Thinking of hiring for the first time

[SirBillybob]

9 hours ago, Manhattan said:

It's known as the world's oldest profession because it's the simplest. 
Someone pays someone to provide a service that requires nothing more than their body. 
If you're lonely or bored, keep engaging on this forum. Otherwise, go try it.  There will always be emotional, physical, or legal risks to consider, but no one here can help you with those. 

While I mentioned cliché I hadn’t meant to necessarily cue it.

[kingsley88]

On 9/29/2024 at 3:26 AM, BlackSheep said:

I have tried massages before, one time I had a best of the best massage but I was not attracted to that guy at all it was a normal one time booking with that messure but that guy gave me an unexpected HJ which was a total shock, I should have stopped him but somehow couldn't and I hated the whole experience. I didn't try massage for about a year or so afterwards. Other one or two times were so so and felt like lack of connection or a bit of attraction. 

How did you pick your masseur? Most guys tend to pick a masseur who they think is attractive.

I do think with massage a really good masseur can tell from your body/sounds whether you wish to have a happy ending or not. I'm sorry you had that experience.

[Simon Suraci]

I think an escort is the perfect solution for @BlackSheep. The issue is finding the right fit. Hiring a man for companionship, sex, or both, is a way to get the experience he wants, on his own terms.

Apps you have to “appeal” to the other party’s desires. You have to look a certain way and be into certain activities to attract the guy you want. If you are looking to get off in general, apps work well, but not if you’re very picky about who it’s with or what exactly you are doing. For example, the neighborhood guy you find may be eager to blow you, but that would only get a certain aspect of what you want. He won’t look like what you want, and he won’t fulfill any of the non-sexual connection aspects you want. He’s there to get you off and get out. You want more, no?

Sounds to me like you have exacting standards for how you want your guy to look. Automatically, that eliminates a lot of the app-based options. You can’t be that picky on hookup apps and see any action. It’s hard enough to get someone to follow through, even when you settle for someone outside your criteria. The most universally desirable men won’t show up. Sometimes the unattractive men won’t show up either. It’s a crap shoot.

You want someone with stakes. Someone invested in your interests, your satisfaction. Paying a guy gives him those stakes. It also gives you convenience - to choose who, what, and when you want. You can be as exacting and detailed as you wish. A professional won’t bat an eye. He will fulfill your needs on your own terms, doing only what you want him to do at the pace you feel most comfortable. He will also be ok stopping when you feel less comfortable. You can do low risk or no-risk physical activities if you wish. Or only use condoms if that makes you more comfortable giving or receiving oral sex.

Take responsibility for your own sexual health (and mental health too). Peruse the men’s health topics here on CoM to gauge what your risk tolerance is and what to do to take responsibility for your own health, be it abstinence from certain activities, or any combination of risk reduction strategies like testing and prophylaxis.

Most importantly, lay out all the things you want: emotionally, sexually, physically, and psychologically. Establish your boundaries for all of those items. Write them down. Figure out what will do it for you and seek to hire that guy or guys that fit the bill.

Then do your research on ad websites like RentMen and others. Use the info you gather to do more research here on the forums to find out which of those men are most likely to fulfill what you want. Ask questions of anyone that has seen the provider.

Then discuss any remaining questions with the provider. Confirm any items really important to you. Tell him specifically what you want to happen during your session, and ask if he is willing to provide it for his rate.

[+ JEC]

Before taking the plunge:

1. See a Physician/clinic who is knowledgeable about MSM and related issues
2. Get vaccinated / protected for all the things you can (HPV, Prep, Meningitis, Mpox, etc)
3. Become informed of things for which there is no protection/cure (Herpes)

As others have said...only you can be responsible for your health and protecting yourself...it is useless to ask a provider whether they have any STDs

All play carries some risk - even if you get all the protections.

[SirBillybob]

@BlackSheep, some of the aforementioned responses are missing a great deal of your subtext. Being in the driver’s seat as your own coach for a provider accommodating your limits is a well-meaning but reductionist idea. Above all, be aware that this board is not the sex trade equivalent of WebMD.

Though it makes sense on the face of it, could yield minimal gain. An escort won’t necessarily possess the conceptual skill set to address the phobia and anxiety you describe, particularly as the shortlist of candidates will be restricted by the physical type that appeals to you. (Imagine if arachnophobia treatment success were to hinge on therapist appeal; all that would be required is that he or she not be The Fly … Peter Parker doesn’t count)

Sure, he can be sensitive and respect boundaries. However, a systematic deconstruction of your anxiety by an expert will help to dictate the application of exposure and desensitization techniques that could more effectively bring forward growth and comfort with sex.

You describe a unique blend of both homoerotic and pathogen exposure fear. The approach might be a blend of both planned and executed uncomfortable exposure and desensitization. The former in particular would probably not be initiated by you and, moreover, should not be left to the caprice of an escort whose capacity is the call to sexual pleasure, albeit well-intentioned, and his direct conformity to your limits. It all sounds left to interminable randomness in moving the needle.

Rigidified limits and the hope for their softening are not always amenable to simple placement in a new context without the adjunct of trained processing by an expert. Similarly, an incorrect and underprocessed interaction could unintentionally bind physiological sexual stimulation to revulsion and set you back further. You essentially said it, after all, to your credit.

Again, I don’t know your resource limits but it would be remiss to neglect a recommendation for type of approach even if it cannot be realistically accommodated. If it were to be one or the other, I’d lean to counseling over consummation.

If you were to only repeatedly pay a restaurant to not feed you there would need to be an element of reality that supports that consumption model. Otherwise, really tired and really expensive in short order. That synergistic coaching element could be external or conjoined with the eatery but would give it sense and purpose in shifting consumption.

Self-promotion need not be shameless to be self-serving. Who doesn’t do that to make the world turn? I haven’t acquired or delivered a service in my lifetime that wasn’t propped by PR. 

I don’t proclaim to have the answer. That’s OK because such proclamations are a dime a dozen. Take your pick.

Edited October 3, 2024 by SirBillybob

[nomad]

@BlackSheep  There is no standard sexual awakening.  Don't feel embarrassed or ashamed about it.  We all grow up in different environments.  Some are lucky to grow up in a supportive family environment or be in close proximity to metro areas that exposed them to multi-faceted cultural elements.  I remember feeling like something was wrong with me for sometimes having night emissions before I realized why I was having from dreams. I knew I was attracted to boys around 10 or so.  I was oblivious to gay culture.  My gaydar has never been great.  Even when I visited over weekends with my grandmother at the Buddhist monastery (by Safeway) off of Market,  I had no idea I was literally on doorsteps of the Castro in SanFran.  I look back now and laugh.  I walked up and down a few blocks and always wondered why there were so many fit men in the city. 

Society is bad enough for making us think we need to look and act in set ways.  Nothing wrong with having hair on your chest.  Lots of folks find sexy AF.  Despite my worst fears when I finally decided to live my life on my terms, my world didn't come crashing down.  My family still loved me.  My best friends who are straight laughed (they figured it out before I did) and treated me the same as they have always have.  The baggage over so many years was unnecessary, but that's the path my life took me.  I'm hardly the loud out and proud guy.  Being gay is just one aspect of who I am.  Certainly not the most important or interesting for sure.  Just my life.  

There's tons of folks here who can give you sage advice on things.  At the end of the day, take that advice and figure out what you are comfortable doing.  You can ease into things.  It's okay to be nervous.  We're all human and hopefully still learning about our journey.