What happens when we die?

[+ newatthis]

No, this is not a metaphysical thread.

My condolences. It's always sad to find that someone you felt close with but didn't have constant contact with has passed without you knowing.

Poolboy's statement brought to mind something I've thought about from time to time -- when I die, how will my friends on/from this forum be informed? This is a part of my life that is separate from my family and non-forum friends, so they can't do it. I know I'm not the only one here in this situation; has anyone else come up with a good solution?

 

Along the same lines, who is going to sanitize my computer after I die?

[liubit]

I find your questions very relevant and thought-provoking, @newatthis. Let me add one more: who will inform my regular escorts of my demise?

[+ poolboy48220]

A friend said she's designated a buddy who will scrub her computer upon hearing of her death.

[+ Keith30309]

Doesn’t everyone encrypt and password protect their computers ?

[+ Charlie]

I am assuming that one of the several members whom I am friendly with outside of this site will be aware of my death, and will post something about my demise. My computer is a different problem. If I can anticipate my ending, I will try to clean my hard drive myself; if I go suddenly, what will be will be. In any event, I have already written a completely frank autobiography, which along with my daily journals will be archived at an academic institution, where they will be available to future scholars who may find them of interest. Luckily, I have no family who will give a damn about my reputation, and I will be somewhere where it won't matter.

[Whitman]

… When I die, how will my friends on/from this forum be informed? This is a part of my life that is separate from my family and non-forum friends, so they can't do it. I know I'm not the only one here in this situation; has anyone else come up with a good solution?

Your post reminded me of some old threads--posted by providers or forum friends--about members of the forum who'd passed. There are probably more than this, but here are a few I dug up:

 

https://m4m-forum.org/threads/rip-professor-mitch.101359/#post-932696

 

https://m4m-forum.org/threads/bosguy.108739/#post-1015447

 

https://m4m-forum.org/threads/the-loss-of-a-good-friend-the-passing-of-damascene.119274/

 

Nice to get a forum send-off like that, but I suppose many more posters have left this earth without any of us knowing about it. There are certainly some who have left the forum, if not this earth, who are missed. Maybe that's the more important thing than knowing if they're passed on.

[+ DERRIK]

Not to make a joke but it is possible that someone may bequeath sometime to daddy's in their will - certainly many of us appreciate the value both sites do.

[rocky]

This is so current for me for a number of reasons. I have a special "friend" if he gets to my place early knows what needs to go but then you have my cell, that has every bit of history of my life, and my email. Do I care at that point, no. But it's my family. However and I know what ever happens to me it won't be easy to get my friend to my place before hand. So I don't know what to do...

[Walker1]

After you die, what difference does it make? It is not like there is a bipartisan method to punish us beyond the grave-like they do in the land of the living for hiring? My hope is somebody gets my stuff and clutches their pearls and feigns surprise!

Edited November 1, 2019 by Walker1

[+ WilliamM]

If you feel your life and behavior is something that should be hidden and/or ashamed of to a point of sanitizing your stuff, the. shouldn’t you consider addressing that while you’re alive?

 

I am a bit surprised too. But, it doesn't seem that important to criticize.

[Guest]

I was just thinking of that. I have left a pretty hefty sum to UCLA, and they sent me a form asking me about my executor, attorney, accountant, etc. They have a copy of my will, but I'm concerned that they may not find out until too late that I'm dead. Another copy of my will is in my house and my safety deposit box, but I'm afraid that my brother and sister could burn it, as in Howard's End, when I die. Will UCLA know of my death in time? I sent UCLA a note about that a couple days ago. Considering that they're my biggest beneficiary, I'd think they'd have answered me rather pronto. To be frank, I don't have a trust set up. I thought I was getting married, and then that fell through. My bank sent me an email after I deposited the first distribution from my mother's estate (AFTER the check cleared). I called the dude, and he said they don't do trusts. So far, my will names my step-motehr

[spider]

I wonder if you misunderstood the UCLA guy. I deal with this stuff and revocable trusts are like an everyday thing. It’s all legally set up, for your lifetime the income would go to UCLA and then when you kick the bucket they get the principle. If it turns out you need it the trust can be revoked. This is really bread and butter stuff. I wonder if maybe your trust wouldn’t meet their minimum value? Setting up these things isn’t worth it below a certain amount.

[+ BenjaminNicholas]

Unless it's something highly illegal, who cares what's on your laptop when you die?

[instudiocity]

Unless it's something highly illegal, who cares what's on your laptop when you die?

Here’s hoping something salaciously BN indwells my laptop. ??

[+ Charlie]

I was just thinking of that. I have left a pretty hefty sum to UCLA, and they sent me a form asking me about my executor, attorney, accountant, etc. They have a copy of my will, but I'm concerned that they may not find out until too late that I'm dead. Another copy of my will is in my house and my safety deposit box, but I'm afraid that my brother and sister could burn it, as in Howard's End, when I die. Will UCLA know of my death in time? I sent UCLA a note about that a couple days ago. Considering that they're my biggest beneficiary, I'd think they'd have answered me rather pronto. To be frank, I don't have a trust set up. I thought I was getting married, and then that fell through. My bank sent me an email after I deposited the first distribution from my mother's estate (AFTER the check cleared). I called the dude, and he said they don't do trusts. So far, my will names my step-motehr

Your attorney should also have a copy of your will in his records; I know mine does.

[Guest]

Your attorney should also have a copy of your will in his records; I know mine does.

I guess I don't have "an attorney" at this point. I did consult one when I thought I was going to need a pre-nup, but I guess I should get one to review my will. I'm not sure who would notify the attorney when I pass away, especially if it's sudden.

[+ nycman]

I guess I don't have "an attorney" at this point. I did consult one when I thought I was going to need a pre-nup, but I guess I should get one to review my will. I'm not sure who would notify the attorney when I pass away, especially if it's sudden.

Who is the executor of your will?

 

He/she should have a copy of your will and presumably

it’s someone close to you who would be aware you were

dead.

 

Your relatives will have a long uphill battle if they don’t have

a copy of a will naming them as beneficiaries.

 

If UCLA had any brains, they’d be calling you and “inviting“ you

to lunch twice a year to update you on “whats going on at your

beloved alma mater these days“. AKA checking to see if you’re

dead yet so they don’t miss out on staking their claim to your

estate.

 

At the very least they should already have an intern scanning

your local obits and filed death certificates on a monthly basis.

Trust me. I know this business. I’ve dealt with a few “pissed off“

relatives as well. Usually the charity will be forced to cut them a deal.

Good luck if you’re trying to write your legal heirs out completely.

It’s virtually impossible to do if they fight it (and they all fight it)

 

I’m not an attorney but you may want to explore a revocable living

trust with your attorney and accountant. It will be much harder for

your heirs to get their hands on monies that are never part of your

probated estate in the first place.

 

Just my 2 cents. Get professional help.

[Old Blue]

You definitely need a will and need to name someone as executor of the will.

I've given the executor of my will a list of all people to notify upon my death along with contact information (email, phone).

My executor is someone who will know when I die and will simply notify everyone I've identified.

He also knows how I want my "things" disposed of.

[alkan]

I guess I don't have "an attorney" at this point. I did consult one when I thought I was going to need a pre-nup, but I guess I should get one to review my will. I'm not sure who would notify the attorney when I pass away, especially if it's sudden.

What @nycman says.

 

But also, you can't control what happens after you are gone with 100% certainty anyway and, at that point, you won't be worrying about anything. All your concern happens while you are still alive and can take proportionate steps towards the desired outcome. A reasonable precaution to take in your case might be to attach a note to your home copy of the will, saying that UCLA holds another copy. That in itself might make anyone intent on destroying the will pause before taking action.

[+ AntonGraza]

I have been through all of these scenarios with different relatives. No Will is the worst, the assets are dispersed under probate court. If you don’t want a family member to profit from your demise, they will get a percentage. Go see a lawyer and inquire about setting up a trust. All of you bank accounts, house title and any 401k assets are in the name of the trust. An Executor you select, who can be a lawyer or your favorite escort ; ) then disperses the assets per your instructions with help from the lawyer. One way to keep greedy siblings at bay is to leave a small amount so they can’t contest being totally cut out. As for computers and other items, I am an in-law with little emotional baggage. I was able to look through items and “dispose” of things that were not anyone’s business than the desist’s. Lots of interesting things were tossed. You are probably still a bit emotional right now with everything that has gone on, so don’t feel you have make major decisions tomorrow. Feel free to PM. Anton

[+ AntonGraza]

To answer the original question......There is no death, only a transition to a different sphere of consciousness where friends are waiting to guide you to a new destiny.

[Cooper]

Admin Note: Please keep religion out of this discussion.

[InterestingGuy]

I often wonder how many people look through the “private” stuff left by a deceased spouse and realize that they were with the wrong person all along

[+ Topseed]

Do not place your will in a bank’s safety deposit box. Banks seal these upon the death of the box’s owner; it can take a very long time to gain access.

 

Been there with a relative.

[+ WilliamM]

I have been through all of these scenarios with different relatives. No Will is the worst, the assets are dispersed under probate court. If you don’t want a family member to profit from your demise, they will get a percentage. Go see a lawyer and inquire about setting up a trust. All of you bank accounts, house title and any 401k assets are in the name of the trust. An Executor you select, who can be a lawyer or your favorite escort ; ) then disperses the assets per your instructions with help from the lawyer. One way to keep greedy siblings at bay is to leave a small amount so they can’t contest being totally cut out. As for computers and other items, I am an in-law with little emotional baggage. I was able to look through items and “dispose” of things that were not anyone’s business than the desist’s. Lots of interesting things were tossed. You are probably still a bit emotional right now with everything that has gone on, so don’t feel you have make major decisions tomorrow. Feel free to PM. Anton

 

My Uncle and Aunt set up a trust for me, and my uncle told me about two weeks before dying with lung cancer. He was still at the top of his game mentally.

 

I mostly forgot about it when his lawyer did not contact me. Three or four years later the lawyer called my mother saying he was clearing up some old cases before retiring or accepting a new job.

 

I finally received a check for $35,000, a lot of money in 1982.

 

So don't count on a lawyer acting quickly.

Edited November 2, 2019 by WilliamM