Do you keep dealing with regular or once met clients if they flake when scheduling subsequent sessions?

[Jarrod_Uncut]

Twice. 2 different previously met clients where both sessions went very well (and they all followed up to let me know so). Had prospective appointments yesterday and today, and both failed to follow up. Not even a “cant make it today” (which isn’t much better, but atleast it shows signs of life.

 

The usual remedy would be to lay out my cancellation policy, and include that they will be blacklisted if no other response given. But lately I’ve been trying to be more forgiving and not “hold it against them”. Sometimes I wonder though, if they do the shit on purpose just to mess with us. So rather than play into it, I’m working to just silently blacklist them...so when they try and hit me up again, they’ll know I haven’t forgotten. It’ll be case of, “hi, I noticed on September 13th, 2000 and...., you scheduled an appointment and didn’t show up. Why should I trust that you’ll show up this time around?”

 

And the worse part, they usually always pick the wrong time to mess me around. Like when I’m going thru a not very good week at the moment. Like they just push me to that point where I want to react. Should I be evil? Maybe, maybe it’s not ?

[dbar123]

No shows are the worst. I hate it when a provider does that to me (although I view it as the "gift of time and money")....it must REALLY suck, though, when you are the provider instead.

[+ nycman]

Mark it up as a lesson learned.....and move on.

[jeezifonly]

Jarrod, I have seen your advertising and you are an unbelievably sexy man. Shame on me, I never get back to the Heartland, because I would never flake on you after setting up.

 

But from your posts here, there seems to be a lot about the business that pushes buttons for you in a personal way. The transaction is for the exchange of a pre-determined degree of personal intimacy for the agreed-upon duration.

It’s a transaction, nevertheless. Some transactions go well, some don’t. They do not have the power to diminish any of your attractive traits, unless you grant it.

[Jarrod_Uncut]

Jarrod, I have seen your advertising and you are an unbelievably sexy man. Shame on me, I never get back to the Heartland, because I would never flake on you after setting up.

 

But from your posts here, there seems to be a lot about the business that pushes buttons for you in a personal way. The transaction is for the exchange of a pre-determined degree of personal intimacy for the agreed-upon duration.

It’s a transaction, nevertheless. Some transactions go well, some don’t. They do not have the power to diminish any of your attractive traits, unless you grant it.

 

And that I understand. But my thing is, why lie about it? If a person isn’t going to be able to do the session, don’t fake as if they want to do it.

 

To me, it just says they don’t give a ? about me as a person or the interaction. Just playing games and not taking me seriously at all. At one point, I’ve just been more on the side of burning the bridges with them, than to give 2nd chances. Once they do that, the trust and transaction is over for me unless they fully reimburse for the lost session.

[xyz48B]

And that I understand. But my thing is, why lie about it? If a person isn’t going to be able to do the session, don’t fake as if they want to do it.

 

To me, it just says they don’t give a ? about me as a person or the interaction. Just playing games and not taking me seriously at all. At one point, I’ve just been more on the side of burning the bridges with them, than to give 2nd chances. Once they do that, the trust and transaction is over for me unless they fully reimburse for the lost session.

Do you care about them as a person?

[Jarrod_Uncut]

Do you care about them as a person?

 

If you are assuming whether that should be a “pass” for someone to stand someone up, I would certainly hope not.

 

But I certainly wouldn’t care about them once they show they don’t care about me. At that point; we might as well just be enemies because they’ve already proven to not have any regard for me, once they’ve gotten what they wanted.

[jeezifonly]

And that I understand. But my thing is, why lie about it? If a person isn’t going to be able to do the session, don’t fake as if they want to do it.

 

To me, it just says they don’t give a ? about me as a person or the interaction. Just playing games and not taking me seriously at all. At one point, I’ve just been more on the side of burning the bridges with them, than to give 2nd chances. Once they do that, the trust and transaction is over for me unless they fully reimburse for the lost session.

You have the right to refuse any client’s request to meet, for any reason or no reason.

Whether they do/don’t give a duck about you as a person, or do/don’t take you seriously is part of the personal button-pushing I mentioned above - they sound more like the sort of complaint one hears from friends about a spouse or boyfriend. (“If he/she doesn’t quit it with the games, and start treating me like he/she cares about me and us, then... I’m going to break it off...”)

If someone flakes, move on. Or fly me to your city and I’ll do my best to make you feel cared about. (I might even be persuaded to split the cost of a decent hotel room ?)

[xyz48B]

@Jarrod_Uncut – perhaps I’m cynical, but I assume that providers “lie” about being into clients. They feign interest and caring. They provide a service – the attention for a duration agreed upon with the expectation of certain activities happening, whatever they are agreed upon. But “caring” about clients seems to not be what the providers really are into.

 

Now clients on the other hand...We, seeking attention, may well in fact fall victim to the notion we are cared about. That creates problems. But to have a provider want a client to care about them as a person seems odd to me. Unless I misunderstood what you mean by that. If you mean respect you as a person, that seems given until you possibly given them reason to believe you don’t mutually respect them. There are enough escorts who act like they’re doing a good work for the Lord when they provide for clients, even though they’re getting paid handsomely. Sometimes how some providers talk on this site I get the feeling providers have outright disdain for clients and see actually seeing them and pleasing them as some sort of loathsome chore. I have to remind myself that most escorts aren’t like that.

[+ FrankR]

Twice. 2 different previously met clients where both sessions went very well (and they all followed up to let me know so). Had prospective appointments yesterday and today, and both failed to follow up. Not even a “cant make it today” (which isn’t much better, but atleast it shows signs of life.

Not an escort but that has happened to me before, where the provider went “radio silent” and missed an appointment. Our sitations are vastly different; for me this is a hobby - my livelihood is not at stake so there is that.

 

Stick to the golden rule - how would you want to be treated if the roles were reversed? I have been known to give a fella a 2nd chance. There are no 3rd chances in my book. That being said - if you are ‘done’ putting up with them, do what I do...be done. Put it behind you and move on. Don’t ‘be evil’ as you put it. Won’t do anything for you despite the momentary satisfaction. Every moment you spend on them past this point is a wasted moment. ?

Edited September 25, 2020 by FrankR

[Jarrod_Uncut]

@Jarrod_Uncut – perhaps I’m cynical, but I assume that providers “lie” about being into clients. They feign interest and caring. They provide a service – the attention for a duration agreed upon with the expectation of certain activities happening, whatever they are agreed upon. But “caring” about clients seems to not be what the providers really are into.

 

Now clients on the other hand...We, seeking attention, may well in fact fall victim to the notion we are cared about.

 

 

But here’s the thing: what I meant by getting a “pass”, clients shouldn’t be like, “oh he’s an escort, he doesn’t care about me. Therefore me hitting him up, faking an appointment and not going thru with it shouldn’t matter”.

 

That’s petty and childish. And I’d assume people who do are likely as such. In a way it’s basically trying to “gauge” whether the provider actually cares about the client, by flaking out on a 2nd meet. “Let me bail on this session, and see what happens. Then let me contact him a few months later and pretend it didn’t happen” ? It’s obviously something behind It.

 

 

Stick to the golden rule - how would you want to be treated if the roles were reversed? I have been known to give a fella a 2nd chance. There are no 3rd chances in my book. That being said - if you are ‘done’ putting up with them, do what I do...be done. Put it behind you and move on. Don’t ‘be evil’ as you put it. Won’t do anything for you despite the momentary satisfaction. Every moment you spend on then past this point is a wasted moment. ?

 

I personally wouldn’t expect any respect if I did. It’s already been 3 times actually this month, where a previously met client bailed on meeting up and then didn’t bother to reschedule or follow up with sort of explanation.

 

Even though I can walk away and be done, that’s also a lost of expected earnings. I can walk away and be done, after they reimburse me. If they want to ignore it, that’s when I have to escalate it. At that point, they’ll know their bridges are burnt.

 

I had a new client earlier this year pull something similar. I was extra annoyed because I’d spent a whole extra 2 days in South Florida in between another client...then he bailed. He kept ignoring reimbursing me for the session. Few days later when he seen what the next solution was going to be, he immediately sent it no questions asked.

Edited September 15, 2020 by Jarrod_Uncut

[+ RJD]

But here’s the thing: what I meant by getting a “pass”, clients shouldn’t be like, “oh he’s an escort, he doesn’t care about me. Therefore me hitting him up, faking an appointment and not going thru with it shouldn’t matter”.

 

That’s petty and childish. And I’d assume people who do are likely as such. In a way it’s basically trying to “gauge” whether the provider actually cares about the client, by flaking out on a 2nd meet. “Let me bail on this session, and see what happens. Then let me contact him a few months later and pretend it didn’t happen” ? It’s obviously something behind It.

 

As a client, I can only speak for myself, and honestly, I have too much going on in my life and too many other responsibilities to give serious consideration to how I can screw over a provider. It just doesn’t register.

 

Or, it could just be that shit happens. it happens to all of us. Family emergencies, illness, work obligations. The timing may be bad, and having it happen a couple times in the same week might be unfortunate, but it happens.

[xyz48B]

But here’s the thing: what I meant by getting a “pass”, clients shouldn’t be like, “oh he’s an escort, he doesn’t care about me. Therefore me hitting him up, faking an appointment and not going thru with it shouldn’t matter”.

It’s possible you’re projecting. Just possible. As @RJD said – shit happens.

[xyz48B]

If you are assuming whether that should be a “pass” for someone to stand someone up, I would certainly hope not.

 

But I certainly wouldn’t care about them once they show they don’t care about me. At that point; we might as well just be enemies because they’ve already proven to not have any regard for me, once they’ve gotten what they wanted.

You didn’t answer the question. Do you care about a client as a person? There’s a lot of rationalization going on here why you wouldn’t care about a client as a person after you’ve perceived to not care about you beyond being an escort.

 

Perhaps a better a question would be: are clients more than clients to you? You seem to expect clients to treat you better than a service provider. cf. “they’ve already proven to not have any regard for me, once they’ve gotten what they wanted.” Do you go out of your way to treat a client as more than someone with whom you have a transactional relationship? Or do you expect compensation for every element of your interaction with them? Because if you regard as more than a client, your expectations are reasonable. If you see them as a client and want comped for every element of your interaction, it does make sense that they don’t regard you after they have the service satisfied. I don’t think about my barber after I leave the barber shop until I need to go get a haircut again. I don’t think about my doctor until I need a check up or I’m sick. I don’t think about my plumber until my toilet is overflowing. Once he’s solved the problem, I don’t think about him until I meet him again. Once a service provider provides a service, I don’t really need to regard them one way or another. Likewise I don’t expect them to spend any time thinking about me either.

[xyz48B]

But here’s the thing: what I meant by getting a “pass”, clients shouldn’t be like, “oh he’s an escort, he doesn’t care about me. Therefore me hitting him up, faking an appointment and not going thru with it shouldn’t matter”.

Thinking about this more, I will put it more finely: no one is going to spend that much time plotting against you. You don't matter that much. Clients have more important things to do than concern themselves with someone who, once they’ve provided the agreed upon service, has satisfied the demands of their role.

 

Do you require a client to do more for you than pay you for your time? They need to invest more than their money in your life for your efforts to be valued?

Edited September 16, 2020 by xyz48B

[Jarrod_Uncut]

You didn’t answer the question. Do you care about a client as a person? There’s a lot of rationalization going on here why you wouldn’t care about a client as a person after you’ve perceived to not care about you beyond being an escort.

 

Perhaps a better a question would be: are clients more than clients to you? You seem to expect clients to treat you better than a service provider. cf. “they’ve already proven to not have any regard for me, once they’ve gotten what they wanted.” Do you go out of your way to treat a client as more than someone with whom you have a transactional relationship? Or do you expect compensation for every element of your interaction with them? Because if you regard as more than a client, your expectations are reasonable. If you see them as a client and want comped for every element of your interaction, it does make sense that they don’t regard you after they have the service satisfied. I don’t think about my barber after I leave the barber shop until I need to go get a haircut again. I don’t think about my doctor until I need a check up or I’m sick. I don’t think about my plumber until my toilet is overflowing. Once he’s solved the problem, I don’t think about him until I meet him again. Once a service provider provides a service, I don’t really need to regard them one way or another. Likewise I don’t expect them to spend any time thinking about me either.

 

Everything you said sounds great and reasonable. BUT...

 

What does that have to do with a client not following thru when they arrange a second meet? Sure they may have perfectly reasonable reasons to not show up, but they weren’t too busy to text me initially.

 

And then to not say anything at all? Like I’ve been arguing with 2 (1 of now is a former) clients this evening about that. If something came up, just say it. Why play this passive aggressive game like something devastating happened to you, then when I text them they are blacklisted, suddenly they want to respond with 1,000 texts as to how I’m so in the wrong.

 

This goes back to what I was saying a few threads ago: I just don’t understand men anymore. I think I want to not be gay anymore. Maybe I’ll have better luck with White women like many Black men seem to have. Too many gay men are garbage and a joke. I can’t deal with this shit no more. I’m going to turn myself straight ?

 

I feel numb to black lives matter, because I know to majority in the gay community, black lives only matter when you’re doing the same shit they’re doing, and they think being around you makes them look a little bit better. Any other time, they don’t give a goddamn fuck about it otherwise.

[xyz48B]

@Jarrod_Uncut – I mean this with all the charity I can muster…but you should probably really see a therapist. There’s A LOT going on in that post.

 

Ultimately, yes, the decent thing to do is have the client tell you something came up. As far as that goes, the client doesn’t owe you an explanation of what came up. Although if I were the client, I would most definitely explain what came up. Depending on the circumstances, I would attempt to arrange a different date to me if I needed to change the schedule. Shit happens. It happens for clients. It happens for providers. I’ve had providers asked to change the date. I’m okay with that. They also don’t need to give me any explanation. It could well be that they have another client who’s going to pay more than me. I don’t know. But giving a heads up is called for. That’s the decent thing to do as far as human-to-human interactivity goes.

 

No one owes anybody anything, but there is some level of decency that is expected between people who agree to some level of mutual interaction. In that regard you are right. But I do think that there seems to be a good bit of projection on your part in what you’ve written.

[Jarrod_Uncut]

@Jarrod_Uncut – I mean this with all the charity I can muster…but you should probably really see a therapist. There’s A LOT going on in that post.

 

Ultimately, yes, the decent thing to do is have the client tell you something came up. As far as that goes, the client doesn’t owe you an explanation of what came up. Although if I were the client, I would most definitely explain what came up. Depending on the circumstances, I would attempt to arrange a different date to me if I needed to change the schedule. Shit happens.

 

No therapist needed. I’ve already surveyed and analyzed how these things work. A therapist would only sit and listen, and tell me how I can reframe my thoughts...but the dynamic wouldn’t change. I know it seems crazy to say what I said, and surely it’s off topic. But it’s true. Sad, but true.

 

I have noticed in many areas outside of the main metropolitan cities, majority of Black guys I have come across who are actually doing half decent for themselves, and have a relationship going, are “generally straight” and partnered with White women. Period. I have very rarely EVER seen a Black guy who’s gay and happily partnered, or even partnered at all...in rural America and areas outside of your main metropolitan cities: DC, Chicago, LA, etc. And in the smaller markets like Kansas Shitty, Nashville, and Columbus, it’s more of a “it can happen” sort of thing, but only if you’ve got the connections. Otherwise, forget about it.

 

But only reason I brung that up is because the fact I’m tired of just everybody in the gay comms bullshit in general. There’s a guy I’ve been “talking to” where we met one time. Once. Like back in March or April. We just could not get around to meeting the 2nd time. We lived 1 state over, but it wasn’t a long stretch to meet because I was often in his area on more than 1 occasion, but it was always an excuse. We kept in touch regularly up until last month, then the other week he tells me he’s in a relationship and they’re not open.

 

And I’m supposed to be fucking, giving chance after chance in my professional life to a client? That 1 chance they do the “ghost” or the last minute cancel, it clearly sets the stage for more of the same down the line...that’s why I’m more willing to burn bridges more so nowadays. I did that before with clients, and that was the same way I ended up losing my condo that I worked so hard for over 5 years maintaining: because some fucking idiot clients, one who was a regular, kept standing me up time after time and I kept giving chances. I was already behind on my payments at the time due to the shutting of rentboy, they just stuck the dagger in and twisted it, making it worse.

 

And the client today talking he’s going to get his lawyer and sue me for asking my cancellation fee. I’d LOVE to go to court. I said, Matter of fact, let me do the favor for you: I’ll go to your city tomorrow and file in small claims for the session you flaked on, and make it easier for you. Since I already have all your information. How about THAT lol.

 

I’m thinking to myself, he had time to say all of that, but didn’t have time to say, “today is hectic, let’s reschedule for...” Just blatant disregard for the profession. And they wonder why I don’t care either ??‍♂️

Edited September 16, 2020 by Jarrod_Uncut

[RandyVue]

I used to escort. If a client flaked, I didn’t say anything right then, but i made a note of it saved in their contact info in my phone. When they contacted to schedule again, i reminded them that they flaked on me the previous time, and if they flaked this time, I would no longer reserve any appointments with them. That worked for me.??‍♂️

Edited September 16, 2020 by RandyVue

[Jarrod_Uncut]

I used to escort. If a client flaked, I didn’t say anything right then, but i made a note of it saved in their contact info in my phone. When they contacted to schedule again, i reminded them that they flaked on me the previous time, and if they flaked this time, I would no longer reserve any appointments with them. That worked for me.??‍♂️

 

That’s a good way to do it. However some just have a knack for doing it again. There was a client in one area who I’d seen more than a couple times. He’d try to schedule, but then something come up...I was considerate of the circumstances but informed of my cancellation policy. But then we made plans to follow up later in the month when I was back in the area, which I did...and something else came up. No offer to reimburse either time. So no more for him.

 

I know some are reading and thinking, “gay sex and escorts are supposed to be fun and non-committal. Why so much hassle?” And it is. 100%. But don’t let it become so fun and non-committal that basic courtesy just goes out the window. It’s not that hard. I don’t get why these guys make it so hard. I don’t need a reason, I just need courtesy. That way I can decide for myself, the next move. One guy years ago cancelled for no reason on the 2nd meet, but sent me $500 without my even asking. I have a friend who is a wedding planner, any clients who flake on him, he keeps the deposit.

 

Clients flaking starts off innocent, but tends to cause real life issues for the escort.

[xyz48B]

How did a thread about clients being flakey become about BLM and dating women?

[xyz48B]

What is flaking? Is it needing to change plans? Because if that’s the case, I’ve had providers do the same to me.

[RandyVue]

That’s a good way to do it. However some just have a knack for doing it again.

 

If they do it a second time, then just don't book them again. Problem solved.

[Jarrod_Uncut]

How did a thread about clients being flakey become about BLM and dating women?

 

It didn’t become about that. I just brought it up one time. It simply referred to how in the gay community, we’ve never mattered much. I notice whenever I go out in public, White women are always the first and only to compliment me on an outfit, cologne, start a conversation, etc. THAT is how that came up.

 

Whereas gay guys regularly give the stink eye, and do petty, childish shit like talk about meeting, and then flake for no apparent reason. And just when you thought they were dead or were in a horrible accident, they’ve just been mind fucking you the whole time.

 

What is flaking? Is it needing to change plans? Because if that’s the case, I’ve had providers do the same to me.

 

That’s not flaking. That’s being a normal human being. Flaking is this (not verbatim conversation but based on real life example this week)

 

Flake: Hey remember me? you available to meet tomorrow?

 

Me: Yes, nice to hear from you again

 

Flake: Cool, I’ll text you tomorrow when I get settled. Not sure how day is going to go (red flag)

 

Me: Hi, are you still on for meeting today? Just need to know what time I should be leaving my house.

 

Him: No response

 

Me (next day): Hey I didn’t hear anything back yesterday, if you’re not able to make it after all, can you kindly leave my cancellation fee.

 

Him: No response

 

Me (end of day): Sends cancel fee request

 

Him: No response

 

Me: I’m blacklisting you

 

Him: goes nuts and acts like he never made an appointment

 

Edited September 16, 2020 by Jarrod_Uncut

[Jarrod_Uncut]

If they do it a second time, then just don't book them again. Problem solved.

 

Easier said than done. I be wanting them to reimburse for the expected earnings and lost time. It’s like, how would they feel if they were expecting to do a job for someone, and they fucked them off.

 

Every appointment that is flaked, is lost earnings that I may or may not recoup to pay important things I may have. And in the case of this week, it’s now costing me extra, that I don’t even have, on top of the lost sessions flaked on.

 

So now I’m in double trouble.