He Could Not Perform

[+ keroscenefire]

I'd reiterate, in agreement, what I said in a prior post: clients ARE paying for TIME even if the intent and understanding of both parties is that the time will include certain activities. Part of what clients pay for is the time that the escort blocks out to prepare, travel or set up his location, etc. The time he commits to prepare for, travel to and from, and spend with the client is time he cannot spend on other things or with other clients.

 

I agree, even though I feel bad for the OP. I do think the escort didn't do a great job in this situation and it really is an unfortunate introduction to what can be a fun and fulfilling experience. But I still think the escort should be paid in full in the circumstances described, which I guess was his question.

[+ MakeMeCowboy]

Do you bring the same brand of charm and warmth to your interpersonal encounters with escorts? Perhaps that's the disconnect.

I keep a healthy stable of professional providers who deliver on their promises and advertisement. I've also had my fair share of those who try to pull the Tuna Hustle. Regardless, I always pay.

 

People are never robots. I need to do certain things to maintain my level of work performance or risk getting fired. I eat well, exercise, get sufficient rest, etc. and drink coffee when I need a lift. We expect the same from you. Preparation drives performance... if you're not doing the preparation to perform then you're less than a professional and probably in the wrong profession.

[former lurker]

I keep a healthy stable of professional providers who deliver on their promises and advertisement. I've also had my fair share of those who try to pull the Tuna Hustle. Regardless, I always pay.

 

People are never robots. I need to do certain things to maintain my level of work performance or risk getting fired. I eat well, exercise, get sufficient rest, etc. and drink coffee when I need a lift. We expect the same from you. Preparation drives performance... if you're not doing the preparation to perform then you're less than a professional and probably in the wrong profession.

 

I agree, but there's some differences between the time to prepare for an escort/client meeting, travel, meet, etc., and the general maintenance of maintaining good health, one's physique, etc. In my profession, we bill for our time. My costs to buy appropriate clothing, take care of my health, maintainin currency in my field through reading and ongoing coursework, membership in professional associations, and transportation to an from work. My clients are billed for my time to work on their behalf, to travel to and from locations to do so, etc. And they are billed for that time if they cancel the meeting I've flown to attend, or if the work I performed doesn't achieve the hoped for result.

 

Maybe the difference in our emphasis boils down to a distinction between hiring a professional for a service versus buying a product based on an advertised function. If it's the former, you're paying for preparation, attendance and best efforts. If the latter, your paying for a functionality.

 

Consider this: if an escort presented an ala carte menu of activities each separately priced plus a basic fee for more basic services, it would be perfectly appropriate to not pay for the activity he couldn't deliver. But most of us clients don't want encounters like that -- we want a "session" that reflects the "preferences" discussed beforehand and is adapted to us during the time we spend with the escort.

[Rod Hagen]

People are never robots. I need to do certain things to maintain my level of work performance or risk getting fired. I eat well, exercise, get sufficient rest, etc. and drink coffee when I need a lift. We expect the same from you. Preparation drives performance... if you're not doing the preparation to perform then you're less than a professional and probably in the wrong profession.

 

Ha. You said that people are never robots and when on to say that if the parts ever don't work we should quit.

 

I'm not taking medication for a medical problem I don't have just because you or someone else who measures the success of a session along just ONE thing, might come by on one of my very very rare human days, and I don't think other escorts should feel threatened into doing so either.

[Rod Hagen]

Maybe the difference in our emphasis boils down to a distinction between hiring a professional for a service versus buying a product based on an advertised function. If it's the former, you're paying for preparation, attendance and best efforts. If the latter, your paying for a functionality.

 

I think it's simpler than that. He, and others, see our ads wherein we sport hardons. Those hardons are alluring. They book an appointment and spend the interim thinking and drooling :-) about those hardons. The day comes, Unfortunately, the hardon does not show up OR doesn't last as long as they hoped and dreamed And so, for them the session is poisoned.

 

You, F. Lurker, see a whole person, and if in the rare instance one part of that person is shy on the day of the appointment, you do your best to find other things to enjoy about the experience. Maybe you do this because you are a compassionate person or because you prefer to protect your own psyche and keep a general good mood, which to some seems pollyannaish but it works for you.

 

Clearly others see it as false advertising, the Big Mac in the package not looking at all like the Big Mac in the photo. It happens. It sucks.

[former lurker]

I think it's simpler than that. He, and others, see our ads wherein we sport hardons. Those hardons are alluring. They book an appointment and spend the interim thinking and drooling about those hardons. The day comes, Unfortunately, the hardon does not show up OR doesn't last as long as they hoped and dreamed And so, for them the session is poisoned.

 

You, F. Lurker, see a whole person, and if in the rare instance one part of that person is shy on the day of the appointment, you do your best to find other things to enjoy about the experience. Maybe you do this because you are a compassionate person or because you prefer to protect your own psyche and keep a general good mood, which to some seems pollyannaish but it works for you.

 

Clearly others see it as false advertising, the Big Mac in the package not looking at all like the Big Mac in the photo. It happens. It sucks.

 

Thanks for the insights. Part of what makes human interactions as rich and complex as they are is being exposed to people who have different experiences, backgrounds and perspectives. Listening works wonders.

[Rod Hagen]

Thanks for the insights. Part of what makes human interactions as rich and complex as they are is being exposed to people who have different experiences, backgrounds and perspectives. Listening works wonders.

 

When you suggested in your earlier posts that the person who had the bad hire seek mental health counseling (basically that's what you were saying) you have to understand that it is very easy to infer you are suggesting it's his fault (entirely). Of course, that's not what you implied, or intended to imply, but it isn't an unreasonable inference.

 

Additionally, when you suggest someone seek Mental health counseling, it's very easy for them to hear you're saying that there's something wrong with them.

 

What I laid out in the earlier post, that you and folks like you are able to spin shit into gold, it's important to point out that that skill does not come easily. Most people are only able to turn a bad situation into good, or good enough, with the help of the kind of insight that almost only comes from Mental Health Counseling, and so if you had put things in terms of hoping that the original poster learn some life-long and life-altering skills from a professional it may have gone better, or at least you would have covered your ass.

[former lurker]

When you suggested in your earlier posts that the person who had the bad hire seek mental health counseling (basically that's what you were saying) you have to understand that it is very easy to infer you are suggesting it's his fault (entirely). Of course, that's not what you implied, or intended to imply, but it isn't an unreasonable inference.

 

Additionally, when you suggest someone seek Mental health counseling, it's very easy for them to hear you're saying that there's something wrong with them.

 

What I laid out in the earlier post, that you and folks like you are able to spin shit into gold, it's important to point out that that skill does not come easily. Most people are only able to turn a bad situation into good, or good enough, with the help of the kind of insight that almost only comes from Mental Health Counseling, and so if you had put things in terms of hoping that the original poster learn some life-long and life-altering skills from a professional it may have gone better, or at least you would have covered your ass.

 

I came to understand how my suggestion sounded, especially to the OP, after he responded to it. I'm not suggesting that the situation was his "fault", and certainly not entirely his fault. Rather, my point was that he brought certain self-image issues to the encounter and that what transpired fed into those issues and caused him distress. I am not a therapist (although I have a number of close relatives who either are therapists or have benefited from therapy) and so I shouldn't have made what sounding like a cavalier comment as a post on an open forum. My instinct was to be helpful by suggesting that the OP would benefit from tackling whatever led him to be vulnerable and to be so affected by a disappointing escort experience. But my intentions aside, I can see how it sounded to the OP. If I could go back in time, I would have omitted some of what I said on the forum and perhaps written to the OP in a DM.

 

I don't consider therapy to be a stamp of shame or an indication that the therapy client has something wrong with him. It's a form of treatment that can be helpful with any number of obstacles one may be facing. Some use therapy to overcome addictions. Some use it to develop better interpersonal skills and understandings. Some use it in combination with other forms of treatments to deal with, for example, bi polar disorder (as an Uncle of mine did). My brother resisted therapy when he clearly needed it and ended up taking his own life. My Uncle used therapy to deflect the need for medication until the therapy helped him realize he needed the medication. My brother died before he turned 60 in a year when his only son was set to marry, and our father was clinging to life with stage 4 kidney failure. My Uncle lived to 87 and succumbed to cancer earlier this year. Still, I recognize that being told to seek therapy strikes you one way, while coming to that conclusion yourself has a much different impact. Ultimately, we all have to figure out what works best for us.

 

So, I didn't mean to come off as flippant and apologized if that's how it did come off. I do think a lot of us could benefit from introspection and the assistance of professional therapy. I don't want to make it about the OP, although that's what prompted all of this. Do I think he could benefit from therapy? Yeah, but I don't know anything about him other than what he wrote here so my impression is based on very limited information. More to the point, in my experience, therapy is something the patient has to believe will be helpful to work. There are cases where people are committed or court ordered to be in therapy. Some of those situations turn out well. Most don't change anything, at least without further incidents and further consequences causing a course correction.

 

If the OP can benefit from counseling/therapy, I hope he opts to avail himself of that option. If he doesn't perceive a need or benefit, and finds it offensive to have some stranger suggest it in a public forum about escorts and clients, I completely get that, too. It's his life and he should live it the way that makes sense to him.

 

Now, as far as how all of this impacts the escort-client dynamic, I suspect that a lot of the best escorts have a good deal of empathy for their clients and do their best to make them feel good about themselves and the experience. But that doesn't guarantee an erection for x amount of time, and if the lack of an erection is perceived by the client as a rejection, what's the best response? I tend to favor self awareness and introspection, perhaps to a fault at times. The encounter was a snapshot. The OP's life is ongoing, and he will figure this all out in his own way on his own schedule with or without the assistant of a professional. Or he won't. If he and I were close IRL, I'd look for opportunities to figure out what would be in his interest and how to encourage him to pursue that path. But we're not, I'm limited in what I know, and my advice apparently came off as judgmental rather than productive encouragement.

[Imathrill]

I came to understand how my suggestion sounded, especially to the OP, after he responded to it. I'm not suggesting that the situation was his "fault", and certainly not entirely his fault. Rather, my point was that he brought certain self-image issues to the encounter and that what transpired fed into those issues and caused him distress. I am not a therapist (although I have a number of close relatives who either are therapists or have benefited from therapy) and so I shouldn't have made what sounding like a cavalier comment as a post on an open forum. My instinct was to be helpful by suggesting that the OP would benefit from tackling whatever led him to be vulnerable and to be so affected by a disappointing escort experience. But my intentions aside, I can see how it sounded to the OP. If I could go back in time, I would have omitted some of what I said on the forum and perhaps written to the OP in a DM.

 

I don't consider therapy to be a stamp of shame or an indication that the therapy client has something wrong with him. It's a form of treatment that can be helpful with any number of obstacles one may be facing. Some use therapy to overcome addictions. Some use it to develop better interpersonal skills and understandings. Some use it in combination with other forms of treatments to deal with, for example, bi polar disorder (as an Uncle of mine did). My brother resisted therapy when he clearly needed it and ended up taking his own life. My Uncle used therapy to deflect the need for medication until the therapy helped him realize he needed the medication. My brother died before he turned 60 in a year when his only son was set to marry, and our father was clinging to life with stage 4 kidney failure. My Uncle lived to 87 and succumbed to cancer earlier this year. Still, I recognize that being told to seek therapy strikes you one way, while coming to that conclusion yourself has a much different impact. Ultimately, we all have to figure out what works best for us.

 

So, I didn't mean to come off as flippant and apologized if that's how it did come off. I do think a lot of us could benefit from introspection and the assistance of professional therapy. I don't want to make it about the OP, although that's what prompted all of this. Do I think he could benefit from therapy? Yeah, but I don't know anything about him other than what he wrote here so my impression is based on very limited information. More to the point, in my experience, therapy is something the patient has to believe will be helpful to work. There are cases where people are committed or court ordered to be in therapy. Some of those situations turn out well. Most don't change anything, at least without further incidents and further consequences causing a course correction.

 

If the OP can benefit from counseling/therapy, I hope he opts to avail himself of that option. If he doesn't perceive a need or benefit, and finds it offensive to have some stranger suggest it in a public forum about escorts and clients, I completely get that, too. It's his life and he should live it the way that makes sense to him.

 

Now, as far as how all of this impacts the escort-client dynamic, I suspect that a lot of the best escorts have a good deal of empathy for their clients and do their best to make them feel good about themselves and the experience. But that doesn't guarantee an erection for x amount of time, and if the lack of an erection is perceived by the client as a rejection, what's the best response? I tend to favor self awareness and introspection, perhaps to a fault at times. The encounter was a snapshot. The OP's life is ongoing, and he will figure this all out in his own way on his own schedule with or without the assistant of a professional. Or he won't. If he and I were close IRL, I'd look for opportunities to figure out what would be in his interest and how to encourage him to pursue that path. But we're not, I'm limited in what I know, and my advice apparently came off as judgmental rather than productive encouragement.

I greatly appreciate you explaining your earlier remarks. At first I did feel personally attacked by your comments, but I whole-heartedly agree with you about therapy. It was through my therapist that I came to the decision that hiring an escort to fulfill a fantasy did not make me desperate or less than, and it will be through my therapist that I will work through the failed experience ? When I posted this, I was looking for a simple yes or no, but I’ve gained so much more knowledge about client expectations. I now believe my escort did everything right by me, possibly above and beyond. That already makes me feel much more at ease. I’m sure had I listened to him and stayed, we could have worked through it. However, just as he is human and could not finish the deed, I acted human and let my emotions take over in that moment. While it’s a shame he and I will probably never get to make up that session, I have removed my negative review, as I was getting several DMs about my review and I do not wish to cost him business. I’ll be seeing my favorite masseur this weekend and with time will start to seek out a new escort to live out my fantasy...with new expectations.

[former lurker]

I greatly appreciate you explaining your earlier remarks. At first I did feel personally attacked by your comments, but I whole-heartedly agree with you about therapy. It was through my therapist that I came to the decision that hiring an escort to fulfill a fantasy did not make me desperate or less than, and it will be through my therapist that I will work through the failed experience ? When I posted this, I was looking for a simple yes or no, but I’ve gained so much more knowledge about client expectations. I now believe my escort did everything right by me, possibly above and beyond. That already makes me feel much more at ease. I’m sure had I listened to him and stayed, we could have worked through it. However, just as he is human and could not finish the deed, I acted human and let my emotions take over in that moment. While it’s a shame he and I will probably never get to make up that session, I have removed my negative review, as I was getting several DMs about my review and I do not wish to cost him business. I’ll be seeing my favorite masseur this weekend and with time will start to seek out a new escort to live out my fantasy...with new expectations.

 

I'm so glad to read that you are working productively toward your goals! As I'm sure you'd agree, it's trite but true that we can't control everything that happens to us but we can control how we understand and react. It can be empowering to do that. And from what you've said, it's clear you have approached this entire situation with care, thoughtfulness and integrity. That alone would make you incredibly lovable and attractive to many, many, many people.

 

Onward and upward!

[Rod Hagen]

it's trite but true that we can't control everything that happens to us but we can control how we understand and react.

 

It's very true, and I also wish there were a way to tell that to people without the potential for it being interpreted as removing or unfairly distributing responsibility/blame.

 

FL I am very sorry you lost your brother in such a painful way. That's terrible.

 

IMATHRILL I think you made a reasonable and compassionate choice to remove the negative reviews. I hope you get a big fat hard dick next time.

 

MakeMeCowboy I can imagine you shaking your head right now :-) Maybe holding it in your hands and saying, "What is wrong with these people?" Ha

[former lurker]

It's very true, and I also wish there were a way to tell that to people without the potential for it being interpreted as removing or unfairly distributing responsibility/blame.

 

FL I am very sorry you lost your brother in such a painful way. That's terrible.

 

IMATHRILL I think you made a reasonable and compassionate choice to remove the negative reviews. I hope you get a big fat hard dick next time.

 

MakeMeCowboy I can imagine you shaking your head right now Maybe holding it in your hands and saying, "What is wrong with these people?" Ha

 

Rod, thank you. It was a difficult loss, and one that kept coming back over and again after my father's death and then my mother's. While they were still alive, my focus was on caring for them and shielding them, as much as possible, from the pain of their loss. Once they passed, and I was no longer pushing aside my own sense of loss to focus on them, it hit me again. And suicide leaves so many overlapping emotions. Fortunately, his son was engaged at the time and married that year. His wife and her family are wonderful and have helped, along with me and my family, to fill the void but he was especially close to his father. Now, every happy occasion such as the birth of my nephew's two sons is tinged with a bit of sadness for me because I can't help but think of all my brother is missing.

 

But life requires us to live. And although it's not a salve, I enjoy the occasional big fat hard dick myself, lol.

 

Again, thanks for your kind thoughts.

[+ MakeMeCowboy]

MakeMeCowboy I can imagine you shaking your head right now Maybe holding it in your hands and saying, "What is wrong with these people?" Ha

We all learned a little something. And wishing the OP the very best.

[Rod Hagen]

To me, it depends on whether you can safely pay less for not receiving the services promised. I've had this happen to me several times, although it was the bottom who couldn't perform for me, the top. The first time took me by surprise and I had hired this guy for 3 hours. I had planned to have a relaxing encounter but things turned quickly as he said he "didn't feel up to bottoming". I was disappointed, of course. We spent the 3 hours (maybe just the last 2 hours) trying other things but the mood was spoiled. Since it was the first time for that to happen with me, I paid in full, albeit reluctantly.

 

Ok, for some reason I can't let this thread rest. If you were looking for something specific, and it was a multiple hour appointment and it became clear toward the beginning that what earlier you had made clear you wanted wasn't going to happen, you probably shouldn't have to continue for the whole appointment. It's one thing to make the best out of one hour. But 3 hours is a lot of money.

 

"I'm very sorry you're not feeling well down there today. I was really looking forward to going to town down there all day (night), ha ha. Let's do this, let's keep having fun for an hour, I'll absolutely pay for that hour, and let's reschedule, very soon, for when you are feeling better. $600 is a lot to me, and I'd rather invest it in a time when we are both at 100%" If you say this, if you smile when you say this, and he's an asshole about it, then the provider is an asshole in general.

[urbanfetish]

Ok, for some reason I can't let this thread rest. If you were looking for something specific, and it was a multiple hour appointment and it became clear toward the beginning that what earlier you had made clear you wanted wasn't going to happen, you probably shouldn't have to continue for the whole appointment. It's one thing to make the best out of one hour. But 3 hours is a lot of money.

 

"I'm very sorry you're not feeling well down there today. I was really looking forward to going to town down there all day (night), ha ha. Let's do this, let's keep having fun for an hour, I'll absolutely pay for that hour, and let's reschedule, very soon, for when you are feeling better. $600 is a lot to me, and I'd rather invest it in a time when we are both at 100%" If you say this, if you smile when you say this, and he's an asshole about it, then the provider is an asshole in general.

 

I agree. I shouldn't have continued the session. I was relatively new to hiring at that point and I was hosting in my apartment. I wanted to avoid any possible scene and as I said, it was my first time dealing with this issue. I hadn't even thought about it being an option. I have learned how to deal with it since then.

[Jay DC]

i read this discussion with great interest and want to add one additional point. As a long time client, I’ve had the pleasure of meeting many providers in many cities over the years. I agree with the comment that most providers want to do a good job and value their reputations. The vast majority of my experiences have been extremely positive and I really value the time spent. But shit happens. Once, I was getting ready for a provider‘s arrival and nicked my ball sac trying to do a quick touch up with a new razor. I was really looking forward to meeting this person, but the tiny cut hurt and threw me off. We had a good time but no where near where I thought it would be. And adding insult to injury, it healed within hours and I ended up jerking off all by myself which I can do for free. If the roles were reversed, I still would have paid the full amount even if he couldn’t meet expectations. And while 30 minutes of a three hour appointment is tough, I still think it’s the right thing to do. I feel strongly about this because I have heard horror stories about the flakey clients who seem to invent ways not to pay Or they want to barter and offer a belt or something stupid in exchange. The grocery store is not going to accept your belt for food, no matter how cool it is. I don’t think that is the case here, I do think it’s important to build a social safety net for these providers who have to put up with so much shit. The number of inquiries that convert to appointments must be low. I would even guess that some of the inquiries are used to get off or waste time, without any intention of actually ever booking any time. As long as there was a good faith effort from the provider to perform the service when the appointment was booked, pay him. It makes us all look good. If there is a safety issue or an intentional scam, it’s a different story. But as I said, shit happens and I would hope good clients would step up and do the right thing, even if only to help make amends for the nightmare clients. Even the best of us can have an off night and deserve a little empathy.

[TT3690]

I try to be understanding, since it's probably happened to every guy at some point or another and penetration is not all there is to sex. But it does factor into whether I want to see an escort again- someone who's 'ready' 100% of the time is just a better bet than someone who's inconsistent.

[kingart828]

I just had this happen to me a couple of days ago. The escort could not maintain an erection throughout the 2 hours I had booked him for. I even rented a hotel room. We had discussed beforehand about me bottoming, so I was looking forward to it. Basically I ended up paying for a $500 hand job. I'm still debating whether or not to give him a bad review. It sucks because it was my first time with an escort too. Don't know about doing that again.

[jtwalker]

For safety reasons, I'd leave it up the escort to decide. Better to pay the money for nothing than to deal with whatever may come if you don't pay.

 

I've had one bad experience where an escort, who was paid, made a lot of threats because I left a bad review. While most escorts would not do this, it just isn't worth the risk.

[Maximiliam]

For safety reasons, I'd leave it up the escort to decide. Better to pay the money for nothing than to deal with whatever may come if you don't pay.

 

I've had one bad experience where an escort, who was paid, made a lot of threats because I left a bad review. While most escorts would not do this, it just isn't worth the risk.

Danm what kind of threats ?

[Maximiliam]

I just had this happen to me a couple of days ago. The escort could not maintain an erection throughout the 2 hours I had booked him for. I even rented a hotel room. We had discussed beforehand about me bottoming, so I was looking forward to it. Basically I ended up paying for a $500 hand job. I'm still debating whether or not to give him a bad review. It sucks because it was my first time with an escort too. Don't know about doing that again.

Give him a bad review since he could not perform . Good Reviews are giving by merit and since he could not maintain he should've give you a discount

[jtwalker]

Danm what kind of threats ?

 

He said he had video of our time together and was going to post it to YouTube. He also said that someone had followed me home, so he supposedly knew where I lived and worked. I use Google Voice and Gmail, so I just reset these and moved on. I figured he was full of crap and it turns out he was, but this is one of the reasons I am so cautious now. He disappeared off of RM shortly thereafter, but I still see him pop up from time to time and immediately block. I learned a ton of lessons from this one encounter.

[Maximiliam]

He said he had video of our time together and was going to post it to YouTube. He also said that someone had followed me home, so he supposedly knew where I lived and worked. I use Google Voice and Gmail, so I just reset these and moved on. I figured he was full of crap and it turns out he was, but this is one of the reasons I am so cautious now. He disappeared off of RM shortly thereafter, but I still see him pop up from time to time and immediately block. I learned a ton of lessons from this one encounter.

Danm thats insane ???? You did the right thing

[jtwalker]

Danm thats insane ???? You did the right thing

 

Thank goodness I had the presence of mind to reject the wine he offered, LOL

[Maximiliam]

I have a question , what i don't do fingers mean ?