Jump to content

Do you think being in the biz makes it harder to make/maintain friendships?


This topic is 745 days old and is no longer open for new replies.  Replies are automatically disabled after two years of inactivity.  Please create a new topic instead of posting here.  

Recommended Posts

I’ve been in sort of a quandary with this lately. Sure it’s come up before, but for 2022 it needs to be discussed again lol.

Over the past couple/few months I’ve really hit rock bottom as far as my social life goes.  I literally have no “nearby” friend circle and the ones I do have are out of state who I see maybe every couple or so months. I’ve pretty much given up on the dating circuit because all it seems are people with potential who end up not panning out. I’ve already had like 4-5 dead end “dating” situations since the summer. 
 

Sometimes I can’t always see where escorting may have a direct effect on any of those situations, considering the guys really weren’t all that perfect themselves (either rude, judgey, or not really serious about anyone long term). But, I do feel like the nature of the biz doesn’t naturally let us meet people in a platonic environment. 
 

I had a guy last month who met me as a client awhile back, but we agreed to meet “off clock” because there was a mutual attraction established. But that quickly dissipated on my end because he invited me to a hotel where he was snowed in with his airport co-workers, and couldn’t even have the decency to be seen anywhere in the common areas with me…because he “didn’t want his co-workers asking questions”. 
 

It’s things like that which really give off a disrespectful vibe to me. I also cultivated friendship with another client, but anytime we hung out, it was always under his (and his partner’s) schedule. Eventually that lead to a fallout, and even though we’re on better terms, we haven’t hung out since Labor Day weekend.

Another client friend told me about Facebook gay men’s social, but I kinda tried those types of meetup groups, and it doesn’t work for me. I don’t like to be around too many random “personalities” without a real purpose of meeting. To me it still feels like being on Adam4Adam or Grindr, but just with a little extra engagement. Not really into it. 
 

How have other guys adjusted or make it work in favor? I’ll also mention that, most of my local “friends” are (single, not married) clients now. I’ll hang with them off clock and every now and then they’ll want to book me and it’s fun. However, most are a bit older than me, and sometimes the difference in “energy” (many clients also don’t like to go to bars, happy hours, or the latest gay club events. And that’s been a big part of my social life and meeting others) makes it to where I can’t hang with them “every” weekend kind of way.

Edited by Jarrod_Uncut
Link to comment
Share on other sites

For me, no.

My close friends are well aware of what I do and don't really bring it up.  It's not a hot topic of conversation, as they know it's a wholly personal line of work and none of their damned business.

We function like friends should.  We travel together.  We braid each other's hair.

I'm a human being to them, not a hooker.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Not for me. I don’t think it makes much difference. I found making friends difficult before doing this work and it’s the same now that I do sex work. I have a small group of close friends some of whom know what I do and a couple who don’t know the full details (although they know a little). It doesn’t impact the friendship.

Making new friends is always difficult for me and I guess there’s a concern over them being critical of what I do for work. But generally I’ve not found people to be disapproving of it, actually they’re usually intrigued and interested. I guess it depends on the social circles that you move in and mine generally tends to be with more liberal minded people generally anyway. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

2 hours ago, italianboyph said:

Not at all. If they’re truly your friends no judgement would be placed on you for doing your own thing. Also, not everyone needs to know every detail of one’s personal life either. 

I think there may need to be some “clarifying” of the topic. For me, it’s gotten to a point where I haven’t even really been able to meet friends. Most everyone I meet now is from a hookup app, client or the very occasional bar guy. But it always seems that: if it’s not mutual sexual attraction, it’s nothing. Or, if we do meet and there’s mutual attraction, the friendship is over soon as things don’t seem able to pan out or they too fucking lazy to put any effort in making things work.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

8 hours ago, Jarrod_Uncut said:

I think there may need to be some “clarifying” of the topic. For me, it’s gotten to a point where I haven’t even really been able to meet friends. Most everyone I meet now is from a hookup app, client or the very occasional bar guy. But it always seems that: if it’s not mutual sexual attraction, it’s nothing. Or, if we do meet and there’s mutual attraction, the friendship is over soon as things don’t seem able to pan out or they too fucking lazy to put any effort in making things work.

Would that have to do with being in the biz though or just guys are hard to connect with as a whole? 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

On 3/3/2022 at 5:36 AM, italianboyph said:

Would that have to do with being in the biz though or just guys are hard to connect with as a whole? 

Well, yah I’m referring to it as a whole…not necessarily a by product of being in the industry. That said: I’ve been fortunate to be able to leave my state and go to an area I used to live. And I had 2 movie dates in a weekend (one an old friend and another a former hookup buddy/former masseur himself that we reconnected  into a date finally). 
 

So, that’s a good sign overall. I’m just going to continue diversifying and working new markets overall. I’ve often found friends just by doing that. Sometimes the irony is, when a place sucks for biz, it usually sucks for making connections too. But a place like Miami that’s not the best for business, it is good for making friends/hookup buddies (actually it isn’t, there’s just more people to choose from to give the illusion that you’re making friends, but a lot of those guys are flighty and pretentious down there). 
 

Being you’re in Fort Lauderdale I’m sure you get my drift.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Maybe what you're getting at, @Jarrod_Uncut, is a sort of "opportunity cost" of chances to make friends. As in, could it be that if someone is escorting, does that come at the expense of another occupation that would result in them meeting more people?

I think there's something to it. What we do is unique in that we have virtually no "coworkers" that we see on a regular basis, unless you are an absolute god at attracting doubles bookings. If any of you are, please teach me your secrets. 

But the flipside is that the flexibility of the  escorting lifestyle allows lots of opportunities to prioritize personal relationships. I think we just have to be deliberate about it. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Gee whiz, Jarrod. You have been posting a variation of this question for several years now, generally restating problems with on the clock/off the clock and messy spillover between friends, dates, fuck-buddies and clients…and somehow whichever they are, it’s always their fault for not being the right one. 
There hasn’t been this much uncut drama since The Irishman. 😂

 

 

 

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

On 3/9/2022 at 9:56 AM, Jarrod_Uncut said:

Well, yah I’m referring to it as a whole…not necessarily a by product of being in the industry. That said: I’ve been fortunate to be able to leave my state and go to an area I used to live. And I had 2 movie dates in a weekend (one an old friend and another a former hookup buddy/former masseur himself that we reconnected  into a date finally). 
 

So, that’s a good sign overall. I’m just going to continue diversifying and working new markets overall. I’ve often found friends just by doing that. Sometimes the irony is, when a place sucks for biz, it usually sucks for making connections too. But a place like Miami that’s not the best for business, it is good for making friends/hookup buddies (actually it isn’t, there’s just more people to choose from to give the illusion that you’re making friends, but a lot of those guys are flighty and pretentious down there). 
 

Being you’re in Fort Lauderdale I’m sure you get my drift.

I guess it just depends, cause bud can be good in a city and it might be still harder to connect with people. Yeah biz is never good in Fort Lauderdale.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

On 3/10/2022 at 10:33 AM, jeezifonly said:

Gee whiz, Jarrod. You have been posting a variation of this question for several years now, generally restating problems with on the clock/off the clock and messy spillover between friends, dates, fuck-buddies and clients…and somehow whichever they are, it’s always their fault for not being the right one. 
There hasn’t been this much uncut drama since The Irishman. 😂

 

 

 

 

Well clearly you seem entertained. Lol. 
 

Your perception of this discussion is a bit skewed. Whenever I hear someone referring to something as “fault” that insinuates a false sense of guilt or blame. I’m not blaming anyone for anything. I’m just discussing a dynamic. 

Fault is why Dems and Repubs can’t get along. I’m not fault finding anyone. Get it straight.

 

That said; I think my living in KC and St. Louis (both very cliquey places where you really have to grow up there to really develop a friend circle) for the past couples months have been making me slightly delusional. I came back to a city I used to live (Denver) and last night I had a blast with my former friends and his friends. But that was 5-6 years living in a city versus just 2. 
 

I also hear more that once you get past 30, it just becomes harder to make friends anyway. I know that applies moreso to straights than gays (a city like Palm Springs you have guys in 40s, 50s and 60s who still “hangout” simply because there’s less emphasis to stay home and be a “working dad” so to speak). 

Edited by Jarrod_Uncut
Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.
×
×
  • Create New...