d.anders Posted January 10 Share Posted January 10 23 minutes ago, relax man said: If you have time to casually announce that you’re going to cut the stilton, you have time to get up and use the restroom. I totally disagree. The mere act of "getting up" from the table could cause a sudden release, making the trip to the bathroom a precious waste of time. Furthermore, who on earth wants to jump off his table once his body is in the massage zone to take a bathroom break simply to release gas? I'm sorry, but after I turned 50, my body does things I never imagined it could. I'm sure the medications I now take are partly to blame, since I consider myself to be a healthy eater. The bottom line is I have control over almost nothing. Some days are great, while others are awful. If only I could schedule a no-fart day. Ridiculous to call this inconsiderate and nasty. Becket and Redwine56 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
d.anders Posted January 10 Share Posted January 10 (I wish I knew how to edit.) I should also add, I've never farted on the massage table, because I was able to clench my buttocks tight enough. The experience of having to fart was not enjoyable, and I'm sure the masseur could tell I was trying to avoid a release. He could feel my body tense up. I haven't had a massage since before Covid, so I'm dreadfully afraid to get on the table now. My clenching is no longer possible, so if my body wants to release gas, I won't be able to say no. What are we aging customers supposed to do? End our love of massage? Keep our money to ourselves? One fart is not the end of the world. I imagine farting is discussed in the massage training classes. Yes, serious massage therapists do sign up for this. No reasonable human being can control all aspects of the human body, especially when you are naked and lying down, and someone is applying deep pressure all over your body. Give me a break. Becket 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shoedog112 Posted January 11 Share Posted January 11 Well this topic thread took a turn. It kinda stinks. FLJock, Becket, sider and 9 others 1 3 1 7 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
viewing ownly Posted January 11 Share Posted January 11 The worst massage I'd ever had was so horrible, I think my brain tries to burn the memory of it to do me a favor, but here goes. The guy was out back hanging clothes on a clothes line when I got there. The house was filthy. A dog kept licking my fingers throughout. Then the masseur left, and I was hoping it was going to take the animal out of the room, but he went to - get this - get plastic wrap for putting over my penis to keep my ejaculation from making too much of a mess. If you've never had the feeling of material made for wrapping leftover food grinding over the tip of your manhood, consider yourself lucky. He quickly threw it away when I finished, but the dog used it's paw to knock over the trash and start to eat it! This is when I thought this must be what Hell is like if Hell is a nice place. + Vegas_Millennial, musclvr, Simon Suraci and 7 others 3 1 3 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LookingAround Posted January 11 Share Posted January 11 (edited) 16 hours ago, d.anders said: I totally disagree. The mere act of "getting up" from the table could cause a sudden release, making the trip to the bathroom a precious waste of time. Furthermore, who on earth wants to jump off his table once his body is in the massage zone to take a bathroom break simply to release gas? I'm sorry, but after I turned 50, my body does things I never imagined it could. I'm sure the medications I now take are partly to blame, since I consider myself to be a healthy eater. The bottom line is I have control over almost nothing. Some days are great, while others are awful. If only I could schedule a no-fart day. Ridiculous to call this inconsiderate and nasty. This is way off base. Yes I get your point but there’s a tone that being older absolves you of responsibility. I’m over 65 and to act as though I have no control over my body is absurd. I completely reject this. Edited January 11 by LookingAround Otterlybelievable, GHart, Shoedog112 and 3 others 2 3 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
d.anders Posted January 11 Share Posted January 11 10 minutes ago, LookingAround said: I’m over 65 and to act as though I have no control over my body is absurd. I completely reject this. I don't act as though I have no control. I do my best to project normalcy. But I know the truth. I am diabetic, and Metformin fucks with your digestive system in a horrendous way. For awhile I was in denial, but those years are behind me. I would love to reject my truth, but life doesn't work that way. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bluefin Posted January 11 Share Posted January 11 It’s always uncomfortable to have to hold in gas but eventually it passes. Of course it’s natural and unexpected farts happen. “Everybody Poops” as the book tells us. Ive had a therapist who’s unexpectedly farted before. It happens and we’re all mature enough to ignore it and move on. More frequently it’s masseurs that have either just eaten before or are hungry who then have growling stomachs. Much more annoying than a quick toot. lol Becket and Shoedog112 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ketut Posted January 11 Share Posted January 11 not all farts smell fart lives matter therapist lives matter client lives matter For the record, I've only farted once during a massage, but that was after the therapist's big fat Italian sausage worked me over and under. We both laughed and finished the massage. He was my regular for many years till I moved away. Further I agree with @Bluefin growling stomachs, mine or the therapist's are annoying. So are poorly manicured hands, smelly rooms (dog, cigarette, incense etc.) and paper sheets. Spiritualadvisor, + Vegas_Millennial, Shoedog112 and 2 others 3 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shoedog112 Posted January 12 Share Posted January 12 2 hours ago, ketut said: not all farts smell fart lives matter therapist lives matter client lives matter For the record, I've only farted once during a massage, but that was after the therapist's big fat Italian sausage worked me over and under. We both laughed and finished the massage. He was my regular for many years till I moved away. Further I agree with @Bluefin growling stomachs, mine or the therapist's are annoying. So are poorly manicured hands, smelly rooms (dog, cigarette, incense etc.) and paper sheets. I think that was just air releasing, not gas, based on your series of events 🤣 Dr.Daddy 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LookingAround Posted January 12 Share Posted January 12 14 hours ago, d.anders said: I don't act as though I have no control. I do my best to project normalcy. But I know the truth. I am diabetic, and Metformin fucks with your digestive system in a horrendous way. For awhile I was in denial, but those years are behind me. I would love to reject my truth, but life doesn't work that way. I’m on metformin too. Anyway we have different experiences of control of ourselves but I accept what you say of your experience. d.anders 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
d.anders Posted January 12 Share Posted January 12 (edited) 8 hours ago, LookingAround said: I’m on metformin too. Metformin is just one drug of many that I take, but I must never take it with another drug. Sadly, my body tends to reject metformin, but only on some days of the month. I can never plan or predict the awful side effects. Diabetes has killed my muscle tone. My ass is nothing of what it once was. When I think about all the years I spent in a gym working out, I want to cry. The last time I had a massage, the masseur got on top of me, not only to create body-to-body contact, but also to slide his erection between my oiled butt cheeks. As he glided back and forth, his hard cock entered my butt hole without any resistance or pain. That was a shock to me, and to him, since it wasn't his intention. Normally, I'm not a bottom, and I certainly don't want to have unprotected sex. No matter what I do, I can no longer clench my butt and expect it to be reliable. 8 hours ago, LookingAround said: we have different experiences I don't expect all others to share my exact woes, but I do want to speak out about my worries, especially to the ears of the therapists. I know I'm not alone. Farting on the massage table is a horror thought for me, and I want to figure out a way to avoid it, if possible. My doctors tell me to take Beeno, which I have tried. It's not fool proof. I'm scared I may never be able to get on the massage table again. Edited January 12 by d.anders I finally figured out how to edit. Dr.Daddy and Becket 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Becket Posted January 13 Share Posted January 13 On 1/9/2024 at 10:57 PM, relax man said: I have no words. No wait, yes I do. You nasty. You nasty and you lazy. You could have just excused yourself and gone to the restroom, but you’re so entitled that you expected the masseur to just be totally ok with having to smell your fart. And then you have the nerve to act like you’re the one who’s been wronged. Seriously, you nasty. Congratulations, @relax man. You're my first personal attack on this fine site! And we do frown upon insults and rudeness around here. But hey, you'll get remembered for something. Nasty, huh? Haven't been called that since I was nine years old and the maid saw that I tried to touch our German Shepherd's nut sack. But, to be fair, ole Rex sure did have a great pair of low hangers. Lazy? Guilty as charged. I love nothing more than to lay on the table and let the massage boy do all the work. What do I offer in the experience? O yea, money. Excuse oneself and go to the bathroom to fart? Well, can't say I've ever done that, whether naked or fully dressed; at a football game or in church. What, no left cheek sneaks allowed in your clan? I can't see myself taking on this habit. Geez, I'd be running back and forth to the bathroom all day long! You take my tale (or tail) too seriously methinks. This thread asked for "experiences or funny stories." I thought the whole thing was hilarious. My needing to fart on the table. Telling the guy I need to fart (instead of just letting it rip). And then him having a hissy fit at the thought of one of his clients ever needing to pass gas. It was an amusing moment, nothing more. Where you took it; insults, telling off, having the nerve....., acting like you've been wronged perhaps might have been a bit of an overreaction. (Kinda like my massage guy acted.) But that was my point. So let's all smile, lighten up, and help one another get through the day. No sense in being mean and insulting, unless of course that's all you know how to be. Ali Gator, Likes good stuff, + Socalguy and 5 others 4 1 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
soloyo215 Posted January 13 Share Posted January 13 I guess this thread just went down the drain over a fart. Like a fart, to me, that discussion has been released and dissolved in the air. So I'll try to get back to the original intend of this thread, which is about terrible, less that wow providers. In the past I posted about providers that gave me horrible experiences, but they are no longer advertising. Hopefully they are out of business. But I do want to mention my experience with this masseur, which, by the way, the massage was excellent. He was very skilled in that respect, but his behavior and the overall experience wasn't too professional. First, there was the music. He seem to have the free version of streaming music, and a few times while I was in "the zone", my happy place was disrupted by some loud car insurance commercial. That killed the mood twice. The second thing was it seems like he liked or something because he seemed to have some kind of excuse to touch or talk about my penis. At some point he rubbed the tip of my penis claiming that I was "leaking" (I wasn't, never been a pre-cum person, nor do I have any prostate issues, plus I am quite sure I'd knew if I wasn't). Then he talked about my penis twice, pretending that he was doing some kind of narrating while massaging me (I have experienced professional narrating during the massage before and it's been ok). After the massage, he started inquiring if I'm married, and invited me to happy hour at a bar where he hangs out. Nothing wrong with that, but his tone and body language was what came across to me as predatory. I felt more molested and relaxed afterwards, even though he is a skilled masseuse. So to me, good massage skills is only one thing that needs to be considered to have a good experience. All the other elements of the experience are as important. Redwine56 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bluefin Posted January 13 Share Posted January 13 I had a provider climb on top of me while I was face down to rub his chest on my back. Normally a fun element except he came on my back pretty quickly. Kinda hot I guess, except when I turned over he completed the massage in like 5 min and didn’t get me off. I mentioned something about leaving me with blue balls and he said he doesn’t give HE, and started getting dressed and cleaning up. 😂 + Socalguy, Likes good stuff, Shoedog112 and 4 others 3 2 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
d.anders Posted January 13 Share Posted January 13 3 hours ago, soloyo215 said: I'll try to get back to the original intend of this thread The thread is titled Massages: Keepin' It Real. Lots of room for varied stories and nuance, IMO. Shoedog112 and Bluefin 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
soloyo215 Posted January 14 Share Posted January 14 5 hours ago, d.anders said: The thread is titled Massages: Keepin' It Real. Lots of room for varied stories and nuance, IMO. Personal attacks and replies to them are not a "varies story and nuance". That is always unnecessary, even within the topic. I'm keeping it real myself. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted January 14 Share Posted January 14 Here's a few of my ones to avoid #1 https://www.masseurfinder.com/massage-therapists/1803/ - Never Again! #2 https://www.masseurfinder.com/massage-therapists/43769/ - Nice guy and very good looking - just a VERY weird experience. #3 AlexJennings on RentMasseur RENTMASSEUR.COM View my profile on RentMasseur.com - Very short on time. Quick rub & tug and out the door. #4 https://www.masseurfinder.com/massage-therapists/41777/ and his partner https://www.masseurfinder.com/massage-therapists/45723/ - my first 4 handed massage. It was neither therapeutic nor sensual. Huge waste of money. Would never recommend. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted January 14 Share Posted January 14 On 8/14/2023 at 2:47 PM, BigNoiseDallas said: Carlos -- Dallas Gay Massage - Male Masseurs for Men in TX - Masseurfinder So I’ll admit. Carlos gives a great massage and is an even better manscaper. I’ve seen him about six times. However he would not stop talking the entire time. And every time I see him he tells me the same exact stories. If you’re looking to relax it’s not with him. Also he’s a little pushy. I’m married and shy and he was a little pushy at the end with asking if I wanted add one. Which I really didn’t. I would definitely go back for manscaping but not if I wanted to relax with a massage. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ali Gator Posted January 14 Share Posted January 14 1 hour ago, questbear said: Here's a few of my ones to avoid #1 https://www.masseurfinder.com/massage-therapists/1803/ - Never Again! #2 https://www.masseurfinder.com/massage-therapists/43769/ - Nice guy and very good looking - just a VERY weird experience. #3 AlexJennings on RentMasseur RENTMASSEUR.COM View my profile on RentMasseur.com - Very short on time. Quick rub & tug and out the door. #4 https://www.masseurfinder.com/massage-therapists/41777/ and his partner https://www.masseurfinder.com/massage-therapists/45723/ - my first 4 handed massage. It was neither therapeutic nor sensual. Huge waste of money. Would never recommend. #4 and his partner travel to my area often. I've been tempted to make an appointment with the blond (the dark haired guy does nothing for me), but then something tells me not to. I'm glad I didn't. What was so wrong with the massage ? Now I'm curious. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted January 14 Share Posted January 14 2 minutes ago, Ali Gator said: #4 and his partner travel to my area often. I've been tempted to make an appointment with the blond (the dark haired guy does nothing for me), but then something tells me not to. I'm glad I didn't. What was so wrong with the massage ? Now I'm curious. There wasn't really much of a massage. They were not friendly. Just an overall disappointing experience. There are other threads that confirm this, too. I wish I had researched more carefully before taking the plunge - especially for a 4-handed. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spiritualadvisor Posted January 14 Share Posted January 14 15 hours ago, Becket said: What do I offer in the experience? O yea, money. Money AND farts! Just be fair though and give the guys a heads up: hey, you available? I want a massage. To be honest, I will probably fart in your face and if you don’t like it, I will just leave. And no, I don’t want to do it in the bathroom. It’s either in your face or I just leave! So yeah, I offer money and my stinky farts in your face. If you don’t like it, let me know and I will get someone who will. Btw, did you get to go all the way with old Rex at some point? 🤢🤮 Casual, Becket and + Italiano 1 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ali Gator Posted January 14 Share Posted January 14 11 minutes ago, questbear said: There wasn't really much of a massage. They were not friendly. Just an overall disappointing experience. There are other threads that confirm this, too. I wish I had researched more carefully before taking the plunge - especially for a 4-handed. Was it more having fun with the two of them than a massage ? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted January 14 Share Posted January 14 3 minutes ago, Ali Gator said: Was it more having fun with the two of them than a massage ? There was no fun with the two of them. I literally was face down on the corner of a bed. One was standing to my left and one was standing at my head. They were both just kind of spreading the oil around a bit. When I flipped over, I had to jerk myself off. They never touched each other. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shoedog112 Posted January 14 Share Posted January 14 2 hours ago, Ali Gator said: #4 and his partner travel to my area often. I've been tempted to make an appointment with the blond (the dark haired guy does nothing for me), but then something tells me not to. I'm glad I didn't. What was so wrong with the massage ? Now I'm curious. I’m curious too about Scott, the blond masseur (without his partner) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Dude Posted January 14 Share Posted January 14 (edited) 3 hours ago, questbear said: #1 https://www.masseurfinder.com/massage-therapists/1803/ - Never Again! This is one of those guys who travels every day. I have no idea how they have time to take appointments and make any money. Edited January 14 by The Dude Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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