Does proper parenting even occur anymore in the US?

[LADoug1]

My partner and I stayed at the Embassy Suites in Walnut Creek over a weekend once. Their catering department had come up with, I must admit, an imaginative promotion to increase occupancy on weekends - girls' slumber parties. The entire hotel was invaded by squealing, giggling pre-teen girls having slumber parties. It was an entire package, including stacks of pizzas delivered to the rooms. When you got into the elevator you were immediately surrounded by squealing, overstimulated, bouncing little girls. They were everywhere. It was really jarring.

 

What a nightmare!

[LADoug1]

Society dictates that people have kids. Therefore there are many parents who have kids that either don’t really want them or are uninterested in raising them properly.

 

Also for many parents it’s about them and not about the children.

 

And btw whatever happened to baby sitters?

[Pepper Young]

As someone who has never had kids, I feel like I know everything about raising kids. You're right, they're monsters.

[Walker1]

Whether parenting was better or not, it was definitely stricter. Parents now don't like to suppess the child's free-spiritedness.

Yup. But anyone dealing with animals knows there is a difference between free spirited and batshit crazy/dangerous!

[Rudynate]

Yup. But anyone dealing with animals knows there is a difference between free spirited and batshit crazy/dangerous!

 

And parenting is like training animals?

[mike carey]

I have a different view of the mass-children scenario in the Embassy Suites location. In the past the sports tournament participants would have stayed in some sort of barracks where they could get up to their hijinks and no-one would be any the wiser. Now they stay in a hotel of some description. In this case, they are at an Embassy Suites. This is not a case of children running amok. They are high spirited and getting to know other children who will be at their event. A hotel like this is a relatively constrained environment, they have some freedom but they probably can't and won't leave the hotel. The kids will be a bit wild but they will be playing with each other and not trying to 'escape' and they will tire and go to sleep soon enough. Given the probability that they will stay in the hotel, one or two parents half-watching will be aware whether things are in control, so the rest of them in the bar should not be an issue. (And don't underestimate the ability of parents to see what their kids are up to in such a scenario.)

 

So, for mine, mildly annoying but not as 'out of control' as it seems.

[marylander1940]

So I'm in a hotel in the suburbs of a large US city. Nothing fancy...it's an Embassy Suites. Anyway, on arrival I see lots of kids running around. It quickly becomes apparent that a bunch of hockey families are staying in the hotel with their 8-11 year old boys. I've been observing this for about 3 hours now. Lot's of comings and goings. Must be some sort of hockey tournament. Families from all over based on what I overheard. "We're from Vermont". "We're from Chicago". "We're from Canada".

 

Anyway, the point is that it is total mayhem here. Boys running everywhere. Up and down the hallways. Room doors opening and then slamming shut incessantly. Gangs of boys on the elevators "playing" with no parent in sight. You know how it goes. Press every button on the elevator so it stops on every floor. There must be 7-8 floors in this hotel. It has a middle atrium setup (as many Embassy Suites do). So from the room corridors you can look over the railing all the way up and down the atrium. Lot's of yelling and screaming up or down to friends from each floor. This entire hotel sounds like a grade school gymnasium. Totally serious here. It's complete chaos.

 

I just spent about an hour at the bar. It's packed with hockey parents. There must have been 40 of them there drinking away. I guess the parents have given up taking on the parenting role? It's every kid for himself now? Does any kind of parenting occur anymore in the US? Honest question. I am single with no kids and I'm never around kids. I don't really like kids.

 

I spoke with the front desk. They said the hockey group has about 100 of the rooms tonight. The evening security guard is to arrive shortly. I'm sure they will deal with this but....I really don't blame the hotel. Can the hotel really be responsible for taking up the parenting chores for 100 boys since the parents don't give a shit.

 

I am very shocked. Rant over. Sorry.

 

They just don't give a fuck!

[MikeBiDude]

I have a different view of the mass-children scenario in the Embassy Suites location. In the past the sports tournament participants would have stayed in some sort of barracks where they could get up to their hijinks and no-one would be any the wiser. Now they stay in a hotel of some description. In this case, they are at an Embassy Suites. This is not a case of children running amok. They are high spirited and getting to know other children who will be at their event. A hotel like this is a relatively constrained environment, they have some freedom but they probably can't and won't leave the hotel. The kids will be a bit wild but they will be playing with each other and not trying to 'escape' and they will tire and go to sleep soon enough. Given the probability that they will stay in the hotel, one or two parents half-watching will be aware whether things are in control, so the rest of them in the bar should not be an issue. (And don't underestimate the ability of parents to see what their kids are up to in such a scenario.)

 

So, for mine, mildly annoying but not as 'out of control' as it seems.

This

[mike carey]

And I would guess, other hotel guests who had grandchildren of the same age would think that it was all wonderful.

[MikeBiDude]

And I would guess, other hotel guests who had grandchildren of the same age would think that it was all wonderful.

LOL, exactly my experience.

 

I stay at a 3 Star Hilton property a few times every year. Sometimes it’s ghostly quiet. Sometimes it’s Home base for a youth softball, soccer, volleyball tournament. The kids are everywhere. Just a few weeks ago there was a large group outside the patio of the club breakfast buffet...and yes the grandparent types next to me were smiling and commenting how wonderful it was. I was alone that weekend and the kids made me miss my family.

 

It’s viewed ALL different if you’ve had children, period.

[mike carey]

and yes the grandparent types next to me were smiling and commenting how wonderful it was. I was alone that weekend and the kids made me miss my family. It’s viewed ALL different if you’ve had children, period.

I don't have children, but it doesn't take much imagination to work out how parents and grandparents would respond.

[P Gren]

I have a different view of the mass-children scenario in the Embassy Suites location. In the past the sports tournament participants would have stayed in some sort of barracks where they could get up to their hijinks and no-one would be any the wiser. Now they stay in a hotel of some description. In this case, they are at an Embassy Suites. This is not a case of children running amok. They are high spirited and getting to know other children who will be at their event. A hotel like this is a relatively constrained environment, they have some freedom but they probably can't and won't leave the hotel. The kids will be a bit wild but they will be playing with each other and not trying to 'escape' and they will tire and go to sleep soon enough. Given the probability that they will stay in the hotel, one or two parents half-watching will be aware whether things are in control, so the rest of them in the bar should not be an issue. (And don't underestimate the ability of parents to see what their kids are up to in such a scenario.)

 

So, for mine, mildly annoying but not as 'out of control' as it seems.

They are going to tire out after a couple of games. The hotel could have told you, but in the absence of that, if it's an incredible drain consider switching hotels (if possible) might be cutting your losses rather than suffering. Not saying anyone should have to switch - just saying, it is what it is and make the most of your time away.

[bigvalboy]

And I would guess, other hotel guests who had grandchildren of the same age would think that it was all wonderful.

 

Ill behaving children make for ill behaving adults...I think it shows a lack of respect for others. Plenty of excuses for the behavior, but there is no excuse for the lack of courtesy.

 

 

Young children should be allowed to yell and scream, and run and interact with each other, I have no problem with that, but there is a time an place for everything. Acting like a bunch of hooligans in hotel hallways, elevators, and lobby, when they are knowingly disturbing other paying guests is unacceptable. There is nothing cute or endearing about that, especially while parents sit at the bar and shove their parenting responsibility on to others, is outrageous. Rude behavior is rude behavior, no matter where it occurs.

 

But then I'm getting old, and my tolerance for noise, commotion and rude behavior is rapidly diminishing. Maybe it's a different world were going into, and maybe I just don't understand this form of parenting...Or maybe I do, and still think it is wrong.

[+ FreshFluff]

And parenting is like training animals?

 

No, but parents need to establish boundaries. Otherwise, the kids end up out of control, which will quickly hurt their chances in school and later on at work.

[Rudynate]

No, but parents need to establish boundaries. Otherwise, the kids end up out of control, which will quickly hurt their chances in school and later on a work.

 

I don't doubt that. My nephew is a product of no-limits parenting. He graduated from high school a year and a half ago. He decided not to go to college and in that space of time, has applied for exactly one job.

[Walker1]

And parenting is like training animals?

Well if you are around big animals that can hurt you, you know enough not to believe some hogwash about letting them be themselves always etc. Children that don't have discipline may seem cute, but when they grow up will cause a lot of grief. If you have a chihuaha, you can let it bark and bite and still laugh. If you have a rottweiler-those things can kill somebody-not to mention bigger animals.

 

We are mammals-however distant-we have the same lungs, hearts, brains etc. Our intellect is galactically superior-but we still did evolve from them.

[OCClient]

So I'm in a hotel in the suburbs of a large US city. Nothing fancy...it's an Embassy Suites. Anyway, on arrival I see lots of kids running around. It quickly becomes apparent that a bunch of hockey families are staying in the hotel with their 8-11 year old boys. I've been observing this for about 3 hours now. Lot's of comings and goings. Must be some sort of hockey tournament. Families from all over based on what I overheard. "We're from Vermont". "We're from Chicago". "We're from Canada".

 

Anyway, the point is that it is total mayhem here. Boys running everywhere. Up and down the hallways. Room doors opening and then slamming shut incessantly. Gangs of boys on the elevators "playing" with no parent in sight. You know how it goes. Press every button on the elevator so it stops on every floor. There must be 7-8 floors in this hotel. It has a middle atrium setup (as many Embassy Suites do). So from the room corridors you can look over the railing all the way up and down the atrium. Lot's of yelling and screaming up or down to friends from each floor. This entire hotel sounds like a grade school gymnasium. Totally serious here. It's complete chaos.

 

I just spent about an hour at the bar. It's packed with hockey parents. There must have been 40 of them there drinking away. I guess the parents have given up taking on the parenting role? It's every kid for himself now? Does any kind of parenting occur anymore in the US? Honest question. I am single with no kids and I'm never around kids. I don't really like kids.

 

I spoke with the front desk. They said the hockey group has about 100 of the rooms tonight. The evening security guard is to arrive shortly. I'm sure they will deal with this but....I really don't blame the hotel. Can the hotel really be responsible for taking up the parenting chores for 100 boys since the parents don't give a shit.

 

I am very shocked. Rant over. Sorry.

I was waiting to buy tickets at The Huntington Library. There were schoolchildren there which made sense but they were disorderly. I was worried they were going to knock into my mother or other seniors. The parents and teachers that accompanied these kids were ambivalent, letting them run to and fro as if this was their daily playground experience. In my school daze we stood at attention in public, silent and waiting for direction.

[P Gren]

In my school daze we stood at attention in public, silent and waiting for direction.

That made me sad. I hope you don't feel compelled to do that anymore

[Good Grief]

My ex and I, before and after the divorce, always agreed that "it takes a village" to raise kids.

 

Us, grandparents, other relatives, parents of the sons' friends (who might pick up on something.)

 

Being a dad of two well-brought-up and (most-times) well-behaved gentlemanly sons, I'm posting the below as I know kids like this:

 

http://m.likesuccess.com/quotes/29/1444767.png

[jgoo]

To me the problem isn't that the kids are out of control but rather the kids have been given control of themselves and their actions by the parents. Ultimately it is the parents who either take control over their kids or allow the kids to do as they please. There has been a shift, as someone else has noted, towards parents wanting to be their kids "friends" and won't discipline for fear of losing that friendship they so crave. Apparently the parents had either had a similar upbringing or resented parents who enforced rules, including social norms for treating others with respect and decided to do things differently with their own kids. There is a time and place for everything, and if the kids aren't taught that then what the OP wrote is the new normal.

[Good Grief]

... but rather the kids have been given control of themselves and their actions by the parents ...

 

Precisely.

[nynakedtop]

That made me sad. I hope you don't feel compelled to do that anymore

 

in my school (by which i mean the one in which i currently teach) we are more concerned with getting kids to understand their actions, their motivations, and the possible consequences (positive and/or negative) of them.... it accompanies well a stance of teaching content for understanding.... not just rote repetition either of content or of norms without real understanding taking place.

 

do they "act up"? at times, of course... they are teenagers. but the consequences are more consequential than a reward/punishment cycle.

 

google "restorative justice" and "discipline with dignity" for more details!

[Rudynate]

That made me sad. I hope you don't feel compelled to do that anymore

 

When I was in grade school, it wasn't quite that regimented, but we walked everywhere in lines, single-file and were usually not allowed to talk. The teachers were mostly iron-fisted old unmarried ladies who didn't take any shit.

[+ Avalon]

My ex and I, before and after the divorce, always agreed that "it takes a village" to raise kids.

 

Us, grandparents, other relatives, parents of the sons' friends (who might pick up on something.)

 

Being a dad of two well-brought-up and (most-times) well-behaved gentlemanly sons, I'm posting the below as I know kids like this:

 

http://m.likesuccess.com/quotes/29/1444767.png

 

That is excellent!

[Good Grief]

That is excellent!

 

Thank-you.