Addicted

[ManLuver]

Guys. I’ve come to realize that I’ve become addicted to hiring these providers. I’ve cut myself off from RentMen and RentMasseur.

Any recommendations on how to get past this addiction?

Thx in advance.

Joseph

[SirBillybob]

55 minutes ago, ManLuver said:

Guys. I’ve come to realize that I’ve become addicted to hiring these providers. I’ve cut myself off from RentMen and RentMasseur.

Any recommendations on how to get past this addiction?

Thx in advance.

Joseph

That’s a good start, hats off and good luck, to have worked up the nerve to acknowledge and hope to climb additional steps, but I wonder if you’re asking in the right space. In this town hall you may get but commiseration and kudos. But the coffee and donuts thingy table is cluttered with ‘scort ad catalogues. Seriously. The shopaholic/ sexaholic intersection is so very insidious.

I think the central conundrum, though, relates to the relative merits of abstinence versus harm reduction. IMO I have mastered the latter, but I have also read an enormous volume of lit on the subject and that could be an unrealistic undertaking for many. I am also oriented to DIY self-help rather than the collective support system model. And I have found that I can extract as much value from the writing of experts in the field as I would booking sessions with same. Also much more cost effective. No particular recs, just start anywhere, but Katehakis likely figures into it.

Edited September 29, 2024 by SirBillybob

[ManLuver]

That’s a fair question. Appreciate it.

[Moke]

Welcome to the forum!

[Redwine56]

16 minutes ago, ManLuver said:

That’s a fair question. Appreciate it.

Guilty pleasures?  I think we all need them to survive in this world.  However, everything in moderation.  If you feel that you've reached the point of 'addiction', then it's time to take a step back and evaluate the situation.  Do some soul searching to figure out why you feel the need to over indulge.  Take your time and don't be too hard on yourself.  

[+ BenjaminNicholas]

You're basically asking a bunch of coke addicts how to get over a powder addiction  

But seriously, you either quit cold turkey or you talk to a professional who has experience with addiction and/or sexual addiction.

I've seen clients who had these proclivities and over time, I knew it breaking off the relationship was the only way I could move forward without someone's demise on my conscious.  A good escort knows great sex, but he knows the human condition and the way people think even better.

I hope you're on the right track and can continue in a healthy direction.

 

[+ Pensant]

I find that limiting myself to one or two a month, overwhelmingly with regulars, slakes my thirst.

[+ PhileasFogg]

Maybe ask yourself what the void is that you’re trying to fill.  Then set about trying to fill that void with an appropriate substitute.    For me, my life is in transition - I’ve retired, I’m relocating, I’m recently broken up from a long term relationship, and this is easier than establishing a new relationship that will be geographically challenged after my move.  However, I have connected in this transition with a couple of providers with whom I’ve developed non-financial relationships that will probably survive my move.  

Edited September 29, 2024 by PhileasFogg

[marylander1940]

8 hours ago, ManLuver said:

Guys. I’ve come to realize that I’ve become addicted to hiring these providers. I’ve cut myself off from RentMen and RentMasseur.

Any recommendations on how to get past this addiction?

Thx in advance.

Joseph

Why are you asking us this question?

I don't consider myself an addict, I hire once a week because I CAN afford it. Should we give up hiring? 

 

6 hours ago, BenjaminNicholas said:

You're basically asking a bunch of coke addicts how to get over a powder addiction  

But seriously, you either quit cold turkey or you talk to a professional who has experience with addiction and/or sexual addiction.

I've seen clients who had these proclivities and over time, I knew it breaking off the relationship was the only way I could move forward without someone's demise on my conscious.  A good escort knows great sex, but he knows the human condition and the way people think even better.

I hope you're on the right track and can continue in a healthy direction.

 

Exactly! 

It's like giving up drinking and signing up for Wine Club, Splash.com, etc. 

 

[soloyo215]

8 hours ago, ManLuver said:

Guys. I’ve come to realize that I’ve become addicted to hiring these providers. I’ve cut myself off from RentMen and RentMasseur.

Any recommendations on how to get past this addiction?

Thx in advance.

Joseph

Not an expert, but in my case, when I've found myself doing too much of anything to the point that it becomes a concern, I seek professional help. People recommend things that work for themselves, from password-protecting things so you can't access them, to 12-step programs (seems like there is one of those for every bad habit that there is).

The thing is that what works for me might not work for you. I know things can get out of hand, and some people (like me) structure things to ensure that doesn't happen. I have a budget and specific instances for hiring, and set boundaries about where and when are the right circumstances to hire. I also made sure that my life doesn't revolve around things that can get out of hand.

Best wishes, and thanks for sharing this. You never know who relates to things that people post.

[ManLuver]

Thanks for your kind words. I am having trouble dealing with this new reality, but I know I'll get past it. It'll take time and therapy.

[ManLuver]

5 hours ago, marylander1940 said:

Why are you asking us this question?

I don't consider myself an addict, I hire once a week because I CAN afford it. Should we give up hiring? 

 

Exactly! 

It's like giving up drinking and signing up for Wine Club, Splash.com, etc. 

 

Thanks for your comment. No, you should not give up hiring. What I described is my situation. Everyone has their own unique circumstances.

[ManLuver]

5 hours ago, PhileasFogg said:

Maybe ask yourself what the void is that you’re trying to fill.  Then set about trying to fill that void with an appropriate substitute.    For me, my life is in transition - I’ve retired, I’m relocating, I’m recently broken up from a long term relationship, and this is easier than establishing a new relationship that will be geographically challenged after my move.  However, I have connected in this transition with a couple of providers with whom I’ve developed non-financial relationships that will probably survive my move.  

I am trying to fill a void -- loneliness. I, too, have found it easier to hire a provider than dive into the dating pool. I know it's possible to develop non-financial relationships with providers. I am glad you've been able to do that. But the two guys I referenced in my posts were not interested in non-financial relationships. They were solely in it for the money, which should not be a surprise.

[ManLuver]

6 hours ago, Pensant said:

I find that limiting myself to one or two a month, overwhelmingly with regulars, slakes my thirst.

Unfortunately, I was hiring regulars and non-regulars alike and unrealistically trying to convert at least a couple of them into relationships. I went overboard and need, for now, to at least take a break.

[ManLuver]

12 hours ago, BenjaminNicholas said:

You're basically asking a bunch of coke addicts how to get over a powder addiction  

But seriously, you either quit cold turkey or you talk to a professional who has experience with addiction and/or sexual addiction.

I've seen clients who had these proclivities and over time, I knew it breaking off the relationship was the only way I could move forward without someone's demise on my conscious.  A good escort knows great sex, but he knows the human condition and the way people think even better.

I hope you're on the right track and can continue in a healthy direction.

 

Thank you! Appreciate your kind words.

[ManLuver]

12 hours ago, Redwine56 said:

Guilty pleasures?  I think we all need them to survive in this world.  However, everything in moderation.  If you feel that you've reached the point of 'addiction', then it's time to take a step back and evaluate the situation.  Do some soul searching to figure out why you feel the need to over indulge.  Take your time and don't be too hard on yourself.  

Thank you so much for your kind words!

[ManLuver]

13 hours ago, SirBillybob said:

That’s a good start, hats off and good luck, to have worked up the nerve to acknowledge and hope to climb additional steps, but I wonder if you’re asking in the right space. In this town hall you may get but commiseration and kudos. But the coffee and donuts thingy table is cluttered with ‘scort ad catalogues. Seriously. The shopaholic/ sexaholic intersection is so very insidious.

I think the central conundrum, though, relates to the relative merits of abstinence versus harm reduction. IMO I have mastered the latter, but I have also read an enormous volume of lit on the subject and that could be an unrealistic undertaking for many. I am also oriented to DIY self-help rather than the collective support system model. And I have found that I can extract as much value from the writing of experts in the field as I would booking sessions with same. Also much more cost effective. No particular recs, just start anywhere, but Katehakis likely figures into it.

Appreciate your thoughtful comments. Thanks.

[Thelatin]

If you aren’t doing it - the gym is the best medicine for most things.  I’ve been indulging too much lately as well.  The plan is to focus on fitness the next few months - then treat myself.  It comes with the added benefit of being healthy, and the hookups are better. 

[ShortCutie7]

I have an addictive personality and would absolutely become addicted to hiring if I had the time and money to indulge regularly.  I find that for anything I’m trying not to become addicted to, I have to give myself specific parameters or goals to hit before I engage.  For example, before my next hire, I must:

1- have and set aside the free time to do it (this is surprisingly the hardest part as it can be months between opportunities to have a few hours to myself).  The more in advance I know my target date, the longer I have to make arrangements with an escort and ensure that my below goals are met.

2- have above a specific amount of money in my checking account (I won’t be able to afford to pay $X for an hour if I don’t have at least $10X in the bank).

3- hit below a specific (but realistic) weight on the scale (this is extra encouragement for me to manage my weight, plus I know I’ll have a better time if I feel sexy, myself).

 

[ManLuver]

3 hours ago, Thelatin said:

If you aren’t doing it - the gym is the best medicine for most things.  I’ve been indulging too much lately as well.  The plan is to focus on fitness the next few months - then treat myself.  It comes with the added benefit of being healthy, and the hookups are better. 

Good plan on your part!

[ManLuver]

1 hour ago, ShortCutie7 said:

I have an addictive personality and would absolutely become addicted to hiring if I had the time and money to indulge regularly.  I find that for anything I’m trying not to become addicted to, I have to give myself specific parameters or goals to hit before I engage.  For example, before my next hire, I must:

1- have and set aside the free time to do it (this is surprisingly the hardest part as it can be months between opportunities to have a few hours to myself).  The more in advance I know my target date, the longer I have to make arrangements with an escort and ensure that my below goals are met.

2- have above a specific amount of money in my checking account (I won’t be able to afford to pay $X for an hour if I don’t have at least $10X in the bank).

3- hit below a specific (but realistic) weight on the scale (this is extra encouragement for me to manage my weight, plus I know I’ll have a better time if I feel sexy, myself).

 

I like the way you're approaching this. Congrats on having specific parameters and goals. I was hiring them when I didn't feel good about my body and even when I did. And I didn't set any sort of budget limitations -- big mistake on my part.

[caramelsub]

I think I have a sex/hiring addiction as well. I hire once or twice monthly, sometimes a bit more depending on my funds available.
I have been looking to relocate for some time now. And one of my main reasons for wanting to move is to have more gay sex, paid or unpaid. I want to live in a city with a gay village or gayborhood. And one that has a bathhouse. And of course one with many choices of escorts. I don’t know if this is a healthy reason to move. Or if this is my sex addiction coming into play.

[+ PhileasFogg]

5 hours ago, ManLuver said:

I am trying to fill a void -- loneliness. I, too, have found it easier to hire a provider than dive into the dating pool. I know it's possible to develop non-financial relationships with providers. I am glad you've been able to do that. But the two guys I referenced in my posts were not interested in non-financial relationships. They were solely in it for the money, which should not be a surprise.

Understood.    Can the provoders bridge the gap while you ease into the dating pool rather than diving in?

[ManLuver]

42 minutes ago, PhileasFogg said:

Understood.    Can the provoders bridge the gap while you ease into the dating pool rather than diving in?

Not sure. For now, I need to distance myself. As much as I wish I could continue booking appointments, it's just not mentally, emotionally or financially healthy for me right now.

[ManLuver]

1 hour ago, caramelsub said:

I think I have a sex/hiring addiction as well. I hire once or twice monthly, sometimes a bit more depending on my funds available.
I have been looking to relocate for some time now. And one of my main reasons for wanting to move is to have more gay sex, paid or unpaid. I want to live in a city with a gay village or gayborhood. And one that has a bathhouse. And of course one with many choices of escorts. I don’t know if this is a healthy reason to move. Or if this is my sex addiction coming into play.

Everyone has their own circumstances, so I can't say whether your situation qualifies as an "addiction" or not. I would caution you to be careful with your money, though. I have spent thousands of dollars on masseurs/escorts and have had many good experiences, but a few horrible ones.

Moving to another city with a gayborhood or gay village is a definitely worth pursuing if you have your heart set on it. I have considered that myself, but so far have not gone down that path.