Does proper parenting even occur anymore in the US?

[EZEtoGRU]

So I'm in a hotel in the suburbs of a large US city. Nothing fancy...it's an Embassy Suites. Anyway, on arrival I see lots of kids running around. It quickly becomes apparent that a bunch of hockey families are staying in the hotel with their 8-11 year old boys. I've been observing this for about 3 hours now. Lot's of comings and goings. Must be some sort of hockey tournament. Families from all over based on what I overheard. "We're from Vermont". "We're from Chicago". "We're from Canada".

 

Anyway, the point is that it is total mayhem here. Boys running everywhere. Up and down the hallways. Room doors opening and then slamming shut incessantly. Gangs of boys on the elevators "playing" with no parent in sight. You know how it goes. Press every button on the elevator so it stops on every floor. There must be 7-8 floors in this hotel. It has a middle atrium setup (as many Embassy Suites do). So from the room corridors you can look over the railing all the way up and down the atrium. Lot's of yelling and screaming up or down to friends from each floor. This entire hotel sounds like a grade school gymnasium. Totally serious here. It's complete chaos.

 

I just spent about an hour at the bar. It's packed with hockey parents. There must have been 40 of them there drinking away. I guess the parents have given up taking on the parenting role? It's every kid for himself now? Does any kind of parenting occur anymore in the US? Honest question. I am single with no kids and I'm never around kids. I don't really like kids.

 

I spoke with the front desk. They said the hockey group has about 100 of the rooms tonight. The evening security guard is to arrive shortly. I'm sure they will deal with this but....I really don't blame the hotel. Can the hotel really be responsible for taking up the parenting chores for 100 boys since the parents don't give a shit.

 

I am very shocked. Rant over. Sorry.

[P Gren]

So I'm in a hotel in the suburbs of a large US city. Nothing fancy...it's an Embassy Suites. Anyway, on arrival I see lots of kids running around. It quickly becomes apparent that a bunch of hockey families are staying in the hotel with their 8-11 year old boys. I've been observing this for about 3 hours now. Lot's of comings and goings. Must be some sort of hockey tournament. Families from all over based on what I overheard. "We're from Vermont". "We're from Chicago". "We're from Canada".

 

Anyway, the point is that it is total mayhem here. Boys running everywhere. Up and down the hallways. Room doors opening and then slamming shut incessantly. Gangs of boys on the elevators "playing" with no parent in sight. You know how it goes. Press every button on the elevator so it stops on every floor. There must be 7-8 floors in this hotel. It has a middle atrium setup (as many Embassy Suites do). So from the room corridors you can look over the railing all the way up and down the atrium. Lot's of yelling an screaming up or down to friends from each floor. This entire hotel sounds like a grade school gymnasium. Totally serious here. It's complete chaos.

 

I just spent about an hour at the bar. It's packed with hockey parents. There must have been 40 of them there drinking away. I guess the parents have given up taking on the parenting role? It's every kid for himself now? Does any kind of parenting occur anymore in the US? Honest question. I am single with no kids and I'm never around kids. I don't really like kids.

 

I spoke with the front desk. They said the hockey group has about 100 of the rooms tonight. The evening security guard is to arrive shortly. I'm sure they will deal with this but....I really don't blame the hotel. Can the hotel really be responsible for taking up the parenting chores for 100 boys since the parents don't give a shit.

 

I am very shocked. Rant over. Sorry.

Can the hotel transfer you to another location, if there is a convenient one? The kids must be super excited about the tournament. And they WILL be quieter after they've got a few games under their belts.

[bobchitown]

I do see examples of proper parenting and it gives me hope. Sadly, just as often I see the kid in the stroller and mom or dad on their phone completely ignoring their spawn. Very sad.

[Gvtire]

It seems to me at least, people want to be their kids friend, not their parent

[Good Grief]

I feel as though I've parented "proper." I hope.

 

My oldest, recently greeted and held a conversation with an elderly gentleman he'd met through his grandfather several years ago.

[+ Avalon]

It seems to me it's a case of boys will be boys. These are young athletes. They came from playing games. They're excited. The parents are letting them run wild so they can have some peace for themselves in the bar.

[SuperJunior]

Can the hotel transfer you to another location, if there is a convenient one? The kids must be super excited about the tournament. And they WILL be quieter after they've got a few games under their belts.

 

The guy posting this shouldn’t have to move. Control your children. Make them settle down and shut up. I was * SUPER EXCITED * about Disney World and I didn’t act as though I were without courtesy.

[EZEtoGRU]

The guy posting this shouldn’t have to move. Control your children. Make them settle down and shut up. I was * SUPER EXCITED * about Disney World and I didn’t act as though I were without courtesy.

 

Exactly. I don't blame the hotel at all. I blame the parents cause they have totally abdicated their parenting roles.

[LaffingBear]

Whats proper parenting? By whose standards?

 

Im focused on the term "anymore"

 

I would probably share your irritation at the tumult, and think that parents should have trained their kids to behave more respectfully.

 

But then I remember....

 

I grew up in the Chicago burbs. School field trips into Chicago were frequent. By 5th and 6th grade, (circa 1970) they transported us to the museums, gave us guidelines as to what we should seek, and turned us loose. We ran wild. Dozens if not hundreds of kids. Busloads. Hide & seek throughout the Field museum, never shutting up during skyshows at the planetarium, etc.

 

The context may have changed, and behaviors change with social norms. But Im not sure that parenting or child-rearing was better in prior years.

[+ oldNbusted]

But Im not sure that parenting or child-rearing was better in prior years.

 

Depends on the definition of better but it was certainly different. If I started acting up in public, my dad would cock his middle finger in between his thumb and forefinger and then release it on the top of my head. It was amazingly painful for such a small action and I knew if I cried out, I would get my ass whipped when we got home, so I usually stopped. And no one thought that was a problem.

 

On the other hand, I could go anywhere after school during daylight hours on my own, and no one thought that was problematic. That doesn't seem possible these days, so maybe being over scheduled and under constant surveillance is actually making the kids crazier.

[Bearofdistinction]

So I'm in a hotel in the suburbs of a large US city. Nothing fancy...it's an Embassy Suites. Anyway, on arrival I see lots of kids running around. It quickly becomes apparent that a bunch of hockey families are staying in the hotel with their 8-11 year old boys. I've been observing this for about 3 hours now. Lot's of comings and goings. Must be some sort of hockey tournament. Families from all over based on what I overheard. "We're from Vermont". "We're from Chicago". "We're from Canada".

 

Anyway, the point is that it is total mayhem here. Boys running everywhere. Up and down the hallways. Room doors opening and then slamming shut incessantly. Gangs of boys on the elevators "playing" with no parent in sight. You know how it goes. Press every button on the elevator so it stops on every floor. There must be 7-8 floors in this hotel. It has a middle atrium setup (as many Embassy Suites do). So from the room corridors you can look over the railing all the way up and down the atrium. Lot's of yelling and screaming up or down to friends from each floor. This entire hotel sounds like a grade school gymnasium. Totally serious here. It's complete chaos.

 

I just spent about an hour at the bar. It's packed with hockey parents. There must have been 40 of them there drinking away. I guess the parents have given up taking on the parenting role? It's every kid for himself now? Does any kind of parenting occur anymore in the US? Honest question. I am single with no kids and I'm never around kids. I don't really like kids.

 

I spoke with the front desk. They said the hockey group has about 100 of the rooms tonight. The evening security guard is to arrive shortly. I'm sure they will deal with this but....I really don't blame the hotel. Can the hotel really be responsible for taking up the parenting chores for 100 boys since the parents don't give a shit.

 

I am very shocked. Rant over. Sorry.

 

Please ---- I managed 5 Star Hotels in the 80s and the same thing --- Only difference was we were smart enough to put all of the rugrats and their nuvo riche parents all on the same floor or two and no other guests. And of course every time I went to talk to a parent to tell them that Lil Nikita was an arsonist they would hand me a $100 - Id stare - then Another $100 etc. Dad would say do what you need to do and don't bother us again we need more Dom Rose . . . So I sicked the Lifeguard/Personal Trainer on them a Monster of a Man who was a former Marine -- He ran those rats into the ground with drills and exercise --- Parents handed me more $100s and thanked me for a wonderful weekend.

 

I bought the Monster a 24oz Porterhouse - handed him $200 and gave him a tongue bath in the lockerroom! ---- NEXT SPORTS WEEKEND PLEASE!

[rvwnsd]

Growing up in the 1970's there were kids whose parents allowed them to run wild and those who didn't. Based on stories my parents told my brother and me, there were kids like that when they were growing up in the 1930's and 1940's. I am sure there are kids staying at the hotel who are well-behaved and you don't know it because you can't hear them.

 

It sounds like part of the issue is there are 100 of them staying in the same hotel at the same time. The parents should control them. The fact that they are in the bar while the kids are wreaking havoc throughout the hotel is saying something. You have a confluence of detached parents and excited, rowdy kids. Bad mix. I'd ask to be moved to a different hotel, but that's just me.

[Rudynate]

It seems to me at least, people want to be their kids friend, not their parent

 

 

I am also dismayed by therapeutic parenting, where the parents interact with the kid as though they are therapist and client.

[LADoug1]

This is why the subject of the importance of proper parenting should be covered in high school.

[MikeBiDude]

I would refer everyone who question parenting skills here to this thread:

https://m4m-forum.org/threads/have-you-ever-wanted-children.129513/unread

 

In that thread it appears the overwhelming majority of posters would NOT have kids. I suggest this makes a large group of posters here not the best subset to judge parenting skill?

 

The best suggestions in this thread have been to remove yourself from the situation, request a different room, etc.

[+ BenjaminNicholas]

I agree that a lot of millennial parenting is lacking, but that's unfortunately just the way things are now.

 

And... It's an Embassy Suites: Middle of the road, large rooms with included breakfast will attract families.

[Rudynate]

I agree that a lot of millennial parenting is lacking, but that's unfortunately just the way things are now.

 

And... It's an Embassy Suites: Middle of the road, large rooms with included breakfast will attract families.

 

My partner and I stayed at the Embassy Suites in Walnut Creek over a weekend once. Their catering department had come up with, I must admit, an imaginative promotion to increase occupancy on weekends - girls' slumber parties. The entire hotel was invaded by squealing, giggling pre-teen girls having slumber parties. It was an entire package, including stacks of pizzas delivered to the rooms. When you got into the elevator you were immediately surrounded by squealing, overstimulated, bouncing little girls. They were everywhere. It was really jarring.

[bigvalboy]

I use my parents as my guide to what is or isn't good parenting. The fact that I never had children does not factor in...In my opinion anyway. One hundred rooms or one room, one child or dozens of children, we would never have been allowed to behave like that, and my parents and their friends would never have taken refuge in a bar and expected hotel staff to do their job for them. That's just absurd. There isn't any situation that would justify that. Proper behavior is quite simple really. Allowing your child to misbehave regardless of the circumstances is inexcusable.

 

When I travel, I take precautions against hordes of ill-behaved children. Every now and again I will see a child that is out of control and a parent who clearly lacks the parenting skills to make their child behave properly, or believes that the way their child is behaving is somehow acceptable, and I will just laugh to myself and imagine what my parents would have done in that situation...It wouldn't have been pretty.

 

As for the OP's dilemma, I would never have waited until or expected that hotel security would be able to control that many children and that many rooms, in a place that large. I would have demanded that they move me to another hotel. Failing that, I would have eaten the nights lodging, and moved myself.

[P Gren]

My partner and I stayed at the Embassy Suites in Walnut Creek over a weekend once. Their catering department had come up with, I must admit, an imaginative promotion to increase occupancy on weekends - girls' slumber parties. The entire hotel was invaded by squealing, giggling pre-teen girls having slumber parties. It was an entire package, including stacks of pizzas delivered to the rooms. When you got into the elevator you were immediately surrounded by squealing, overstimulated, bouncing little girls. They were everywhere. It was really jarring.

That's kind of brilliant on the hotels part. They could have warned you I expect, but also sounds kind of sweet. I know when our team comes into town for a tournament there is a lot of late night hall walking amongst the hundreds of men. (Which I also hope the hotel lets other guests know about.)

[Rudynate]

I use my parents as my guide to what is or isn't good parenting. The fact that I never had children does not factor in...In my opinion anyway. One hundred rooms or one room, one child or dozens of children, we would never have been allowed to behave like that, and my parents and their friends would never have taken refuge in a bar and expected hotel staff to do their job. That's just absurd. Proper behavior is quite simple really. Allowing your child to misbehave regardless of the circumstances is inexcusable.

 

When I travel, I take precautions against hordes of ill-behaved children. Every now and again I will see a child that is out of control and a parent who clearly lacks the parenting skills to make their child behave properly, and I will just laugh to myself and imagine what my parents would have done in that situation...It wouldn't have been pretty.

 

As for the OP's dilemma, I would never have waited until or expected that hotel security would be able to control that many children and that many rooms, in a place that large. I would have demanded that they move me to another hotel. Failing that, I would have eaten the nights lodging, and moved myself.

 

We were really wild at home, but outside of the house, our behavior was impeccable. I remember one Christmas Eve when I was 5 - 6 yo, we were spending the evening with some distant relatives that we didn't know very well. My two older brothers and I were sitting in the living room admiring the Christmas tree and an elderly distant cousin who was very ill and soon to die, walked through the living room in her night gown and robe. As she got ready to climb the stairs, suddenly she turned to us and said, "You three are some of the nicest boys I've ever known."

[SuperJunior]

I would refer everyone who question parenting skills here to this thread:

https://m4m-forum.org/threads/have-you-ever-wanted-children.129513/unread

 

In that thread it appears the overwhelming majority of posters would NOT have kids. I suggest this makes a large group of posters here not the best subset to judge parenting skill?

 

The best suggestions in this thread have been to remove yourself from the situation, request a different room, etc.

 

I’m the second oldest of 17 cousins in my family. Because of vastly different ages among their parents, there have been kids in my life as long as I can remember. I have no biological children. I can’t tell you how often I’ve been referred to as “baby whisperer” at parties, on buses or just on sidewalks. I am very often the family member asked first what Daisy should read for her book report or how to handle Kevin’s refusal to eat something besides pickles. I love kids and babies. To suggest that a person who doesn’t want children doesn’t understand how children should behave or can’t understand how to get the little brats to settle down for five minutes while we check in is absurd. Of course, this example is anecdotal as it happened in a large hotel in a fairly cosmopolitan city. Corral the kids and sit them down. If you’re on an airplane, help the mom with the unhappy baby. Sorry if I come across as rude or confrontational. It’s difficult to be direct, informative and inoffensive. I think I’m lacking in all three, here. People without children should not have to accommodate people with children. The exceptions are at a Disney theme park or in a theater at a kids film or on a plane.

[+ FreshFluff]

Anyway, the point is that it is total mayhem here. Boys running everywhere. Up and down the hallways. Room doors opening and then slamming shut incessantly. Gangs of boys on the elevators "playing" with no parent in sight. You know how it goes. Press every button on the elevator so it stops on every floor. There must be 7-8 floors in this hotel. It has a middle atrium setup (as many Embassy Suites do). So from the room corridors you can look over the railing all the way up and down the atrium. Lot's of yelling and screaming up or down to friends from each floor. This entire hotel sounds like a grade school gymnasium. Totally serious here. It's complete chaos.

 

Ugh. Sorry about that, EZE. That's especially bad in a hotel. You go to your room and expect peace and quiet.

 

Today, I had a quick lunch at a restaurant. Nearby was an extended family: 2 boys, 3 and 7; beautiful young mom and handsome dad; grandparents from both sides. The family was wealthy; dad bragged about sending the kids to private schools. The mom was beautiful and wore no engagement ring, which usually means it's too big for everyday wear.

 

After everyone else left, the dad turned to the maternal grandmother and asked her for advice. The 7 y.o. is stubborn and has constant meltdowns. He keeps getting in trouble at his new school. Grandma recommended more discipline; no more negotiating bedtime etc. She also admitted her daughter had been similar. . Now they are looking for new schools for him.

 

Dad admitted that they hadn't disciplined the kid before because they didn't want to suppress his free spirited nature. They regret it now.

[Boink]

Whats proper parenting? By whose standards?

 

Im focused on the term "anymore" ... Im not sure that parenting or child-rearing was better in prior years.

 

I tend to agree with this. Whenever I see 'the younger generation' criticized for this or that offense, more often than not I routinely see that same behavior in people of my own generation. And I ain't young. (That includes lack of a 'thank you' in any form.)

[+ FreshFluff]

I tend to agree with this. Whenever I see 'the younger generation' criticized for this or that offense, more often than not I routinely see that same behavior in people of my own generation. And I ain't young. (That includes lack of a 'thank you' in any form.)

 

Whether parenting was better or not, it was definitely stricter. Parents now don't like to suppess the child's free-spiritedness.

[+ Avalon]

When I'm out and about and around misbehaving, unruly, noisy children they don't bother me at all because I'm not the one that has to go home and put up with them.

 

I never criticize children. I learned. Many many years ago at a family gathering for Thanksgiving when the food was being set out but before we sat down at the table my cousin's twin 10yo boys ate all the dinner roles. I complained and my cousin told me off.