Article on older men

[+ SirBillybob]

Interesting read on overlooked single senior male social isolation. I hope I circumvented the paywall for readers here; apparently I can share a few articles based on my subscription.

https://www.theglobeandmail.com/gift/d24329df22effd948451188cd4a53720da09a01320d2d0c6ab7108defc139af0/7CQMOFQXKVHQ3H57LDSUOPHHF4

Edited Friday at 01:31 PM by SirBillybob

[+ Charlie]

3 hours ago, SirBillybob said:

Interesting read on overlooked single senior male social isolation. I hope I circumvented the paywall for readers here; apparently I can share a few articles based on my subscription.

https://www.theglobeandmail.com/gift/d24329df22effd948451188cd4a53720da09a01320d2d0c6ab7108defc139af0/7CQMOFQXKVHQ3H57LDSUOPHHF4

I can identify with some of the people who are discussed in this article. Although I was an only child, I never felt lonely when I was young, although I was rather shy. However, from the time I entered college, I always lived with someone--a friend or a partner--for all but six months from my late teens until my early 80s. Since my spouse's death a year ago, I have had a very hard time adjusting to the reality that there is no one else in the house except my dog. Whenever I hear a sound somewhere around the house, I have to remind myself that there is no one else here. If I buy a piece of furniture or break something or change where I hang a picture, I have to remind myself that I don't have to explain or justify it to anyone. And, yes, I spend a lot of time talking to myself or to my dog.

I do have a social life of the kinds that are recommended in the article. I play tennis a couple of days per week, play Bridge with a group once per week, etc., but that doesn't really make up for the casual, unstructured interactions of everyday life with someone. I have been much more upset by good friends among my neighbors selling their homes and moving away than I ever used to be. The article does mention that a demographic that is more likely to experience loneliness is older gay men; I suspect that is because younger gay men are much more likely to react to loneliness by having sex with other men, including providers, while old gay men have difficulty attracting sex partners who really make them feel good about themselves. Older gay men are also less likely to have younger generations of family members to interact with regularly.

Thanks for going to the trouble of reprinting the article here.

[BeamerBikes]

During Covid, I started a coffee habit because it did feel nice to be recognized by name as a regular.  As Covid lessened, I voluntarily started to go back to the office. Mainly for social interaction because otherwise it’s just me and the dog. 
As I approach the retirement years, I don’t know how best to approach social interactions.  However, I plan to start volunteering more of my time just so I’m out in the world with folks. 
 

[+ Vegas_Millennial]

7 hours ago, Charlie said:

Whenever I hear a sound somewhere around the house, I have to remind myself that there is no one else here.

I went through this when I first lived alone at the age of 20.

Although still single at middle-age, I find it a comfort that I rent 2 of the bedrooms in my house to single straight men.  Just hearing the movement of someone else in the house is comforting.

[+ Pensant]

I love my alone time and living alone, something that’s never bothered me. I have a growing circle of friends and close family, so I interact with others frequently and enjoy two sets of great neighbors at my two houses. I’m even applying to grad school. It’s important that we make new friends in different generations as we age. My best friend could be my son. 

[Luv2play]

I’m too busy to be lonely. In fact I value my alone time to reflect on things, think about new ideas or projects to undertake and generally enjoy my surroundings. 

I’ve just published a book.
I do a lot of volunteer work in areas that interest me. I hold down one part time volunteer job of 1 day a week and another paid position where I show up as needed. 

I have another volunteer position which requires me to oversee an institution and attend monthly board meetings which I chair. 
I don’t go out in the evenings like I used to and sexual interactions are with providers on a semi regular monthly basis. 
Maybe I’ll slow down in my 80s which are fast approaching.

[+ purplekow]

I left NJ and moved to Palm Springs where I knew few people and none of them really well.  Most of them were known to me from this forum or the Palm Springs weekends.  It has been 10 months and I am very glad I made such a drastic move at an age when most are moving into adult living facilities.  I have a house I like.  I left the RoUTine I was in in NJ.  I started going to the gym.  I bought season tickets to community theater.  I have invited friends to come and spend a week with me.  I have made a few acquaintances and one or two friends along with the ones I already knew.  In some ways, it has been difficult, but by leaving a known life and taking up in a completely new environment, I have become less lonely.  My dogs are company in the house and they force me to go out to get them food and toys and exercise.  I joined a dating app and have had several sexual encounters with men I have met from there.  I have been more vigorous about hiring but by the hour and not overnight so shorter meetings but more frequent.  I call my friends more often and text others more regularly.  

If you are traveling through Palm Springs, give me a call and we can get a drink or a coffee or just a visit.  

I do not know that such a drastic change would have worked for everyone but it has for me.  

Edited 8 hours ago by purplekow

[Becket]

You're a braver man than me. I have daydreamed about making such a move but find I am way too much of a coward to be so bold. But your story is encouraging.

I hate it when people say the following; it makes me cringe. But I can't think of anything else to say except:

Thank you for sharing.

 

No really, I am motivated by your experience. Thanks.