Warning to those who hire: Please be careful

[loverboy95]

Hello,

 

I wanted to post this message based off of something that @Benjamin_Nicholas posted in another thread about a friend of his. Unfortunately, I cannot go into too much detail, but I wanted to share this with all of you here as a warning to be careful about who you hire.

 

The first thing you should do is go to your doctor and get vaccinated for all STIs. After you start hiring, get a full panel STI test regularly. It is up to YOU to protect your health. This person I spoke with had to learn the hard way that this industry is full of LIARS. There are tons of escorts who may have some infection, but don't tell you because they don't know themselves, don't want to risk their business being harmed, or are quite frankly to stupid to understand how these matters can impact people's lives.

 

To both clients AND escorts on this forum; if you have an STI, regardless of how big or small you perceive it to be, you need to be upfront with your partner about it before you have sex with them. Your partner has a right to know your status so he can make the decision if he wants to be with you or not. To not be upfront with them right from the beginning is dishonest and to me, it is straight-up lying. You have a right to know your partner's status before you have sex with them and if they do not want to be honest with you, then you should not be with that person in the first place.

Edited May 29, 2017 by loverboy95

[corndog]

...my message to you is that you ultimately are responsible for your own health.

 

This is really the only part that matters. Whether we choose condoms or PrEP, or both, each of us is responsible for our own sexual health.

[+ José Soplanucas]

This is really the only part that matters. Whether we choose condoms or PrEP, or both, each of us is responsible for our own sexual health.

 

Absolutely. I stand for the right of any person to keep his/her HIV status private. I do not expect an escort I hire has to disclose his status, it is just not my business.

[marylander1940]

Hello,

 

I wanted to post this message based off of something that @Benjamin_Nicholas posted in another thread about a friend of his. Unfortunately, I cannot go into too much detail, but I wanted to share this with all of you here as a warning to be careful about who you hire.

 

Someone I know who used to be on this forum had hired for many years and just recently discovered that a popular escort he hired regularly was not upfront about his status. I spoke with this person a few weeks ago and he is now facing the repercussions because this escort did not tell him about his status when he hired him. It had been a few years since he had hired the escort, but the escort only told him about his status recently. What this means is the escort had kept this secret all the years he had been seeing clients, but never told them about it.

 

There are many of you who hire and praise the well-reviewed escorts on Daddy's, but my message to you is that you ultimately are responsible for your own health. He trusted this escort because he is raved about by pretty much everyone. He is hailed as a saint, but he is far from it. He showed no compassion toward this person and cared nothing for him when they were together. He is now facing the consequences for this sex worker's actions.

 

I would especially like to address this to those of you who are new to hiring. The first thing you should do is go to your doctor and get vaccinated for all STIs. After you start hiring, get a full panel STI test regularly. It is up to YOU to protect your health. This person I spoke with had to learn the hard way that this industry is full of LIARS. There are tons of escorts who may have some infection, but don't tell you because they don't know themselves, don't want to risk their business being harmed, or are quite frankly to stupid to understand how these matters can impact people's lives.

 

To both clients AND escorts on this forum; if you have an STI, regardless of how big or small you perceive it to be, you need to be upfront with your partner about it before you have sex with them. Your partner has a right to know your status so he can make the decision if he wants to be with you or not. To not be upfront with them right from the beginning is dishonest and to me, it is straight-up lying. You have a right to know your partner's status before you have sex with them and if they do not want to be honest with you, then you should not be with that person in the first place.

 

[+ glutes]

There are some key words in the OP that should be of concern here.

I think the puzzle can be figured out.

[+ purplekow]

Absolutely. I stand for the right of any person to keep his/her HIV status private. I do not expect an escort I hire has to disclose his status, it is just not my business.

How about your doctor? Your dentist? While we all need to be responsible for our own health, it is the case that if you are putting someone at risk, your status is their business. Whether you take that responsibility or not is another issue.

[MikeBiDude]

This is really the only part that matters. Whether we choose condoms or PrEP, or both, each of us is responsible for our own sexual health.

+++1000

[+ José Soplanucas]

How about your doctor? Your dentist? While we all need to be responsible for our own health, it is the case that if you are putting someone at risk, your status is their business. Whether you take that responsibility or not is another issue.

 

Privacy is protected in those relationships.

[caliguy]

 

Someone I know who used to be on this forum had hired for many years and just recently discovered that a popular escort he hired regularly was not upfront about his status. I spoke with this person a few weeks ago and he is now facing the repercussions because this escort did not tell him about his status when he hired him. It had been a few years since he had hired the escort, but the escort only told him about his status recently. What this means is the escort had kept this secret all the years he had been seeing clients, but never told them about it.

 

Oh lord. Such drama. Everyone is positive in my book. Only fools depend on honesty.

[Mydavid]

he is now facing the repercussions

Do you mean he caught HIV? If not, he should be happy for his luck.

[MPF_1966]

With escorts, I always assume they may have HIV and hope I am wrong. That way I avoid unnecessary risks.

[+ José Soplanucas]

With escorts, I always assume they may have HIV and hope I am wrong. That way I avoid unnecessary risks.

 

Only with escorts?

[caliguy]

Do you mean he caught HIV? If not, he should be happy for his luck.

"He is now facing the consequences for this sex worker's actions. "

 

I would assume that's what he means. However, if it's been years since they've been together so I don't know how you would pin point that.

[NYCgymfit]

Thanks for the warning. I'm on PReP and get tested for STI's regularly - and have received as many vaccinations as you can get (Hep, HPV, etc). I am vigilant about my PReP schedule - and generally assume that most people are positive and proceed accordingly.

 

I worry a bit on the forum about stigmatizing people who are HIV positive, when so many of my friends and associates (and sex workers I know) are taking their meds and remain undetectable. My take on it is - if you're hiring - and that is a big concern for you - get on PReP. That way, no matter what they are doing, you're covered on your end from an HIV perspective (STI's - and the level of risk of you choose in your activities related to STI's - is a separate matter). As someone relatively new here, I notice a lot of anxiety surrounding escorts and HIV status rather than other STI's... I was around for the plague - so I get it. But - I think it's important to take responsibility for your own sexual health (as much as you can) - and not look to anyone to "disclose" or "not disclose" to you.

[Larstrup]

Someone I know who used to be on this forum had hired for many years and just recently discovered that a popular escort he hired regularly was not upfront about his status. I spoke with this person a few weeks ago and he is now facing the repercussions because this escort did not tell him about his status when he hired him. It had been a few years since he had hired the escort, but the escort only told him about his status recently.

 

This is a seriously flawed conclusion if it had been years since this person hired said escort and remained sexually active with other partners. Nevertheless, this drives home the importance of seeing a health professional on a regular basis for testing if you are sexually active.

 

Reckless fear-mongering of an anonymous, yet strategically targeted person, about his sexual-health is irresponsible and maleficent behavior which only infuses confusion and turmoil within individuals of a community.

 

[+ glutes]

 

 

I certainly hope he put this in his trusted blog!

[Good Grief]

This is a seriously flawed conclusion if it had been years since this person hired said escort and remained sexually active with other partners. Nevertheless, this drives home the importance of seeing a health professional on a regular basis for testing if you are sexually active.

 

Reckless fear-mongering of an anonymous, yet strategically targeted person, about his sexual-health is irresponsible and maleficent behavior which only infuses confusion and turmoil within individuals of a community.

 

 

I certainly hope he put this in his trusted blog!

 

Good Grief

[Despardo]

Always assume the worst and behave accordingly. What a sexual partner tells you is irrelevant.

[LivingnLA]

I'm sorry your friend had the experience he had, but my perspective varies a bit from yours @loverboy95.

 

As I have said in many other posts about the STD/STI topic, escorts are a high-risk population. Men who have sex with men are a high-risk population. Any sexual contact without condoms is less safe than that same contact with condoms. Remember, we're talking about a very high risk population. Lastly, many men are frequently asymptomatic. So for bugs like chlamydia, gonorrhea, and syphilis that gestate quickly, it's easy to see how someone who sleeps with even just one client a day, can easily be transmitting them in a week or two between their monthly STD/STI testing schedule.

 

I believe escorts have professional responsibilities to be upfront and honest about their STD/STI status. I also believe they should be tested frequently and use safer sex (all vaccines, PReP, and condoms) when they are sexually active. But, I'm well aware they're human beings, so they probably sometimes lie just like all of us and probably aren't very consistent about their medications, or consistent in their sexual protections. That's just human nature. We all make mistakes. At the end of the day, each of us is the final arbiter of our health and whoever we have intimate contact with. If we decide to engage in sexual contact with an escort, we should educate our self of the risks and plan accordingly.

 

HIV is a real risk. It's manageable at this time if you have money and health insurance. PReP even allows someone to go without condoms and be safer regarding HIV transmission than having sex without PReP. Condoms are still recommended even with PReP if you want the safest sex available for HIV transmission.

 

HPV is a real risk too, even more so than HIV because so many people are infected with at least one HPV strain, but the vaccine provides decent protection from the cancer-causing strains if you get the vaccine before you've been exposed to those cancer-causing HPV strains. Even with the vaccine, you would be smart to use condoms because there are hundreds of strains of HPV and it transmits easily via unprotected anal, oral, and vaginal sex.

 

Hepatitis is another real risk. Get the A & B vaccine as those are the most likely for transmission in sexual activity. Condoms are the best way to protect against Hepatitis since there are multiple strains and only vaccines for two of the most common.

 

Chlamydia is easily transmittable via anal, oral, and vaginal unprotected sex. It's still treatable. There are theoretically resistant strains, but I haven't seen reports of these strains in the wild. Condoms are the only way to protect against chlamydia. Also remember that chlamydia is able to create localized colonies in the anal cavity or throat; so regular comprehensive STD/STI testing including anal/throat swabs is important. Without the swabs, it's possible to test as completely clean and still have localized infections that are readily transmittable via unprotected intimate contact.

 

Gonorrhea is easily transmittable via anal, oral, and vaginal unprotected sex. It's still treatable but there are strains in the wild that are resistant to all known treatments. Condoms are the only way to protect against gonorrhea. Also remember that gonorrhea is able to create localized colonies in the anal cavity or throat; so regular comprehensive STD/STI testing including anal/throat swabs is important. Without the swabs, it's possible to test as completely clean and still have localized infections that are readily transmittable via unprotected intimate contact.

 

Syphilis is transmittable via anal, oral, and vaginal unprotected sex. It's still treatable but there are strains in the wild that are resistant to all known treatments and at least one of these is spreading among men who have sex with men in America. Condoms are the only way to protect against syphilis.

 

Meningitis has had some outbreaks in the men who have sex with men community in at least one large American city. Get the vaccine and again, condoms are your best bet for safer sex.

Edited May 30, 2017 by LivingnLA

[+ BenjaminNicholas]

How about your doctor? Your dentist? While we all need to be responsible for our own health, it is the case that if you are putting someone at risk, your status is their business. Whether you take that responsibility or not is another issue.

 

Agreed. When sex is part of your business, disclosure is part of being a decent human being.

[+ BenjaminNicholas]

Do not blame the escort. Why would one accept any reply as the truth? At the very least we've all been around long enough to know that a test result is only as good as one's last sexual encounter prior to the test (provided enough time has passed for a potential positive result to be detectable). Every encounter carries risk. The level of risk acceptable to you (and the level of activity in which you're willing to engage) should NOT be based on the word of a stranger, no matter how well reviewed on an anonymous web forum. Take fucking responsibility for your own god-damned actions (pun intended).

 

What about something like HSV1? He knows, you don't. He doesn't tell you. You can't always easily see an outbreak.

 

A condom doesn't prevent this... But an honest conversation might. Don't blame the escort? My ass. It takes two to tango.

 

I understand what you're saying personal health responsibility when it comes to anal sex or even oral sex, but just going in for a kiss? That's something a lot of guys don't think about, but probably should.

Edited May 30, 2017 by Benjamin_Nicholas

[+ glutes]

Don't blame the escort:

 

https://m4m-forum.org/threads/benjamin-nicholas-comes-clean.55373/

 

https://m4m-forum.org/threads/a-new-low.55322/#post-500688

[+ goosh69]

And this whole notion that having HIV is no big deal is BS. Sure SOME people live with it. BUT

you're unambiguously healthier without it. And there is more than one strain , and not every one reacts well to and/or can afford the various medications.

[LoveNDino]

And this whole notion that having HIV is no big deal is BS. Sure SOME people live with it. BUT

you're unambiguously healthier without it. And there is more than one strain , and not every one reacts well to and/or can afford the various medications.

I think it's a generational thing. To those of us who lived through the worst of it, we would always think of it as a big deal.

[corndog]

Wait a second.

 

@Benjamin_Nicholas's post refers to HSV1. Is that really what all this fuss is about? HSV1 is the virus that causes oral herpes, and it is estimated that 50-80% of adults already carry this virus, and 90% of adults over 50 have been exposed to it. (http://www.hopkinsmedicine.org/healthlibrary/conditions/adult/infectious_diseases/Oral_Herpes_22,OralHerpes/) As I understand it, anyone who has ever had a cold sore is HSV1+.

 

It is also my understanding that current STI screening protocols don't even test for HSV1, because it's so common that it's presumed that most people are positive. So, I suppose we can argue about whether an escort needs to disclose their HIV status (I'm personally of the opinion that we should all assume that everyone we have sex with is HIV+ so it doesn't matter), but it seems like the original poster's comment, based on @Benjamin_Nicholas's twitter post, is about HSV1. Are we honestly expecting anyone who has ever had a cold sore to disclose "oh, by the way, I had a cold sore 6 or 7 years ago. I thought you should know." That's ridiculous.