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411 on God

Sandlapp

By Sandlapp
in The Deli

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purplekow Grand Master

+ purplekow

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Well it seems that God remains a mystery. In most depictions of God which I have seen, he sports a beard and is rather thin. So it seems he has shaved and buffed up a bit. Still, for a man who may have fathered a son 2000 years ago, he is looking good. As the reviewers stated, it does seem his pictures are out of date. While it is true that I have repeatedly panted his name just prior to orgasm, none of my partners have actually made me see god. On a few occasions, I have gotten myself to see him, but there is always a smokiness to the area, almost as though something on fire is preventing me from seeing him clearly. So knowing he would be right there with me, that he will be beside me at all times, may make him worth the price. I think he has raised his rates as I distinctly recall someone admitting that he paid only 30 silvers for a chance to meet with him. I am also not sure about his general cleanliness. At least one verbal account of an encounter with god mentions that all during the encounter, his bush was burning.

Another thing regarding God is that he is not a big shooter. You may think he has come, but you may not ever sure. Then you hear he is going to come again, but there is no evidence of his rising and coming again.

So all in all, there seems to be too many red flags for me to hire God. His pictures are old and may not even be him. He is way older than he says. His appearance has changed. You can never be sure whether or not he is going to come. He asks for the monetary donation before any significant interaction. He does seem to be vengeful, though more recent reports make him out to be a bit more forgiving.

On the plus side for me, he has had a circumcision, which is my preference. I would also meet with him first, because the last thing you want is to get into bed with him and find out he is a false God. That could be hellish.

Edited by purplekow
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Jbdesc Enthusiast

Jbdesc

Posted
Posted

Do people get aroused by people that have such an inflated sense of self worth? Kind of reminds me of this one I came across:

https://rentmen.com/Desiredbymany

 

Maximum visual experience? Come on. No thank you - I would rather have an intimate experience with someone who you may consider less attractive. I think the most beautiful people are the ones who are humble and down to earth about vanity. Maybe I am the odd one out here.

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  • 3 years later...
rvwnsd Grand Master

rvwnsd

Posted
Posted

God is now a Rentmen client profile. I wonder if He gets discounted rates.

 

Both Satan and Lucifer are unsurprisingly rule-breakers who’ve let their ads expire.

Jesus H. Christ!!! God is a client? I wonder if he tips well.

If he's god can't he just create a porn star in his image? would cost him less.

With apologies to Joan Osborne and Eric Bazilian...

 

If God had an ad, what would it say?

And would you answer it or not?

If the ad said "ask me" to all the interests

Would you ask Him if He'd do all you wanted?

 

And yeah, yeah, God is great

Yeah, yeah, God is good

But hey, can, you-trust-Him?

 

What if God was escorting?

Just a guy for us who pay

Just a profile on Rentmen

Tryin' to make you pay up front?

 

If God had an ad, what would the pics look like?

And would you want to see them if, seeing meant

That you would have to believe, the ad was real

And in all of the reviews, even the five-star ones?

 

And yeah, yeah, God is great

Yeah, yeah, God is good

But hey, are, those-pics-real?

 

What if God was escorting?

Just a guy for us who pay

Just a profile on Rentmen

Tryin' to charge a higher rate?

 

Just tryin' charge a higher rate

Like so much higher that we groan

No I ain't callin' on the phone

'Ceptif he'd swallow all my load

 

And yeah, yeah, God is great

Yeah, yeah, God is good

But hey, is, that-ad-real?

 

What if God was escorting?

Just a guy for us who pay

Just a profile on Rentmen

Totally coppin' an attitude?

 

Coppin' an almighty attitude

‘Cuz He is holier than thou

And so much hotter that you phone

Have Him come over to your home

And sure enough he makes you moan

And then like that he goes on home

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5G5XzQN_SDM:98

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jeezifonly Grand Master

jeezifonly

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I wonder what the reviews would be for GOD?

 

He has LOTS of profiles all over the globe using different names and “available Now” on every one of them. Takes His time getting back.

 

For those who love to Worship, he’s way into that, and according to some, He’s totally down for 3-ways along with His Son.

 

He’s into smiting...is that a red flag ?? He’s a Daddy with control issues, for sure. It’s rumored you better not interrupt His football.

 

Re tips, his earliest clients were pretty sure that He told somebody the tip was unnecessary.

 

It felt like a lifetime between1st time I heard His name and actually getting to meet Him. Only does Incalls.

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rvwnsd Grand Master

rvwnsd

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Posted

I wonder what the reviews would be for GOD?

 

He has LOTS of profiles all over the globe using different names and “available Now” on every one of them. Takes His time getting back.

 

For those who love to Worship, he’s way into that, and according to some, He’s totally down for 3-ways along with His Son.

 

He’s into smiting...is that a red flag ?? He’s a Daddy with control issues, for sure. It’s rumored you better not interrupt His football.

 

Re tips, his earliest clients were pretty sure that He told somebody the tip was unnecessary.

 

It felt like a lifetime between1st time I heard His name and actually getting to meet Him. Only does Incalls.

But did he look like his pics? :)

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