How to Respond to Being Ghosted After Vacation?

[+ Jamie21]

On 12/4/2024 at 5:54 PM, FaustOust said:

Granted he was and would be compensated for that time, but it would seem from his perspective that being friendly with his client would just make good business sense.

Make this clear to him, that you’re hiring and not looking for something off the clock. In my experience some clients, after even a couple of sessions that went well, progress quickly to a very casual kind of interaction where it implies they’ve moved from client status to friend status in their head. I get ‘hey how are you?’ messages and ‘would be great to see you again’.  It’s difficult to respond to that so you just ignore it or send a 👍. I get the sense that they’re fishing for me to say “sure let’s meet for a drink” or to start a chat over text about random stuff. 

I don’t want to hurt his feelings or lose a client so I just respond with the minimum necessary to remain polite. You’re the client, so it’s up to you to make it clear you want to hire him and you’re not looking for anything else. Don’t be ambiguous. If you do want a relationship, say so clearly, and then you’ll find out (…it might be painful). It sounds like he’s good at the job, and what he is doing is keeping a professional distance, which any good escort would. 
 

[+ BenjaminNicholas]

54 minutes ago, Archangel said:

We never did fuck on that trip

All that story and this was my shocked takeaway.

 

[The Dude]

I'm curious what the nature of your relationship was before the trip. Would you always reach out to him regularly between appointments, or is that something that started after vacationing together? He may feel you got a little too close emotionally and needs some space.

[aiseeya]

Unless absolutely necessary, I won't randomly text my regulars (not even the one who I have been on trips with or had met free of charge several times for meals). When it comes to paid time, client controls the dynamic but if otherwise its the provider. All my free of charge meets have been proposed by the provider, its their free time afterall. 

On the other note, he did such a pro job that you geniunely enjoy your time together, so much you believe he would do it again (though in a much smaller scale, say for coffee) for free. If he really keen, he would ask you.

I once invite my regular to dinner prior to scheduled session (which would be non paid hour), he politely declined and offer to buy me dessert after play (within paid hours). Couple days forward, he invite me to a brunch free of charge (I paid for meals, he paid for dessert). All in all, very subtle but message is crystal clear.

[FaustOust]

2 hours ago, The Dude said:

I'm curious what the nature of your relationship was before the trip. Would you always reach out to him regularly between appointments, or is that something that started after vacationing together? He may feel you got a little too close emotionally and needs some space.

I had reached out before but less so.  It was usually in response to him or planning get-togethers. He had encouraged more communication  —until the trip.  After the trip, however, it was usually initiated by me and his responses got slower, shorter and gradually dissipated.

In retrospect, his communication style was probably designed to reach a certain level of connection with me so that I would keep coming back and invite him to do something like a vacation. Now, having achieved his goal, he may think he has over corrected, and is pushing away so as not to get too close  — but still close enough that I would want to hire him again. That’s my guess at the moment.

[marylander1940]

16 hours ago, Archangel said:

I took a guy on vacation once. Things were always wonderful when we had our many weekend overnights until that trip. On that trip, he was distant. I met up with him the night before we departed, and he was quick to split afterwards. He didn’t want me to pick him up for the airport the next morning; he’d Uber. Once we got to where we were going, he wasn’t as engaged as he normally was. He was more interested in his phone (which I happened to glimpse a few times was open to Grindr.) He was more interested in sunning at the beach than doing anything, really. I don’t know for certain, but one afternoon after I had returned from being out dealing with a few things with the resort offices (long story) I come back to my things all crammed into the drawer and the bed ramshackle made—as if my things had been hidden for a hookup. I don’t know that he hooked up for sure, but I suspect it. We never did fuck on that trip and the whole way back home we didn’t speak. It made me hesitant to hire again for travel but I did and I’m happy I did. I have found a fantastic travel escort buddy. But I can totally identify with the OP…

Hesitant? 

You should have terminated the trip when you noticed his attitude

[+ ApexNomad]

34 minutes ago, FaustOust said:

I had reached out before but less so.  It was usually in response to him or planning get-togethers. He had encouraged more communication  —until the trip.  After the trip, however, it was usually initiated by me and his responses got slower, shorter and gradually dissipated.

In retrospect, his communication style was probably designed to reach a certain level of connection with me so that I would keep coming back and invite him to do something like a vacation. Now, having achieved his goal, he may think he has over corrected, and is pushing away so as not to get too close  — but still close enough that I would want to hire him again. That’s my guess at the moment.

Assuming personal boundaries weren’t being crossed, from a purely business standpoint, it doesn’t make much sense to me why a provider would push away a known, steady regular — especially after a vacation trip where he was paid even more. For the sake of argument, if his goal as you say was simply to secure a trip, you’d think he’d want to maintain or even strengthen the connection in hopes of getting more trips or consistent work.

One thing to consider — and this is important for you — is whether you can truly move past this if you continue seeing him. If this situation is going to gnaw at you during sessions, especially when being intimate, you need to address it now. Otherwise, you’re spending money on an experience you won’t fully enjoy. Consider sending him that message (or a variation thereof). It allows you to gauge his response without making things awkward or jeopardizing future encounters.

If what you really want is closure, then feel free to say what’s in your heart. Just keep in mind that’s a hard, if not impossible, road to come back from if you later decide you want to continue a professional relationship. Ultimately, the choice you need to make is whether you want to preserve that connection or express your hurt and disappointment at the risk of burning the bridge.

[NYXboy]

18 hours ago, FaustOust said:

I think I can say that my texts were not particularly needy or insistent about anything and only occasional. 

How occasional?  I suspect that what you consider to be occasional maybe considerably more than what he may. 

 

If you are texting/communications about an upcoming appointment - he may have been indulging you in order to secure the booking.  Once the appointment is over, there is no need for him to reply anymore? Even if it was a great trip, his job is over. 

I keep my communications with providers to organizing meetings - and use our time together for everything else. If you are using communication as a way of dangling a vacation/booking in front of them -this wouldn't be a good thing to do unless you are compensating them for it also. 

[harlow]

4 hours ago, blck37 said:

Unless absolutely necessary, I won't randomly text my regulars (not even the one who I have been on trips with or had met free of charge several times for meals). When it comes to paid time, client controls the dynamic but if otherwise its the provider. All my free of charge meets have been proposed by the provider, its their free time afterall. 

On the other note, he did such a pro job that you geniunely enjoy your time together, so much you believe he would do it again (though in a much smaller scale, say for coffee) for free. If he really keen, he would ask you.

I once invite my regular to dinner prior to scheduled session (which would be non paid hour), he politely declined and offer to buy me dessert after play (within paid hours). Couple days forward, he invite me to a brunch free of charge (I paid for meals, he paid for dessert). All in all, very subtle but message is crystal clear.

I agree 100% with this. Have I been out for dinner or drinks with a provider?…sure but they were the ones that suggested it and they made it clear that it would be off the clock and I wasn’t expected to compensate them in any way. There was no follow up communication or texting because we both understood the boundaries.

[aiseeya]

4 hours ago, ApexNomad said:

Assuming personal boundaries weren’t being crossed, from a purely business standpoint, it doesn’t make much sense to me why a provider would push away a known, steady regular — especially after a vacation trip where he was paid even more. For the sake of argument, if his goal as you say was simply to secure a trip, you’d think he’d want to maintain or even strengthen the connection in hopes of getting more trips or consistent work.

Its a bit more nuance IMO especially where intimacy is involved. He might see keeping client at arms lenght is a way to maintain professional relationship, to avoid said client feeling too deep (in particular after a trip). Its a subtle way to maintain boundaries without being rude or harsh. Been there....so kinda see the provider's pov.

 

[+ ApexNomad]

8 minutes ago, blck37 said:

Its a bit more nuance IMO especially where intimacy is involved. He might see keeping client at arms lenght is a way to maintain professional relationship, to avoid said client feeling too deep (in particular after a trip). Its a subtle way to maintain boundaries without being rude or harsh. Been there....so kinda see the provider's pov.

 

Keeping emotional boundaries is important for providers, I completely agree, especially when intimacy is involved. And for clients!!

That said, as I mentioned, assuming personal boundaries weren’t crossed, if maintaining boundaries was the provider’s primary concern, it seems there could have been a more direct or professional way to handle it rather than pulling away or being subtle about it. Clear communication would benefit both parties—allowing him to maintain professionalism while still valuing the trust and consistency of a regular client.

Subtlety tends to lose its power in situations like this—especially when there’s already been a level of intimacy involved. The act itself removes a layer of pretense, making subtle signals far less likely to land as intended. 

[aiseeya]

5 hours ago, FaustOust said:

I had reached out before but less so.  It was usually in response to him or planning get-togethers. He had encouraged more communication  —until the trip.  After the trip, however, it was usually initiated by me and his responses got slower, shorter and gradually dissipated.

In retrospect, his communication style was probably designed to reach a certain level of connection with me so that I would keep coming back and invite him to do something like a vacation. Now, having achieved his goal, he may think he has over corrected, and is pushing away so as not to get too close  — but still close enough that I would want to hire him again. That’s my guess at the moment.

Echoing this.

I have this one provider who I used to see regularly, overnights, weekends, trips. We text daily, purely professional at the start then slowly becoming more casual and personal. Communication always gets intense pre and (for days, a week or so top) post the first couple of trips. I called it customer service period. 

There was this period where I was seeing him intensely, went on several trips (ranging from 3/5 days each) in a short 2 months. I was honestly on the brink of catching feeling (or maybe I was if i am being honest).

Then he pulls away, slowly but noticeably. We never talk about it. Communication just stop. I stop seeing him for months till recently but no intense communication pre or post this time. He reaches out, we set up a meet. It was a great one, no awkwardness. 

Nowadays, we would trade check-in texts every couple weeks, nothing intense.

I would say prior to the hiatus he would text like a flirt, nowadays more like a mate. 

[Guest]

I’ve done around 10 trips with paid companions. One straight up hurt my feelings when the trip was over by some actions that I perceived were super selfish, and kind of made me feel sad about our entire experience.  This occurred less than 24 hours after our trip and I was robbed of the after glow.  He apologized profusely but the damage was done. 
 

All of the others have been pretty spectacular and those I wanted to stay in touch with and maintain a personal friendship thankfully have been open to that. Most even suggested it. 

Edited December 11, 2024 by Coolwave35

[Archangel]

On 12/9/2024 at 9:00 AM, FaustOust said:

In retrospect, his communication style was probably designed to reach a certain level of connection with me so that I would keep coming back and invite him to do something like a vacation. Now, having achieved his goal, he may think he has over corrected, and is pushing away so as not to get too close  — but still close enough that I would want to hire him again. That’s my guess at the moment.

If you’re anything like me, you’ll drive yourself batty analyzing what may or may not be conscious or unconscious pathological behavior from such providers. It’s energy that can be used on other things because ultimately you’re really never going to know the truth – although your idea seems wholly plausible.

[harlow]

On 12/11/2024 at 3:35 PM, Archangel said:

If you’re anything like me, you’ll drive yourself batty analyzing what may or may not be conscious or unconscious pathological behavior from such providers. It’s energy that can be used on other things because ultimately you’re really never going to know the truth – although your idea seems wholly plausible.

Completely agree. My obsession over why I was ghosted is documented here on the forum. Once you realize it’s just not worth wasting your time and energy wondering why you feel much better. Plenty of providers out there that will take their place will enjoy being hired. 😎

[dbar123]

Give the guy some space. You don’t know what kind of shit he has going on in his life or what he is dealing with. For all you know he may be experiencing depression or some other issue. It’s not about you. Just let it rest. If you’re a good client he will eventually reach out again.

[Andy768]

On 12/3/2024 at 9:56 AM, FaustOust said:

I guess it only matters to the extent that I thought I was a good judge of people and I may not be now.

As jarring as it might be in the moment, in the longer run I appreciate these moments of realization. I think most of us think we have fairly good intuition, but even fairly good is not perfect and is not to be trusted all the time.

I'm sorry you've had this suboptimal experience, but thank you for sharing it and your processing of it with us.

[Callas]

On 12/9/2024 at 2:59 PM, aiseeya said:

Echoing this.

I have this one provider who I used to see regularly, overnights, weekends, trips. We text daily, purely professional at the start then slowly becoming more casual and personal. Communication always gets intense pre and (for days, a week or so top) post the first couple of trips. I called it customer service period. 

There was this period where I was seeing him intensely, went on several trips (ranging from 3/5 days each) in a short 2 months. I was honestly on the brink of catching feeling (or maybe I was if i am being honest).

Then he pulls away, slowly but noticeably. We never talk about it. Communication just stop. I stop seeing him for months till recently but no intense communication pre or post this time. He reaches out, we set up a meet. It was a great one, no awkwardness. 

Nowadays, we would trade check-in texts every couple weeks, nothing intense.

I would say prior to the hiatus he would text like a flirt, nowadays more like a mate. 

I think you are over it. But reading this is sad for me. If i were you, my brain wanted to stop seeing him after the hiatus, but my feeling would tell me to keep seeing him. I gotta become Samantha in 2025—stop letting guys i paid disturb my peace!!!

 

(Samantha does not have to pay tho 😆)

Edited January 2 by Callas

[Oakman]

On 12/4/2024 at 3:54 AM, pubic_assistance said:

Yes.

You have.

He's a hire. Not your boyfriend.

His actions are pretty clear signals that he doesn't want a personal relationship. It's not clear if he'd be open to continuing a professional relationship as long as you learn to respect some boundaries.

Like they say: "read the room".

Nailed it. Not your boyfriend. Leave the guy alone unless you’re buying time from him. 

[Callas]

On 12/3/2024 at 1:10 AM, FaustOust said:

I recently hired a guy to go away on vacation with me whom I had seen several times before. Lots of communication up until the trip, which was the most time we had spent together, and it seemed like a pleasurable time for both of us, and we agreed to do it again some time.  However, afterwards in the several times I’ve reached out since then in a friendly manner, communication has been more distant than before the trip, with polite, but terse, and often slow responses until now no response at all.  

I wonder if I have misread his willingness and seeming encouragement to communicate between our times together.  Should my only communication with a regular escort be to arrange time together and otherwise be silent? If I had been told that, I would respect that wish, realizing he’s not “on the clock,” but I now fear I have misread his friendliness and shouldn’t have responded in kind. Was it just to get some business?

Or is the distancing a signal that he does not want me to hire him again?  I am now questioning my judgment in what I thought was a beautiful time together and had hoped to do again. I am combing through it looking for signs that he was having an awful time with me to explain the distance towards me now. I would hate if it were something I had done.

Seriously, below is more of a note to myself than a response to you 🫣

 

“afterwards in the several times I’ve reached out since then in a friendly manner, communication has been more distant than before the trip, with polite, but terse, and often slow responses until now no response at all.”

you think it’s “friendly”, put in lots of thoughts (even your heart in), you think it’s touching 

but to the receiver, it may be just a waste of his time having to read and respond to maintain polite and keep the business —> after a while it would stress him out (for he mostly has no special feelings for you) leading him to respond with terse —> it may even affect the time together in person —> one day he would just like f*** it i’m done & disappear 

 

 

“Should my only communication with a regular escort be to arrange time together and otherwise be silent? If I had been told that, I would respect that wish, realizing he’s not “on the clock,” but I now fear I have misread his friendliness and shouldn’t have responded in kind. Was it just to get some business?”

Yes and yes

Only text to arrange time, give feedback, & ideas of what you wanna do during next dates (make it short and on point, minimize back and forth as much as possible)

don’t waste people time — even normal non-paid friendship takes time to build — hold your urge and only text him what truly matters to make the next time together better

he can’t tell you — “i don’t like you texting too often” or the like — def afraid it would hurt your feelings and end the business

ofc if not for money, what is there for him to waste time texting a guy he mostly is not interested in? Normal employees want no personal texting with his boss, except for health issues, big holidays, etc.

treat him professionally like how you treat your junior colleagues 

 

 

 

“Or is the distancing a signal that he does not want me to hire him again?  I am now questioning my judgment in what I thought was a beautiful time together and had hoped to do again. I am combing through it looking for signs that he was having an awful time with me to explain the distance towards me now.”

No

He either has something going on personally and could not handle your text anymore or simply could not take it any more

(if i were an escort and a client had a 5-hr appt with me each week, i wouldn’t mind responding to him 3x a day / 5 days a week / each with 1 sentence and a cute emoji 😉)

Yes, it was a beautiful time together — you paid and he delivered. He owed you nothing.

No need to keep looking. The vacation was good. He was just tired of your texts.

 

Key takeaways: Choose yourself first, and let no one disturb your peace — don’t waste your time, if it means to be, it would be, things take time, enjoy the journey, don’t push, don’t rush

Protect your heart 🥺 it’s easier said than done, but i find not texting him is the easiest of them all (the rest: thinking about him, wondering about him, overanalyzing, feeling hurt, feeling sad, etc. — just over my control) 

[Oakman]

2 hours ago, Callas said:

Protect your heart 🥺 it’s easier said than done, but i find not texting him is the easiest of them all (the rest: thinking about him, wondering about him, overanalyzing, feeling hurt, feeling sad, etc. — just over my control) 

This hobby shouldn’t be causing you so much distress. You have relationship needs which cannot be met in paid increments, regardless of who the provider is. 

I am a regular customer at a restaurant in San Francisco. I know the owner, the manager, the chef, and the servers by name. We enjoy seeing each other when I come in to eat. Our time together is positive, enthusiastic and full of mutual gratitude. They take great care of me, and I pay my bill and leave nice tips. We even chat a bit about our personal lives and offer each other genuine emotional support from time to time. Our relationship is authentic, but professional. 

I don’t expect the restaurant staff to buy my groceries or cook my meals at home. I don’t expect them to arrange a healthy diet for me.  I don’t expect them to teach me how to cook. I don’t bother them unless I am coming in to eat. 

Hiring providers is like going to a restaurant. Having relationships is like eating at home. I encourage you to eat out less and learn how to cook at home. 

[+ ApexNomad]

3 minutes ago, Oakman said:

This hobby shouldn’t be causing you so much distress. You have relationship needs which cannot be met in paid increments, regardless of who the provider is. 

I am a regular customer at a restaurant in San Francisco. I know the owner, the manager, the chef, and the servers by name. We enjoy seeing each other when I come in to eat. Our time together is positive, enthusiastic and full of mutual gratitude. They take great care of me, and I pay my bill and leave nice tips. We even chat a bit about our personal lives and offer each other genuine emotional support from time to time. Our relationship is authentic, but professional. 

I don’t expect the restaurant staff to buy my groceries or cook my meals at home. I don’t expect them to arrange a healthy diet for me.  I don’t expect them to teach me how to cook. I don’t bother them unless I am coming in to eat. 

Hiring providers is like going to a restaurant. Having relationships is like eating at home. I encourage you to eat out less and learn how to cook at home. 

This was really beautiful and well said. 

[Callas]

34 minutes ago, Oakman said:

This hobby shouldn’t be causing you so much distress. You have relationship needs which cannot be met in paid increments, regardless of who the provider is. 

I am a regular customer at a restaurant in San Francisco. I know the owner, the manager, the chef, and the servers by name. We enjoy seeing each other when I come in to eat. Our time together is positive, enthusiastic and full of mutual gratitude. They take great care of me, and I pay my bill and leave nice tips. We even chat a bit about our personal lives and offer each other genuine emotional support from time to time. Our relationship is authentic, but professional. 

I don’t expect the restaurant staff to buy my groceries or cook my meals at home. I don’t expect them to arrange a healthy diet for me.  I don’t expect them to teach me how to cook. I don’t bother them unless I am coming in to eat. 

Hiring providers is like going to a restaurant. Having relationships is like eating at home. I encourage you to eat out less and learn how to cook at home. 

The unexpected does happen. This falling accident hit me by surprise. The other ~20 guys i met were just pure momentary fun (there was one regular i met weekly for 4 months & i didn’t fall), just until this one who has been giving me what i didn’t know i wanted — completely recreated my imagination of an ideal partner. Even choosing him initially was an accident, as i could not schedule a same day appt with any of my regulars and buddy-list ones. Guess i’m still too young & are not as emotionally mature as more experienced clients. 
 

God wants to challenge me before another new decade of my life begins 😭

[+ ApexNomad]

1 hour ago, Callas said:

The unexpected does happen. This falling accident hit me by surprise. The other ~20 guys i met were just pure momentary fun (there was one regular i met weekly for 4 months & i didn’t fall), just until this one who has been giving me what i didn’t know i wanted — completely recreated my imagination of an ideal partner. Even choosing him initially was an accident, as i could not schedule a same day appt with any of my regulars and buddy-list ones. Guess i’m still too young & are not as emotionally mature as more experienced clients. 
 

God wants to challenge me before another new decade of my life begins 😭

Setting clear emotional boundaries is essential for your well-being, especially if you want to continue engaging in this “hobby.” If those lines have become unclear, taking a step away to gain perspective might be the best thing for you right now. Trust yourself to navigate this thoughtfully. 

[ICTJOCK]

If he appears to be distant,   my recommendation is to leave the door open,  but leave the ball "in his court".   Move on and look for another escort.   A couple of things.    He may be dealing with issues you don't know about,  maybe family considerations or something he hasn't shared.   Don't automatically make assumptions.   On the other hand,   you have your life to lead and communication is key in these situations.    I'd look for someone else.     If he sounded positive during your time together and possibilities for the future,  take it at face value,  but  use what has happened with others and encourage good communication before,  during and after the trip.

You sound like a very reasonable client.    I hope all goes well in the future.