Hiring Etiquette

[AZN_NYC]

I know that clients often complain about providers who are late, no show, flake etc.. but I want to share an experience recently from a client that I was really upset about. The client was a great one and we had met twice before, both was fun and pleasant, so I was very excited when he called again to set up a meeting a few days in advance of his trip to the city. We exchanged texts to make it hot and I have prepped it well before the session (edging to make myself super horny). I also declined/postponed several requests the day before we met just to make sure I am in the optimal stage for a good time. On the day of meeting, he sent text early in the morning telling me that he will keep me in the loop on when to meet as he have some meetings during the day. Then throughout the day he kept silence all the way and when I asked for an update, he just texted back several hours later that he is still having dinner with his counterparts. I was wasting the whole night waiting for him and ended up so upset as it was already midnight and no update from him. Then I texted him that if he want to postpone or cancel just let me know. Still no response. The next day he texted me back "sorry, I fell asleep"! I feel like a piece of "sh*t" being treated like this. I know this business is transactional sometime and I hate it when clients have no respect for providers' time. Just a simple message to cancel/postpone would be so much helpful. Clients like this make me feel like quitting. Maybe I am new to this so it hurts me more, I have seen providers putting the note in their ad that "only right now, no advanced appointment" and now I know why. Just ranting after a bad experience! 

[+ DynamicUno]

The client in this case was definitely inconsiderate and disrespectful of your time.  Business travelers often have events that run longer than expected, but he completely flaked on you and you lost out on potential earnings on his account..I would say you are within your rights to avoid meeting this client in the future or at minimum require a firm appointment as a condition for meeting.

Hopefully the clients who are more respectful of your time will outweigh the ones who aren't.

 

Edited June 14, 2023 by DynamicUno

[Jamie21]

Sorry to hear this.  But it’s not unusual in this line of work. I’ve had some clients (repeat clients not just first timers) ask if I’m free on a day and then once I confirm I’m available they say they’ll message me when they are ready but without committing to a firm booking. Sometimes it works out sometimes it doesn’t but I never ever turn away firm bookings or alter my plans to hang around waiting for the client to decide if he wants to go ahead.

Some people have an entitled attitude unfortunately and they expect you to jump if they decide they want to meet. Fortunately it’s not the majority.

When they message and say “still free? Can I book for 3pm” or whatever, I take pleasure in saying “oh sorry I’ve now got a booking”. If guys can’t plan their day why should I have my plans thrown into disarray? Organised clients get the booking. Disorganised clients can take their chances. 

You mentioned you’re new to this. Good luck to you! You’ll meet a lot of fantastic clients, really great people and you’ll get a lot of satisfaction from it but you might need to distance yourself from clients and how they behave towards you (both the good and the bad) otherwise it will burn you out. 

 

 

[justanoldguy]

I always book a couple of days beforehand and  indicate I'll confirm that day and they can give me their exact address then. I confirm that morning and again when I am on my way. I have been late once and gave him notice and asked if it was an issue that required a reschedule. 

On the other hand, I had a situation where a provider canceled on me twice at the last minute. Once I was traveling to Chicago and made a mid day appointment to see him. It was an incall as I told him I was staying with friends. He texted me a couple of days before to confirm. I reiterated I would text him when I arrived and get his address. When I got off the plane I had a text cancelling, saying he had houseguest he forgot about. 

Then he was traveling to LA, my home town and I thought I'd give him another chance. Same drill. That morning he cancelled, saying he had been up late the night before.  

[AZN_NYC]

19 minutes ago, justanoldguy said:

I always book a couple of days beforehand and  indicate I'll confirm that day and they can give me their exact address then. I confirm that morning and again when I am on my way. I have been late once and gave him notice and asked if it was an issue that required a reschedule. 

On the other hand, I had a situation where a provider canceled on me twice at the last minute. Once I was traveling to Chicago and made a mid day appointment to see him. It was an incall as I told him I was staying with friends. He texted me a couple of days before to confirm. I reiterated I would text him when I arrived and get his address. When I got off the plane I had a text cancelling, saying he had houseguest he forgot about. 

Then he was traveling to LA, my home town and I thought I'd give him another chance. Same drill. That morning he cancelled, saying he had been up late the night before.  

I am sorry to hear you had such a bad experience. Providers like this will not last long or maybe they are not serious with this gig to begin with. It is frustrating for anyone when last minute cancellation happened. However, a notification of cancellation, even though last minute, is still better than no communication at all. With client ghosting, providers are in a limbo not sure what to do and just waiting in frustration, it is even worse if this is for a repeat client. I have had experience with a client that shops around multiple providers when in the city and  make "tentative appointments" with multiple providers before choosing one. I know this because he cancelled on another provider but that provider did not receive the text so still appeared at the hotel room and it was an awkward situation.  From the client perspective, I understand why he did this, he properly had a lot of bad experiences with providers who cancel last minute and just want to optimize his chance of finding a good one with limited time in the trip. However, by cancelling on others, he is causing an issue of trust with the providers and I am sure he will not be an ideal client the next time he wants to book them. This gig is only fun when both parties treat each other with respect and not wasting time of each other. 

[Simon Suraci]

@AZN_NYC, in this biz the scenario you described happens ALL THE TIME. It’s particularly puzzling that you had two good prior encounters and then the client was so inconsiderate the third time. Knowing his double booking behavior, however, frankly I am unsurprised. This happens at times, even with good repeat clients, although less frequently than with first time clients. It’s like they treat us like garbage and expect us to be available on call, hot, fresh, and ready in 20 mins in the same way you order a pizza. Those clients can go to hell. I have no patience for it. I agree with @Jamie21’s approach, I handle a lot of it the same way he does.

When they do this, you can:

1) Refuse to see them again. Politely decline their requests. Explain -only if they insist on why- that they failed to meet their commitment last time, and failed to communicate, and that you won’t see them anymore.

You don’t need to explain how much it put you out, how it cost you other bookings, frustration, wasted your time, travel costs, etc. I feel all the same things you do, TRUST. But clients don’t give a shit about you, especially this guy, and others like him. He cares about himself only. He’s an asshole. Don’t tolerate working for assholes anymore. Save your breath too, because he will continue his bad behavior no matter what you say. Cut your losses and move on. Eventually you will develop a thicker skin to better weather situations like these. They will happen again. It’s unavoidable in this industry.

2) Or…require a sizeable deposit for that client next time, like 50%. Explain, if they insist, that they failed to meet their commitment last time, and failed to communicate, and that you will only see them if they send a deposit.

Many clients freak out and refuse to book when you require a deposit, and for good reason. Deposits are discussed ad nauseum in other threads so I won’t get into it that much here. Since you both have had successful meetings in the past, he should have every confidence that you will follow through on your commitment, not be a scammer, and not have the usual common concerns with sending deposits. If he refuses, there’s your answer. He’s clearly not serious enough to demonstrate in any meaningful way that he will fulfill his commitment to meet, or at the very least, communicate. He’s also not sorry he stood you up before either. If he was, this is his opportunity to make good. He will likely refuse and move on to the next guy he can mistreat and waste his time instead. That’s a client you don’t want, no matter how many successful past appointments you’ve had. Cut the cord. Force his hand so you can confidently move on and mentally refocus on the right clients and opportunities, and not let him continue to drain you emotionally.

Here on COM for the most part you get good clients who are more considerate and communicative than the average client. I’m sure nobody here in this forum is raising their hand saying “I’m the asshole!” and defending the types of bad behavior you described. Those clients are *usually* elsewhere, in the wild. This forum is an oasis of civilization. Out there, it’s pretty bleak. Work on that thick skin. I’m continuing to work on mine.

[KennF]

I see it from both angles.

Since you had successful meetings with the client, that is a positive note.  But this no show no communicate is a real negative note.

I guess it comes down to client-value.  If you feel this client still has value and you're okay dealing with occasional missed appointments, then factor that into your price.  You could say, the next meeting would be 150% of norm, or ask him for the missed appointment cost.  If he baulks, then you know his value better.

Or if you think the behavior is unacceptable, call him out on it.  You could say, while we had good meeting before, a no-show no-communication is not acceptable.

But the overall double booking is going to continue in the marketplace.  When setting things up via apps and texts, there is a time gap.  Since the working out of scheduling is never an easy item, you should expect clients to attempt double booking or tentative booking.  Just as I used to do as a service provider.  I used a reconfirm process to adjust things and make sure it never caused client issues.

[+ nycman]

This is the one scenario where I’d be cool with the escort asking for a deposit on the next booking. Although, if I had been the asshole client I would have already I sent you payment for the missed appointment and apologized profusely. Shit happens but a good client knows when they fucked up and they try to make it right. Since you’ve had good experiences with him in the past, I’d give him enough wiggle room to rebound. 

However, if he acts like nothing happened and he balks at a deposit, I’d walk. He’s an asshole and you’re not going to change that. 

[AZN_NYC]

41 minutes ago, nycman said:

This is the one scenario where I’d be cool with the escort asking for a deposit on the next booking. Although, if I had been the asshole client I would have already I sent you payment for the missed appointment and apologized profusely. Shit happens but a good client knows when they fucked up and they try to make it right. Since you’ve had good experiences with him in the past, I’d give him enough wiggle room to rebound. 

However, if he acts like nothing happened and he balks at a deposit, I’d walk. He’s an asshole and you’re not going to change that. 

I would not ask for a deposit but of course I do not feel like 100% the next time he asks for an appointment which is something he will lose FOREVER. I would take his request as simply an expression of interest and not a firm booking and would not go the extra mile to prepare for the appointment with said client. Once bitten twice shy, if he books me again and if I have nothing on that day, I would meet him,  but if I have other thing to do, his will not be prioritized. If this happens again, of course I would not want to see the client any more. I am kind of forgiving person and I understand sometime things happen, but the way he communicated just show that he did not have any respect to my time or me in general. 

[Shawn Monroe]

sorry that happened, a lot of us have been there. at this point i’m iffy on clients that have business dinners.

 

business almost always run late. just had a client earlier this week that got roped into one and it ran late. 

i ask them to let me know when dinner is over, but if it’s later than my cutoff time, i’ll  politely say we should meet another time. 

[marylander1940]

On 6/14/2023 at 9:46 AM, AZN_NYC said:

I know that clients often complain about providers who are late, no show, flake etc.. but I want to share an experience recently from a client that I was really upset about. The client was a great one and we had met twice before, both was fun and pleasant, so I was very excited when he called again to set up a meeting a few days in advance of his trip to the city. We exchanged texts to make it hot and I have prepped it well before the session (edging to make myself super horny). I also declined/postponed several requests the day before we met just to make sure I am in the optimal stage for a good time. On the day of meeting, he sent text early in the morning telling me that he will keep me in the loop on when to meet as he have some meetings during the day. Then throughout the day he kept silence all the way and when I asked for an update, he just texted back several hours later that he is still having dinner with his counterparts. I was wasting the whole night waiting for him and ended up so upset as it was already midnight and no update from him. Then I texted him that if he want to postpone or cancel just let me know. Still no response. The next day he texted me back "sorry, I fell asleep"! I feel like a piece of "sh*t" being treated like this. I know this business is transactional sometime and I hate it when clients have no respect for providers' time. Just a simple message to cancel/postpone would be so much helpful. Clients like this make me feel like quitting. Maybe I am new to this so it hurts me more, I have seen providers putting the note in their ad that "only right now, no advanced appointment" and now I know why. Just ranting after a bad experience! 

I'm sorry to hear that! There was certainly chemistry between the two of you, but I think he was playing games from the beginning. Almost all the time someone says he fell asleep is nothing but an easy way out. 

Believe me... the only surprising thing about this is the fact that you've already met him, don't get misbehaviors like this too personal they happen on a monthly basis and please don't write "only right now, no advanced appointment", be flexible. Some folks call at the moment while others schedule days ahead and unlike this guy keep their word. 

Never count your chickens before they hatch, if you have time to meet another client before someone who already booked you just do it. 

[marylander1940]

23 hours ago, AZN_NYC said:

I would not ask for a deposit but of course I do not feel like 100% the next time he asks for an appointment which is something he will lose FOREVER. I would take his request as simply an expression of interest and not a firm booking and would not go the extra mile to prepare for the appointment with said client. Once bitten twice shy, if he books me again and if I have nothing on that day, I would meet him,  but if I have other thing to do, his will not be prioritized. If this happens again, of course I would not want to see the client any more. I am kind of forgiving person and I understand sometime things happen, but the way he communicated just show that he did not have any respect to my time or me in general. 

next time certainly ask him for a deposit. 

I also know guys who would only see top clients if they send a deposit in order for them to take time to prepare as you indicated you did. 

[AZN_NYC]

1 hour ago, Shawn Monroe said:

sorry that happened, a lot of us have been there. at this point i’m iffy on clients that have business dinners.

 

business almost always run late. just had a client earlier this week that got roped into one and it ran late. 

i ask them to let me know when dinner is over, but if it’s later than my cutoff time, i’ll  politely say we should meet another time. 

How difficult is it to just text back that he cannot make it for the night so the provider can just move on or sleep early. If the client said something to not let me wait in limbo, then I would feel much better. However, I suspect that this client just shopped around providers or Grindr and then decide to move on with a new one instead of repeating with someone he already met. "Fell asleep" is just a lame excuse which makes me feel even worse. I have decided to block such client on RM and unless he texts me to apologize for his behavior, I won't see him again. I am not doing this solely for a living so losing a client like this is no big deal. 

[AZN_NYC]

41 minutes ago, marylander1940 said:

 

Never count your chickens before they hatch, if you have time to meet another client before someone who already booked you just do it. 

I agree wholeheartedly but I value quality than quantity so having a good client that you met before always trump meeting a totally new one.  I think what makes me feel bad is that despite having 2 good sessions earlier, this client still behaves like this. Maybe he thinks that all providers are just in for the money and therefore he can treat us whatever he likes as long as he pays. I am sure he will meet with many providers who are in for his deep pocket, but it would be very transactional and mechanical and for him to find someone truly take the effort to make it real fun, he needs to treat them with respect. I always believe in this business, it is to the client benefits to make the providers feel comfortable, you treat him good, and you get better session in return, otherwise you can just play with your toys instead. 

[AZN_NYC]

50 minutes ago, marylander1940 said:

I'm sorry to hear that! There was certainly chemistry between the two of you, but I think he was playing games from the beginning. Almost all the time someone says he fell asleep is nothing but an easy way out. 

Believe me... the only surprising thing about this is the fact that you've already met him, don't get misbehaviors like this too personal they happen on a monthly basis and please don't write "only right now, no advanced appointment", be flexible. Some folks call at the moment while others schedule days ahead and unlike this guy keep their word. 

Never count your chickens before they hatch, if you have time to meet another client before someone who already booked you just do it. 

I actually prefer advanced booking and hate last minute ones. How do you expect someone to be 100% ready in a few minutes, do you expect the same when you date in real life? Providers are human too and they need time to adjust and prepare before a session. I think if someone wants a good experience, advanced booking is still preferrable. I understand that sometime clients only book when the urge is high, in that case it depends if I am in a ready state to take the appointment, if I feel I am not ready then I would politely reject. 

[Jamie21]

I reject quite a lot of appointments because they’re last minute requests. I swear some people think I don’t do anything else except wait for their call! 

[Shawn Monroe]

3 hours ago, AZN_NYC said:

How difficult is it to just text back that he cannot make it for the night so the provider can just move on or sleep early. If the client said something to not let me wait in limbo, then I would feel much better. However, I suspect that this client just shopped around providers or Grindr and then decide to move on with a new one instead of repeating with someone he already met. "Fell asleep" is just a lame excuse which makes me feel even worse. I have decided to block such client on RM and unless he texts me to apologize for his behavior, I won't see him again. I am not doing this solely for a living so losing a client like this is no big deal. 

hey i’m not saying you’re wrong. common decency would be nice. but it’s often not afforded to us in this industry. even in this forum we get talked down to and talked over. 

the only thing i can say is to develop a thick skin so the next time this happens you won’t be as disappointed. 

and also to develop a contingency plan so when this happens again you’ll know what you want to do. 

[AZN_NYC]

1 hour ago, Shawn Monroe said:

hey i’m not saying you’re wrong. common decency would be nice. but it’s often not afforded to us in this industry. even in this forum we get talked down to and talked over. 

the only thing i can say is to develop a thick skin so the next time this happens you won’t be as disappointed. 

and also to develop a contingency plan so when this happens again you’ll know what you want to do. 

You are right, I will have to learn to develop a thick skin and protect myself from these nonsenses. It is also important to have a set of rules for moving on, like I am not waiting for hours, if you do not reply a request for update for more than 30 mins then the meeting is cancelled. If you delay the meeting for more than an hour then it is cancelled. If you miss appointments twice then you are not welcomed any more. 

[KennF]

On 6/15/2023 at 6:28 PM, AZN_NYC said:

. I am kind of forgiving person and I understand sometime things happen, but the way he communicated just show that he did not have any respect to my time or me in general. 

I actually have more forgiveness for the overslept part.  Less so for the not immediately apologizing and offering compensation. 

We all make mistakes and it's about what we do after the mistake happens.  It's why I wouldn't write the client off immediately but would be more guarded on the next time. And look for some way to get compensated  either in money or in clarifying the boundaries..

[AZN_NYC]

1 hour ago, KennF said:

I actually have more forgiveness for the overslept part.  Less so for the not immediately apologizing and offering compensation. 

We all make mistakes and it's about what we do after the mistake happens.  It's why I wouldn't write the client off immediately but would be more guarded on the next time. And look for some way to get compensated  either in money or in clarifying the boundaries..

If it is really oversleeping then I would not have any problem with that. However, anyone can see this is just a lame excuse to get out. Between ending of business dinner and walking back to hotel, there are plenty of time to send a simple text replying my request for update but instead he chose to be radio silence and only send a short message "I fell asleep" the next day. A bit more context, the previous 2 meetings were good but same pattern. Meeting was set in early afternoon but only happened late at night. But they did happen though, unlike this time. I also replied to him that I am not happy he stood me up as I have spent time preparing for it and was also worried if anything happened to him since we texted a lot before the day of appointment but he suddenly stopped. His one word reply "Bummer" shows lack of sympathy and at this point I decided to write him off. 

[+ DynamicUno]

13 minutes ago, AZN_NYC said:

If it is really oversleeping then I would not have any problem with that. However, anyone can see this is just a lame excuse to get out. Between ending of business dinner and walking back to hotel, there are plenty of time to send a simple text replying my request for update but instead he chose to be radio silence and only send a short message "I fell asleep" the next day. A bit more context, the previous 2 meetings were good but same pattern. Meeting was set in early afternoon but only happened late at night. But they did happen though, unlike this time. I also replied to him that I am not happy he stood me up as I have spent time preparing for it and was also worried if anything happened to him since we texted a lot before the day of appointment but he suddenly stopped. His one word reply "Bummer" shows lack of sympathy and at this point I decided to write him off. 

That's unfortunate, he took your time for granted and didn't care for you telling him that.  I'd say if he ever tried to set up something again, simply say you're not available if you don't want to see him again. No need to explain to him further or set any conditions, you don't owe him that.  Make it easy for yourself and put your attention on clients who will make the effort to keep a meeting or let you know what's going on if things don't work out to plan.

 

[TorontoDrew]

I had one claiming he overslept by three hours and my appointment was at noon.  How late was he up to sleep until 3.  Seems irresponsible if he had a noon booking.

[KennF]

13 hours ago, AZN_NYC said:

If it is really oversleeping then I would not have any problem with that. However, anyone can see this is just a lame excuse to get out. Between ending of business dinner and walking back to hotel, there are plenty of time to send a simple text replying my request for update but instead he chose to be radio silence and only send a short message "I fell asleep" the next day. A bit more context, the previous 2 meetings were good but same pattern. Meeting was set in early afternoon but only happened late at night. But they did happen though, unlike this time. I also replied to him that I am not happy he stood me up as I have spent time preparing for it and was also worried if anything happened to him since we texted a lot before the day of appointment but he suddenly stopped. His one word reply "Bummer" shows lack of sympathy and at this point I decided to write him off. 

Ah.. yeah... th3n 8t is a lame exuse...option b

Good for you