Fetishes

[BaronArtz]

From what I know most escorts charge the same.

 

Interesting. Not so in NY, I think. I would say that the more unusual and involved the entertainment, the higher the price that can be charged. Besides, a limited number of escorts provide this type of service. Essentially, it is all compensation for 'time spent' and not for 'services' right?

[+ Charlie]

I have never been into fisting, but I had two close friends who were active members of FFA. They and their associates always seemed to approach the act like serious experts engaged in a special craft, rather than guys having fun sex, but of course it does require a lot more preparation than spontaneous sucking and fucking. Both were primarily tops, and they could never satisfactorily explain to me the sexual pleasure of topping.

[BaronArtz]

they could never satisfactorily explain to me the sexual pleasure of topping.

 

Did you mean to say the sexual pleasure of fisting, perhaps? I don't get it either, it seems painful to me. But my opinion doesn't matter, it is whatever consenting adults want to do.

 

The sexual pleasure of topping, on the other hand, seems to be widely accepted and understood.

[Rudynate]

Did you mean to say the sexual pleasure of fisting, perhaps? I don't get it either, it seems painful to me. But my opinion doesn't matter, it is whatever consenting adults want to do.

 

The sexual pleasure of topping, on the other hand, seems to be widely accepted and understood.

 

 

I think he meant the sexual pleasure of being a fisting top.

[Guest ChrisW]

Fisting as a top is just as fun as fucking as a top for me. It's very intimate and bonding when done right, it can be a combination of hot and caring sex. Not only do I get off knowing I am pleasuring someone but the feeling is quite unique. As for bottoming for a fist it's only painful if your doing it wrong. Your top should be able to read your limits without you having to utter a word but he should check in with every so often to make sure your doing okay or if you need more lube. As long as the tops nails are cut and they can read your muscles as a massure would you should have an amazing time and it should be incredibly pleasureable.

 

All of that being said not everyone is wired for fisting. Everyone has there own interests ranging from vanilla to kink just be open to exploration. From my experience men who enjoy having there prostates stimulated and men who enjoy XL dicks are pleasantly suprised when I play with their butt for the first time.

 

Fisting does not make you a loose bottom. It's quite the opposite actually, ff bottoms are a lot of fun to play with because they have amazing muscle control.

 

On a side note there seems to be this misconception that if an escort enjoys kink they won't enjoy vanilla sex. I like chocolate chip cookies but does that mean it's the only food I enjoy?

[whipped guy]

Fisting as a top is just as fun as fucking as a top for me. It's very intimate and bonding when done right, it can be a combination of hot and caring sex. Not only do I get off knowing I am pleasuring someone but the feeling is quite unique. As for bottoming for a fist it's only painful if your doing it wrong. Your top should be able to read your limits without you having to utter a word but he should check in with every so often to make sure your doing okay or if you need more lube. As long as the tops nails are cut and they can read your muscles as a massure would you should have an amazing time aynd it should be incredibly pleasureable.

 

All of that being said not everyone is wired for fisting. Everyone has there own interests ranging from vanilla to kink just be open to exploration. From my experience men who enjoy having there prostates stimulated and men who enjoy XL dicks are pleasantly suprised when I play with their butt for the first time.

 

Fisting does not make you a loose bottom. It's quite the opposite actually, ff bottoms are a lot of fun to play with because they have amazing muscle control.

 

On a side note there seems to be this misconception that if an escort enjoys kink they won't enjoy vanilla sex. I like chocolate chip cookies but does that mean it's the only food I enjoy?

Chris so well said... Plus all this talk of fisting brings back memories of a good guy porn star who is no longer with us.

 

Years ago one of the sweetest guys I hooked up with was the late Adam Faust. He had such a kind demeanor and was the last person that one would think had it in him to get involved with the darker side of kink. In fact the first time that we spoke on the phone I was impressed by how how amiable and gentle he sounded... The fact that he spoke with an occasional stutter actually made him come across as a totally affable individual.

 

Faust means fist in German and that was technically his specialty... He had not only the skills but perfectly shaped hands for such a scenario. Yet, the guy was capable of doing much more. Most of his work in porn was of the vanilla variety at least at the time that I was seeing him. So here was this guy who overtly advertised a fisting scene and was known for vanilla porn. Yet, in his personal life he practiced BDSM which one would probably not immediately associate with him based on his advertised persona. Emphatically not being into fisting, it was a relief to know that no "fausting" would be required and that due to his other interests he would be able to totally satisfy my S&M needs... or even vanilla needs if I were so inclined at the moment.

 

So just like Goethe's Faust... he definitely had more than a bit of the Devil in him... However, devil's food cake was not the only type of food that he enjoyed... not by a long stretch.

[+ purplekow]

i have never done fisting, but I do very much enjoy being the top in fingering. I have successfully managed four fingers but not forearms. I have never had a partner who wanted to take it any further than the fingers. The first time I knew I had found a passion was during a session I had with Skye from Atlanta in which I spent the vast majority of the session probing him with my fingers. I do not remember another session in which I was so hard for so long without directly stimulating my penis. In the end, after, about 2 hours, I was able to fuck him for like 30 seconds and had to control myself to manage that long. He told me as I was leaving that he should be paying me because he enjoyed it so well. There was something about controlling and being able to overwhelm a huge bodybuilder which was intensely exciting. So I think, for me, most of the excitement of being a FF top is in the power and the gentle application of the power to a man who has given himself up totally to your control.

[Rudynate]

There was something about controlling and being able to overwhelm a huge bodybuilder which was intensely exciting. So I think, for me, most of the excitement of being a FF top is in the power and the gentle application of the power to a man who has given himself up totally to your control.

 

Bingo!! PK has hit it.

 

I'm a FF top. There just is nothing like it. Part of it is the pleasure you bring to the bottom. It's nothing short of an ecstatic experience for the bottom - it takes them out of themselves so much that they scream with joy and ecstacy. And there is the power and control aspect that PK talks about.

 

But when you've been doing it for awhile, your bodymind starts to play perceptual tricks on you, as though your hand and your crotch are linked. When I'm fisting somebody, I get all kinds of pleasurable sensation in my groin. I may become fully erect. Sometimes my abs involuntarily contract in a way that is extremely pleasurable. Sometimes it feels as though my arm is an immense dick inside the guy, and the sensation in my arm is as though I was fucking him with my dick. It can be a real mindfuck - sometimes it leaves me reeling. Easily the most intense sexual experiences I have ever had.

 

Having said all that, I love vanilla sex, but I have a decided preference for topping.

[Rudynate]

most of what folks here are talking about are S&M fetish. there's a ton of other sex fetish out there

 

 

I don't really like to use the work "fetish." They're just sexual practices that are outside of the mainstream. To me, calling them "fetishes" demeans and pathologizes them.

[mike carey]

To me, calling them "fetishes" demeans and pathologizes them.

 

Hadn't thought of it that way (and never viewed any of my preferences as a fetish) but you make a good point. I must pose the question to Verushka Darling in her 'let's talk about sex' segment next time I go to Stonewall in Sydney. She starts the show with a fetish of the week.

[Rudynate]

Hadn't thought of it that way (and never viewed any of my preferences as a fetish) but you make a good point. I must pose the question to Verushka Darling in her 'let's talk about sex' segment next time I go to Stonewall in Sydney. She starts the show with a fetish of the week.

 

 

As a matter of fact, I do my best to keep diagnostic terminology and jargon out of my speech. In the hands of practitioners, diagnostic vocabularies are important tools, but in the hands of lay people they can turn into instruments for putting the people around you down and emotionally abusing them.

[+ WmClarke]

Then what's a good "umbrella term" to use in place of the word 'fetish' when referring to the entire range of ... uh ... fetishes?

[Rudynate]

Then what's a good "umbrella term" to use in place of the word 'fetish' when referring to the entire range of ... uh ... fetishes?

 

If you discard a couple layers of abstraction, the need for an umbrella term disappears. The urge to classify harmless sexual practices entered into by consenting adults into normal and abnormal creates the necessity of an umbrella term for the "abnormal"practices.

[My_Pet_Monster]

Then what's a good "umbrella term" to use in place of the word 'fetish' when referring to the entire range of ... uh ... fetishes?

 

Im of the opinion that "kink" is a decent enough generalised term for the broader spectrum of "alternative sexual practises," though it may have connotations of milder aspects of what is commonly considered "fetish" behaviour. I mostly dislike the term fetish because it's so frequently misapplied. Roleplaying is seen as a fetish by many, as is sexually charged spanking or group sex... I mean, I get the term has evolved over time, I suppose, but the term fetish, to me, connotes sexual excitement through traditionally non-sexual objects or activities. I wouldn't consider the behaviour pathological... people imprint on all kinds of things, and it seems to be fairly arbitrary what gets some people going. As long as it's not non-consensually harming anyone, clearly there's nothing wrong with indulging your desires.

 

Fetishes will be stigmatised by prude types no matter what the terminology. In this case, the power of the term belongs in the hands of those who speak it. If a group of fetish enthusiasts are discussing their fetish, clearly the word is empowering. If a group of sexually conservative people are describing "those fetishists that caused hurricane Katrina," clearly it's pejorative. The enthusiasts will either learn that what they do is okay, regardless of what it's called, or spend their life living in shame... that's a personal decision. The bigoted type will almost always view the behaviour as aberrant, and there's very little incentive for them to do otherwise.

[My_Pet_Monster]

Which isn't to say it's not worth trying to de-stigmatize fetishes, I just don't think the word is the problem.

[whipped guy]

I don't really like to use the work "fetish." They're just sexual practices that are outside of the mainstream. To me, calling them "fetishes" demeans and pathologizes them.

Agreed... So perhaps we should lobby to have the "Fetish Forum" rechristened the "Sexual Practices Outside of the Mainstream Forum".

 

Yet when one discovers how many folks are into such practices I'm not sure exactly how far outside the mainstream such practices really are.

[Rudynate]

Which isn't to say it's not worth trying to de-stigmatize fetishes, I just don't think the word is the problem.

I agree. But often targeting language is a good first attempt at attacking an underlying problem. Have you ever noticed how easy it is to stop thinking about a problem if you discipline yourself not to talk about it?

[Rudynate]

Agreed... So perhaps we should lobby to have the "Fetish Forum" rechristened the "Sexual Practices Outside of the Mainstream Forum".

 

Yet when one discovers how many folks are into such practices I'm not sure exactly how far outside the mainstream such practices really are.

 

 

There are are loads of people into kink.

[My_Pet_Monster]

The thing is, no matter what you call them, it's still going to be a term that codifies the idea that those practises are "outside of sexual social norms." You'd have to change the underlying concept that the idea of a "sexual norm" is relative to all kinds of factors.

[My_Pet_Monster]

I agree. But often targeting language is a good first attempt at attacking an underlying problem. Have you ever noticed how easy it is to stop thinking about a problem if you discipline yourself not to talk about it?

 

Not talking about it would be counterproductive. If anything, people should be promoting the idea that consensually engaged fetishism is a healthy and normal aspect of human sexuality. We didn't stop calling gay people gay because bigots think their behaviour is wrong. Its the same thing here. Im sure there are many people who live their lives in shame because they're gay and haven't come to accept that part of themselves, or haven't been told that it's okay to be gay. That's what pride parades and civil rights works are for. Fetishists should have the same type of positive encouragement within their communities. What's a more realistic goal? Convincing someone who thinks a guy jerking off into a shoe isn't weird by coming up with another name for jerking off into a shoe, or better outreach of fetish communities to fetish enthusiasts that let them know they're not bad people for liking the things they like?

[Rudynate]

Not talking about it would be counterproductive. If anything, people should be promoting the idea that consensually engaged fetishism is a healthy and normal aspect of human sexuality. We didn't stop calling gay people gay because bigots think their behaviour is wrong. Its the same thing here. Im sure there are many people who live their lives in shame because they're gay and haven't come to accept that part of themselves, or haven't been told that it's okay to be gay. That's what pride parades and civil rights works are for. Fetishists should have the same type of positive encouragement within their communities. What's a more realistic goal? Convincing someone who thinks a guy jerking off into a shoe isn't weird by coming up with another name for jerking off into a shoe, or better outreach of fetish communities to fetish enthusiasts that let them know they're not bad people for liking the things they like?

 

You missed my point. What I was trying to get at it is the potency of language. For example, just by saying that certain sex acts are abnormal or pathological, we have, effectively, made them so. The sex act is the sex act - no more, no less. All the rest is baggage that has been created by what we say about it.

[Guest ChrisW]

Providing an umbrella term for non normative sexual behavior helps to bring it into our cultures lexicon which in turn starts to normalize that behavior. I think kink does the job just fine. There are things I like that would make peoples eyes pop out of their head and quite frankly I don't care because its my life and what I do with another consenting adult is my business.

 

As much as dislike the book I think 50 shades of grey did have a positive impact on society because it normalized as well as eroticized non normative sex. I think the more people are exposed to different society will change for the better and become more tolerant. Take Folsom street fair, originally it was for gay men in the leather community and now its a circuit event where straight people come to gawk at the spectacle. When I have been I have had straight people and sheltered vanilla gay men ask me questions about what I was wearing and what the color of my hanky's meant. I doubt they went home and tried to fist their husband but I bet it got them thinking.

[whipped guy]

You missed my point. What I was trying to get at it is the potency of language. For example, just by saying that certain sex acts are abnormal or pathological, we have, effectively, made them so. The sex act is the sex act - no more, no less. All the rest is baggage that has been created by what we say about it.

Years ago when I first got into BDSM with escorts I felt as though it was something abnormal... One of the things that was so refreshing about the first escort that I hired concerned the fact that he made what we were doing seem so normal and mainstream. That certainly made me feel comfortable with that aspect of my sexuality... and I have never since considered it to be something abhorrent or pathological... It was simply an intense manner... or better to say one of many intense means of satisfying a partner sexually... In summary just another way by which sexual energy is expended... period!!!

 

PS: And Chris is correct about 50 Shades of Grey!

[Steven_Draker]

What, if any, is the most prevalent fetish that is requested of you?

 

To address your question, nycguy, the most prevalent fetishes and requests that I receive are: (in this order)

 

leather fetish

golden showers/water sports

nipple play/nipple torture

whipping/flogging

spanking

fist fucking

bondage/BDSM

cock and ball torture

foot fetish/socks

medical fetish

consensual rape

hot wax

...

 

(non-exhaustive list)

[+ purplekow]

Then what's a good "umbrella term" to use in place of the word 'fetish' when referring to the entire range of ... uh ... fetishes?

A fetish is what other people do that you do not. Why not just call them what they are sex plays or sex acts.