Let's Talk Massages: Keepin' It Real!

[+ Jamesp]

Time for a quick chat about finding the ultimate massage experience. We all dig a good-looking setup, sure, but let's not forget what really counts – the actual massage mojo!

If you've ever come across those eye-candy masseurs who can't rub two thoughts together, let's help each other out. Share your "not-so-wow" experiences, so we all steer clear of those not-so-legit rub-downs.

Whether it's a funny story or a serious heads-up, your insights can be a lifeline for someone seeking legit relaxation. This all about keeping it real, and that includes our massage game too!

Here are my first few:

Here is my terrible list from various places:

Alexo: https://www.masseurfinder.com/massage-therapists/45217/

Drake: https://rentmasseur.com/Fitdrake

 

Lukas: https://rentmasseur.com/LukasWilson

 

Do you have any

[Quiet]

Why was Drake terrible?  Insanely hot!

[+ Jamesp]

5 hours ago, Quiet said:

Why was Drake terrible?  Insanely hot!

That was THE problem. All looks no substance.

[Quiet]

Wow. He certainly knows how to sell himself though. 

[ketut]

19 hours ago, Jamesp said:

 

Here is my terrible list from various places:

Alexo: https://www.masseurfinder.com/massage-therapists/45217/

 

What was terrible about Alexo?  He's on my list

[FLJock]

My top Not-So-Wow masseurs, I'll give this a shot.  

Danny: https://rentmasseur.com/BigboyDanny/  Traveled with his new, jealous bf.  Fun times.  Body is insanely hot though.

Scott: https://www.masseurfinder.com/massage-therapists/41777/ Clammy hands, cold massage, just horrible.

Blu: https://rentmasseur.com/Bluwolf Was having bf problems and wouldn't STFU. To make matters worse massage was barely Swedish and every time he spoke he stopped.  FML

Miles: https://www.masseurfinder.com/massage-therapists/17928/ Saw him when he was in Nashville for a race, completely disconnected experience, plus the room was freezing. Have read that perhaps he has gotten better, maybe CA has done him good.  Major disappointment because I really wanted to see him.

Marc: https://rentmasseur.com/MarcDylan Fatter than his old pics reflected, pressure was good, but I was just a number for the day.

 

 

[Lewis H]

2 hours ago, FLJock said:

My top Not-So-Wow masseurs, I'll give this a shot. 

Blu: https://rentmasseur.com/Bluwolf Was having bf problems and wouldn't STFU. To make matters worse massage was barely Swedish and every time he spoke he stopped.  FML

Oh wow. I remember when he was here in NY and I kept on getting FOMO yet I would never bite the bullet and hire him as I had lingering doubts.

[BigNoiseDallas]

I can recommend the following in Dallas. They all offer a great massage (IMHO) -- some are more deep tissue, some are more Swedish/relaxing, and each of them offer other positive aspects, depending on your needs. I can give you details in a private message. 

Dann -- Dallas Gay Massage - Male Masseurs for Men in TX - Masseurfinder

Ronnie -- Dallas Gay Massage - Male Masseurs for Men in TX - Masseurfinder (also on Rentmasseur as CowboyMagic)

Jeremy -- 

jerbeardallas on RentMasseur

RENTMASSEUR.COM

---

View my profile on RentMasseur.com

 

Fen -- 

Fen_Dallas on RentMasseur

RENTMASSEUR.COM

---

View my profile on RentMasseur.com

 

Carlos -- Dallas Gay Massage - Male Masseurs for Men in TX - Masseurfinder

Mark -- Dallas Gay Massage - Male Masseurs for Men in TX - Masseurfinder

I also have some on a "never again" list and will discuss those in a private message as well. Let me know!

[FLJock]

21 minutes ago, BigNoiseDallas said:

I can recommend the following in Dallas. They all offer a great massage (IMHO) -- some are more deep tissue, some are more Swedish/relaxing, and each of them offer other positive aspects, depending on your needs. I can give you details in a private message. 

Dann -- Dallas Gay Massage - Male Masseurs for Men in TX - Masseurfinder

Ronnie -- Dallas Gay Massage - Male Masseurs for Men in TX - Masseurfinder (also on Rentmasseur as CowboyMagic)

Jeremy -- 

jerbeardallas on RentMasseur

RENTMASSEUR.COM

---

View my profile on RentMasseur.com

 

Fen -- 

Fen_Dallas on RentMasseur

RENTMASSEUR.COM

---

View my profile on RentMasseur.com

 

Carlos -- Dallas Gay Massage - Male Masseurs for Men in TX - Masseurfinder

Mark -- Dallas Gay Massage - Male Masseurs for Men in TX - Masseurfinder

I also have some on a "never again" list and will discuss those in a private message as well. Let me know!

Thanks for the recs, but I think the post was for our Never Again list....unless I misread that.

[BigNoiseDallas]

4 minutes ago, FLJock said:

Thanks for the recs, but I think the post was for our Never Again list....unless I misread that.

You're correct -- I'm the one who had the comprehension issue, 🙄. I thought there was also an opportunity to discuss good masseurs. Sorry, men!

Edited August 14, 2023 by BigNoiseDallas

[+ Jamesp]

6 hours ago, BigNoiseDallas said:

You're correct -- I'm the one who had the comprehension issue, 🙄. I thought there was also an opportunity to discuss good masseurs. Sorry, men!

It's both one you recommend but more important one you say STAY AWAY out loud. I hope when someone finds this list, they can still PM you in future.

Edited August 15, 2023 by Jamesp

[BigNoiseDallas]

1 hour ago, Jamesp said:

It's both one you recommend but more important one you say STAY AWAY out loud. I hope when someone find this list, they can still PM you in future.

Yes, they can -- I keep all my positive and negative feedback where it's easily accessible to copy and paste!

[+ ButchAtl]

On 8/14/2023 at 2:43 PM, Lewis H said:

On 8/14/2023 at 2:43 PM, Lewis H said:

Blu: https://rentmasseur.com/Bluwolf Was having bf problems and wouldn't STFU. To make matters worse massage was barely Swedish and every time he spoke he stopped.  FML

Oh wow. I remember when he was here in NY and I kept on getting FOMO yet I would never bite the bullet and hire him as I had lingering doubts.

OK, I don't think I am familiar with these...STFU...FOMO.   Help please.

[mkm556]

STFU - shut the fuck up

FOMO - fear of missing out

[BeefyDude]

On 8/13/2023 at 3:24 PM, Jamesp said:

Time for a quick chat about finding the ultimate massage experience. We all dig a good-looking setup, sure, but let's not forget what really counts – the actual massage mojo!

If you've ever come across those eye-candy masseurs who can't rub two thoughts together, let's help each other out. Share your "not-so-wow" experiences, so we all steer clear of those not-so-legit rub-downs.

Whether it's a funny story or a serious heads-up, your insights can be a lifeline for someone seeking legit relaxation. This all about keeping it real, and that includes our massage game too!

Here are my first few:

Here is my terrible list from various places:

Alexo: https://www.masseurfinder.com/massage-therapists/45217/

Drake: https://rentmasseur.com/Fitdrake

 

Lukas: https://rentmasseur.com/LukasWilson

 

Do you have any

JamesP, great topic btw - thanks for posting

I liked when you said lets talk about what really counts - the actual massage

TOO many times I am looking for feedback and see reply. I get excited but then only to find someone posting about  his x/dick/ass pics and NOTHING about the massage at all - Disappointing

[CuriousByNature]

12 hours ago, ButchAtl said:

OK, I don't think I am familiar with these...STFU...FOMO.   Help please.

Thanks for asking.  I thought FOMO was a massage technique, maybe like Nuru... 🤣

[MoonshineAndMolly]

On 8/13/2023 at 3:24 PM, Jamesp said:

Lukas: https://rentmasseur.com/LukasWilson

 

Do you have any

I'll second this. He's a hard pass. 

He's using a slightly new name/new profile:  

LukeWilson on RentMasseur

RENTMASSEUR.COM

---

View my profile on RentMasseur.com

 

[MidwestGuy25]

I'll endorse the recommendation to stay away from Luke / Lukas Wilson - luckily I dodged a bullet, but only because he's a flake and a liar. Long story short: I was driving through Indy, booked a week in advance; Luke requested a morning slot, so I agreed to get a hotel the night before. The day before, I texted Luke twice requesting confirmation before I checked into my hotel - he confirmed just in time, otherwise I would have kept driving. The next morning, sure enough, he texts me 30 min before the appt to tell me that he's not even in Indy and he tries to pawn me off on a masseur without a web site or pics. No apology, just "here you go, you're welcome."  I'm sure the massage experience would have been as bad as the booking. Avoid him!

[+ Jamie21]

On 8/13/2023 at 8:24 PM, Jamesp said:

sure, but let's not forget what really counts – the actual massage mojo!

Exactly 👏

[Becket]

Recently I laid down on the table of a good looking muscle guy for a nice massage. About fifteen minutes in my stomach rumbled and I suddenly needed to fart. So I said, "Hey I need to fart, OK?" The response was something like, "OMG GO TO THE BATHROOM. HURRY!" It wasn't like I was gonna take a dump on his mother's oriental. I just needed to pass gas, then get back to the massage. His frantic response killed the mood so I just laid there and said I'm ok now. A few minutes later I said that was enough, thank you; got dressed, paid, and walked out the door. Weird experience all around.

[relax man]

4 hours ago, Becket said:

Recently I laid down on the table of a good looking muscle guy for a nice massage. About fifteen minutes in my stomach rumbled and I suddenly needed to fart. So I said, "Hey I need to fart, OK?" The response was something like, "OMG GO TO THE BATHROOM. HURRY!" It wasn't like I was gonna take a dump on his mother's oriental. I just needed to pass gas, then get back to the massage. His frantic response killed the mood so I just laid there and said I'm ok now. A few minutes later I said that was enough, thank you; got dressed, paid, and walked out the door. Weird experience all around.

I have no words.  No wait, yes I do.

You nasty.  You nasty and you lazy.  You could have just excused yourself and gone to the restroom, but you’re so entitled that you expected the masseur to just be totally ok with having to smell your fart.  And then you have the nerve to act like you’re the one who’s been wronged.

Seriously, you nasty.

[Shoedog112]

2 hours ago, relax man said:

I have no words.  No wait, yes I do.

You nasty.  You nasty and you lazy.  You could have just excused yourself and gone to the restroom, but you’re so entitled that you expected the masseur to just be totally ok with having to smell your fart.  And then you have the nerve to act like you’re the one who’s been wronged.

Seriously, you nasty.

OMG this response has me laughing out loud (but you’re not wrong 🤣🤣🤣)

[d.anders]

10 hours ago, relax man said:

You nasty.  You nasty and you lazy.

Fart shaming among gay men? Seriously? Show me a man who says he doesn't fart, and I'll show you a liar. Does anyone truly believe all their farts can be controlled? Delusional. Passing gas during a massage is about as natural as your nose stuffing up or running, or something unknown dripping from your cock. A good massage forces your body to release things. I have to believe 99.9% of men who actually get massage know the pain of trying to hold one in during a massage. I'm not suggesting anyone should have a Mexican lunch before their massage appointment. There are some things you can do to limit excessive gas, but there are no 100% guarantees. If there is a masseur who can't tolerate gas release during a massage, then I would suggest he find another career. Such ridiculousness is like entering a hospital and forbiding the smell of alcohol, or feces. Get real.

[Hot4latin]

3 hours ago, d.anders said:

I'm not suggesting anyone should have a Mexican lunch before their massage appointment.

Why you gotta hate on Mexican cooking?  🇲🇽 🤣

[relax man]

5 hours ago, d.anders said:

Fart shaming among gay men? Seriously? Show me a man who says he doesn't fart, and I'll show you a liar. Does anyone truly believe all their farts can be controlled? Delusional. Passing gas during a massage is about as natural as your nose stuffing up or running, or something unknown dripping from your cock. A good massage forces your body to release things. I have to believe 99.9% of men who actually get massage know the pain of trying to hold one in during a massage. I'm not suggesting anyone should have a Mexican lunch before their massage appointment. There are some things you can do to limit excessive gas, but there are no 100% guarantees. If there is a masseur who can't tolerate gas release during a massage, then I would suggest he find another career. Such ridiculousness is like entering a hospital and forbiding the smell of alcohol, or feces. Get real.

If you have time to casually announce that you’re going to cut the stilton, you have time to get up and use the restroom.  Nobody’s saying people don’t fart; just be respectful of other people.  It’s not your place to decide for others whether they should be ok with having to smell your rank internal organ odor.  Massage therapists didn’t sign up for that.

I’m still in total disbelief that the OP thinks it was the masseur’s reaction that killed the mood, and not his proclamation of flatulence.