canceling without coming off like a fake excuse

[viewing ownly]

I have a proud track record of keeping appointments, but yesterday I found out my mother passed. She was divorced, in massive debt, a pack rat, and I'm her only living relative.

I hadn't had an appointment before with a visiting man, and I briefly (without the riff-raff) explained that I had to cancel due to my mother's passing, and need to tend to her affairs. This is truth, but after sending it and reading it back, it totally looked like I was making up a lame cop-out to get out of the meet-up. 

Lying is a rampant disease, and I am no Saint. When my life gets more back to normal than it presently is, I hope that he is of the understanding kind and would give me another chance should he return to my neck of the woods. I wisely didn't start up text communication, so that avenue down the road will still be open to me. 

[+ nycman]

We can only tell the truth.

How others perceive it, is beyond our control.

Edited August 18, 2024 by nycman

[+ JamesB]

First and foremost, I’m sorry to hear about your mother. My sincere condolences. 

All you can do is be honest; whether he believes you or not is beyond your control. If you're canceling within 24 hours of your booking, you might want to consider offering a cancellation fee as a gesture.

[Danny-Darko]

Some people won't believe the truth even if you tell them it! You don't need to justify yourself and go into deep personal details. YOU are the customer, and you just decided you needed to cancel. That's all! Now that said, it would be considerate of you to cancel within a reasonable time frame unless something urgent impeded you to do so. And they do happen and anyone who can't understand that isn't worth your time or money. I do realize there are a lot of flakes who have no considerations for the escorts time, travel or his scheduling, and I do empathize with them. And because they have been so burned they can be jaded and unbelieving despite you telling the truth. That is not your fault either. If at a future date you still wish to meet up with him (and not because you feel obliged to make it up to him), reach out and let him you're interested and once again mention you're sorry it was unable to work out last time. If he's open to the meeting, then great! If he's not, or maybe blocked you or written you off as just another flake, well so be it and move on. One can't control other people's feeling or emotions. Other than your initial apology and behaving ethically, you own him nothing. It was a paid business transaction and not a date during a serious relationship, family engagement or other situation where you would be more obliged to rectify the situation. Sometimes we hurt people's feelings or piss them off, and there is nothing one can do to fix the situation. I can understand both sides frustration and annoyance but ultimately you need to do what you need to do and the escort also. There are other escorts and there are other clients and so life goes on.

[+ KensingtonHomo]

I'm sorry to hear of your mother's passing. 

How far in advance did you cancel? I feel like 24 hours or more notice is not something to worry about. 

[Danny-Darko]

2 hours ago, JamesB said:

First and foremost, I’m sorry to hear about your mother. My sincere condolences. 

All you can do is be honest; whether he believes you or not is beyond your control. If you're canceling within 24 hours of your booking, you might want to consider offering a cancellation fee as a gesture.

"If you're canceling within 24 hours of your booking, you might want to consider offering a cancellation fee as a gesture??!" WHY? Had the escort canceled because they do do this too and even stand up potencial customers up with no shows, would the escort be offering any such gesture?! And I'm not saying no escort has never offered anything to make something up to a client, but chances are very slim and those that do would be very few and far apart. And even I'd be skeptical because these men have mastered the art of future promising and never delivering. And yes of course there are some, or I'd say few left these days that are truly gentlemen and taken the craft of courtesanship to an art form. Those are a bit older and a dying breed. Once again, a brief apology as awkward as it might be, is all you owe. I strive to be a man of my word, but nobody is perfect, and the world goes on.  

[NYXboy]

Im sorry to hear your mother passed. 

I would say if you are keen to meet this provider - sending a polite cancelation fee would go a long way to both them believing you and making time for you again. 

It's both polite and good manners, but as some people have pointed out - not owed. 

[+ DrownedBoy]

19 hours ago, viewing ownly said:

I yesterday I found out my mother passed

Please accept my condolences.

I agree with what others here have said, about to handle this.

[marylander1940]

Offer to reschedule for next week. 

Let's be polite!

[Jmore]

My brother in law died tragically and unexpectedly.  I had to leave to travel to be with my sister, nephew, and niece.  I canceled with a provider.  I was still sort of in shock.  He went ballistic and called me a liar and pos. I was hurt by his response as I had seen him a few times.  He sort of apologized later, but he still didn’t believe me totally.  You can only tell the truth.

Edited August 18, 2024 by Jmore
Misspelled words and added a sentence for clarification

[+ DrownedBoy]

5 minutes ago, Jmore said:

My brother in law died tragically and unexpectedly.  I had to leave to travel to be with my sister, nephew, and niece.  I canceled with a provider.  I was still sort of in shock.  He went ballistic and called me a liar and pos. I was hurt by his response as I had seen him a few times.  He sort of apologized later, but he still didn’t believe me totally.  You can only tell the truth.

Both clients and providers should be careful about that.

For instance, a former unreliable regular, when explaining why he needed to cancel and reschedule with me (for perhaps the third time), claimed it was because he had to drive a pregnant sister to the hospital at the exact time.

I replied that if his sister was ill, he should stay with her rather than meeting with me later that day.

Now, I never did believe his story, but you can feel like a real ass if you call someone a liar, and they turn out to be telling the truth.

[Whatsupandstuff]

29 minutes ago, DrownedBoy said:

Please accept my condolences.

I agree with what others here have said, about to handle this.

same. its a very kind gesture and it shows true integrity 

[NYXboy]

2 hours ago, Jmore said:

My brother in law died tragically and unexpectedly.  I had to leave to travel to be with my sister, nephew, and niece.  I canceled with a provider.  I was still sort of in shock.  He went ballistic and called me a liar and pos. I was hurt by his response as I had seen him a few times.  He sort of apologized later, but he still didn’t believe me totally.  You can only tell the truth.

he has probably heard similar stories a million times and was upset because you had a established relationship and he thought you were messing him around and lying to him. 

[marylander1940]

1 hour ago, NYXboy said:

he has probably heard similar stories a million times and was upset because you had a established relationship and he thought you were messing him around and lying to him. 

Exactly!

I know providers that a week after someone cancels with a similar excuse would send a message saying "hey sorry you had to go to your uncle's funeral" to see if the guy remembers what he told them before as a way to know if he was flaky or not. 

Sometimes folks cancel because a "brother got into a car accident" and later change the story about them being in a car crash, etc.

We can't always remember made up stories while we remember real ones because they actually happened. 

Edited August 18, 2024 by marylander1940

[marylander1940]

19 hours ago, Danny-Darko said:

Some people won't believe the truth even if you tell them it! 

It's the baggage we all carry because of wondering if folks in all areas of life (family, dating, hookups, work, academia, etc.)  are being honest or not. 

[Danny-Darko]

4 hours ago, Whatsupandstuff said:

same. its a very kind gesture and it shows true integrity 

So, what kind of "kind gesture" that "shows true integrity" does the customer get when the escort cancels on us or does a no-show?! In many cases after even booking a hotel and/or traveled to another city?! I feel an apology without too much detail should be enough. And without the too much detail simply as others have state, it might not be believed even if it's the truth.  Plus, a casual random person doesn't need to know your personal business to begin with. Life happens to all of us and all parties will eventually get over it. Why are these "business transactions" with escorts always for the most part so very one-sided? They take as much as they can and give as little as possible as if we the customer owe them everything, and them nothing or at least hardly anything. Is the escort now going to send flowers or make a donation to a charity in your deceased relatives name to show a kind gesture as well or integrity?! It's a two-way street like all business transactions. Yes, we do do things just to be nice sometimes, but how often does the receiver of our kindness reciprocate the feelings and gestures??? Rebooking him at a later date if you're still interested and he's still willing to accept the booking and go through with the date in more than enough of a gesture on top of an apology!

[NYXboy]

Danny Darko - if you the kind of guy who likes to set up appointments and then flake out and lie and say you mom died - just say that! 

[Danny-Darko]

2 hours ago, NYXboy said:

Danny Darko - if you the kind of guy who likes to set up appointments and then flake out and lie and say you mom died - just say that! 

You obviously didn't read my posts or cared understand them. Giving you the benefit of the doubt, I'll say you have poor reading comprehension shills. 🙄

P.S. And you proved my point! People will believe whatever they want to believe be it true or not. And the truth is seldom believed, so why bother!

Edited August 19, 2024 by Danny-Darko

[+ Jamie21]

Sorry to hear the OP’s news.

I get all sorts of reasons given for cancelling from the dramatic to the mundane. If it’s a regular well it’s no big deal, I believe them whatever they say because I know them. Even if they cancel for a different reason they gave me it doesn’t matter. All I need to know is they’re cancelling and I’d prefer to know that asap. 

All you need to say is “hi sorry but I have to cancel”. The only time I’d be glad to hear the reason is if they’re cancelling because they are too nervous to come, maybe it’s their first time or they are anxious about being with a guy or whatever. If that’s the case then I’d rather know than hear some made up excuse because if I know then there’s probably something I can do that will help them get over the anxiety. I can usually tell when someone books if they’re likely to be the anxious kind and often my hunch is correct and the night before their booking they’ll message saying they want to cancel with some illness or work excuse. I’ll reply giving them the opportunity to explain, something like “oh sorry to hear that I hope all ok. Let me know if you’d like to reschedule or if you have any questions or concerns”. That gives them the opening to share more, if they want to. But otherwise who am I to second guess why someone cancels or to disbelieve them? It’s their issue, I just move on. There’s always more clients. 
 

[NYXboy]

15 hours ago, Danny-Darko said:

You obviously didn't read my posts or cared understand them. Giving you the benefit of the doubt, I'll say you have poor reading comprehension shills. 🙄

P.S. And you proved my point! People will believe whatever they want to believe be it true or not. And the truth is seldom believed, so why bother!

I don't know about shills but my reading comprehension SKILLS are fantastic and we all know EXACTLY what you are saying.  

[LookingAround]

I'm mystified that with the death of his mother why the OP thinks the provider won't believe him. I mean wtf. 

[Whippoorwill]

I learned by the time I was 6 years old never to tell a lie...I could never remember what I said. And I think that comes off in communications. I have on rare occasions changed an appointment, not cancelled. I never make last minute appointments to begin with...always at least a couple of days in advance. And if something immovable comes up, a note such as "Dear xyz, We have an appointment on __ at __pm for abc. Unfortunately, my boss has called a mandatory meeting at the same time (for example). Can we reschedule? I am available, d, e, f. Do any of these times work for you?" This is a question, to which Yes or No are possible answers. The provider is free to answer either way. I have never had a "No" reaction from a provider, both because there is enough time for him to refill his schedule, and I am making a positive step to rebook. And hopefully based on prior research, all indications are that the provider is an experienced reasonable person not a jerk. And when I have rescheduled, I have given an extra tip "for the inconvenience." Likewise I have been open to providers rescheduling. Life happens for them as with me. I also learned by age 6 to "play nice."