Can a man with a "top" mind set learn to "bottom" without changing his mind?

[+ purplekow]

I know the terms top and bottom are merely shorthand for sexual act preferences but I have been thinking about that term quite a bit lately. I have been the anally inserting partner in the large majority of encounters I have had but on exactly three occasions, I have been both the receptive and then the inserting partner, more out of curiosity than desire. None of those occasions led to my wanting to be a receptive partner with any increased frequency.

Now with the aging process taking its natural toll, I have considered that perhaps I should broaden my horizons. However, in most sexual encounters I enjoy the interplay and power of sex and part of my sexual enjoyment comes from a feeling of power I have when inside my partner or in some other dominant form of interaction.

I know that "bottoms" will say that they feel that they are in control during the sex act, but I have never had that experience in my limited number of encounters as a bottom.

So can a man with a "top" mind set learn to bottom without changing his mind?

[MrMattBig]

I know the terms top and bottom are merely shorthand for sexual act preferences but I have been thinking about that term quite a bit lately. I have been the anally inserting partner in the large majority of encounters I have had but on exactly three occasions, I have been both the receptive and then the inserting partner, more out of curiosity than desire. None of those occasions led to my wanting to be a receptive partner with any increased frequency.

Now with the aging process taking its natural toll, I have considered that perhaps I should broaden my horizons. However, in most sexual encounters I enjoy the interplay and power of sex and part of my sexual enjoyment comes from a feeling of power I have when inside my partner or in some other dominant form of interaction.

I know that "bottoms" will say that they feel that they are in control during the sex act, but I have never had that experience in my limited number of encounters as a bottom.

So can a man with a "top" mind set learn to bottom without changing his mind?

Absolutely, try the 'amazon sex position' to help

https://badgirlsbible.com/amazon-sex-position

*Sorry for the limiting m/f depiction of it, was the best descriptive I have found on it.

[+ nycman]

It’s called “topping from the bottom”

 

grin

[TruthBTold]

I know the terms top and bottom are merely shorthand for sexual act preferences but I have been thinking about that term quite a bit lately. I have been the anally inserting partner in the large majority of encounters I have had but on exactly three occasions, I have been both the receptive and then the inserting partner, more out of curiosity than desire. None of those occasions led to my wanting to be a receptive partner with any increased frequency.

Now with the aging process taking its natural toll, I have considered that perhaps I should broaden my horizons. However, in most sexual encounters I enjoy the interplay and power of sex and part of my sexual enjoyment comes from a feeling of power I have when inside my partner or in some other dominant form of interaction.

I know that "bottoms" will say that they feel that they are in control during the sex act, but I have never had that experience in my limited number of encounters as a bottom.

So can a man with a "top" mind set learn to bottom without changing his mind?

 

Because I have liked to rim so much partners have generally always assumed that I wanted to top, they became submissive, and never gave me the opportunity. Lately I wanted to change the equation and have determined that the only way I am going to get it is to be very explicit that although at the beginning I am going to appear to want to dominate that at some point I want them to become dominant and become the top. I will let them know that that does not mean they do not have to be considerate of my being able to handle things as someone who had been bottoming all along (such as saying "Please go slow" on insertion"). But believe me it has been hard to find these kind of guys, i.e., someone who really likes to be forcefully rimmed and then become an "alpha" top. Or I have found so.

[+ Gar1eth]

Because I have liked to rim so much partners have generally always assumed that I wanted to top, they became submissive, and never gave me the opportunity. Lately I wanted to change the equation and have determined that the only way I am going to get it is to be very explicit that although at the beginning I am going to appear to want to dominate that at some point I want them to become dominant and become the top. I will let them know that that does not mean they do not have to be considerate of my being able to handle things as someone who had been bottoming all along (such as saying "Please go slow" on insertion"). But believe me it has been hard to find these kind of guys, i.e., someone who really likes to be forcefully rimmed and then become an "alpha" top. Or I have found so.

 

That's interesting. I like the feeling of being rimmed. But I'm not that gung ho on actually having it done to me from a hygiene standpoint. I love deep, passionate kissing. And the thought of kissing someone after they've been rimming-even though it was me that they rimmed-is not attractive at all. And it's even worse if I consider the fact that if they are rimming me, then they are probably also rimming other guys, so I'm kissing that guy's butt also.

 

But while I like the feeling of being rimmed, the few times that I have been rimmed have in no way made me want to bottom. Is it possible you aren't picking the right guys to rim?

 

Gman

[MrMattBig]

Because I have liked to rim so much partners have generally always assumed that I wanted to top, they became submissive, and never gave me the opportunity. Lately I wanted to change the equation and have determined that the only way I am going to get it is to be very explicit that although at the beginning I am going to appear to want to dominate that at some point I want them to become dominant and become the top. I will let them know that that does not mean they do not have to be considerate of my being able to handle things as someone who had been bottoming all along (such as saying "Please go slow" on insertion"). But believe me it has been hard to find these kind of guys, i.e., someone who really likes to be forcefully rimmed and then become an "alpha" top. Or I have found so.

I blame the sigma and false assumptions that being versatile means you are really a bottom, or that all those have been taken off the market.

I remember growing up even browsing Craigslist in high school or right after, the term flipping was used quite often. Nowadays, I rarely see that term while browsing, and concurrently an increase in those seeking tops only or masculine only.

[lonely_john]

Probably not by own will but it happens in jail

[+ Gar1eth]

Because I have liked to rim so much partners have generally always assumed that I wanted to top, they became submissive, and never gave me the opportunity. Lately I wanted to change the equation and have determined that the only way I am going to get it is to be very explicit that although at the beginning I am going to appear to want to dominate that at some point I want them to become dominant and become the top. I will let them know that that does not mean they do not have to be considerate of my being able to handle things as someone who had been bottoming all along (such as saying "Please go slow" on insertion"). But believe me it has been hard to find these kind of guys, i.e., someone who really likes to be forcefully rimmed and then become an "alpha" top. Or I have found so.

I blame the sigma and false assumptions that being versatile means you are really a bottom, or that all those have been taken off the market.

I remember growing up even browsing Craigslist in high school or right after, the term flipping was used quite often. Nowadays, I rarely see that term while browsing, and concurrently an increase in those seeking tops only or masculine only.

 

But that seems to be @TruthBTold 's experience. Guys that say they are versatile mainly want to bottom for him. Now it may just be selection bias in the type of guys TruthB likes. One reason for that may be that he is so talented or aggressive at rimming that it just feels natural for the guys to want to bottom after that. I'm wondering if he picked a real top-although it can be difficult to know whether the guy is telling the truth about that. But maybe he needs to try to find a guy like me-although obviously one in better shape-but a guy who has an absolute fear of bottoming. One (out of the admittedly 100's of reasons) it took me so long to ever have sex was the thought that I'd have to bottom. TruthB should try to find a guy like that. I can't be the only one.

 

Gman

[MrMattBig]

But that seems to be @TruthBTold 's experience. Guys that say they are versatile mainly want to bottom for him. Now it may just be selection bias in the type of guys TruthB likes. One reason for that may be that he is so talented or aggressive at rimming that it just feels natural for the guys to want to bottom after that. I'm wondering if he picked a real top-although it can be difficult to know whether the guy is telling the truth about that. But maybe he needs to try to find a guy like me-although obviously one in better shape-but a guy who has an absolute fear of bottoming. One (out of the admittedly 100's of reasons) it took me so long to ever have sex was the thought that I'd have to bottom. TruthB should try to find a guy like that. I can't be the only one.

 

Gman

If we are inserting ourselves into the equation, pun intended, I was commenting on a disappearance of guys like myself, who can and enjoy going back and forth between passive (bottom) and assertive (top) roles multiple times within the same session. Someone may very well be versatile truthfully, but once in the moment stick to one role. So once @TruthBTold 's talented tongue works their passive hole, they stay in that role. Maybe I am reading too much into things, but I believe their is some underlying reason why 'flipping' (I want to and expect to both top and bottom in the same session) has virtually been replaced with vers top/ vers bottom (I am top/bottom but may do the other if the vibe is right.

[liubit]

I love deep, passionate kissing. And the thought of kissing someone after they've been rimming-even though it was me that they rimmed-is not attractive at all.

I am a very passionate kisser, and a very voracious rimmer too. One of my favorite things is precisely deep kissing a guy I just avidly rimmed. Thinking that he is tasting his own ass in my mouth makes me very horny. Diff’rent strokes..

[+ Gar1eth]

That's interesting. I like the feeling of being rimmed. But I'm not that gung ho on actually having it done to me from a hygiene standpoint. I love deep, passionate kissing. And the thought of kissing someone after they've been rimming-even though it was me that they rimmed-is not attractive at all. And it's even worse if I consider the fact that if they are rimming me, then they are probably also rimming other guys, so I'm kissing that guy's butt also.

 

But while I like the feeling of being rimmed, the few times that I have been rimmed have in no way made me want to bottom. Is it possible you aren't picking the right guys to rim?

 

Gman

I am a very passionate kisser, and a very voracious rimmer too. One of my favorite things is precisely deep kissing a guy I just avidly rimmed. Thinking that he is tasting his own ass in my mouth makes me very horny. Diff’rent strokes..

 

You are definitely right. I don't want to taste mine or anyone else's ass. Just the thought makes me... well it's an unappetizing thought.

 

Gman

[+ Snbrd]

I was intrigued by your comment purplekow about the aging process and whether it was a reason to switch from top to bottom. I am versatile with an overall preference for topping. However, I hire only tops. The Boston area, and most places I've visited, have plenty of bottoms. For a guy in fifties, who stays in shape and is decently hung, I do pretty well getting hot bottom guys. Attractive talented tops are not knocking down my door. I wonder though, as I get older, at what point is it ill advised to douche and stretch my hole?

[liubit]

You are definitely right. I don't want to taste mine or anyone else's ass. Just the thought makes me... well it's an unappetizing thought.

Like I said, diff’rent strokes..??

[jjkrkwood]

I think I was born ORAL.... While I have tried anal in my gay formative years, it was never my thing and never enjoyed..

 

You can imagine how difficult it was / is to find partners with a restriction of ORAL only.. And while I have always been the Dominant in my relationships, they still for the most part remained Oral (although I did give in to anal on special occasions like birthdays , with ME on the receiving end....Go figure) Guess my relationships were never traditional ?

 

As I have gotten older and my boners are unpredictable, guys have told me that seniors often result to anal because they cant fuck..And I reply that if your partner is also a senior with an unpredicktable Boner....THEN WHAT ???? If Both participants have "softees", then you have to result to kissing, rimming, nip & butt play.....which works for me pretty well... I suppose to moral to MY story is I have never regretted or missed being fucked OR fucking....

[+ Gar1eth]

I think I was born ORAL.... While I have tried anal in my gay formative years, it was never my thing and never enjoyed..

 

You can imagine how difficult it was / is to find partners with a restriction of ORAL only.. And while I have always been the Dominant in my relationships, they still for the most part remained Oral (although I did give in to anal on special occasions like birthdays , with ME on the receiving end....Go figure) Guess my relationships were never traditional ?

 

As I have gotten older and my boners are unpredictable, guys have told me that seniors often result to anal because they cant fuck..And I reply that if your partner is also a senior with an unpredicktable Boner....THEN WHAT ???? If Both participants have "softees", then you have to result to kissing, rimming, nip & butt play.....which works for me pretty well... I suppose to moral to MY story is I have never regretted or missed being fucked OR fucking....

 

Did you mind if I ask if you jerked off a lot when you were younger? If you liked that, I would wonder why you didn't also like topping.

 

Gman

[jjkrkwood]

Did you mind if I ask if you jerked off a lot when you were younger? If you liked that, I would wonder why you didn't also like topping.

 

Gman

 

I would say I jerked off a normal amount for my different ages, but I never did get any feeling from "topping" and didn't find it enjoyable or satisfying. I would have rather spent the hour kissing and doing mutual stroking....than any sort of penetration, other than my tongue in an ass.....

[Muscle Lover 2]

For me, yes. For the first 3-4 years I was out, I was a total top. Then I met the man of my dreams and we flipped for one another every night and I grew to like it. When he moved away, back to top only for about 12 more years until I met my partner. Now, bottom only. Very little interest in topping now at all.

[jjkrkwood]

For me, yes. For the first 3-4 years I was out, I was a total top. Then I met the man of my dreams and we flipped for one another every night and I grew to like it. When he moved away, back to top only for about 12 more years until I met my partner. Now, bottom only. Very little interest in topping now at all.

 

Your key words were "I grew to like it".... that makes ALL the difference. For me I never "liked it" so my path was a no brainer.

[TruthBTold]

Your key words were "I grew to like it".... that makes ALL the difference. For me I never "liked it" so my path was a no brainer.

 

I guess I am apprehensive about bottoming (in part) because I have no idea what it means to enjoy being bottomed. What should a bottom be feeling or not feeling? If you can learn to like it, what "feelings" are you learning to like? I often hear bottom guys in porn (not the best place to get info, I know) referring to having their "spots" hit by the top. What is that or where is that? For a top, not that all position produce the same feeling on your cock and of course wanting to fulfill the bottom's desires, you sort of know what to do. I guess I am confused about that. Because I can have a cock inserted but really not feel anything good on my part (it's not bad but it is not like I am feeling a warm fuzzy feeling or anything).

[+ Gar1eth]

I guess I am apprehensive about bottoming (in part) because I have no idea what it means to enjoy being bottomed. What should a bottom be feeling or not feeling? If you can learn to like it, what "feelings" are you learning to like? I often hear bottom guys in porn (not the best place to get info, I know) referring to having their "spots" hit by the top. What is that or where is that? For a top, not that all position produce the same feeling on your cock and of course wanting to fulfill the bottom's desires, you sort of know what to do. I guess I am confused about that. Because I can have a cock inserted but really not feel anything good on my part (it's not bad but it is not like I am feeling a warm fuzzy feeling or anything).

 

This is all hearsay as I'm a top. But some bottoms like or grow to like the feeling of their anus-and I'm assuming also their rectum being stretched. I had a f-buddy I was exclusively bare with. He loved feeling me ejaculate inside him. He had incredible control and could make himself cum immediately after I did.

 

But the "extreme" pleasure for many is the stimulation of the prostate.

 

[Personally the thought of prostate stimulation gives me the heebie-jeebies. I had fears about bottoming to begin with, and it was one among the thousand things that made me not want to be gay and kept me a virgin until I was 41 as I mentioned in another recent post. But as if my fears on bottoming weren't enough, they were strongly reinforced when I developed some kind of prostatitis (or chronic pelvic pain syndrome) in my early 30's. The pain was in my pelvis/bladder but a burning pain extended down the length of my penis (I normally use tallywacker but this is an important clinical discussion). It wasn't an std as I had never had sex at the time. Plus nothing was ever cultured. Even today they aren't sure what causes this. But at the time and even after for years, a physician performing a prostate exam on me could put me into a week of pain. So I'm not a fan of prostate stimulation. I'm much less symptomatic than I used to be. But I still have mild symptoms-more of an irritative feeling usually than straight out pain. And it usually gets worse the more frequently I ejaculate. It was a worse problem when I could hire as I had sex a lot more frequently. ]

 

But prostate stimulation seems to be what many bottoms like.

 

This may explain it better. After all an excerpt from a movie can sometimes be better than a 1000 words.

 

 

 

Gman

Edited March 31, 2020 by Gar1eth

[+ Just966]

This is all hearsay as I'm a top. But some bottoms like or grow to like the feeling of their anus-and I'm assuming also their rectum being stretched. I had a f-buddy I was exclusively bare with. He loved feeling me ejaculate inside him. He had incredible control and could make himself cum immediately after I did.

 

But the "extreme" pleasure for many is the stimulation of the prostate.

 

[Personally the thought of prostate stimulation gives me the heebie-jeebies. I had fears about bottoming to begin with, and it was one among the thousand things that made me not want to be gay and kept me a virgin until I was 41 as I mentioned in another recent post. But as if my fears on bottoming weren't enough, they were strongly reinforced when I developed some kind of prostatitis (or chronic pelvic pain syndrome) in my early 30's. The pain was in my pelvis/bladder but a burning pain extended down the length of my penis (I normally use tallywacker but this is an important clinical discussion). It wasn't an std as I had never had sex at the time. Plus nothing was ever cultured. Even today they aren't sure what causes this. But at the time and even after for years, a physician performing a prostate exam on me could put me into a week of pain. So I'm not a fan of prostate stimulation. I'm much less symptomatic than I used to be. But I still have mild symptoms-more of an irritative feeling usually than straight out pain. And it usually gets worse the more frequently I ejaculate. It was a worse problem when I could hire as I had sex a lot more frequently. ]

 

But prostate stimulation seems to be what many bottoms like.

 

This may explain it better. After all an excerpt from a movie can sometimes be better than a 1000 words.

 

 

 

Gman

 

 

That's how I feel when my physician does a prostate exam:eek: He needs some lessons on it I think!

[marylander1940]

As I posted before... best tops are the ones who every now and then bottom.

[TruthBTold]

This is all hearsay as I'm a top. But some bottoms like or grow to like the feeling of their anus-and I'm assuming also their rectum being stretched. I had a f-buddy I was exclusively bare with. He loved feeling me ejaculate inside him. He had incredible control and could make himself cum immediately after I did. . . .Gman

 

The fantasy of having a top ejaculate inside me is something I guess I will have to negotiate. Even if the top was "safe" I thought that it would be hot for him to cum inside the condom while remaining inside me.

[+ Gar1eth]

This is all hearsay as I'm a top. But some bottoms like or grow to like the feeling of their anus-and I'm assuming also their rectum being stretched. I had a f-buddy I was exclusively bare with. He loved feeling me ejaculate inside him. He had incredible control and could make himself cum immediately after I did.

 

But the "extreme" pleasure for many is the stimulation of the prostate.

 

[Personally the thought of prostate stimulation gives me the heebie-jeebies. I had fears about bottoming to begin with, and it was one among the thousand things that made me not want to be gay and kept me a virgin until I was 41 as I mentioned in another recent post. But as if my fears on bottoming weren't enough, they were strongly reinforced when I developed some kind of prostatitis (or chronic pelvic pain syndrome) in my early 30's. The pain was in my pelvis/bladder but a burning pain extended down the length of my penis (I normally use tallywacker but this is an important clinical discussion). It wasn't an std as I had never had sex at the time. Plus nothing was ever cultured. Even today they aren't sure what causes this. But at the time and even after for years, a physician performing a prostate exam on me could put me into a week of pain. So I'm not a fan of prostate stimulation. I'm much less symptomatic than I used to be. But I still have mild symptoms-more of an irritative feeling usually than straight out pain. And it usually gets worse the more frequently I ejaculate. It was a worse problem when I could hire as I had sex a lot more frequently. ]

 

But prostate stimulation seems to be what many bottoms like.

 

This may explain it better. After all an excerpt from a movie can sometimes be better than a 1000 words.

 

 

 

Gman

The fantasy of having a top ejaculate inside me is something I guess I will have to negotiate. Even if the top was "safe" I thought that it would be hot for him to cum inside the condom while remaining inside me.

 

I totally agree with you.

 

 

With this guy- we started having sex I before PrEP was available-I think-or at least before it was well-known. He promised I was the only one he bottomed bare for. He told me condoms were uncomfortable for him. But I never knew if I could trust him-we didn't have much of a relationship outside f-cking. It used to worry me a lot. The one thing that probably kept me sane in the pre-PrEP Era was that I was the top. And yes I know that tops can be infect by HIV too. I probably shouldn't have given in. Some times I refused and made him settle for oral. The reason I was so weak and gave in is this guy is incredibly handsome. And I think not just to me. He's the one I talked about a few months back that his picture on Grindr is so nice, a lot of people think he is a bot of some type. While not saying he looks anything like Brad Pitt, I'd say he has an equal level of attractiveness. And for a guy like that to be interested in a fat, bald bear-when it was tough for me to find any sex at all-well my desire for sex overrode my sense of self-preservation.

 

Gman

[hypothetically]

Unless you have physical limitations that prevent you from doing one or the other, it’s all mental.