odd in a way that I'm not feeling "love" so much as comfort. He's a good, good guy, he works at a great non-profit, and at this point I'd say we're close friends with benefits taking our time. Before you ask, we are very compatible sexually, he's a total top and I'm happy on the bottom so that works. One thing that may be TMI-- he's bigger than I'm used to. My first couple of hires were very hung guys because that fascinated me in porn, but since then I've generally been with more average-sized men. He is not average and it has taken some getting used to. But he knows he's big and he's sensitive and patient so it's been good, and as I say, I'm getting used to it!

Edited December 5, 2019 by BasketBaller

[+ Just Sayin]

Well, a loo-oong hiatus in this thread, but in my saga of the boys' lives I mentioned I'd been seeing someone on and off. We met doing volunteer work at Walter Reed Military Hospital, bringing meals to those staying at the Fisher Houses, home-like places where families of people in the hospital for a long time can stay, and those doing rehab for a long time as well. So lots of wounded veterans with their spouses, and sometimes with their children, along with retirees being treated for cancer and such things. About 20 of us go once a month. There was a very friendly guy, great at talking with the vets and their families, and I liked him, but as I've said, I have zero gaydar, I had no idea he was gay. Mid-30s, about my height, very much a "guy next door" type. nice-looking and fit but not model-handsome. We talked about work a couple of times, he heard a lot about the boys, and he said he'd never been married but came close once.

 

After a few months, we were the last ones to leave one time, and he suggested going for a beer. Sure. So we each drove down into Bethesda and went to a way-too-hip for us pub and shot the breeze. And eventually the light dawned even on me that he was flirting a bit, holding eye contact and smiling and sometimes just looking at me without saying anything. I, yes, blushed, I think, but I responded in kind. By now I thought of him as a friend and didn't want to make it awkward, but clearly we were both thinking the same thing-- this could work. Finally he said he had an early day the next day, but when can we do this again? I gulped and said, I'm flexible, and he said, "That's good to know." GULP! So we made a date-- a date!-- for the next weekend, went to a play downtown (George Bernard Shaw's Candida, a play about marriage and love...), held hands walking back to the car (I had picked him up) and when we got to his place, a condo in Columbia Heights, there was an open parking space in front. He invited me in. I said yes.

 

This was late September, and we've been seeing each other ever since, not every week, but now and then. It's odd in a way that I'm not feeling "love" so much as comfort. He's a good, good guy, he works at a great non-profit, and at this point I'd say we're close friends with benefits taking our time. Before you ask, we are very compatible sexually, he's a total top and I'm happy on the bottom so that works. One thing that may be TMI-- he's bigger than I'm used to. My first couple of hires were very hung guys because that fascinated me in porn, but since then I've generally been with more average-sized men. He is not average and it has taken some getting used to. But he knows he's big and he's sensitive and patient so it's been good, and as I say, I'm getting used to it!

 

I'm really happy for you!

[Guy Fawkes]

"Straight to bed with the closest cute guy!" while moving close to him would have made things clear.

 

I guess I need a refresher course in flirting, or something. The only person I recognized as coming on to me was one of the drunk bridesmaids. But I watched four guys play darts for a while, and when one left, the others invited me to play. It was perhaps my first time casually hanging out with gay men and it felt good. When there was a shriek from the bachelorettes, one of the guys asked me if I was their designated driver. I said no, and asked why, and he said a husband or boyfriend usually comes along, so he had assumed that was me since I was "probably the only straight guy in the place."

.