“Do you mind if I do [insert drug name here]”

[+ PhileasFogg]

I’m on a weekend trip in New Orleans with a young man.  After dinner and drinks, we are walking down Bourbon Street to Oz and he asks if I minded if he bought cocaine (he didn’t)

I’m pretty open minded and “live and let live,” but I also choose not to do drugs and never had.

I’ve rehearsed in my mind answers to a lot of questions, but that’s not one I’d anticipated.

Help me think through this one because, having never done any kind of drug, I don’t know the up/downside of inviting that into his participation and our weekend.  

At Oz, he leaned over and said he was really f’ed up and needed to return to the hotel. Really sweet and cute looking guy, but passed out drunk at the moment (and no, I’m not taking advantage of his inebriated condition)

[Gilfson]

I personally do not use drugs when I’m with clients and rarely in my personal life. I’ve had clients use drugs before a session with me and it was a mess. So I like to stay sober when I’m either clients. I’ll have a couple of drinks but that is it.

[BuffaloKyle]

As you stated @PhileasFogg I usually let people live their lives but if you were expecting some play time tonight now he's passed out and done for the night. Plus when it comes to drugs I'd be afraid to have him overdose and then you are really in deep.

[+ PhileasFogg]

Yeah…with your help in processing possibilities, I think the right response is “I can’t stop you, but I’d rather you not”

[Spikeguy]

You could fib a bit and say I’ve lost some friends to substance abuse so it’s a turnoff/mood killer for me.

[Gilfson]

19 minutes ago, Spikeguy said:

You could fib a bit and say I’ve lost some friends to substance abuse so it’s a turnoff/mood killer for me.

I feel like lying about losing people to addiction is not only inappropriate but morally wrong. Just saying he’s not into drug use is more than enough.

[Spikeguy]

Well most people have lost someone to substance abuse so if it’s not a fib I hope it’s okay then.

[+ PhileasFogg]

It wouldn’t be a fib for me to say it.   Plus, “loss” takes on many forms

[Gilfson]

24 minutes ago, Spikeguy said:

Well most people have lost someone to substance abuse so if it’s not a fib I hope it’s okay then.

I get that I just meant that if you haven’t lost someone to it you shouldn’t say you have that’s all

[mike carey]

1 hour ago, PhileasFogg said:

Yeah…with your help in processing possibilities, I think the right response is “I can’t stop you, but I’d rather you not”

I've had an escort use a drug when he was with me. It was far from my first time with him, and I didn't object. He had asked in that 'I'm not rally asking' tone, and I'm not sure I would have objected if it had been a genuine question. That situation was different. He already had the drug and we were in his hotel room not mine. Being with him, out on the street, when he was buying, I think I'd have said a hard 'no'. Too many risks, not least from LE, and I wouldn't want to risk guilt by association.

I'm okay with some drug use. But LE don't usually care about caffeine and alcohol.

[+ PhileasFogg]

4 minutes ago, mike carey said:

I've had an escort use a drug when he was with me. It was far from my first time with him, and I didn't object. He had asked in that 'I'm not rally asking' tone, and I'm not sure I would have objected if it had been a genuine question. That situation was different. He already had the drug and we were in his hotel room not mine. Being with him, out on the street, when he was buying, I think I'd have said a hard 'no'. Too many risks, not least from LE, and I wouldn't want to risk guilt by association.

I'm okay with some drug use. But LE don't usually care about caffeine and alcohol.

I think you’ve hit the nail on the head.  This guy is my guest, if something happens, I’m responsible for his well being.  I hadn’t considered the LE issue.   Notwithstanding the fact that this is New Orleans (the “Big Easy”), my professional and ethical reputation is pristine.    I don’t care about being “outed” (in part because I won’t lie if confronted) but I do care about being associated with drugs and needing to bail him out. 

[+ PhileasFogg]

In an ironic footnote, I just recalled that this young man chastised me for drinking Monster Energy Drinks as I pulled two cans from my suitcase 😂😂🤔🤨

Edited 8 hours ago by PhileasFogg

[big-n-tall]

For me, it depends on what the substance/drug is.

If It’s mild alcohol usage, fine. if it’s 420… also fine, but anything stronger and could hinder the experience, I’m gonna have to say no.

As I have recounted before I had a bad situation dealing with an escort who was using crack. It was not a fun situation. I was pretty new to hiring and on my way to seeing him he called and asked did I like to party. Not knowing what that meant I said yes, thinking he just meant a good time… not drug use. I didn’t partake but he sure did. 

Another provider who has become a dear friend once wanted to do cocaine before we met for our overnight. He said it made him super horny and he wanted to “fuck all night” I guess because we had grown rather close by then he felt secure enough to mention this. It took me a few days to respond to him. I genuinely like him as a person and I was afraid if I said no I wouldn’t get to see him again.

I finally called him and told him no to the cocaine use. I explained to him I’ve had people in my life who died from alcohol and drug abuse. I remember I got a bit emotional talking to him about it. He apologized and said he’d never want me to feel uncomfortable with him. Some years later after that talk, a friend of his overdosed and died. He said that made him stop all drug use even marijuana.

You have to put your foot down and be forthcoming. If you think the provider’s drug use of any kind makes you uncomfortable or makes you feel like it will hinder your experience, tell them no. If they decide to drop you as a client then so be it. Not to be harsh, but there are other providers in the sea.

[+ PhileasFogg]

Epilogue:  he woke up after my final post, was profusely apologetic and we made up for lost time.

Super sweet guy.  He promised no more requests for cocaine and that he’d not be drinking much today. 

[pubic_assistance]

8 hours ago, PhileasFogg said:

Help me think through this one because, having never done any kind of drug, I don’t know the up/downside of inviting that into his participation and our weekend.  

Back in the 90s in NYC most everyone in the Downtown "scene" did cocaine to keep the party going deep into the morning hours, after consuming lots of alcohol during our evening out. Occasional use isn't a big deal if you're just trying to level out your inebriation. It's basically the equivalent of drinking six cups of coffee. That said...although I wouldn't balk at somebody trying to level out his drunkeness, I would NOT want to be participating in his seeking out a purchase from a drug dealer. Too many risks from being in THAT situation. 

[Cretus]

6 hours ago, Spikeguy said:

Well most people have lost someone to substance abuse so if it’s not a fib I hope it’s okay then.

I wouldn’t say most people- perhaps this is something you sense is common in your life and social sphere.

[+ DrownedBoy]

No escort has ever "asked" me before using drugs. They just do it.

I'm 420 friendly and enjoy edibles. A provider walked right in, started rolling a joint at my kitchen table without saying a word, and asking me where he could smoke it. He was too high to give a decent session.

Another guy just took out a vial of GHB on my kitchen table and used it before the session (though he didn't tell me what it was until afterwards). I believe it may have improved his enthusiasm during the session, but that wasn't necessary. I'll watch my drink around him.

Since I come from a white working class background, from my mid-20s, I've gotten used to attending funerals from my old neighborhood and cousins. This year alone, there's been two. First was a friend's older brother who taught me how to use the gym and who I had a crush on. Liver cirrhosis in his 40s. The other committed suicide just a few weeks ago, although given the length of his drunken rap sheet, I'm surprised he made it that far. I'm too numb to really care what drugs escorts do - you have to let people make their own decisions and you can't do anything about it.

[+ KensingtonHomo]

I'm sober. We never hire beyond a couple of hours. The one time an escort asked if he could step out and smoke a joint, he was then unable to perform at all. Another time, a provider came over after a couple of drinks with friends. While he wasn't drunk, he similarly couldn't perform at all. 

I state upfront that I'm sober and we expect the provider to be sober as well. Of course, someone could take an edible without us knowing but if I suspect someone isn't sober, I cancel the session. 

Similar to @DrownedBoy , I grew up in a white working-class family, and I've seen so many people lose their lives and well-being to alcohol and substance abuse, so I do not want it in my life in any way. I certainly don't want to pay for someone to be high and unable to provide the services for which they were hired. 

[pubic_assistance]

29 minutes ago, KensingtonHomo said:

I certainly don't want to pay for someone to be high and unable to provide the services for which they were hired. 

The worst is when they show up with "crystal-dick" and can't get hard. I haven't bottomed in some time, so its not about getting ass-fucked.. but if someone cant get hard, I start to feel unappealing and it ruins the vibe. 

I've never been with anyone who couldn't perform after smoking a little weed, or having a couple drinks. Certainly GHB and Cocaine in the right dosages, can absolutely increase performance. I remember many late evenings in my 30s going for HOURs during group sex while high on GHB. And cocaine was everywhere in the 90s so it always showed up late into the night. I remember hooking up with two German body builders who put some coke up my ass and fucked me with it. We spent hours and hours having sex before passing out. 

Of course if someone has a history of substance abuse that they are recovering from, the presence of performance enhancing chemicals would not be welcome. Sobriety is a fragile state of being for alcoholics.