Being attracted to someone who isn't all that attractive

[samhexum]

When Rob Reiner was killed I mentioned that I found him somewhat attractive as Mike Stivic.

This happens to me every once in a while… I find a random man fairly attractive whom I wouldn't say is particularly attractive.

For about a year, Stop & Shop has had a character in their commercials named Justin (I believe) who is a stock boy. Around the holidays they had a commercial where a customer was singing Christmas carols and he joined in and I noticed that he had a nice singing voice. After that, I began to notice that he had a nice speaking voice. And the latest commercial has a couple standing in front of the ice cream section debating whether to get Stop & Shop or the name brand and Justin hears them from fairly far away and races over to tell them that Stop & Shop brands have the same quality as name brands so they decide to buy Stop & Shop and as they walk away, Justin is stretching his back and panting and saying I've gotta work on my cardio and for some reason that made me chuckle the first couple of times I saw it, and I suddenly am not minding Stop & Shop ads quite as much.

[hungry4darkmeat]

I married someone who doesn’t fit my standard definition of “attractive” and it might be the best thing I ever did. After years of dating my type and being sexually satisfied but not remotely intellectually stimulated on any level, I decided to try a different approach and date guys who didn’t fit my external criteria but who were on my level intellectually. The sex came and went over time but I have been blessed with over 30 years of partnership and I’m never bored with him. I do have to get my sexual satisfaction elsewhere but he doesn’t mind and doesn’t judge. I recommend that everyone challenge the image in their head of what their perfect match looks like. We disqualified so many potential partners because of our preconceived notions of what we’re looking for and then wonder why we aren’t getting what we actually need. If you want a different outcome you have to adjust your filters.

all of that said I have a different approach now and don’t really look for the physical beauty attributes anymore (within reason)- I’m not trying to pull actual beasts but I’m not picky when it comes to looks if you have the right attitude and are packing heat

Edited yesterday at 07:30 AM by hungry4darkmeat
Typo

[+ purplekow]

2 hours ago, hungry4darkmeat said:

I married someone who doesn’t fit my standard definition of “attractive” and it might be the best thing I ever did. After years of dating my type and being sexually satisfied but not remotely intellectually stimulated on any level, I decided to try a different approach and date guys who didn’t fit my external criteria but who were on my level intellectually. The sex came and went over time but I have been blessed with over 30 years of partnership and I’m never bored with him. I do have to get my sexual satisfaction elsewhere but he doesn’t mind and doesn’t judge. I recommend that everyone challenge the image in their head of what their perfect match looks like. We disqualified so many potential partners because of our preconceived notions of what we’re looking for and then wonder why we aren’t getting what we actually need. If you want a different outcome you have to adjust your filters.

all of that said I have a different approach now and don’t really look for the physical beauty attributes anymore (within reason)- I’m not trying to pull actual beasts but I’m not picky when it comes to looks if you have the right attitude and are packing heat

Glad you expanded your horizons with success.  You mention you need to get sexual satisfaction elsewhere.  Is that true for him as well?  And if so, are you just as accepting of that?   I speak as a person who is not by any stretch classically attractive but I have received many a surprised partner's compliments on our sexual encounters.  There is an expression I heard in high school.  Date ugly girls, they try harder.  I think that is true in general for those who do not have classic good looks on which to rely,  We learn what works for us whether that be confidence, intelligence, sense of humor,  being a raconteur, sexual prowess and imagination, some combination of those, or if you are as lucky as I am,. all of the above.  

Ultimately, the most beautifully wrapped present is not usually the most satisfactory gift.  In the end, the wrapping is discarded and you are left with what was inside.  

[hungry4darkmeat]

Yes he’s free to play but he’s pretty much asexual so I don’t think he does much. I wish he would!

[+ purplekow]

Libido is a strange thing.   There are all kinds of psychologic, spiiritual, hormonal and social components to desire.  Perhaps wishing is not enough at this point as long ingrained attitudes require work and enthusiasm.  So it seems loikely that you have found a happy medium for your relationship.  I commend you on thirty years together.  

[samhexum]

14 hours ago, samhexum said:

Around the holidays they had a commercial where a customer was singing Christmas carols and he joined in and I noticed that he had a nice singing voice. 

BTW, I have an official Stopnshop shirt...  years ago I had a day's work doing surveys in a store and when I was in the break room they had a box of them in the corner so I took one.

 

his name IS Justin.

Edited 16 hours ago by samhexum
because he is too lazy to do anything even remotely productive.

[jeezifonly]

Run-of-the-mill ordinary can be very appealing. Entertainment and Commerce stress our drive for symmetry, hotness, fitness, perfection. Truth is, the intellect, humor and kindness in a live human being can be very seductive when wrapped in a pleasant, but unremarkable package. 

[+ Lucky]

I found a picture of my husband taken some 40 years ago and hot damn he was so cute! Just delightful to look at.