Have I been going to too many 19th Century operas?

[Guest]

I remember when my mother used to take me to the opera as a child, I always thought how silly it was for a man or woman to immediately fall in love with someone after listening to a single aria. She told me that this is the way operas often go, because otherwise there'd be no story. Well, the previous time I went to LA house hunting (Labor Day), the clerk who checked me in struck me as very handsome, and we seemed to flirt a bit with each other (he was there the next night, but not the 3rd night I stayed). I'll call him "Lindoro." Well, this time I came down to go over some of the people inspecting my property (geological, surveyors, general, sewer/plumbing). As luck would have it, Lindoro was there to check me in. As I approached the counter, I said "Lindoro, I'm so happy to see you!". He replied, without looking at my ID yet, "Yes, Mr. Unicorn, I'm happy to see you back, too. Did you find a house?" I said "Yes, I'm here for inspections. Will you be here all week-end?" to which he said yes.

The next evening (last night), I gave him a piece of paper with my name, cell phone #, e-mail, my current address, and the address of the property I'm buying. I said "I hope I'm not being too forward, but I know I would hate myself for the rest of my life if I didn't at least give you my contact information." He said he'd look at the property after work. This morning, he texted me, "Good morning. It's Lindoro, btw." We texted back and forth several times, many of which times he gave my comments a thumbs up or a heart emoticon. I must say, I was ready to sing "Una Voce Poco Fa" on my flight back to Oakland.

It didn't hurt that Siri found his last name, and he had some photos online from when he tried to get a career as a fitness model. After some texts after I got home, including some photos of my evening walk (he was still at work, but said he could "multi-task"). Well, I asked him if he thought he could get a week's vacation in November, and he said he didn't. I told him I would be more than happy to compensate him for lost wages if he'd go somewhere with me such as Puerto Vallarta. He said he didn't want to take advantage of me, and I said it would be no problem. He then said he'd like to know my "expectations." I said if he'd like to move slowly, we could get separate beds, or just wait to meet after I moved to the area if he preferred. Then I haven't heard back from him. Did I just go too opera-crazy on him? Should I have waited until I moved to the area (January)? Maybe I got so crazy-excited I blew it?

[liubit]

You were very brave, dear @Unicorn, to give him your contact details, but you were maybe too quick to offer to spend a week together. My humble -and obvious- advice: take it easy to not scare him off. A question: is there a big age difference between the two of you?

 

Good luck. I just hope Lindoro doesn’t turn into the lying Paraguayan. ?

Edited September 28, 2020 by liubit

[MscleLovr]

You asked for responses/reactions @Unicorn so here’s mine. Certainly brave but too pushy and crass.

 

Think of your actions this way. When you were a young man, if a much older man had hit on you, would you have known how to handle it graciously? How would you have reacted at his age if a stranger had asked you on vacation?

 

From your many posts here on your crushes and loves, you seem to fall for a guy very quickly. I suggest you’d have a better chance of success if you take things slowly. Why didn’t you say that you’d like to get to know him better and ask the guy out for dinner one evening?

 

Maybe if you showed interest in him as a person, rather than a physical object aka piece of meat, he’d respond more readily. I regard your vacation offer as crass as you didn’t leave him room to decline nor to make another, more palatable suggestion.

 

I’ve always enjoyed dating younger men but it’s best to be aware that they may be unsure of what they want and need or are seeking. So I always took it slowly: coffee or drinks first, then dinner invitation with no expectations, and a welcome surprise if they suggested coming home for breakfast.

[+ sniper]

Most first dates are a meal, not a vacation.

[+ sniper]

You MIGHT be able to salvage it with an "I jumped the gun, sorry, can I take you out to dinner?" but probably not. You kinda crossed the line a bit here. Honestly, even if you saw he had a rentmen ad up, the fact you met him through his day job should have directed how you approached. You came off here as someone using his money to get what he wants. People of less means generally are extremely turned off by that.

[JayCeeKy]

I suspect that, in your enthusiasm, you skipped a couple of steps in the "getting-to-know-you" process.

 

Let's hope your personal opera ends more like Cinderella and not like Madame Butterfly.

[NikoLeto]

<snip></snip> Did I just go too opera-crazy on him? Should I have waited until I moved to the area (January)? Maybe I got so crazy-excited I blew it?

 

As a guy who grew up "straight", my first experience with providing came out of a need for a secondary job that wouldn't interfere with my primary vocation at the time (lower enlisted in the Army), and could provide a quick injection of cash into my volatile-at-the-time needs. Someone made a very generous offer and I accepted. I had not even had the beginnings of the idea of how much to charge for any variations of service. I did not consider that I would need (or want) to nurture the relationship as a business. Et cetera, et cetera.

 

Essentially, if the person who introduced me to the idea had come on stronger and had not outlined their expectations (services expected to be rendered and compensation) I wouldn't have had any answers for them, and I would have passed the opportunity up - in fact, I already had. I have no idea how many people approached me for services before I finally said yes. Again, it was a combination of circumstance and necessity.

 

I would offer that if you really want to try and salvage things, you might consider laying all your cards out on the table. I think the worst case scenario is that you are left exactly where you are now: with no interaction from him.

 

By "laying all your cards out" I mean tell him that you hire guys, that you don't consider it odd or taboo, and that if he's not interested in the prospect you understand and are happy to move along. Consider explaining that you would be happy to start with a meal or an evening get-together to introduce him to the idea more ... graciously, but also include the donation that you're offering. It's up to you if you get into the vulgar details of whether anal is involved, etc. Personally, if I were the guy, I'd like to know all the expectations at once so I can do the calculus myself of cost vs. reward.

[MikeBiDude]

Good luck, @Unicorn you never know....keep swinging that bat!

[+ Charlie]

Considering that you met him as a clerk checking you into a hotel room, what made you think that he would be interested in a personal relationship? Was there some kind of electricity in the initial encounter, some subtle hint in the words or looks exchanged over the counter that made your heart (or another organ) flutter? "Lindoro," after all, is the aggressor in the opera; were you "Rosina"?

 

As someone who believes in love at first meeting, because my own marriage began that way, I can't deny the possibility, but there is usually some kind of mutual understanding right at the start that I haven't seen expressed here.

[+ WilliamM]

Sounds more like the Broadway musical "South Pacific" where opera star Ezio Pinza sings Some Enclosed Evening immediately after meeting Nellie

[Phil_musc]

Yes, but even in South Pacific it takes the whole show for the characters to work things out. And within the show time moves along.

 

But I am impressed by your self confidence, Unicorn. It sounds like a love story for our time.

[Guest]

Considering that you met him as a clerk checking you into a hotel room, what made you think that he would be interested in a personal relationship? Was there some kind of electricity in the initial encounter, some subtle hint in the words or looks exchanged over the counter that made your heart (or another organ) flutter? "Lindoro," after all, is the aggressor in the opera; were you "Rosina"?

 

As someone who believes in love at first meeting, because my own marriage began that way, I can't deny the possibility, but there is usually some kind of mutual understanding right at the start that I haven't seen expressed here.

As I said, I thought he might be flirting, even from the first stay. And when I came back, and he called me Mr. Unicorn from afar, 3 weeks after I saw him briefly, I had a feeling he had been thinking about me at least a bit as much as I'd been thinking of him. I was worried when he didn't answer me last night, but he wrote me back with friendly texts this morning, explaining "No you were not pushing anything yesterday. Sorry I made it home walked my dogs and fell asleep after a 12 hour shift." I thought he'd passed by my house, and I said "As you could see, my new house has plenty of yard space for dogs!"

As it turned out, he hadn't even seen my (hopefully) new house! He said it would be great to meet over dinner rather than over a week in PV. I told him I had the 16th (of October) off, which I originally hoped would be for home inspections (I need a minimum of 35 days to request a day off from work, but the seller wouldn't go for such a long inspection period). I told him I'd be happy to drive down to meet him. He said he'd be sure to ask for the evening of the 17th off. Maybe he might be able to take Friday or Saturday off, and we could walk from my new house to his place, mine being near the northern entrance of Runyon Canyon Park, and his near the south entrance. If we have enough time and I have enough energy, maybe we could even do the round trip (south-north-south, of course). Lots of hearty emoticons on both today's and yesterday's texts, BTW...

After thinking of "Una voce poco fa" on my flight back up north, I might be thinking like Dick Shawn's character on It's a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World! on my drive back down to meet him:

Edited September 29, 2020 by Unicorn

[Guest]

Yes, but even in South Pacific it takes the whole show for the characters to work things out. And within the show time moves along.

 

But I am impressed by your self confidence, Unicorn. It sounds like a love story for our time.

Thanks, but the truth is that although I wanted more than anything for him to say yes, I would have risked anything just for a chance. I would have risked or done anything. And I would have just hated, hated myself forever if I hadn't even tried. I think I would have risked anything just for a chance. I could accept failure, but I couldn't accept not trying. I realize this may be a long shot, but I will never, ever regret putting whatever effort I can. Although I would love more than anything for this to work out, I can calmly accept it if it doesn't (and I understand it's probably a long-shot). I would not want to live my whole life, however, kicking myself and wondering "what if?" I'm thinking now of another movie scene, the one in which Ethan Hawke's character puts his life on the line to show he's at least as good as his "genetically superior" brother...

[+ Reisr30]

When you say he’s a clerk? Was he checking you in at a hotel?

 

I wouldn’t have the guts to do something like that; although I have been checked in by some hot guys...

[+ Charlie]

Thanks, but the truth is that although I wanted more than anything for him to say yes, I would have risked anything just for a chance. I would have risked or done anything. And I would have just hated, hated myself forever if I hadn't even tried. I think I would have risked anything just for a chance. I could accept failure, but I couldn't accept not trying. I realize this may be a long shot, but I will never, ever regret putting whatever effort I can. Although I would love more than anything for this to work out, I can calmly accept it if it doesn't (and I understand it's probably a long-shot). I would not want to live my whole life, however, kicking myself and wondering "what if?" I'm thinking now of another movie scene, the one in which Ethan Hawke's character puts his life on the line to show he's at least as good as his "genetically superior" brother...

Oh, yes, you definitely are too influenced by opera! However, I think I am hearing strains of Don Giovanni here.

[MscleLovr]

1003 ‘strains’ @Charlie ?

[Guest]

Oh, yes, you definitely are too influenced by opera! However, I think I am hearing strains of Don Giovanni here.

Death to those who are cruel or do evil? Ouch! When have I done that? I have always been quite honest and devoted to the men to whom I dedicate myself. I didn't hire while I was with the Paraguayan, nor can I imagine doing that with this man. If he were to have me, I would devote myself fully to him. Even if between my commitments, I certainly play the field, I also know how to show love and devotion.

This is the end which befalls evildoers.

And in this life scoundrels

always receive their just deserts!

[Guest]

When you say he’s a clerk? Was he checking you in at a hotel?

 

I wouldn’t have the guts to do something like that; although I have been checked in by some hot guys...

Yes to both questions. I'm not even sure how much courage it took. If I didn't at least try, though, I would've rued my cowardice for years.

Edited September 29, 2020 by Unicorn

[+ Charlie]

Well, since it is an 18th century opera, Don Giovanni had to be denounced at the end to satisfy the censor, but it is hard to deny that he really does think of himself as an heroic rather than an evil character, and the story would be rather boring without him at the center.

[Guest]

I'll update in case any of you are interested. So I talked with him on the phone today. He's apparently done some work as an underwear model (which, of course, I had no idea when I came on to him), and says he lost work when he started drinking too much. He's been working as the PM manager for that hotel lately, working about 55 hours per week, but apparently at "60% salary" due to the loss of business from Covid-19. He was upfront with me right away in telling me that he has been seeing someone "on and off" for a year and a half, and that he had to move in with the man for financial reasons (the other man also has financial difficulties due to being a singer-actor/waiter). He said he's stopped drinking.

He said he'd ask for the AM shift on the day I'm coming down so that we can have dinner together. He said "Nothing too expensive, because money's been tight for me," to which I of course said I'll pay for his meal anywhere he likes. I asked him if there was any chance of anything romantic developing with us, and he said yes, if we get along. He said he appreciates my candor and directness. Well, I can't say anyone's ever accused me of being too subtle, especially if I like someone.

Edited October 1, 2020 by Unicorn

[Guest]

Well, I found out today I'm about to get the secret code to a secret side entrance to Runyon Canyon Park. Lindoro likes to run up and down the park, and I can get my love through the secret staircase if need be! ? Any attempts to intervene will be the "Useless Precaution." He's saying he can't wait until we meet for dinner on Friday! ?

"My loving heart has never known such happiness... May this joy endure all my life!"

Poor girl, you were his victim,

you lived under an evil tyrant.

You were subject to his barbarous chains.

Now let pleasure replace your sorrow.

In the arms of your faithful husband

at last you will enjoy liberty.

Edited October 13, 2020 by Unicorn

[+ Charlie]

Don't forget that in the follow-up story, "Lindoro"/Almaviva becomes an unfaithful husband to the poor girl.?

[Guest]

Don't forget that in the follow-up story, "Lindoro"/Almaviva becomes an unfaithful husband to the poor girl.?

Where is that? Another opera?

[orville]

Dear @Unicorn, I'm loving this thread. Please keep us updated.

[+ Charlie]

Where is that? Another opera?

The follow-up opera in the set of plays by Beaumarchais on which the Figaro operas are based is Le Nozze de Figaro, in which the now married "Lindoro"/Count Almaviva is trying to bed Rosina/Countess Almaviva's maid Susanna, much to the distress of the Countess. (Susanna is not the first of his extra-marital escapades.)